=)

My sweet sweet brother offered to drive me to Shanmuga at 2am in the morning because i said i was hungry. =) So nice of him!

On a blabbing spree because a simple diagram made a hundred thoughts go thru my mind today

I realized that i seldom, or almost do not wear my heart on my sleeve. People find it hard to know what i am thinking. And weirdly enough, sometimes i do not know how to express what i am thinking. It's like it's hard to put it into words. Sometimes though, i just do not want to express. But recently, i realized that i am no longer like that. Maybe i have changed. Or maybe perhaps it is just who i am speaking to. (I'm speaking a lot to one person recently.) Actually, i'm confused. Sighs. It all boils down to the dynamics in a relationship once again, maybe?

Saw a diagram in human development class today. Four circles. Four-types of communications in a relationship. The outermost circle, hi-bye, people whom you make small talk with, can only be called acquaintances. The second circle, well, you talk about facts, like what happened today, what are you doing. The third one, you share thoughts. You share with others about your ideas and your dreams, your thoughts on important and significant things in your life. The innermost circle will be what is known as self-disclosure, where you share your inner feelings, the real you.

Truthfully, the deeper into the circle you go, the more vulnerable you become. That is because you've laid yourself bare and left nothing to protect yourself with. But to those who have seen you at your worst, but still accept you for who you are and not desert you, i call those people true friends.Those are in fact rare and hard to come by. Honestly, i find it takes courage to bare your soul.

In class, i tried looking at the people closest to me and see in which circle do we fall. I realized that people who are in the inner most two circles are indeed few. Or perhaps i just have selective memory. Lol. There are people whom i wished were inside there but sadly, we've not reached that stage. And there are some people with whom i have reached that stage without realizing it. Hmm.. what can i say? Things happen when you least expect them to. Well. human development class is one class which makes me think. A lot. I've even planned out how i want to raise my kids next time. LOL! And i dare say this is true for almost everyone who is taking that class.

Oh right. Human development also forces me to recall many things in the past. From toddler-hood to childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. The struggles, the pains, the heartbreaks, the happiness, the sweet memories, the lessons learnt. You know, i used to hate writing journals in class, because i am not very comfortable with self-disclosure, which is what the lecturer is looking for. But now, i actually enjoy writing those journals. And i do find it more comfortable writing about my feelings right now (with me assuming that the journal is for the lecturer's eyes only).

And philosophy class. It actually makes me doubt many things right now. Everything is relative. Nothing is for sure. There is no such thing as a 100% guarantee. I wonder if that knowledge makes life gloomier. Or if the knowledge of an uncertain future actually make us appreciate the present all the more. Once again, it's a choice of perspective, it's how you want to see it. There is always no right or wrong way to go about something. It's just how you interpret it. Well, one thing's for sure(or is it?), Philosophy is interesting and i have no regrets choosing this subject.

What you think is real will be real in their consequences, one of the few things from last year that have stuck in my mind even until now. True, don't you think? 问题，往往是人想出来的。你觉得有问题，就算没有，也会变成有。因为how you think and perceive something will affect the way you act and respond, and that reaction would cause a similar reaction. Thus something that is not there before might now be there, just because of how you chose to react.

Ok. Enough blabbing for today. I have a good mind to start keeping a diary again. And i shall complete all assignments by Sunday night! YES I WILL! Crap, busy busy weekend =(

Heal the world

Received a hand-written letter from my sponsored child in Philippines. It melted away all the initial unhappiness i felt for today. See, love always triumphs! Love can overcome sorrows and put a smile on our faces =) Feeling good!

Spread the love people. If you can spare RM50 a month, why not sponsor a child in need? That small amount of money goes a long way in helping a child. I'm sure we've all received help in some form before. It might not be through monetary means, but it may be through words and advices or actions. So, pass on the help. Someone once helped us in a way, now let us help another in some ways as well! If you're interested, do check out World Vision =)

Do good deeds! Put a smile on someone's face. Make the world a better place! =)

It's a wonderful world.

听到的那一番话，让我愣住了一会儿。我承认，我吓到了。心里也有少许不好受。

别人要怎么想，我们也许改变不了，只能做好自己的本份，以行动来证明。

不会让它改变什么，因为我依然相信。

世界还是美好的 =）

F1 fever.

Brilliant race at the Sepang Grandprix. I think i've rediscovered my passion for Formula One after watching the two starting races for this season.

=)

Today's a happy happy day! =)

Got good news from L and we're one step closer!

AND I GOT A KISS!! FROM MY LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW!! =) So sweet!!! =)

You jump, i jump!

This is a drawing which affected me deeply. It is a simple drawing which illustrates Kierkegaard's "Leap of Faith". I first saw it about one or two months ago in Philosophy class, and even till now, i am still very much in awe with this drawing. The leap of faith. What is the leap of faith? Well, we all need a leap of faith in all aspects of our life, whether or not we are aware of it. It might be religion, friendship, trust, or even love. Everything that matters or everything we go through, we go through it only by taking a leap of faith. Honestly, knowledge, evidence and logic can only bring us that far. No matter how we want to be able to predict the future or how carefully we plan, the future will always be unknown. There will be no sure way of guaranteeing that the future will turn out as planned. Therefore, in whatever we do, we are taking a leap of faith. We need to take a leap of faith. Sometimes, it pays off. Other times, it doesn't. But one thing's for sure, whatever might happen will never happen if we do not take a leap of faith. Yes, we might fail, but at least we tried, right? Always easier said than done.

Oh, remember how i gave home tuition last year? My tuition students did me proud! =) They called me and woke me up from my sleep this morning to tell me the news. They both gotten As!! So proud of them! =) =) =)

=)

I am a happy girl! And i am thankful.

Little family moments

Mom's company trip is on April 29th. They're going to Koh Samui. She asked me if i wanted to go along, but sadly, my finals are around that time. To be precise, it falls on 30th April to 3rd May, so i guess the answer was fated to be "No, i want to but i can't". My brother though, had a different idea. "Go la jie, finals only ma. Not important anymore also. You get your admission letter from US then can already what!"

"Eh, dee. Look at your son and what he is trying to incite me to do." I nudged my dad who was reading the newspapers nearby.

Dad raised an eyebrow at my brother and said "Skip class can. But skip exams, cannot!"

I can't help but to laugh out loud at my dad. And he tried persuading my brother not to go so that he can drive me to college to save me the hassle of finding a parking! LOL. My dad, i can't help but to feel so like a princess. But honestly, i don't mind driving to college, dad. And i really don't mind if the three of you go on the trip while i stay at home alone to study! =) Really!


Anyway, i know what i need to do. And i am not in the very least tempted to go. There'll always be other chances, i believe.






Went to Melaka for a one day trip yesterday, after just saying and talking about it for more than half a year. The people i went with were unexpected but it was an enjoyable trip no less. We did only two things, walked and ate. From durian puffs, to famous rice balls, to curry noodles, to 3D durian ice, to mille crepe cake, to satay celup. Tried everything that is proclaimed to be famous there. I like Melaka. It's so.... traditional. With all the olden day houses and ancient artifacts lying about in the shops. I like how they have a stage at the end of Joker Street where old people gathered and sang karaokae in the evening. Melaka, a place where i've not been to since i was very young, a place rich with culture, and now, a place with new memories.






Many deadlines to meet this weekend. (More precisely early next week but since it's mostly on monday i need to get them done by the weekend.) Shall get started on it reallllll sooooonnnn.






Watched War Horse. A really nice and touching movie about the bond between humans and a horse, between horses as well. Heart-warming and heart-wrenching at the same time. Oh, i bought the DVD for RM4 in Penang. So so so worth it! The quality was superb as well.

Carpe Diem

Watched two movies today, one in philosophy class (the 1957 black and white version) and one for human development assignment.

Both are movies worth watching and both indeed showed me how humans can be so blind when they choose to be and how we are so used to conformity. I'm not saying conformity is bad here but conformity without giving thought to it is like living the life of another. It's ok to conform, as long as you give it some thought and decide for yourself that that is what you want for yourself, not blindly following.

If you have time, i recommend watching both movies. It might not be everyone's cup of tea but it certainly is mine. And even if you do not find it entertaining, i'm sure you can find it stimulating. I found it both entertaining and stimulating.

The climb

Was reading the translations i did for a story by a friend a few years back. Was kinda amazed by my own writing skills back then. I doubt i can reproduce that right now. It's been such a long time since i did narrative and story writing. Maybe i should write a story in my free time next semester, a story that i would be proud of before flying off to the States. Yes, i think i should.

Currently lacking the motivation to study hard for this semester. Thank goodness my mind's pretty set on not taking any classes next sem, or else i predict a sharp decline in my cgpa. Motivation, where did you disappear to?

Oh. And i should probably stop skipping classes. Sighs.

It's been more than a week since i received news from Minnesota, why Ohio you so slow? Not like i'm losing sleep over it but it'll be good to hear from you sooner.

Been feeling slightly edgy recently, but i cannot pinpoint it to a reason. Need to get myself back on track, and face everything my way with a calmness and peace of mind.

subconscious

I wonder if humans really have a subconscious that is not bounded by the limitations of our physical body. Just the other day, I was sleeping soundly on a bed and for some reason, i opened my eyes and found my brother standing there staring at me. He didn't make a sound or touched me, i just opened my eyes. I woke up and i found it strange. Why did i wake up? Was it because i felt him staring at me? I definitely did not see him or hear him, as i was sleeping, and i mean real soundly. So, is it really my subconscious that was aware of his presence? You remember a game we used to play when we were young (I'm pretty sure almost everyone tried this before). We used to stare at some one's back and see whether that person will realize and turn back to look around. It seldom worked when i tried it on others.

I'm sure we all have a subconscious, but do our subconscious work that way?

Oh, philosophy mid terms today was.... interesting. Wished i didn't bother changing my answer though. From the correct philosopher to the wrong one. Shows how i doubt my own answers, which i do because of the last minute cramming i did.

My sweet sweet brother!

This totally warms the cockles of my heart!

A less than perfect day.

They evacuated us from Inti again today because the building shaked. Wasn't happy about it because it most likely meant that an earthquake happened again somewhere. And while we checked the news a while later, yea, realised that a few earthquakes happened today. Sighs. Today is a pretty bad day with many accidents and disasters.

Mr E announced today that Philosophy midterms will be on Monday. Just my luck! I'm going to Penang (dad's going for a run) for the weekend so i guess i'll have to bring my textbook along again. This time around, I WILL study while on vacation! I shall not screw up my midterms!

helping with a smile.

My handphone totally died! Cannot see a thing on the screen.

So, i decided to try to use my old Samsung blue phone. And guess what? I ended up reading the smses i have inside. And i saw the smses from a dear friend. Lol. I totally forgot that we used to sms that way. We no longer do that now. Guess we both matured. Lol.

Anyway, using the red phone. So, i can only accept calls until i fix it. Anything urgent just give me a ring!

Skyped with YYY yesterday. Hadn't smiled so much in such a long time. Can't help laughing out loud when he made monkey faces to humor me. It's been a while since i actually video-conferenced someone and it's great to see him after so many months.

Went to an orphanage today along with my parents and had lunch with the children there. And guess what? My dad decided to go teach them tuition with me =) He says he's gonna fetch me there and back anyway, so might as well stay and teach also. Gonna drag my brother in as well and my mom too. This is going to be a family affair! =) Now, what's left is the task of matching all of our schedules.

Midterms next week. Should start studying and do well in them. But am extremely tired today. Think i'm calling it a day for today.

一个人的快乐，不是因为他拥有得多，而是因为他计较得少。

Singapore in a day

Just came back from Singapore today. Went there for my brother's release of A-Levels results. As i sat there in ACJC's hall, as i sat there listening to ACJC's principal list down statistics of how ACJC did for A Levels, i had only one thought in my head: How did Hwa Chong do?

And as i sat there listening to all that, i realised that last year this time, it was me who was waiting with anticipation. Now, it already is my brother's turn. He was really nervous, i felt his heartbeat. Lol. Coming back to Singapore after such a long time, i realized that i actually missed this place a fair bit. I am now so pampered that when i took the public transport in Singapore once more, i got impatient at the time wasted while waiting for the bus and felt tired because i had to stand in a packed train. And weirdly, i actually remember those exact experiences at a time when i don't detest them. I do miss Singapore, especially the people. Too bad there was no time to meet anyone up this time around.

One big difference between ACJC and Hwa Chong is the reaction people have when the principal announced their results. The exact same results would generate totally different emotions. But i enjoyed seeing how the AC students pumped their fists in the air in satisfaction and how they hugged their principal. But as the emcee continued rattling out names, i only had one thought in my mind: How did my brother do?

It turned out that my brother did worse than he expected of himself. But no matter what, i am still very proud of him! He is a big boy now, and i am sure he will have a bright future ahead.

On another note, my application for Ohio is still stated as incomplete, and it is already past the deadline. I really should call them. If only they would answer my call.