...

its hard when u try to do the right thing to please everyone. it sucks when u end up pleasing no one.

So in love with dogs

I want a Golden Retriever, a Siberian Husky, a Shiba Inu, a Cavelier King Charles Spaniel, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and a Norrbottenspets! 

I need a big house next time! Lol.

When we grow up

Perhaps i should start blogging again, after such a long hiatus. 

School life is getting really busy. Papers due. Mid terms starting. Add that all up with grocery shopping and preparing meals, it feels as if i have no time for myself, to do what i want to do, which basically is pretty simple: rot in bed, rot with a good book, rot while watching videos on my laptop. Sighs. Is that too much to ask for?!

I am glad i have Lavyne here with me. She's is such a great support. I am glad we do things together, like grocery shopping, homework, cook, and all. It definitely is better than having to do all of these alone. Oh, and i must definitely mention this. Lavyne is a great cook! Which technically makes me a great cook now to because i am learning from her. Hehe. My dad is highly skeptical of my skills just yet though. Wait till i cook him a meal when i go home!

Americans, what do i say about them? They are friendly, on the surface. But honestly, it is hard to forge real friendships with them. Perhaps it is because we do no share a common topic to talk about. I am a loner who has no friends in class. I walk to school for lessons. Sit down for lecture. And walk back home. I have no social life! Lol. But weirdly enough, i am fine with not doing anything about it and letting things remain the way they are now. 

Other than that, i am a very happy and contented girl =)

homesick:(

来美国也有一个月多了，但从没有因为想家而掉下眼泪。今晚，我，想家了，想朋友了。今晚，我哭了。lag了这么久，我哭惨了。对，我就是蜗牛，反应超慢的蜗牛。

Goodbye Malaysia

It's been too long since i blogged here. And lots have happened in the past month. Many things, both good and bad, were unexpected. It just proves how life always catches up with you no matter how carefully you might have planned it initially.

The past month has been one that is bittersweet. Sweet because it is one of the happiest moments in my life. Bitter because it is so short-lived. Sweet because i realised how loved i am by so many different people. Bitter because despite all the promises, things still change.

So yes, i am flying off to the States tomorrow (More precisely, i will be flying to London before heading to the States after a few days). I honestly don't know what to feel. Excited? Hardly. Scared? Not really. 依依不舍？Definitely. I am kinda used to my life here in Malaysia. It's hard to accept the fact that tonight will be the last night that i will sleep on my bed for a very long time. It's hard to accept the fact that once again i will be separated from my parents and not get to see them for quite a while. It's hard to accept the fact that we will be in different time zones.

The States will be a brand new journey. And today my dad gave me a few words of advice:" Remember to be humble, honest and to keep your cool at all times when you are in a foreign land. Do not stinge on food and get enough nutrition. Don't stress yourself too much studying. Just do your best and we will be proud of you. Know how to study hard but also how to play hard!" 6 years ago, when i first stepped into Singapore, his advice was "a journey of a thousand miles start with a single step." I guess Singapore was that first step, and now Ohio would be my second large step away from home.

On a different note, the kids made me feel 不知所措when i told them that i would not see them again in quite some time.

“姐姐，你不要去美国啦，你住这里，我的床让你睡，我睡地上！”
“老师，我要补习！”
“姐姐，你回来过后，一定要记得来看我们！”

短短的几句话，却让我觉得无比的心酸，看着可爱的小孩子们，我知道我一定会想他们。是，他们是很调皮，很坏蛋，甚至有时候还真的很没有礼貌，但看得出，他们都有一颗真诚的心。

Things are always unpredictable. 我学会看开了！

I'm flying tomorrow. And my brother's leaving for Singapore next week. Our house is going to be real empty again. I think my parents are going to have trouble readjusting. I guess they will miss us badly and maybe feel real lonely. Sighs.

爸，妈，我会想你们的！

Goodbye Malaysia!


Oh, and i found an article which i wrote in December last year. Guess i'll just post it up here

It is my belief that humans are one of the most fascinating animals on this planet. Despite the fact that our generation has grown up with the label “strawberry generation” plastered on our backs, we are not as fragile and incapable of coping with hardships as implied by that label. We humans, regardless of our age, are animals that are capable of adapting. Adapting, and surviving, if times call for it. If you doubt what I say, think of the number of times you have thought “Shit! This time I’m dead,” or “I’ll never make it!” or even “I don’t know what I can do, FML!” Recall those moments and look at where you are now. You survived, did you not?

Five years ago, in this exact month, I was reluctant to further my studies in Singapore. Mention Singapore and what came to mind? The 5Cs (that was then, now it has been upgraded to the 5Bs): Condo, Car, Cash, Credit card and Country club membership. The Ks: Kiamsiap, Kiasu, Kiasi and all the other Kia(s) that you can think of. I was hesitant, I was worried, but most of all, I was scared. But look at where I am today? I adapted, I made the most out of those four years, and I SURVIVED!! I cherished the years spent in Singapore and if given the chance, I would have done it all over again.

Singapore, that little red dot which we “affectionately” call our neighbor, is actually not as bad as some people paint it out to be. The people there, especially the students, are quite friendly and helpful to us Malaysian students. In my two years in Secondary School and two years in Junior College, I have found friendships which touched my heart. People have gone out of their way to help me in times of need. I will always remember SH, who cooked porridge for me when I was ill; B, who walked patiently beside as I hobbled to the doctor’s when I sprained my ankle and Mrs Tan, who always invited us to her house during festivals so that we do not feel homesick. It is heartwarming to know that in this “mind your own business” decade, there is still kindness and sincerity in our everyday lives.

One of the things I feared the most leaving here after Form Three was that I would miss out on what went on among my (ex)classmates in Malaysia. Not only that, I was afraid that I would not fit in with my new Singaporean friends as they already have a two-year head start as classmates. Looking back now, I realized that my worries were unnecessary. Today, I believe in fate. If it is meant to be, it will be. I’m still friends today with those who matter, and those that drifted apart, I guess it was just a matter of time. True friends will not let distance cause a tear in their friendship. My worries about not fitting in were also unnecessary. I found out that with a sincere smile and heart, new friendships are always around the corner.

However, things were not always sunny-side up during my four years in Singapore. There were times when I felt like giving up because no matter how hard I studied, my results were still less than satisfactory (and I was used to topping my cohort back in Malaysia). I remembered feeling helpless, hopeless and hapless, maybe even depressed. This happened so many times in Junior College that I remember calling home with tears in my eyes, trying to mask the fact that I was crying as I whined and complained to my parents. Thankfully, I have parents who are really understanding and they never pressured me unnecessarily. I remember something my dad said: “Just try your best, no matter what, you will always be our girl!” That simple line brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad. For always being accepting of who I am.

Five years ago, if you would have told me that I would cherish my experience in Singapore and would learn how to love life there, I might have doubted you. After all, I used to think that nothing could be better than coming home to a family and to my own private room with my own comfy bed. However, today, I have come to value the experience I gained and the friendships I formed during the four years I spent in Singapore. Life has thought me that these friendships might not be permanent, just like those I have lost when I made the decision to leave Malaysia after Form Three. But, to me, it is the process that counts. Even if things fall apart one day, we need to learn how to let go, and continue adapting, and continue surviving.

I will be flying off to the States next year, and this time around, I am not afraid at all. I know I will survive.

(The last line holds true, i am not afraid at all. Because like what my dad said:"what will be, will be". I have faith!)

worth.

一根火柴不夠一毛錢，一棟房子價值數百萬。但一根火柴可以燒燬一棟房子。


一根火柴是什麼東西呢？



1.無法自我控制的情緒；
2.不經理智判斷的決策。
3.頑固不化的個性。
4.狹隘無情的心胸。



檢查一下，自己隨身帶了幾根火柴呢？

Read this on a post in facebook. Think that it is worth sharing here. We should not letting small, something like our short temper, our fear or our own stubborness affect something much more precious, such as our friendships or our future!

A weekend getaway

The weekend was fun. I miss the people so much that i am now currently having withdrawal symptoms. Hate the fact that i only have less than two months left in Malaysia. To be honest, i wished we got closer earlier. It's always this ironic. But nonetheless, i am happy we had this getaway together. Am looking forward to the next one!

2nd last week at work. Time flies. It feels so comfortable being in the office right now that i guess i would feel a bit sad when i actually leave. But to be honest, i have no regrets cutting short my work duration. Just like i have no regrets taking up this job. I'll stick by decisions that i made and make the best out of them.

My schedule from July onwards is going to be real packed. I kinda wished i had more time. But that's never going to happen. So no point fretting about it. I'm gonna draw a physical calendar for my time left here and then plan how to make full use of it!

Breathe.

Someone asked me a few days ago if i am ok, because i have been very quiet recently. Hmm. I guess i am fine. But i admit that i am feeling a bit off recently. I have no idea why. I guess it's because i have not confirmed many things and that the time left to get them done is dwindling by the minute. Still yet to settle flight tickets and visa application. Still yet to confirm many things actually. The only thing i am sure of right now is that i will be going to Ohio in August. Oh, and London! Lol. That's what is sure. The rest is still one big blur!

Roughly 8 weeks left in Malaysia. Not a very long time. Especially since i have a few other commitments which restrict what i can do with that time. I am not complaining though. But maybe it is time i become a bit more selective with how i spend my time. I know my parents have been wanting to go on another trip as a family and previously i was reluctant because it would mean another Sunday morning which i am not able to teach. But, come to think of it, i need to spend more time with family right now. Because when i am god knows how many miles away from home in Ohio, they will be the ones i miss the most.

OK! FLIGHT TICKETS FREAKING EXPENSIVE RIGHT NOW! I am hyperventilating! Should have booked earlier. What was i thinking? SIGHS!!!!

to-n-fro

Yesterday was tiring, but fun! Lunch, dinner, movie, supper session number one, supper session number two. All with college mates. Was tired from a whole day of work and activitites, but it is always fun to hang out with college mates and laugh about trivial stuffs. It refreshes me and reminded me of how easy friendship can be.

Communication is always a two way thing. I get that now. Doesn't mean i am used to it. In work, i see how easily a colleague discloses stories about herself. I wouldn't be able to do that. I guess i am just a more private person.

Oh wells, shall get back to work. I actually am getting quite accustomed to everything already. No kick.

Waiting for next week! Such a fun week! =)

Eyes barely open at this hour

Had a little female emergency in the office today. Rushed to the departmental store and bought what i needed. Felt so self conscious holding the pack of pads in a semi-transparent plastic when i walked back into the office. Thank god no one seemed to notice. Anyway, my back ached tremendously today. I assume because it is that time of the month. Seriously, it's at its worst since quite a long time. I don't even feel like leaving my bed right now, because that's how bad it feels when i stand or walk. It's not exactly pain, just discomfort. And i am feeling so so tired today.

The weather is so freaking hot! I can practically feel the heat radiating through my jeans and into my skin when i was in the car.

Friends coming down from Singapore next weekend. Looking forward to it =) Gonna have lots of fun with that few people.

My room's getting messy. I should clean it soon, and do something about all those textbooks and storybooks that have been piling up. And my wardrobe's a mess as well. Time to reorganize!

believe

So, I've been working for 2 weeks now. I initially thought i would work till the end of July and then have a break of about three weeks before flying off to the States. But a trip down to Singapore after the first week of working made me change my mind. In the bus trip back to Malaysia, i was plotting how to cut short my working durations. Lol. So as of today, i'll be working only until the end of June, which translates to one extra month of Holiday.

Well, the trip down to Singapore actually made me realized how much i miss the people in Singapore. We used to spend every day together. The people i remain close to right now, are actually unexpected in a way. It's weird how fate works out sometimes. I am glad actually, that despite the distance and months since our last gathering, we still managed to talk and laugh like before. It's as if time has never passed by. I went for bike hike again this year, to help out. And only 3 other from my batch turned up. Still, the small group of us managed to have fun. Thanks jingxi, kaiyun n jerrold, for making me laugh till my stomach ached!

Hmm.. back to stories bout work. I like the atmosphere in my office. It's very... hip i would say. Everyone working here is so young, but yet so driven. People i meet are also pretty impressive. Working actually made me realize how stuck in my comfort zone i have been all these while. People my age are already making a living and supporting themselves, yet i am only just a student.

Oh, i like my lifestyle now actually. Working actually 让我有份充实感. When i was studying, it was as if i was doing nothing. Just going to college, coming back, laze around and the cycle repeats. I do nothing productive. But with work, i have to wake up earlier, and after coming back from work, i fill up my evenings with family outings, friends outings, or occassionally a quiet night at home. After that i read my story book for half an hour before sleeping at 12 or latest 1. It's a predictable lifestyle, but at this moment, i feel contented with it. I like having the luxury of reading. Oh, and it's been about two weeks since i came online at night.

Visa and flight ticket still not done. I was supposed to get them settled this weekend @@ Sighs. Ok, Monday night! I SWEAR!

Sometimes, it's hard to decide who or what to believe. So, it's best to keep an open mind, and decide only when you have to. Sometimes, it's not even important so why lose sleep over it. Things will always work out in the end.

Oh i forgot, today's stint at the orphanage actually tested my patience. Too many mischiefs, too many tears. Lol. I was so worn out by the end of it all that i slept from 1.30pm till 6pm after that (granted that i slept at 5am the previous night/morning).

Ok. Enough rambling. I shall go to bed now.

Twist and turns that make up my life

This is for you, Chilli! =)It's been a while since i last posted anything here. In the past week or so, i have been too lazy to blog about anything. So, this is going to be a fairly long post!

Let's see, in the past two weeks, i've been on two trips and am going for another short one this weekend.

Went to Port Dickson with  Mars, Em, Tiff, Gracie and Jus on 10th of May. We went there for an overnight stay to celebrate Mars' birthday. It was a fun and spontaneous trip, very last minute. Despite that, it was a very fun one. It felt good to be able to spend an evening at the beach, to feel the seawater lapping against our bodies and to feel the breeze combing through our hair. It's been ages since i went to the beach with friends and i thoroughly enjoyed this short trip. We played some water sports and got very stiff necks, made silly videos of ourselves singing with Em on the ukulele, laughed till we have abs while playing Taboo, and had a game of hide-and-seed with the guards at Avillion while trying to sneak into the private beach there. All in all, it was a very memorable girls trip =)

On 15th May, i went on another trip with college mates to Bangkok. I made a very silly mistake of booking the wrong flight home. Instead of booking a return flight on the 18th, i booked one on the 17th. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I FELT LIKE KILLING MYSELF WHEN I REALIZED MY MISTAKE!!! I was practically livid at myself and felt sad that i had to come back one day earlier. But thankfully B managed to help me change my flight ticket for only a small sum of money compared to what i have to pay if i change at myself. I am amazed at the contacts B has sometimes. B is certainly one weird, mysterious person. Anyway, went to Bangkok with Mars, Jus, Ken, Huat, MS, WK and B. If i were to blog about Bangkok, it would make a very long long post. Too many memories, both good and bad, about Bangkok.

In essence, Bangkok trip was memorable for two things, one is definitely the shopping! And the other is because we were CONNED THREE TIMES!!! Yes, laugh out loud if you want to. 8 university undergraduates were so easily tricked into parting with their cash. SIEN! In brief, CON NUMBER ONE: we believed that shopping malls were closed at 3 in the afternoon and agreed to join a boat ride for 520Baht per person. Which shopping mall closes at 3pm and why would we believe a random stranger on the road who stopped us and kindly lead us to tuks-tuks to bring us to the pier? (i initially couldn't believe our luck for meeting such a friendly and kind Thai person! feel so retarded right now) CON NUMBER TWO: we believed that night markets open at 9pm when the taxi driver said so and agreed to let him bring us to a restaurant for dinner. One plate of vegetables in that restaurant costs 300Baht. We fled the scene! (We subsequently checked and the market actually opens at 6pm!) CON NUMBER THREE: we agreed to watch some weird thai girl show after that assured us that it was only 100Baht per person. when we tried to leave they presented us with the bill. Total bill: 7900Baht, which translates to 1000Baht per person! (DAMN SCAM I TELL YOU!!!!) And no, we couldn't argue because it was their territory and we were surrounded by their people who looked like they were ready to beatt us up if we dare argue. I mean this seriously. I was actually scared. Collected money from everyone, paid up and left, without turning back.

If you thought Bangkok trip was bad, i assure you it wasn't. Besides those three little incidents, Bangkok was actually pretty enjoyable. The shopping and the company made it all worth it!

It's so ironic that i only get so much closer to my coursemates when i am about to leave Malaysia. It's such a pity as well. But perhaps without the urgency of leaving, we wouldn't become this close as well. At least we'll all be in the States together at some point of time. It might be in different states, but yes, we have lots of plans to visit each other and also watch the ball drop in Madison Square Garden on Dec 31st!!!

Ok, enough about trips. Remember how i said i am not taking the short semester because i wanted a break before flying? Well, semester break isn't even over yet and i have landed myself a job. The irony! I am currently working in a company called Gushcloud Malaysia. Basically, i get to expereince everything hands-on eventually, from cold calling to pitching an idea, to attending meetings with clients and also drafting proposals and accountings. Today was my first day there. I like the office setting, it is small, but it is a pretty friendly environment. The people there seem nice and welcoming. It was a bit intimidating at first when i learnt that we will be handling customers directly but i guess we will just make mistakes and learn from it. They seem pretty fine with us making mistakes. Lol. I was pretty lucky to get this job. It came as a gift! (When we were out for lunch with Ms Choo, our lecturer, i randomly asked her if she can recommend us any part time jobs, and here I am!) I forsee things will move really fast here in this company because it is small, and I will get the opportunities to learn many things. In fact, I will already be attending meetings with client this week itself. Excited much and i hope i will perform and not disappoint! Honestly, i am a bit overwhelmed and stressed at the idea of working full time. But, i will overcome this!

Anyway, here's the link if you want to check out the general idea behind what i am doing now. And if you are interested, you can join and advertize through this platform as a client, or just earn some easy cash as a consumer! http://gushcloud.com/?gcref=OELCISUXU9DD21I0

Oh, i have yet to complete my visa application and my flight tickets. I should really get started on that.

Oh, one more thing which i would like to remember and recall in the future! Went to Lavyne's birthday dinner last night with her family, relatives and her high school friends. Was touched when she introduced me as "my half family" to her high school friends. You're so sweet Lavyne!! I was a bit scared that the dinner would be fairly awkward, but it turned out to be a blast! Made new friends and had real fun together, singing and dancing! Thanks Lavyne, i have a feeling you did your best to make me feel included =) And i really do! I like your group of friends a lot! They know how to have fun! No shyness or akwardness at all! =)

Will be going to Singapore this weekend, to help out for Bike Hike! =)

And while blogging this just now, i was interrupted by two girls who claimed that they were at my doorstep. Turned out that Leng and Cying was downstairs. And Leng made me close my eyes and led me out to see her "new car". Turned out that "new car" was a certain someone from the States, fresh off the plane. LOL! I WAS SHOCKED!!! and apparently my reaction was epic. lol. A pleasant surprise indeed Mr Lee. Lol. You managed to really surprise me. Which is really very rare indeed.

A day full of twist and turns. Somehow, i am not tired right now. Overwhelmed, yes. But can i do this? Yes i can!

Many people would not understand this decision. Even i myself cannot fully understand why i did it right now. But it is done and i shall stick to what i have decided. I fully appreciate your support, even if you disagree with what i am doing. Thank you! =)

When finals is over and we party =)

When disapointments take a twist and turn out to be better than what you've been led to believe. That feeling is priceless! It's like getting an early Chirstmas present! Exactly like something that dropped down from the heavens =) But maybe i should take it with a pinch of salt first before seeing the actual official transcript. Hehe!

Last night was awesome! Everyone had fun. Food was great! We really have some great cooks among us!

Looking forward to Bangkok =)

What kind of (friend) would i be, if i was to leave when you need me most

Anywhere you are, I am near

Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I'll keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most


What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them
What are words if they're only for good times then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud those words,
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone


And I know an angel was sent
Just for me and I know I'm meant
To be where I am and I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most


What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them
What are words if they're only for good times then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud those words
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone


Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most


I'm forever keeping my angel close

~

Running out of ideas to make the lesson tomorrow interesting. =(

And after that talk just now, i have a clear idea where i stand.
I'm sure things will turn out just fine, so don't fret and be positive!
Because in actuality, you can only do your part.
It takes two to tango!

And it's already May

Finals is finally over! I actually felt real happy yesterday as i walked out of the exam hall. Lol.

Oh, so far i already know that i've gotten an A- for Philosophy. Honestly, i was pretty disappointed at first because i was aiming for an A. But after thinking about it, and after remembering how tough i found the multiple choice questions, i decided to be satisfied and happy. =) Macro yesterday was ok. The objective questions were a breeze, for a reason. Guess i'll just have to wait and see how i did from the results. Please give me an A- at least!

Oh! I finished John Grisham's The Litigators in one reading yesterday! Started burying myself in the book at 9pm, and read non stop all the way till 3 plus am. Have not done that in a really long time and it FELT DAMN GOOD! Real sense of satisfaction! I SHOULD STUDY TO BE A LAWYER! They bill by the hour, in huge amounts as well. LOL! Too bad i am not studying law. Haha! But mark my words, i will bill by the hour in the future. (Not as a psychologist/counsellor sitting in a room with a patient though!)

Mom and Dad are going for their nth honeymoon tomorrow, leaving me, my brother and my aunt at home. Not exactly home alone.

Tried searching for part time jobs that might interest me. Found none. Guess i'll search for other meaningful things to fill up my free days! I actually have quite a few ideas in my head right now! =)

Ok. I am so very sleepy right now. I guess my accrued sleeping debt is catching up with me. Time to pay back the debt!

Oh! And i finally received my I-20 today. Still not very clear what's my next step though. Nothing about orientation dates, nor anything about my math placement. OSU isn't exactly very friendly or helpful or efficient. LOL! Nevermind, i'll figure this out as i move along.

朋友一生一起走。

One last night!

Today's papers were better than Monday's, despite the fact that i studied way way harder for Monday's paper =) One more day! I can't wait to start reading The Litigators! Hurry up and finish this so that i can bury myself in whatever i wanna bury myself in =)

Bye, 20th EPL title.

Stayed up late till 5am yesterday despite a throbbing headache. Nope, did not study at all, it was just to see United lose 1-nil to City. Sighs. I had so much faith in United, but yesterday they were pretty disappointing. Sloppy passes. United just gave away the ball too easily. So today, i am left withone afternoon to study two subjects for two final papers tomorrow. Way to go, Cai Yi. Great job, a real great job. @@ OK! SHALL START THE BATTLE STRAIGHT AFTER LUNCH! At least the headache's gone and the fever's almost gone too =)

我们一起加油吧！

Ok. First paper for finals done. Which means that i am one quarter through this ordeal. Remember how i said i wanted to study my ass off for Macro and try to score at least an A-? Well, over the past study break week, i have yet to touch even a chapter of Macro. Spent most of the study week studying for Philo. And i think i didn't do that well for Philo either. Who cares who said what? LOL. i don't know whether to laugh or to sigh.

Bidding goodbye to even the Dean's List maybe? Sighs. I just hope my results for this sem will not be too bad.

2 papers on Wednesday! 1 last paper on Thursday! I can do this! =)

Oh, my body clock's all weird again. I cannot sleep at night, no matter how tired i feel. Last night was torturous. Felt physically and mentally tired when i laid down on bed last night because of the string of events which happened during the day. I thought i would just fall asleep immediately, but no, my mind had other plans. It began to be so wide awake and clear that i had difficulty falling asleep. And halfway throughout my endeavor to fall asleep, my throat began to hurt real bad whenever i swallow and yup, i can almost feel the onset of a fever. Well, i finally managed to fall asleep at god knows what hour. After finals, i need to readjust my body clock. Even as i say this, i have a feeling that this will not happen. Lol.

昨天上了一堂很宝贵的人生课。
再多的推测，再多的揣摩，也不一定是对的。
人生，往往有许多事情是我们解释不了的。
但，当事实摆在眼前时，我们也不得不接受。
勇敢往前冲，才是最好的方法。

有着酸甜苦辣，这才是人生!

我相信

想飛上天 和太陽肩並肩 世界等著我去改變

想作的夢從不怕別人看見 在這裡我都能實現
大聲歡笑 讓你我肩並肩 何處不能歡樂無限
拋開煩惱勇敢的大步向前 我就站在舞台中間


我相信我就是我 我相信明天
我相信青春沒有地平線
在日落的海邊 在熱鬧的大街
都是我心中最美的樂園


我相信自由自在 我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身邊 讓生活更新鮮
每一刻都精彩萬分  I do believe


想飛上天 和太陽肩並肩 世界等著我去改變
拋開煩惱勇敢的大步向前 我就站在舞台中間


我相信我就是我 我相信明天
我相信青春沒有地平線
在日落的海邊 在熱鬧的大街
都是我心中最美的樂園


我相信自由自在 我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身邊 讓生活更新鮮
每一刻都精彩萬分 I do believe


我相信（我就是我）
我相信（自由自在）
我相信（我相信我相信）I believe


我相信我就是我 我相信明天
我相信青春沒有地平線
在日落的海邊 在熱鬧的大街
都是我心中最美的樂園


我相信自由自在 我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身邊 讓生活更新鮮
每一刻都精彩萬分 I do believe
~

我相信明天，我相信希望！=)

There will always be many uncertainties in life. Some which you understand, some which you don't. Some which you can accept, while some you wish you need not.


Despite all the uncertainties and confusion around us, there is still one thing for sure, we decide who we are, we decide our actions, we decide how to respond and we decide who we want to be. No one can make you feel bad if you choose not to feel that way. It comes from within.


So, choose to believe in the good you see! It's always better to remember the good and smile than to dwell on the bad and be bitter, right? =)


I believe in me, i believe in you, i believe in all of us =)

Home prep

I realize that i can never study at home in the afternoon. My bed is just too alluring and inviting. 4 days and i have yet to complete even one subject. Sighs. This unproductivity is just so like me.

Ohio has yet to send me my I-20. Guess if i still don't hear from them after my finals i would have to make a call to them again. Oh dear Ohio, why must you be so inefficient?

I feel like running.

A splash of fun!

Went to Kampar over the weekend with my family. It was just an overnight trip, short, but definitely sweet. Dad actually went there for a hash run. My bro joined him in the run while me and my mom decided to skip it. I ended up going to the waterfall with a few other people and ended up with the responsibilities of looking after the younger ones. Not an easy task, especially at the waterfall. Almost got a heart attack. 



The cute little boy i was supposed to look after.



And yes!!! He is very mischievous!

A short but refreshing trip before i start mugging for finals =)

the tough gets going.

Hmm... It is my last day of formal lessons in Inti as i will not be taking classes during the short semester. I don't feel sad at all about leaving Inti actually. I wouldn't miss the place. Just the people. Without knowing it, i have become quite close to quite a few people. Even those who are not very close, i would miss seeing and greeting them, i would miss laughing together and just feeling happy together.

Last lesson of Macro and i actually now think that Ms J is a nice lecturer. The way she prepared those little pieces of paper that reflects our coursework marks and how she evaluates them and tell us to work harder to achieve which grade in the finals actually made me go "aww... she's such a nice lecturer.." Hmm.. my coursework is at a borderline B+ right now =( Sighs. Shall study really really hard to pull it up to an A-. Sighs. A-. I care and i don't care. If you know what i mean. Lol.

Going to the funeral home tomorrow. For human development. Looking forward to the different experience i would get there.

Honestly, this semester has been enriching. I've realised that i have learnt a lot this semester that i can apply to my life. Philosophy and Human Development have taught me so much. Philosophy actually is a very interesting class. And i am definitely glad that i chose it over US History.

Study break next week, and then it's finals! Bring it on!!!

A ravenous appetite

My own appetite for lunch surprised myself today! Didn't think i would be able to finish one pizza and a "loaf" of garlic bread but i did! =) And i wasn't even hungry in the first place. Lol.

Ok. Enough talking. Back to work.

孩子气

Another meaningful day today, for different reasons.

I am very happy that L agreed to go with me this morning to teach English. I am even happier that she found it meaningful and that she loves the children there. I'm happiest because she agreed to make it a weekly thing as well. It's always nice to find a partner who shares the same passion as you. And even though what we do might seem small, i am sure we will be able to make a difference. I'm glad i found you =) And i'm glad we're in this together! Now, to find more people who will be willing to join us. =)

Today was easier compared to last week. I guess after last week, i knew better what to expect and thus can adjust the things i teach to suit the students better. At least this week i did not feel drained. The next time will be better.

Oh, one of my students gave me a mug of water when i was teaching halfway today. I was touched at their thoughtfulness. =)

Oh, college friends are starting to make me feel 舍不得to leave Inti. There is this vibe there, where we all talk and then suddenly someone reminds us that we will not be able to do this for long and then there will be this feeling of sadness lingering in the air. Hmm. Last week in Inti next week. Gonna make it a full attendance!

Watched the Shanghai Grandprix today. Need to study for Accounts test soon so that i can watch the United match later.

Looking forward to what the future has to offer me. Nothing is set in stone, and am looking forward to surprises, good or bad. I'll take them in my stride. =)

成长过程

最近很多感触。And it's all because of Human Development. Was required to interview my parents and was required to write a journal after that. In my interview with my parents, i found out some things which 让我有很多感触。I don't know how to describe how i feel. I don't think it is sadness. In my writing of the journal, i actually teared-up. I realized how much my parents are sacrificing for me and i do not want them to go through that sacrifice. I know that going overseas to study will burn a big hole in their pockets and i feel bad at times, for having to spend their hard earned money. I have a plan. But i need a better plan. Sighs. I will make this work.

Watched the second half of Tokyo Towers in class today.And i actually teared-up and cried in class. I know a few others did too. The ending part of the movie when the mother got sick and was dying was too real. It really is very hard to see your love ones suffer. Especially when you cannot do anything for them. That feeling of helplessness is not hard to imagine. When the movie ended and Ms T asked us what we thought about it, the whole class was silent. Literally pindrop silence. You can practically feel the tension in the air. There was an overwhelming feeling of sadness lingering. When Ms T pinpointed at me to answer her, i was at a loss for words as well. It felt as if if i open my mouth to speak, the emotions would all come pouring out.

The movie and the interview and the journals made me think a lot about my parents, and how they have aged. Suddenly, i do not want to spend so much time in the States anymore. I want to be by their side. I want to be home.

One part in the movie left a strong impression on me. When the mother was in the hospital, she asked her son to bring the framed up degree of his. And she wiped it and looked at it with pride. It reminded me of what my parents told me was their biggest concern at this stage of their life: their children's education.

Our parents have sacrificed a lot for us. The least we could do is to think of them in everything that we do. The most basic one would be to not let them worry. I try my best to do that, to not let them worry. That's why when possible, i want them to know that i am safe and sound before they go to bed each night. Our parents love us, and will never stop worrying about us. We as children, should love them in our own way too.

I was disappointed today. With the marks i got for philosophy assignment and macroeconomics assignment. To say that i don't care because i already have a place in a uni would be a lie. I actually do care, a little. But i am not going to dwell on it as well. It doesn't make a big difference now anyway. Just that my final transcript will be a little less that what i wanted. Oh well, who cares? No one would 5 months from now! =)

Oh, and my sleep pattern is all screwed up. Never slept at all last night. Went for straight 8 hours of lessons today. Then i slept from 5 to 7pm. Dinner. Slept from 8 to 10pm. Did Human Development assignment. And here i am now blogging because i am not in the least bit sleepy at all.

When thing turned out well unexpectedly.

Week turned out to be less hectic thanks to unexpected changes =)

Instead of two assignments due tomorrow. I can now hand in one on Friday thanks to A who kindly offered to help me print it out and submit it in college on Friday. (I was previously too lazy to make the trip down to college and had just planned on submitting it on Thursday) And instead of having a test tomorrow, i heard that it is being postponed to next Tuesday. =)

That means 2 test next week but i am happy! =)

Maybe i'll just agree to go for a movie tonight! =)

A few good news in the short span of a few hours! =)
Jia You!!!!!

Be happy!

I realized something today. Many times we get affected or disappointed because what happens is different from our expectations. You know what? With a changed mindset and a different set of expectations, i realized that i am less affected and less disappointed. Sometimes, it is just a matter of getting used to. At first, you might be agitated, but as time passes and the thing repeats itself, i guess you get used to it and will no longer be bothered by it as well.

Life goes on no matter what, so why choose to be sad when you can just have a changed mindset and be happy?

Be happy ok? =)

2 more days to Friday!

I will be extremely relieved after this week is over. Because that means i'm left with only one more test and probably two more journals for next week. And then, it's study break!!! Then, it's finals!!! And then, it's the start of break =)

Just realized today while trying to hide from MsJ that i've missed three macro classes in a row. Well, that will not continue because there is no way i'm missing Thursday's session. We're having Test 2 on that day.

Today was a fun day. Have not actually laughed so much in a while. =) Looking forward to dinner with cying, kx and new. oh, and of course, cl too!

A challenging morning

Finally started teaching English at the orphanage today. I went alone, because my dad had a meeting to attend and my brother was too lazy to wake up.

It was way way tougher than i anticipated. At the end of the 3 hour session with 3 different classes and age group, i was literally drained. I felt tired, spent, as if there was no energy left in me. Came back home and took a four-hour nap.

Why do i say that it is tough? Well, let's see. The first class was the most challenging in terms of control. Preschoolers and children aged 4 to 8 are hyperactive i tell you! And they have the concentration span of a goldfish! I planned to read them a short story and explain to them what it means in Chinese. I chose a story with a moral in which i can impart good values and beliefs in them. Since they are required to learn English, why not kill two bids with one stone right? But guess what? I did not finish even half of my very short story. In fact, i effectively only read and explained to them one paragraph, which actually is only two not very long lines. Children, trying to capture their attention is already hard enough. Trying to make them remember something and learn something, a lot tougher than i anticipated!

The next two classes were easier to control, as they were bigger in age. Age 9 to 12 children are still pretty mischievous and they too can test my patience. I try my best to teach them how to speak English, but sometimes i wonder if what i am doing is useful to them. Do they just blindly follow me in enunciating the words or do they really understand? The secondary class was the most challenging for me in terms of what to teach. I am literally at a loss as to what i should do. I was supposed to teach them how to write essays. But i couldn't. They cannot form sentences or even spell properly. I do not know where to start. Maybe right from the beginning, from the basics. Basic spelling and basic grammar. Basic sentence formation.

I really hope to help them but i can only do that much since i'll be leaving soon. That's why i have a plan. I want to rope in more friends so that this thing can continue even after i leave for the States. So far, no one seem really enthusiastic and interested in this volunteer work and i admit that i am a bit disappointed and sad. But i'm sure that in time, more people would be willing to help.

That being said, i agree that this is not an easy job. It takes patience and lots of determination. It is just my first class and already i feel drained. Literally drained. Now i understand why people get burnouts. I think i need to motivate myself further, maybe by re watching Freedom Writers? I need to find ways to increase my spirit, my enthusiasm and my energy level because i am quite sure that i will be needing it!

~

Things don't always go as planned or as hoped. But we just have to believe that it is for the best. With that belief, only then can we make the best of whatever is thrown our way! So, hold your head up high and face it with a smile on your face!

NO to the States. lol.

I WANNA GO TO THE SINGAPORE F1 GRANDPRIX in September!!! Jay Chou, Katy Perry and Maroon 5 performing! Damn. I'll be in the States by then =(

Les Miserables

Skipped half my classes this week. Can feel the motivation to go to classes slowly evaporating away. You know it when you rather skip class and sit in CAE doing nothing. I guess being bored in CAE beats going to class and listening to the lecturer mumbling something that will most probably be off tangent.

This week felt long, and short at the same time. It is a week that i would like to put behind me. Feeling so thankful that the weekend is here. Granted, there are still assigments and quizes to complete and tests to study for. But, still, it's the weekends! Gonna spend my time wisely and do something meaningful this weekend!

Some days, i don't want August to come so fast, but on other days, i wished it would come sooner! A brand new adventure seems exciting enough!

3 more weeks!

"Human society can be full of contradictions. It can be unfair; unforgiving, too. Yet, we cannot afford to dismiss it and turn our backs to the world. Given a choice whether to sink or swim, we must swim to the very end, no matter how the seas around us may rage."

Suffered from insomnia again last night. I think i drank too much tea (so much for choosing to drink tea). When i told my aunt that, i got chided@@ You know, today is just one of those days where many things seem to go wrong.

You know what's good about having a bad day? 2morrow definitely will be a better one!!! LOL!

=)

Sleepy. Very. But definitely feeling much much better =)

Why on earth am i feeling so.... tensed?

I have a bad feeling today and i cannot pinpoint it to a reason. I'll just conclude that i am feeling stressed up. Stressed up for Macro assignment which is due tomorrow. Honestly, i have no idea why i am feeling this way. I usually don't. But i cannot find another reason to justify the way i am feeling right now so it must be Macro. Can't wait to finally finish the assignment and to hand it in tomorrow. Last three weeks and i'll be free of deadlines! Seriously cannot wait for it to all be over real soon.

For now, breathe. One step at a time. We'll pull through this, just like we always do.

When friends and family gather

I know i said that i will complete all my assignments by this weekend, but to no surprise (for those who know me well at least), i failed miserably. Oh well, i'll still get it done by the deadline, that's for sure. But right now, i am going to bed and waking up in a few hours time to study for philo test and continue with macro assignment. I can't function with so little sleep. So no point trying right now.

It's been a busy but great weekend, for so many reasons.

=)

My sweet sweet brother offered to drive me to Shanmuga at 2am in the morning because i said i was hungry. =) So nice of him!

On a blabbing spree because a simple diagram made a hundred thoughts go thru my mind today

I realized that i seldom, or almost do not wear my heart on my sleeve. People find it hard to know what i am thinking. And weirdly enough, sometimes i do not know how to express what i am thinking. It's like it's hard to put it into words. Sometimes though, i just do not want to express. But recently, i realized that i am no longer like that. Maybe i have changed. Or maybe perhaps it is just who i am speaking to. (I'm speaking a lot to one person recently.) Actually, i'm confused. Sighs. It all boils down to the dynamics in a relationship once again, maybe?

Saw a diagram in human development class today. Four circles. Four-types of communications in a relationship. The outermost circle, hi-bye, people whom you make small talk with, can only be called acquaintances. The second circle, well, you talk about facts, like what happened today, what are you doing. The third one, you share thoughts. You share with others about your ideas and your dreams, your thoughts on important and significant things in your life. The innermost circle will be what is known as self-disclosure, where you share your inner feelings, the real you.

Truthfully, the deeper into the circle you go, the more vulnerable you become. That is because you've laid yourself bare and left nothing to protect yourself with. But to those who have seen you at your worst, but still accept you for who you are and not desert you, i call those people true friends.Those are in fact rare and hard to come by. Honestly, i find it takes courage to bare your soul.

In class, i tried looking at the people closest to me and see in which circle do we fall. I realized that people who are in the inner most two circles are indeed few. Or perhaps i just have selective memory. Lol. There are people whom i wished were inside there but sadly, we've not reached that stage. And there are some people with whom i have reached that stage without realizing it. Hmm.. what can i say? Things happen when you least expect them to. Well. human development class is one class which makes me think. A lot. I've even planned out how i want to raise my kids next time. LOL! And i dare say this is true for almost everyone who is taking that class.

Oh right. Human development also forces me to recall many things in the past. From toddler-hood to childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. The struggles, the pains, the heartbreaks, the happiness, the sweet memories, the lessons learnt. You know, i used to hate writing journals in class, because i am not very comfortable with self-disclosure, which is what the lecturer is looking for. But now, i actually enjoy writing those journals. And i do find it more comfortable writing about my feelings right now (with me assuming that the journal is for the lecturer's eyes only).

And philosophy class. It actually makes me doubt many things right now. Everything is relative. Nothing is for sure. There is no such thing as a 100% guarantee. I wonder if that knowledge makes life gloomier. Or if the knowledge of an uncertain future actually make us appreciate the present all the more. Once again, it's a choice of perspective, it's how you want to see it. There is always no right or wrong way to go about something. It's just how you interpret it. Well, one thing's for sure(or is it?), Philosophy is interesting and i have no regrets choosing this subject.

What you think is real will be real in their consequences, one of the few things from last year that have stuck in my mind even until now. True, don't you think? 问题，往往是人想出来的。你觉得有问题，就算没有，也会变成有。因为how you think and perceive something will affect the way you act and respond, and that reaction would cause a similar reaction. Thus something that is not there before might now be there, just because of how you chose to react.

Ok. Enough blabbing for today. I have a good mind to start keeping a diary again. And i shall complete all assignments by Sunday night! YES I WILL! Crap, busy busy weekend =(

Heal the world

Received a hand-written letter from my sponsored child in Philippines. It melted away all the initial unhappiness i felt for today. See, love always triumphs! Love can overcome sorrows and put a smile on our faces =) Feeling good!

Spread the love people. If you can spare RM50 a month, why not sponsor a child in need? That small amount of money goes a long way in helping a child. I'm sure we've all received help in some form before. It might not be through monetary means, but it may be through words and advices or actions. So, pass on the help. Someone once helped us in a way, now let us help another in some ways as well! If you're interested, do check out World Vision =)

Do good deeds! Put a smile on someone's face. Make the world a better place! =)

It's a wonderful world.

听到的那一番话，让我愣住了一会儿。我承认，我吓到了。心里也有少许不好受。

别人要怎么想，我们也许改变不了，只能做好自己的本份，以行动来证明。

不会让它改变什么，因为我依然相信。

世界还是美好的 =）

F1 fever.

Brilliant race at the Sepang Grandprix. I think i've rediscovered my passion for Formula One after watching the two starting races for this season.

=)

Today's a happy happy day! =)

Got good news from L and we're one step closer!

AND I GOT A KISS!! FROM MY LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW!! =) So sweet!!! =)

You jump, i jump!

This is a drawing which affected me deeply. It is a simple drawing which illustrates Kierkegaard's "Leap of Faith". I first saw it about one or two months ago in Philosophy class, and even till now, i am still very much in awe with this drawing. The leap of faith. What is the leap of faith? Well, we all need a leap of faith in all aspects of our life, whether or not we are aware of it. It might be religion, friendship, trust, or even love. Everything that matters or everything we go through, we go through it only by taking a leap of faith. Honestly, knowledge, evidence and logic can only bring us that far. No matter how we want to be able to predict the future or how carefully we plan, the future will always be unknown. There will be no sure way of guaranteeing that the future will turn out as planned. Therefore, in whatever we do, we are taking a leap of faith. We need to take a leap of faith. Sometimes, it pays off. Other times, it doesn't. But one thing's for sure, whatever might happen will never happen if we do not take a leap of faith. Yes, we might fail, but at least we tried, right? Always easier said than done.

Oh, remember how i gave home tuition last year? My tuition students did me proud! =) They called me and woke me up from my sleep this morning to tell me the news. They both gotten As!! So proud of them! =) =) =)

=)

I am a happy girl! And i am thankful.

Little family moments

Mom's company trip is on April 29th. They're going to Koh Samui. She asked me if i wanted to go along, but sadly, my finals are around that time. To be precise, it falls on 30th April to 3rd May, so i guess the answer was fated to be "No, i want to but i can't". My brother though, had a different idea. "Go la jie, finals only ma. Not important anymore also. You get your admission letter from US then can already what!"

"Eh, dee. Look at your son and what he is trying to incite me to do." I nudged my dad who was reading the newspapers nearby.

Dad raised an eyebrow at my brother and said "Skip class can. But skip exams, cannot!"

I can't help but to laugh out loud at my dad. And he tried persuading my brother not to go so that he can drive me to college to save me the hassle of finding a parking! LOL. My dad, i can't help but to feel so like a princess. But honestly, i don't mind driving to college, dad. And i really don't mind if the three of you go on the trip while i stay at home alone to study! =) Really!


Anyway, i know what i need to do. And i am not in the very least tempted to go. There'll always be other chances, i believe.






Went to Melaka for a one day trip yesterday, after just saying and talking about it for more than half a year. The people i went with were unexpected but it was an enjoyable trip no less. We did only two things, walked and ate. From durian puffs, to famous rice balls, to curry noodles, to 3D durian ice, to mille crepe cake, to satay celup. Tried everything that is proclaimed to be famous there. I like Melaka. It's so.... traditional. With all the olden day houses and ancient artifacts lying about in the shops. I like how they have a stage at the end of Joker Street where old people gathered and sang karaokae in the evening. Melaka, a place where i've not been to since i was very young, a place rich with culture, and now, a place with new memories.






Many deadlines to meet this weekend. (More precisely early next week but since it's mostly on monday i need to get them done by the weekend.) Shall get started on it reallllll sooooonnnn.






Watched War Horse. A really nice and touching movie about the bond between humans and a horse, between horses as well. Heart-warming and heart-wrenching at the same time. Oh, i bought the DVD for RM4 in Penang. So so so worth it! The quality was superb as well.

Carpe Diem

Watched two movies today, one in philosophy class (the 1957 black and white version) and one for human development assignment.

Both are movies worth watching and both indeed showed me how humans can be so blind when they choose to be and how we are so used to conformity. I'm not saying conformity is bad here but conformity without giving thought to it is like living the life of another. It's ok to conform, as long as you give it some thought and decide for yourself that that is what you want for yourself, not blindly following.

If you have time, i recommend watching both movies. It might not be everyone's cup of tea but it certainly is mine. And even if you do not find it entertaining, i'm sure you can find it stimulating. I found it both entertaining and stimulating.

The climb

Was reading the translations i did for a story by a friend a few years back. Was kinda amazed by my own writing skills back then. I doubt i can reproduce that right now. It's been such a long time since i did narrative and story writing. Maybe i should write a story in my free time next semester, a story that i would be proud of before flying off to the States. Yes, i think i should.

Currently lacking the motivation to study hard for this semester. Thank goodness my mind's pretty set on not taking any classes next sem, or else i predict a sharp decline in my cgpa. Motivation, where did you disappear to?

Oh. And i should probably stop skipping classes. Sighs.

It's been more than a week since i received news from Minnesota, why Ohio you so slow? Not like i'm losing sleep over it but it'll be good to hear from you sooner.

Been feeling slightly edgy recently, but i cannot pinpoint it to a reason. Need to get myself back on track, and face everything my way with a calmness and peace of mind.

subconscious

I wonder if humans really have a subconscious that is not bounded by the limitations of our physical body. Just the other day, I was sleeping soundly on a bed and for some reason, i opened my eyes and found my brother standing there staring at me. He didn't make a sound or touched me, i just opened my eyes. I woke up and i found it strange. Why did i wake up? Was it because i felt him staring at me? I definitely did not see him or hear him, as i was sleeping, and i mean real soundly. So, is it really my subconscious that was aware of his presence? You remember a game we used to play when we were young (I'm pretty sure almost everyone tried this before). We used to stare at some one's back and see whether that person will realize and turn back to look around. It seldom worked when i tried it on others.

I'm sure we all have a subconscious, but do our subconscious work that way?

Oh, philosophy mid terms today was.... interesting. Wished i didn't bother changing my answer though. From the correct philosopher to the wrong one. Shows how i doubt my own answers, which i do because of the last minute cramming i did.

My sweet sweet brother!

This totally warms the cockles of my heart!

A less than perfect day.

They evacuated us from Inti again today because the building shaked. Wasn't happy about it because it most likely meant that an earthquake happened again somewhere. And while we checked the news a while later, yea, realised that a few earthquakes happened today. Sighs. Today is a pretty bad day with many accidents and disasters.

Mr E announced today that Philosophy midterms will be on Monday. Just my luck! I'm going to Penang (dad's going for a run) for the weekend so i guess i'll have to bring my textbook along again. This time around, I WILL study while on vacation! I shall not screw up my midterms!

helping with a smile.

My handphone totally died! Cannot see a thing on the screen.

So, i decided to try to use my old Samsung blue phone. And guess what? I ended up reading the smses i have inside. And i saw the smses from a dear friend. Lol. I totally forgot that we used to sms that way. We no longer do that now. Guess we both matured. Lol.

Anyway, using the red phone. So, i can only accept calls until i fix it. Anything urgent just give me a ring!

Skyped with YYY yesterday. Hadn't smiled so much in such a long time. Can't help laughing out loud when he made monkey faces to humor me. It's been a while since i actually video-conferenced someone and it's great to see him after so many months.

Went to an orphanage today along with my parents and had lunch with the children there. And guess what? My dad decided to go teach them tuition with me =) He says he's gonna fetch me there and back anyway, so might as well stay and teach also. Gonna drag my brother in as well and my mom too. This is going to be a family affair! =) Now, what's left is the task of matching all of our schedules.

Midterms next week. Should start studying and do well in them. But am extremely tired today. Think i'm calling it a day for today.

一个人的快乐，不是因为他拥有得多，而是因为他计较得少。

Singapore in a day

Just came back from Singapore today. Went there for my brother's release of A-Levels results. As i sat there in ACJC's hall, as i sat there listening to ACJC's principal list down statistics of how ACJC did for A Levels, i had only one thought in my head: How did Hwa Chong do?

And as i sat there listening to all that, i realised that last year this time, it was me who was waiting with anticipation. Now, it already is my brother's turn. He was really nervous, i felt his heartbeat. Lol. Coming back to Singapore after such a long time, i realized that i actually missed this place a fair bit. I am now so pampered that when i took the public transport in Singapore once more, i got impatient at the time wasted while waiting for the bus and felt tired because i had to stand in a packed train. And weirdly, i actually remember those exact experiences at a time when i don't detest them. I do miss Singapore, especially the people. Too bad there was no time to meet anyone up this time around.

One big difference between ACJC and Hwa Chong is the reaction people have when the principal announced their results. The exact same results would generate totally different emotions. But i enjoyed seeing how the AC students pumped their fists in the air in satisfaction and how they hugged their principal. But as the emcee continued rattling out names, i only had one thought in my mind: How did my brother do?

It turned out that my brother did worse than he expected of himself. But no matter what, i am still very proud of him! He is a big boy now, and i am sure he will have a bright future ahead.

On another note, my application for Ohio is still stated as incomplete, and it is already past the deadline. I really should call them. If only they would answer my call.

Past. Present. Future.

Had quite a long conversation with a friend today who mentioned in passing that he wants to apply to Harvard, Yale, Oxford, Cambridge, Princeton, Brown, etc. That was me exactly two years ago. I remembered thinking that i want to go to the top universities! I remembered thinking that it was achievable. That was me, two years ago.

Today, i no longer am aiming that high. And it is not because of a lack of ambition (maybe it is. lol.) or a fear of failure (i honestly am not afraid of this. kinda experienced enough to not allow it to affect me that deeply anymore). On the other hand, i no longer have the urge to go to such so called top schools. Yes, it is still achievable to those who really want it (i don't want to sound discouraging here), but i no longer am one of them. And honestly, i am contented with the places where i am heading.

The dream to go to such schools lasted and seemed real, but only for at most one year.

And today, once again(as if the suspense of once wasn't enough), i am waiting for the release of admissions results. For now, i shall throw it to the back of my mind and live in the moment. And when it finally arrives, i will hope for the best! =)

Anyway, worse comes to worst, we can always apply again or transfer to Northwood right, L? LOL!

值得一看

幸福哪里找？

草原上有對獅子母子。

小獅子問母獅子：“媽，幸福在哪裡？”

母獅子說：“幸福就在你的尾巴上。”

於是小獅子不斷追著尾巴跑，但始終咬不到。

母獅子笑道：“傻瓜！幸福不是這樣得到的！只要你昂首向前走，幸福就會一直跟隨著你！”


【 刻意的追尋，不如勇敢的往前走，成功又有多遠呢？】

平常心

The time has come to just wait, because i have done all that i should and could.

缘份，很奇妙。

友谊，很珍贵。

Have been a bad student recently. Shall need to change that. Cannot afford to miss anymore classes till i catch up with work.

I'm busy, but i'm very happy and at ease with myself and everyone!

Something to think about.

我们今天在世间，有什么东西能得到？

一样也得不到。不但一切法你得不到，身体也不可得
。
我们世间人迷了，把自己身体当作真的，把身外之物也当作真的，患得患失，所以他苦！

经上说“凡所有相，皆是虚妄”，

这是说明相是有不是没有，但是是虚妄的，你可以享受，享受是受用，心里清净，绝不染着。

不染着是什么？享受，没有贪恋的心；失去了，没有后悔的心。

于一切法没有得失心、没有取舍心，这就非常快乐。

佛不是教我们不要去受用它，

佛是教我们不要去执着它，执着就生烦恼，执着就迷惑颠倒。

不但现前不执着，过去的不要去回忆，未来的不要去希求，你的心才能够永远住在正定上。

有正定，你才有真正的智慧；有智慧，你才能得到真正的法喜，你的生活才充实、才美满。

如果你真正了解这个事实真相，你在一切境缘当中没有得失，你的心就清净、就平等、就觉而不迷了。





~ 净空法师