The end. Just like that.

On 31st Dec 2011, i was once again reminded about the fragility of life, the ironies and the heartbreak. In truth, he was a stranger, i've never actually spoken to him before, but yet, i am deeply saddened and affected by his demise. I hope his family will have the strength to pull through these trying times. What a sad ending to the year.

Long awaited trip!

人生，简简单单，快快乐乐，幸福就好 =）不必多虑，不必执著，不必强求，不必追根究底 =）这样的自己，很快乐，很幸福 =）

I heard that it was -17 degree celcius in Korea yesterday. Hmm. Hoping what i bring will keep me warm enough. Korea, here i come!

Date night

Had a late night movie date with my little brother. Among us, we finished one large and one regular popcorn. Yea, we totally pigged out! Lol. Watched New Year's Eve. It totally made me want to spend New Year's Eve in Times Square, New York City. Hmm.. Maybe next year =)

Coffee anyone?

Read this from Facebook and find that it is worth sharing with everyone.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups.Enjoy your coffee!

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Act with compassion. Leave the rest to God and to fate.

It is true that the life we live in now is ever so materialistic that sometimes, we find it hard to breathe. We find ourselves coping with expectations and minding what others might think of us if we fail to achieve and succeed in a way that society finds acceptable. And because of that, we sometimes feel undue stress. We should in fact stop fussing about the wrappings and start living from the inside, with our hearts.

When i'm bored, like right now.

I MISS 35th OASIS!

Once in a lifetime?

When you wake up from a dream and realized that it just came true. A wonderful feeling! Weird, but still amazing.

I'm replaying Bach's Suite No.3 in D Major over and over again. A melancholic piece, but it gives me a very peaceful feeling =)

(I) (N)ever (T)hought (I) would end up here but i am glad and thankful!

Well, another semester had just passed by and in a blur, i have already spent 1 year in Inti when i initially thought i would just be there for a few months. Lol. That's how flexible life is =) 1 year in Inti, 1 year of experience. The past semester was really enjoyable. Got close to a few great people. It's amazing how small this world with. The people whom i get close to are in one way or another, connected to each other. Lol.

Inti, a place where i thought i would be only a passing visitor, but i stayed longer than i actually intended to. I am actually glad i ended up in Inti for 1 year and maybe 8 months more. The highlight of the year for me would always be exceeding our own expectations for the fund raising for the Thailand floods. Was touched and happy that Inti students are generous and helpful =)

To the few people who made my 1 year in Inti filled with laughter, thanks! To L, my makan buddy who is ever so helpful and caring, thanks! To J who always makes sure i eat my lunch and makes me laugh with lame jokes, thanks!

Though the aims i had last year this time were different from the aims i have this year at this month, i am glad. I actually prefer the future arrangements i have right now. LOL. Looking forward to a great year ahead!

OH, AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR KOREA!!!!!! =)

Date...... lines

2 more weeks of official college lessons left before finals and then holiday. But before i can look forward to that break, there's still quite a lot to complete for the next two weeks. I look at the calendar in my phone and i will sigh. Lol.

But it's ok =)

It's just two weeks. Just two more weeks and i am done with research methods and public speaking. Gosh, i hope research methods is transferable to where i wanna go in the States. I totally do not fancy repeating the whole course there once more.

A well deserved break tomorrow- outing with the girls to watch 那些年. Looking forward to a simple and relaxing outing tomorrow =) AND OH RIGHT!!! Tomorrow's 111111! No special meaning but there's a lot of hype surrounding this date. Maybe i should just hop into the bandwagon and make a wish as well at 11.11am. I know what i will wish for =)

Oh right! I preordered Jay's new album. LOL. My dad was kind enough (as always. lol.) to drive me to bukit tinggi jj.

Datelines datelines datelines.. prunelines. LOL. (I kinda miss the people who will get this lame joke.)

I'm gonna be a hardworking busy bee for the next few weeks =)

(Other) family moments

I read something which i find worth sharing a few days ago. Read it from a book i found in the car of a friend when i hitched a ride. It goes like this:

幸福的真諦

人生真正的幸福是「心安」，而非物質的享受，因為一切物質如泡沫般虛幻，也如天 上的浮雲，瞬間即過。想要安心地生活，就必須去除「貪欲」。

有一個小故事──

有位媽媽只有一個兒子，他從小就沒有父親，媽媽很辛苦地把他撫養長大，完成学業，並且勤奮地工作。雖然他們的生活並不寬裕，不過母子倆相依為命，兒子也很孝 順母親，日子過得很平順。

以前，這位媽媽每天早晨都會叫兒子：「起床囉！上學囉！」兒子畢業後上班了，媽 媽仍然每天早晨叫他：「起床囉！上班囉！」這是天天不可或缺的一件事。

有天，兒子下班回來跟媽媽說：「媽！您太辛苦了，我從小到大都沒有讓您享受過什 麼，看！我們家的裝潢這麼簡單。現在我想投資做一件生意，是朋友邀我一起做的，如果順利完成，我們立刻就可以把家裡裝潢得很漂亮，而且應有盡有，讓媽媽想 要什麼就有什麼！」

媽媽聽了，問兒子說：「你做這件生意，賺的是不是正當的錢呢？」兒子說：「錢是 正當的，不過可能對別人有點不公平。」媽媽就說：「兒子呀！每天早上都是媽媽叫 醒你的，是不是？」兒子說：「是啊！您問這做什麼呢？」

媽媽說：「我每天在廚房準備早餐，看時間快到了，就在廚房叫你，每次都叫了好久，你還是沒有回應，總得讓我跑上樓來叫你；有時候還叫不醒，就必須用手把你搖 醒，常常看到你張開眼皮了，卻還是一副很想睡的樣子。雖然如此，不過這是每天讓 我覺得很踏實的一件事，我不希望我來到你的床邊，還沒叫你就看到你眼睛已睜開、早就已經醒了，因為我不希望你睡不安穩啊！」

兒子聽了這些話，立即恍然大悟說：「媽媽，我知道了，我會讓您安心，不去做那些讓您擔心的事。我們母子辛苦一些沒關係，只要心安，日子就會過得很快樂，對不對？」媽媽很歡喜地說：「對！讓媽媽安心就是孝順。我們的欲望不能太大，能夠維 持生活、心安理得，就是幸福啊！」

沒錯，這是最正確的人生觀──憑勞力賺取合理的利潤，不做「心不安、睡不穩」的事；否則即使得到再大的享受也不能安心。在生活中，只要善盡本分，把貪欲之門關 起來，自然天天都會過得平安又自在！

On a totally different note, a smile crept onto my face today when i was driving. I saw a grandfather pushing his two young grandchildren on the swing. He stood in the middle of two swings, and push them alternately as one went up and the other came down. Such a simple yet heartwarming picture. =)

My love affair with chocolates

You know what? I had cravings for chocolates a few days ago and was thinking of the times in Singapore when i always had chocolate in stock. And guess what i found when i came home today? CHOCOLATES!!! Lots and lots of them! Different different types of chocolates. LOL. DAD, you read my mind! I'm such a lucky girl! =) So, yea, been gorging on chocolate today. And i believe i will do so for the coming weeks. A chocolate a day, keeps me happy =) Lol. As i sat here typing this, my mom just walked in and fed me dark chocolate. My dad walked in 15 mins ago to feed me milk chocolate as well. I'm such a lucky lucky girl. So pampered. Lol. =) Love my parents!

This beats getting full marks :)

I'm so happy that i have to share my happiness here :) Gave a speech about filial piety and why we should appreciate and not take our parents for granted in college today. It went ok, there were some technical glitches and a few stumbles, but overall, it was an ok job. I was satisfied with it. But what really made my day was when a guy I didn't know walked up to me after the speech, shook my hand and said:"Good job. I liked your speech. It was touching." That simple compliment touched my heart and made me so happy. Because it actually meant that someone listened and maybe got persuaded to treat their parents better :) I'm happy that my speech touched some hearts.

Reliving december =(

I know i'm feeling much better when i can go online. LOL. Hope it will be a 100% recovery by tomorrow and i will finish my speech in one day. Voice, please come back to me. Pretty please! I need you for Friday.

Hakuna Matata

I realize that once you are contented with life, there is nothing much that can make you sad or give you worries.

Many little gestures touched my heart recently. They may seem small, but they certainly did brighten up my day and left a lasting impression on me. A classmate bought scar cream for me just because she saw it and thought of me. Course mates made a banner showing their support during music presentation. Honestly, these gestures touched my heart, put a smile on my face and made me real thankful and happy. 感恩。

I like life as it is now. Simple and uncomplicated. Living life with a heart. Laughter and joy is never far away if we understand and accept life as it comes our way.

-

Watched Lion King 3D today in the cinemas. Lion King was always one of my favourite Disney cartoons. But watching it again after so many years, i actually realized that it is a deep and meaningful movie. There's much that we can learn from the movie. Being all grown up, i appreciate and understand the movie much better this time around. Respect for all living things, learning from the past, not to be afraid of showing weaknesses are but a few of the valuable life lessons that can be reviewed from this classic cartoon.

I like to keep things simple.

Hakuna Matata, it means no worries =)

Mumblings of a female.

I feel flabbier but i'm actually lighter. I think i really need to exercise. My muscle mass is diminishing, which is not good. Ok! Jog!

Procrastinating again.

Watched ‘唐山大地震’again. Watched it with my mom because i wanted her to watch it. I typed nice, but nice is not exactly the correct word here. Yea, good would be more appropriate. It is a good movie. And this time around, one sentence remained in my head- “ 没了，才知道什么叫没了。” Nothing in life is constant except change. This i truly believe right now. I used to be afraid of change, maybe afraid isn't the right word, more like a part of me don't really like change. But now, i know that change is part and parcel of life. No matter how you try to avoid change, it will happen for sure. But change is not always bad i suppose. Things change for a reason. You might not know it now but just have faith that change is always for the better in the long run. =)


If all changes come with a warning sign like the one above, it would certainly make life a little easier.

A few quotes on change which i stumbled upon while procrastinating from studying. (Procrastinating is definitely something i should change. Lol.)

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

"When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them." - Andy Warhol

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." - Maya Angelou

"People change and forget to tell each other." - Lillian Hellman

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different." - Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." - Anon

Ok. Enough procrastination. I should really start changing and not do last-minute work. Lol.

Blogging for procrastination

Just woke up from a nap and am supposed to either study or write my research methods project. But here i am blogging. It's just my way of procrastinating. I am a pig in that sense. Lazy. 3 things to do today. None done yet and it's already 4pm.

On another note. Went for my first tuition lesson as a tutor today. Yes, a tutor, not a tutee. Lol. It was pretty funny. I prepared 2 chapters for a 2 hour class. It wasn't sufficient, i had to read and teach for chapter 3. But overall, i should say that it was ok. I wonder whether i was much help to the two girls. Seems like all i did was explaining to them what was already in the book, which i'm sure they can read themselves. Hmm.. Shall set quizes and exercises for next week? Lol. I'm actually pretty enthutiastic about this!!! Hopefully i give them their money's worth!

I realized that i have not been doing anything else besides going to class recently. Not studying for tests, quizes. Lol. That shall stop today. And i should start preparing for uni apps again. There goes the whole tedious cycle once more.

Ok. Enough procrastination i suppose. Back to being a dilligent student. (yea, i wish!) Come on TCY!

Attitude is everything.

Why do i say that attitude is everything? Lol. Check this out:

Sometimes, it might seem hard to achieve what we want to achieve, but remember this:

Yes, we can do anything and everything, if only we want to. It depends on whether our heart is in it. It depends on how badly we want it. There's nothing that we cannot achieve, if it all depends just on ourself.

But still, there's always that thing called luck and fate that might interfere. Right? As long as you try your best, there will be no regrets.

Busy busy weekend, but i am still a lazy bum. I can do it! Lol.

Hello world

Typed a pretty long post and decided that i do not want to publish it. So, here's a very short one instead.

Went to popular today and saw that 2012 diaries are already on sale. Time flies. People changes. Sometimes, things are just to complicated. Things you think you know do not tally with things you heard. Lol. Guess that happens in life all the time. It's the choices u make that affect the outcome.

Shall mull over it.

With a huff and a puff, they blow my pain away =)

Stupid wound looks worse by the day. I know i act nonchalant about it but i am in fact pretty worried that it still looks pretty bad right now. What's worse is that the cream from the doctor doesn't seem to be helping much. The surrounding area is now red when it previously wasn't. Sighs. Me and my carelessness once again. I flinch now not because of the pain but because of the memory of the look of concern and worry in my parents' eyes. The slightly harsh voices and the insistence of me seeing the doctor. Them helping me to blow on the wound when i complain that it hurts. All these little things make me feel loved =) I should really learn to be more careful and less careless. I should learn to not let my parents worry.

Thanks mom and dad! I LOVE YOU! I really do owe u a huge thank you for being so understanding.

life as i know it

My brother posted this:

People come and go. Chances come and go too. But THAT person comes once in a long long time, and THAT chance comes once in a long long time too. So, know when to give up, and when to never let go :)


Lol. Makes sense. Problem is, how do you know THAT right person and THAT right chance? Right? Lol.

The start of a busy period. I'm gonna try my best in everything and i promise not to slack anymore starting soon. lol. October's coming real soon. Sighs. Time flies. Very soon it'll be 2012. End of the world. LOL!!!!!!

It's kinda true that (good or bad) things come when you least expect them to. Weird right? Lol. I'm not complaining though. It's all part and parcel of life =)

scars and faith =)

I complained to my dad today about having an extra scar on my leg. He said something which i truly agree with. "It doesn't matter how many scars you have on the outside. As long as you don't have a scar in your heart, you'll be happy." External scars may never truly fully heal, but it's the internal scars in our hearts that we should be more worried about.

Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you from asking the questions.

when mr sleep comes banging on my door to collect the debt i owe him

I swear research methods is the most challenging course i've taken in Inti so far. 40% research project is gonna be tough. I need access to mothers with young children. Hmm.. Honestly, starting to get a bit worked up for this assignment. It's like even more weightage than finals! And what's worse, i kinda don't really understand this course. Sighs.

So much work to do recently, and so little time. Workload is really catching up with me. Sighs.

Ok. i should stop sighing!

Slept at 8pm last night, woke up at 8am. Had breakfast, slept again at 9am, woke up at 11am. Lol. Went to college. Got home. Slept at 5pm, woke up at 7pm. Still feeling sleepy now. I am a pig. Guess i'm repaying all my sleeping debt accrued over the past few weeks. I want my 11pm bedtime back!

Hate making online transactions. Especially when an error occurs. The phone calls that have to follow are tedious and time consuming, especially when they have a long list of numbers for you to press before reaching a human speaking and not some machine recording. Still, talked to pretty helpful and friendly people today so i'm happy! =)

Happy mid autumn festival!

Music test today was... oh well... ok i guess, considering the fact that i hardly touched the textbook. Lol. Had 2 tests this semester so far. Never studied for both. Lol. Kinda unlike me. I usually study, albeit it being a last minute one.

Went for a jog today after deciding that i should not procrastinate my plan to resume exercising any longer. (It's been delayed for 9 months already. Lol. Have not had a real jog in almost a year.) Anyway, i'm super unfit! Ran, wait, scratch that, jogged is the more appropriate word here, so, i jogged for like less than 200m and i suffered from a shortness of breath, a racing pulse and a stitch in my stomach. Yea, i'm that unfit. I think i only ran 500m in total. Walked the rest of the distance. Sighs. I should make jogging a habit. Maybe swimming too. Lol.

Received an email from someone today which made me smile for a couple of reasons. LOL. Thanks for the timely reminder of who i used to be.

OH! Happy Mid Autumn Festival!!! Tonight's gonna be tradition night =) Missed four years of home celebrations. Not gonna miss tonight!

by a very sleepy me.

I realized that i'm extremely slow.

我相信缘份。

=(

scratch the previous =) post. i'm kinda starting to lose faith in that saying already.

...

chatting with my brother =) =( sighs.

=）

不放弃，存希冀，前路就会美。

Just to pass time.

Remembered and missed the past today. I guess "Merdeka Day" will always remind me of those two years where we had a blast on this very day. Screaming ourselves hoarse with patriotism with such gusto.

Still not sure whether i'm going down to Singapore on the weekend starting from the 9th. Hmm.

Had a nice long chat about love with my parents yesterday during a very boring wedding dinner. I asked my mom how did she know that my dad was "the one", not just the one but "the right one". Lol. She said everything just felt right, and comfortable. Oh that brings me to something else, today at the bookfest, i showed my dad a book titled "10 ways to a perfect and happy marriage" (or something along those lines), he gave a chuckle and said, "we can write a book on our own, don't have to read that." LOL. So sweet! HAHA.

Can't wait for my brother to be back! =)

=)

Note to self:

Do not sweat the small stuffs. Remember.

Fairytales

Rafiki: “It doesn't matter. It's in the past.”

Simba: “Yeah, but it still hurts.”

–The Lion King (Disney)

impossible love

Check this out: Someone i knew actually wrote it. It's sweet.

I want an impossible love. One where she’s my best friend and lover and confidante and body pillow. I want a love where our parents become best friends and have bets on when I’ll ask her to marry me. We’ll go camping on the beach, and sit alone at night under the stars that never seem to be visible in a southern Californian sky. I want us to take cute couple pictures that bring envy to everyone’s eyes because they’ll not only be able to see our love, they’ll feel it too. I want to play video games with her, and I won’t worry about my k/d when I let her win. I want to cook for her when she’s sick and let her know that she’ll get better as long as I’m here to care for her. I want to surprise her with random bouquets of flowers, and when she complains that I send too much, I’ll give her carrots. I want to feel safe in her arms, and fill a little bottle with her sweet perfume so when I’m miles away, I can still imagine her next to me. I want us to share little modest kisses when we’re in public, and turn into voracious lovers when we’re alone. I wont need her number in my address book, because I’ll have it memorized. But above all, I want to tie her shoes everyday. Why? Because I wouldn’t want her to fall for anyone else.

One more similar night and i swear the world will see a zombie.

Have been playing catch with sleep the past few days. I want and need sleep, but sleep seems to be avoiding me. It's weird how i feel so tired when i lie down on bed but yet still am unable to fall asleep. Perhaps tonight will be different. I really hope so.

Perspectives

Came across this story while watching the same show, and it made me smile.

有则故事，说的是一个老太太，整天坐在路口哭，被称为“哭婆婆”。
　　
一天，一位禅师路过此地，便问其缘由。

老太太告诉禅师：她有两个女儿，一个嫁给了卖伞的人家，一个嫁给了卖鞋的人家。每当天晴的时候，她就想起了卖伞的女儿，想到她的伞会卖不出去，因此伤心而哭；而每当天下雨的时候，她又想起卖鞋的女儿，想她的鞋一定不好卖，因此也伤心落泪。所以，无论天晴下雨，她总是在哭。

禅师听罢，脱口便说：下雨的时候，你要想卖伞的女儿生意好，天晴的时候你要想卖鞋的女儿卖得好，这样你就自然不会哭了。

听了禅师的一番话，老太太顿悟。
　　
从此，街头便有了一个总是乐呵呵的“笑婆婆”。

家人是我最大的财富

"Dad. what you wanna eat? i go out and ta-pao."

"Dun want la. U go relax, i go n ta-pao. u gonna fall sick d."

LOL. i wonder if it's because he doesn't want me to drive.

No matter what's the reason, i love you dad.

忍

忍是心中头上一把刀，忍并不意味懦弱和胆怯，胸有成竹的忍是一种自信，是一种博大的涵养，广阔的胸怀，是站在更高层次上的宽容，百忍成金，忍成就强者成就伟人。

A meaningful phrase that caught my attention while watching a show this evening.

heads up

You can't have a rainbow, without a little rain.

Scones and forgetfulness

I often forget that my mom is in my facebook friend's list. Lol.

Scones for breakfast a success! =) But i admit that i did forget to add in the raisins which i bought on purpose for this. Oh well, next time then.

I kinda like this feeling. Of waking up early and making nice breakfasts for my family. I think i'm going to make it a habit. Lol.

One thing good about my mom working again: she can bring the excess food to the office for her friends =)

With finals behind me and the holidays right before my eyes, i am a happy girl =)

changes

Ok. So i was back in Singapore for a day yesterday. All for the sake of collecting my A Level cert and to attend the award presentation day. So, long story short, got my award but could not collect my A Level cert (the thing that actually matters). Yea, frustrated. But no choice. Oh well, it is yet another reason to make another trip down south.

Hwa Chong has changed a lot the past eight months. Surprisingly. CT benches no longer where they used to be, LT3 was a different colour. I even forgot which LT our QM room is hidden in. LOL. Had to kinda hunt for it. Anyway, sneaked into the QM room to find it extremely messy, but nostalgic at the same time. But i digress. Hmm.. I realised that change happens very fast, even concrete changes that we see everyday. But eventually, it's the feelings deep down under that really matters i guess. Even though school is somewhat different from what i remembered it to be, i still find myself smiling like an idiot as i walked along the corridors and across the parade square. Honestly, i don't know why i smiled. It wasn't a conscious act. Maybe because it brought back memories of school days. Memories of how we used to trudge along with our school bags, sometimes complaining, sometimes laughing. I had mixed feelings towards Hwa Chong. Because it is a reminder of much failures albeit all the fun and laughter we had. It is here in Hwa Chong that for the first time in my life i actually felt like a failure, felt frustrated and felt helpless. I remember a feeling of dejection, a feeling of uncertainty, a feeling of doubt, a feeling of fear. Of course, there were good times as well, lots of them. So as i stood there yesterday, i realised that i actually like Hwa Chong very much and am proud to call myself a HwaChongian (a term i still cringe when i hear. i don't know. just think it sounds.. erm. weird. why can't we just be called hwa chong students?)

Anyway, had a family dinner in Singapore, with my brother and Gwen. Lol. I actually do think of her as family already. Haha. Kinda like the feeling of how we band together and advice my brother against certain things. Feels like what a family does=)

I wanted to stay longer for this visit but because of the upcoming finals, i couldn't. I'll definitely be down again, before KJ and Eli fly off to the UK. And the next time i'm down, i will meet up with 35th, with 09S77, with the guas and also the 4C1 gang. (I hope to..)

Finals tomorrow. Guess i should hop off to bed soon and wake up early to do some studying. Can't believe i just burned my whole study break week away. (Actually, i can.) My mom nags at me but to no avail. Lol.

Not used to seeing my fingers with short nails. HAHA.

Ok. Bed time.

Towards the end

Another semester coming to an end. Pretty soon it will be a new routine, new classes, new classmates, new teachers and new subjects. But before all that, a break! =)

One last essay for research writing, one last quiz for social psychology and den it's the finals! Can't believe how fast a short semester flies by. But at the same time, extrememely happy for finals to be here and done!

What's with me and ankle sprains?

Damn. I stupidly sprained my ankle again. And it's hurting. Sien.

知足的快乐让我忍受心痛

Friendship is something that stumps me.

Sometimes, even though you are aware of the wall that has been growing between the both of you for a very long time, it still pierces your heart when you sit around the same table and see it confirmed right before your own eyes. You try to keep a smile but your own laughter sounds hollow to your ears. And sometimes, you can't help but wonder: What happened?

But at least, you're still friends, even if it is a far cry from what it was 10 years ago.

A random post

They say that love is blind.
I say that love is acceptance.

Words

5 sayings i grew up listening to, sayings with a history and lots of memories:

1. If someone wants to make you angry, don't get angry. Instead the person who is trying to make you angry will get angry.

2. A hungry man is an angry man.

3. Old is gold.

4. Don't teach your grandmother how to suck egg.

5. "Where got?" "God is in Heaven"

Honestly, i've not heard them in quite a while.

Quote to keep in mind.

Who you travel with can be more important than the destination. It's the journey that matters. I wonder how true this is? To a certain extent, in a certain perception. It is. Just try my best in everything and have no regrets.

Head up with a big wide grin

First semester in Inti has ended. Well, that is if i don't take into account that we have yet to sit for our finals. Time flies.

Anyway, i currently have two choices for my life path. It's either Singapore (assuming i'm accepted with a scholarship) or continuing as it is in Inti for a longer period of time and then applying to somewhere which does not cost a bomb. Honestly speaking, i'm at a crossroads now. I don't know how and what to choose. Previously i was against continuing in Singapore but right now my sentiments have changed. I know i can make the most out of my education in Singapore. (Even though i gave up one option by not going for the LKC scholarship thing today.) The only thing that is really holding me back from deciding straight away to go to Singapore is the 3 year service required because of the tuition grant offered. On the other hand. Inti seems fine but i really have limited courses to take each semester, since only one higher psych course is offered each semester. I guess the clever option would be to do a double degree or a double major in Singapore? I don't know. I still don't.

Anyway, speaking bout interviews, mine went fairly smoothly but honestly i am afraid that the interviewers can tell that i was crapping and i don't really know what i was talking about. (Politics is not my cup of tea.) Oh well, i admitted i don't know much but i will try my best to answer them still. It was a pretty relaxed interview, more like a conversation in which i tried convincing them that Malaysia would not go the same way as Libya and that not all Malays feel that ketuanan melayu is justified.

Oh, as for Uni decisions, i've finally had all the results. UMich offered to wait list me but it doesn't make a difference now. UIUC sends me an email every other day to accept their offer. As much as i want to i can't. The other 3 rejected me. As sad as i may be initially, it doesn't make a difference now. Perhaps o would be sadder if they all accepted me and i can't go. So yup, i count my blessings and i smile. =)

Overall, i'm a happy girl! =) who is thankful for what she has now. Even though she might complain and sound moody at time, this girl is actually thankful for her lot in life! =)

"Sometime, the smallest things take up the most room you your heart."

Ramblings of a lost soul.

Should i insist on doing it my way(it's not really what i wanted initially either) or should i just give in? Seriously, i am feeling very lost now. Lost as in i don't know what i should do. SIGHS.

When emails replace letters

A heartwarmingly long email from an aunt in London =) It brightened up my day!

I hate trips to the dentist

Drove to the dentist today. With my parents in the car of course. A pain has been bothering me for weeks now and i finally decided to get it checked out. Anyway, got an x-ray and an injection to numb the area and i think the doctor did something which i don't know what to my tooth. So after that, i wanted to drive home but guess what my brilliant dad said? LOL. "I drive. Your mouth is still numb, reflexes will be slower." The excuses he comes up with so that i would not drive is hilarious at times! Anyway, my teeth is still hurting despite the trip to the dentist today. Guess a root canal is due. Shit. This is what makes me hate the dentist so much. At least i did not cling on to the railings and bawl my lungs out like i did when i was younger.

An Addiction

I'm currently addicted to this show.Every weekday, 7pm to 8pm on 317. It's a story about the ups and downs a family has to go through, and the strong bonds and amount of understanding among the family members never fail to pull at my heartstrings. I like the character of the dad, the advices he dishes out to his children always reflect his patient character. He reminds me of my own dad at times actually. Both are dads who explain, not argue with the children or just dictate the lives of their children. And both understand the children as well. I like the character of the second daughter as well. Granted, she may be short tempered, but she really is the epitome of filial piety. She thinks of the family, always. Most of the character in this show, especially the mom and the grandmother, has depth and their own personal story to tell, making it an interesting show. Seriously, this is the first time in a really long time that i am addicted to any show. Maybe it's because this show really portrays a realistic family life, one which i can relate to as well at times. “我们家的感情包得紧紧的，黏黏的，就好像饭团！”

Dream of two years came crashing down

It's not the specific one, but the whole freaking idea. It's like i just woke up and find myself out in the cold. I try hard to pretend that i am ok with it but i really am not.

Life's not a bed of roses, but even so, it's not all that bad.

So i won't give up, no i won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around. And i will be strong even if it all goes wrong. When i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe. That someone's watching over me. (Someone's watching over me- Hilary Duff)

Ranting out loud because i refuse to break down.

I hate seeing the words "we are unable to...", when that small glimmer of hope is finally crushed. Am still waiting for my dream school to accept me, but seriously, i have no confidence at all. Because even Mac rejected me. I can blame it on the large financial aid request i put in. Or i can blame myself for not putting in more effort into the application. But i won't. i hate this feeling of knowing that i am not good enough nor wanted. I am disappointed. Perhaps i should have applied to the UK. But then again, that wouldn't be what i really wanted. Funny how my safety school actually rejected me. And ironic how a school i didn't even think of applying to until the eleventh hour actually accepted me. I really don't want to end up somewhere i don't want to be for another 3 years. But looking at current circumstances, perhaps i should be a little less insistent and a little more appreciative and understanding. Maybe an attitude change is needed. Sighs, no matter what, i shall make full use of the opportunities and chances that come my way. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Turn it into a franchise and make billions of dollars! Praying hard that UMich wants me.

Of acceptances and rejections

Weekend's almost gone. Just like that. And once again i've slacked it all away. I'm such a pig. Literally. Slept for god knows how many hours today. I don't even have a reason to be feeling so tired or sleepy. Perhaps it is the boredom. I don't even feel like watching a movie or reading a storybook. Something's quite wrong with me. Maybe i should just go study for mid terms. SIEN..

I tried Shisha yesterday, out of curiosity. It made me cough after every puff and gave me quite a massive headache after that. Nothing that special. But at least i can say that i've tried it before. Not really that desperate nor tempted to try it again anytime soon though.

I don't care about the physical distance.
I care about the other kind of distance.

Waiting for replies is tough. And excruciating. You check your inbox everyday in hope for a reply and feel disappointed when there is none.

And then you tell yourself that there is still time.

And i don't like rejection.

Can't wait for Friday. Assam laksa anyone?

A simple yet enjoyable evening at home =)

Guess what i just did?!

I washed the cars with my dad.

Ok. It might sound pretty uneventful or even somewhat normal but i really missed doing something as simple as washing the car with my dad. It's nice to see how he nags at me for being so slow and inefficient while he snatches the cloth and shows me how it is done. So, instead of wiping the car with soapy water, i was demoted to being the hose girl, the one who stands there and spray water towards the car at the beginning and at the end. Lol. I accidentally sprayed water at my dad a few times (yea, an accident. LOL.) And got a "Eh, spray properly la. You know how to spray anot one? After i spray you then you know ar!" as a response.

Lol. Washing the car reminds me of the CIP session in Singapore two years ago, the one with Shiau Haln, Shen Hui, Zhi Jing and the guas. The one where we got all wet and had such a fun afternoon washing cars.

Oh, i watched my mom and dad's wedding video together with them again this afternoon. I think this is only my second or third time because i have very vague recollection of the whole video. Maybe i was still very young the last time i saw it.

Anyway, i got to really enjoy it this time around. 22 years have passed by since that blessed day. But i bet that those memories are still fresh in my parents' minds. I can't help laughing at my dad, who smiled happily throughout the video. There was a scene in which he was tying his necktie for quite a while and i turned to him and said "You nervous or too happy?! Why tie one necktie tie so long one? The cameraman video-ed the whole room and everyone else already and you are still tying your necktie." Lol. My dad only smiled.

It's fun to look at my aunts and uncles 20 years back. My now grown-up cousins who were just tiny little kids 20 years back. How fast time flies, I'm already 20 years old. WOW!

Sick of being sick.

Been coughing for more than two weeks already. I'm sick and tired of being sick. What does it take to get rid of a cough? Plenty of water? Tried that, but Mr Water does not seem to be working his wonders. Plenty of sleep? How do i even fall asleep when i cough every now and then? It's like ok.. i'm almost asleep... Zzz.. Then i feel a tickle in my throat and i think Oh No! Not again! Then COUGH COUGH and there i lie wide awake again!

Freaking sick and tired of this cough.

Oh, i finally trimmed my hair. It's now short and bouncy once again!

Been feeling pretty belligerent recently. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's the cough.

I can't wait for the 25th of March. I need a break from my lifestyle right now. (Weird i'm saying this cuz i just had one last week.) I need to be with crazy people and laugh as if we don't have a care in the world.

I need to not be sick. I need this cough to be gone.

Does everything has to have a purpose?

I wonder what's the purpose of a blog? To rant, to complain, to share, to inform, to escape... ??

And A LEVELS is finally a closed chapter in my life!

My hair is at a very weird length now. Not short but not long as well.

I'm in a dilemma as to whether i should cut it short again.

I'm tempted.


So, A Levels results are already out. Too say that i'm not disappointed at all will be an outright lie. Who doesn't want to get straight As? But i guess it is a good thing that the subject that turned out to be a B was Math, and not any other of my three core subjects. Truthfully, i would be devastated if it was any of the other 3. But because it was Math, i could talk myself into accepting it. I guess i was mentally prepared for a sucky Math result ever since the paper itself because of all my carelessness. And there's always the superficial way of consoling myself saying "You were always bad at math."

But no it is not an excuse.

And still, it sucks to have that glimmer of hope finally dashed.

And guess what's the most common reaction i got to my results: "Why Math? Math is the easiest subject to get an A in!" Lol. I can only smile.

I don't really know if i am satisfied with my results. As always, there are people who did better and people who did worse. If i say that i am satisfied, why should i be when i could have done better? If i say that i am not, then i should have put in more effort in the first place.

But anyway, what done is done. I'm not sad and i should not be regretful. I can only look forward and work with what i have paved out for myself.

Thanks mom and dad for coming down with me. Thanks bro for rushing over after school just so you can be with me for the announcement of results. And thanks gwen for coming on purpose on ur own even though u didn't have to. I appreciate it a lot. I know i was the luckiest person in that hall that day for having all of you there with me=)


3 days in Singapore is too short because i got sick. AGAIN! Sorry ah jia and shiing for spoiling our perfect girl's outing. AND I DON'T CARE!!! WAIT FOR ME!!! =(


And i swear i am not missing English lessons on purpose Ms K, though u might not believe me even if u see this, which u won't. LOL.

Jitters?

Yea. Dead blog. I know. Maybe i'll start again when i'm away from the comforts of my home. Or maybe i'll have the inspiration or motivation to type something every now and then. lol. For now, i have nothing much to say.

Well, i'll share a quote i just saw that i really like.

A ship in harbour is safe; but that's not why ships are built.

Go figure. And hope it helps you, to go on an adventure.

Exactly 1 week to A Levels results. No point getting sleepless nights over it i guess. What done is already done. Truthfully, i only feel nervous when i happen to think of it. Other than that, it is quite at the very back of my mind. Oh well, next week this time and i will know the mystery answer. I do hope that it is a pleasant one.

Oh, i watched Burlesque today. Christina is one hell of a good singer.

Just so i know.

When you are screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you.

When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.

Read the above from "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch and this particular part struck a chord with me. It's true that only people who love you are willing to tell you things that you might not want to hear. Only they will not be afraid of hurting your feelings because they know that your improvement is more important in the end. They see the bigger picture. To such people in my life, i want to say a big THANK YOU.

Three weeks of college life have passed by. For those who don't already know, i am currently studying (yes, studying. how sad, i know) while waiting for A Level results and also uni application results. Basically my peers think that it is a stupid decision for me to be studying right now and if my credits cannot be transferred, i myself will come to regret this decision. But, since i already am doing this whether i like it or not, i have decided to like it and make the best out of it! One can complain or one can adapt. I choose to adapt.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. I wish i can split myself into two. To enjoy the company of my family and friends back home, but yet also not to miss out on all the reunion dinners with friends back in Singapore. I actually do miss Singapore, the people more than the place, and the freedom and convenience too. But still, there's no place like home, especially after four years away from it.

Brick walls are there not to keep us out. They are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Keep this in mind whenever you feel like giving up on anything.

The start of something new

Ok. Holiday's over! Time for a healthy lifestyle =)

橘子曰

所谓完美的恋人并不存在，完美的只有想要和对方一直走下去的那份坚定而已。所以，如果你遇到那个对的人，请为她/他坚定，请不要胆怯，是因为人生没有办法重来，也是因为，在爱情里，很多人很多事很多珍贵，错过了就是错过了。