Its rainy today. . . . The picture of the beach stares back at me from the desktop.
I'm finding peace - there are some things that will always be personal.

"I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
I'll be what you want me to be . . . "

Its a good day.

Melissa : "I have this eye twitch thing going on again"
Brent: "ah, the old eye twitch. .. yes, yes. I wonder if its chronic . . "

walking down 76th on my way to teach a lesson. . .

passing the jews as they come out of synagogue . . . a fresh direct van weaving its way between parked cars . . . the driver hitting the side view mirror on a little jeep . . . "ahhh! mazeltoff!" shouted one in surprise "that was somebody's mirror!"

I'm sad today.
feels like I need to speak in japanese to have the freedom to say what I want . . .
like if I say it in english it just won't be heard, only the colors will be seen and sometimes that can get you into trouble.
I can't go into the city without that which lets it all slip off me. I drown.
Sometimes there is a crevis inside as big and as flowing as Iguacu.

"aint nothing left at all, at the end of being proud. . .
I've had some time to think about it . . .
and watched the sun sink like a stone. . .
I've had some time to think about you . . .
on the long ride home.

One day I took your tiny hand
put your finger in the wedding band
daddy gave a piece of land
we made ourselves the best of plans . . . . ."

I woke up with a ring on my finger
rolling over - a sigh of "wow" and a smile
Thailand's bells and chimes sing in my mind . . .
beaches of sugar sand and water the color of air.
Golden buddah's . . . monkeys that eat out of your hand . . .
I learned last week elephants are gentle and have funny looking feet.
I'm getting married to that man there,
he's kissing my smiles.. . . making me double over in laughter . . .
swimming through fountains and rust orange canopies . . . mint water and thai food . . .
yes, that one there - the one with shiny eyes.
He says he loves me . . . Loves me very very much.
I hold his hand and smile back. I'm wearing his ring - and I take a lot of big sighs because I'm not sure when I've ever felt this much for someone.
They say it gets even better.
They say there will be hard times, and good times, lonely times, and fun times.
I say I want to spend it all with him . . .
we ride the elephant through the jungle.
They say stuff like this takes faith.
and I think of moving to salt lake where I didn't want to be. I think of taking audtions that were scary. I think of moving to Aspen, where I didn't know anyone. I think of leaving my horse, and my dog, and my friends and moving to New York City. Liz says "its amazing to look back and realize that every major decision you've ever made has lead you to this one person." And I sigh again. Because I am so blessed to have been brought to him. And so blessed to go to a school I love, studying the music I love . . .
So I'm getting married.
Namaste.