Withdrawals

Perhaps being away from home has finally taken its toll on me. That, or the fact that I have been working the past 9 days in a row, (and 5 nights on call) and more to come... I am just completely exhausted.

Coupled with annoying hospital politics, and some people that I would very much rather not see. People with unrealistic expectations who think that I can perform multiple tasks at once, or be in multiple places at once...

I am just so over it. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

At this very moment, I hate my life. I hate feeling like I sold my soul to my job. I hate feeling like I can't be there for the ones I love and care about.

I just want to go home.
Home to comfort.
Home to familiarity.
Home to love.
Home to support (each other).
Just home, to where the heart is.

Not entirely forgotten

It's been a long time since I wrote anything. Perhaps it's because my life has been so busy recently, or perhaps, I just didn't know where to start cause I've kinda left this little space for such a long time... it's like, bumping into a friend after a long time, and not knowing what to say. And for a split second, you wonder to yourself, should I even say hi? But as you do, you may just realise that you've rekindled a beautiful friendship...

So here I am, feeling a little melancholic tonight... as I lie in bed alone, my thought pre-occupied with a thousand things... I decided to pen something down.

I have been living away from home the past couple of months. I am doing my rural stint now for my specialist training, and have been in a country town the past 4 months. The learning experience here is awesome, and the people are all so wonderful~! But the one thing that I really miss, is home. My boys at home.

I initially thought that the 6 months would go by real quick, and before I know it, I'd be reunited with my family. But instead, time has gone by so slowly... Some days, it feels like all I do is work, work, work. I almost never get to have my half day off, due to the lack of registrars. But more importantly, it feels like I have not spent quality time with my man for some time.

It's tough juggling work and family life, especially when I'm not at home. Some days, I feel like I'm failing as a wife. It's been ages since I made a meal for the family. Some days, I am so tired I don't even feel like making dinner for myself!

It feels like it's been forever since I last gave him a cuddle and a kiss, or received one myself (although it's really only been a fortnight - but it feels like eternity). I know he's been having it tough as work recently, as it's peak period now for the company, yet I feel so helpless cause I'm hours away.

There are moments where I feel like just jumping into the car, and driving home - just for that one special moment, where I will be standing at the door, waiting for him to come home, to be able to see that surprise on his face. And I have done it before, but age is catching up... and the long drive back, early in the morning, really gets me down.

I don't know if I will have any solution for it, except to whether the storm, and wait till the stint ends here (because it's really not all bad. The experience is priceless!). My head knows the logic, but sometimes, the mind feels so different. Some days, it does indeed feel like we're living separate lives. I may be on call the whole night after a whole day at work, and may not get to speak to him at all.

But I just want to let you know, dear... that I miss you too, just as you do. It is difficult for me too, being away from you. Sometimes, I miss 'us' so much that I cry myself to sleep, not knowing what to do.

It ain't easy, but I believe that what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. We've been through much worse before... and we've emerged from it all, stronger than before. I keep telling myself, that I'm on the home stretch now... and if we can get through this, we won't have to be apart anymore.

And coming home to be reunited again, would be sweeter than ever.

I. Miss. You......


So so much.