So I am home in Las Vegas. It's been 2 weeks and 4 days. For those 2 weeks and 4 days I have replayed saying such as, "Yes, my father passed away on July 27, 2010" and "He passed away in a 4 wheeling accident". Sometimes I say those 2 saying over and over in my head wondering how many times in my lifetime I will have to repeat those 2 phrases. Phrases that you don't think you will ever really have to say but I do.
It's amazing how the Lord blesses you with the ability to just push through for your loved ones. Today as I was driving home the reality of everything finally hit me. I have had moments here and there but truly been able to just help my mom with communication and finances. I feel that the Lord blessed me with all of my years of work experience to be able to sort through some of this stuff after my dads passing. Now though, it is here. The grief is here. I hear his voice in my head for some reason repeating the same simple voice message he would leave when he called. "Hi Meg, This is your dad." Its almost like he is some how trying to tell me, "Hey Meg, this is your dad and I'm still here." I also as strange as this sounds remember the silly stuff like feeding treats to my baby or texting me from his real estate brokers class. Makes you realize that everything you do in this life leaves an impression on people whether the act is great or small. The biggest compliment in my lifetime has been that I am just like my dad. I hope to continue to live in his amazing legacy and be just like my dad because if I can touch lives and leave this world like he did I truly have lived a life of purpose. My worries now lie in, who is going to be with my mom, who is going to be there to watch and witness my babies being baptized, who is going to some day take those little ones of mine on the front lawn and watch them as they play? All of these questions will I'm sure be answered and not be so hard to face at some point in time but for now they are. I love you daddy. You were my best friend and understood me like noone else could. I miss you more then you understand!
