Sea Legs

Sea Legs... Four + Years Later

Sea Legs, (online dictionary) means:

1. the ability to maintain one's balance on board ship, esp in rough weather

2. the ability to resist seasickness, esp in rough weather

Two things...maintaining balance and resisting seasickness. The sickness is a new one for me. I have always associated "sea legs" with only managing to stay upright.

It has been over four years since my world was turned upside down.  Four years later I think, *think*, I have gotten better at my life and accepted it and got use to the new situation.  I know, some people are quicker than others when it comes to change.  Not only did I have to accept change but accept that the plan I had for life was changing and there was nothing I could do about it.  Sometimes it is difficult, you live your life in a way that will give you desired results, and sometimes regardless of your efforts, it changes drastically.

I realize I was adjusting and more accepting on Friday afternoon to having Davis in a group home.  Having Davis there has been unnatural.  He is my son, a brother, a part of our family, he should be with us.  I had a conference call for Davis' IEP, Individual Education Plan.  We do this annually to discuss Davis' goals, where he is academically, behaviorally etc.  I usually cry at least once during these.  No tears this time, matter-of-fact, just want what is best for Davis.

Ethan was asked in Seminary today to talk about Davis.  The lesson was about Jesus blessing the blind.  They talked a lot about disabilities and the trial it is and how we can learn.  Ethan's teacher told me he did an excellent job explaining about Davis, how it affects him and the family and how much we miss him.  Then taught the class not to judge and to be kind.  

The thought of being a single mother is finally being accepted by me.  I am an awesome Mom, love my children and giving them what they need.  I fight continually for them and for our family.  I decided when Clint left that I was still going to raise my family in a family environment.  The children came first, this wasn't their choice and I was going to give them the life they deserve.  We have always attended our Family Ward for church, we have Family Prayer and honestly, have scripture study often, not daily.  We have family dinners together, we go on vacation together, we discuss family issues together.  I do not single us out as different.

So I do have my SEA LEGS, I am upright, resisting being sick despite the rough weather.  

COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT

-David B. Haight

Good Mom... Bad Mom

Warning: Honesty Post

So I hate Mothers Day for many different reasons.  It is like a birthday.  You get your expectations up and you are always disappointed.  I tried to change my attitude about ten years ago about this day. Clint was away on business, I had three small kids and one was, well, Davis.  I was determined to make Mothers Day about being a good mom.  Putting my kids first and enjoying the moment.  However, it was the first time Davis really ran away, wondered, explored, whatever you want to call it.  At the time, we were living in Parker, Colorado; we found him about thirty minutes later and a mile away.  I have good neighbors who helped.  It scared them more than me.

I went to church with a smile plastered on my face.  Yeah, I'm fine, all in a days work.  Right?  Not really.  Then our bishop from the pulpit asked me to share my thoughts on being a mother.  Really?  Today?  How about because I am a Mormon I don't drink, but I should be able to given that I have a son with autism.  I still remember the peace I felt sharing my experiences of the morning, my attitude for the day and the grateful feelings I have of being a mother.

This Mother's Day I tried to have the same attitude, smile, be a great Mom, treasure your kids... Blah, blah, blah.  The first phone call that woke me up I got while I was still in bed.  It was Davis.  That morning he was singing, "Love is Spoken Here". One of the workers at the home is LDS and knew the song and knew I had taught it to him.  He kept singing, "I see my mother kneeling, with her family each day".  Then he would say Mom really loud and clap she said.  So she had him call me, he misses me and I miss him.  Moments like this I put in a special place in my heart.  I did teach Davis some things, some important things.  Primary songs have such a powerful message.  Every time I visit Davis I sing with him, the last song we always sing is, "I am a Child of God".  He gets anxious knowing it is time to go, but it is good routine for him.  Then I always kneel with him and say a prayer.  He can still pray, I hope he never loses that.

After I got off the phone with Davis, I cried and cried.  I was like a little girl, nothing could console me.  And I really wanted breakfast in bed.  LOL.  I pulled it together and took Lauren to McDonalds, (gasp -  yes on a Sunday) we had fun and then off to church.  Ethan met us there, he was at a friends the night before, it was a busy weekend for the Young Men, lots of meetings and activities..  Cute boy had a bottle of lotion for me that he had been carrying in his pocket for two days.  Got to love Safeway for gifts.

I took a moment for me that night and went to a fireside for Mid-Singles.  Yeah, that will sober you up really quick.  It was nice to sit and relax.  I went with a friend, but was sick most of the trip.  Luckily I didn't throw-up.  I was sick for a week with stomach stuff.  Happy Mothers Day to me.  I got home and was sad I couldn't call my Mom, but my sweet Dad called me.  Of course he did.  He is the best.

So the question I have had since that day is... Good Mom or Bad Mom?

I think we all feel this way at times.

A Good Mom:

Is ALWAYS there for my kids (got it)
Is consistent in discipline and expectations (got it)
Enrolls them in different activities, get them there, cheer them on and pay for it (got it)
Is fun and silly (got it)
Doesn't put her child in a group home
Doesn't work 60+ hours a week outside the home
Doesn't sleep whenever she stops for two minutes
Takes her kids to fun places and just for fun whenever she wants
Teaches her son to drive at 13 (got it... no judging, he is really good)
Doesn't cry everyday, LOL
Shares her testimony and tries to be an example (got it)
Prays regularly with her kids (got it)
Appreciates the priesthood (got it)

I am about 50/50.  But the list is long, and not all here.

Yup, I am dealing.  I always will.  I don't think I will ever be ok with having a son with autism.  It is brutal.  I don't understand it, even though I can answer every question and have read a bazillion books (really I have) about it.  I don't understand the why?  Why would Heavenly Father want this for a family?  If it is so difficult to deal with?  Isn't family the most important thing?  Then why is it better for Davis to live in a home that isn't ours?  If anyone has any answers, I am listening.

I am not ok with being a single mom.  I read a quote the other day:

They say:  You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Truth:  You knew exactly what you had:  you just thought you'd never lose it

So we all beat ourselves up as Mothers, because it is the most important thing we do.  Nothing will change this in the world.  So smile and love them, help them feel the spirit, teach them to be kind to others and then love them some more.

Life is Great... Especially as a Mom to my Kiddos!

Being a mom is tough stuff. I saw the best thing on facebook today and it made me laugh. My brother-in-law, Derek, uses the term pansy when describing someone was weak to tease them. I find I call others a pansy too, not so kind, but sometimes it seemed the term fit. My friend Liz Romrell posted this:

Liz: Being a girl ain't for pansies...

Response (Mike Nance): Actually being a girl is for pansies - that is if the qualities of endurance, hardiness, beauty, are what you are trying to say. The word pansy does not come from the flower. Pansies are planted in the Fall, endure the winter, and flower quite beautifully in the Spring and Summer. Not a whimpy flower at all... My wife is a pansy. :)

So so true. This girly, motherhood thing is tricky, and hard and at times makes my eyes leak, ok, maybe cry a bit. Your children are so important, at times the most important thing. We work hard to provide for their basic needs, and want them to be happy and successful. And when we as girls feel we have failed, it is heartbreaking. But we do our best and we do it consistently.

I love pictures. I remember when Davis was younger and first diagnosed with autism, I was encouraged by a therapist of his that I love to take a lot of pictures. She said pictures are good to help us remember achievements and also to see how far a child has come. So I have a bazillion pictures. And yes, they do help us remember and appreciate everything in life. So here for all my viewers, pictures of the greatest kids EVER!:

I took Lauren to Beauty & The Beast downtown Denver, such a fun night...

Ethan was sicker than a dog most of February... No fun there (only a mean mom takes this picture).

Crave in Castle Rock. Best Hamburgers. Ever.

Davis had a fun ER visit, lesson learned: Don't take your room mates medication. However, you do get firetrucks and police and such. He giggles when you mention it.

Davis is a stud!

Davis shopping with his room mate, Ky. We love them!

CHEESE!

Everyone loves Lauren, she is a flirt... Give me your prayers.

Lauren with her BFF Makenna. Love that girl, and we miss her.

American Girl Doll just back from the "hospital"... $$$$$ (enough said)

BLOGS... a JOURNAL of sorts

I have never made my blog private, never seen a reason to. Seriously, I am not that popular, nor am I that interesting. But it is on my facebook page if someone were to be snooping and wanted to know more Heather stuff. Admit it, we all facebook stalk. I like to think of it not as stalking, but I like you so much... I want to know more about you.

I have had a few people read my blog recently and I quickly realized it is a personal thing. How are they going to judge me on what they read? What if they really realize how quirky I really am? But then, hey, this is me. Nothing to hide. Even then, with my blog I have refrained from posting a lot of personal things out of courtesy to others. I have never posted anything major about my divorce, that is too personal, and I don't want it to define me. Maybe one day I will write a book about it all, I bet it would be a best seller. Ha ha.

This last week however, I have had a few different experiences with my blog. Most who take the time to read it, appreciate it, especially if they have a child with autism or have experienced any type of loss. Some like the humor. I think mainly my family likes the updates on my children. However, I had one person tell me they were being superficial, but... (gotta love the but...) after reading my blog decided we couldn't be friends. Seriously? Whatever to them. I guess now we know how shallow they are. Others read it with the intent of knowing who I am and how I got to where I am.

I am going to try to update more, and let the real Heather fly. WaTcH OuT WoRld!

Thanks to anyone who does read, comment and enjoy. All of you other bloggers, I love yours. I read your blogs often.

WHEN PEOPLE HURT YOU OVER

AND OVER.

THINK OF THEM AS SANDPAPER.

THEY SCRATCH AND HURT YOU.

BUT IN THE END,

YOU ARE POLISHED,

AND THEY ARE USELESS.

Love You Mom!

Home is where your Mom is

I remember after my Mom died being so incredibly sad and empty one day. A friend asked what I wanted or needed. I told her I just feel like I want to go home. I didn’t get it, but I wanted my Mom, that is what home feels like. I hope I do that for my children and others like my Mum did. Make others comfortable and happy.

The importance of Sunday Dinner

I love Sunday Dinner. I learned this from my Mom. I would wake up early Sunday morning and she would be making her famous “buns” or rolls to some. It was never just our family. There were always invited and welcome and always enough food. I think that is where I learned to cook for an Army. I seriously can’t cook for small groups. Funny. There was always the older generation too, never forgotten. We all had to drive them back and forth and serve them. Never forget the delicious dessert.

Windows open on a warm day

I loved the way the house felt so clean and new. She would do this on days she deep cleaned. I do it too. Only I tend to forget a window and we freeze later.

Projects

All the kids in our family have this in our genes. Projects, whether it is to paint a room, make a new outfit, a holiday project, rearranging a room. The whole family is involved whether we want to be or not. Literally, and friends nearby too. But through these projects I learned how to do so many different skills like gardening, sewing, house keeping, cooking etc. She made me a domestic diva and I am forever grateful for that.

Caramel Popcorn/Beef Stroganoff

Some foods will always make me think of Mom. I love Caramel Popcorn in all forms because of her and will forever hate beef stroganoff because of her. LOL. I needed a recipe the other day and my cute Dad spent fifteen minutes on the phone with me trying to find it. We did, and he gets it.

Visiting Teaching

You just do it. I doubt my sweet mother ever forgot to do her Visiting Teaching. The last couple years she was always giving us daughters extras to add to and supplement our messages. She had a strong testimony of it. I hope I get that from her and I am effective in helping others and sharing the gospel.

Value of Good Friends

No one had more friends than my Mom. No one. And she was a good friend to them. My friends love her too and she loved them. At her funeral, there were hundreds of people there, who all considered Bethie to be one of their dear friends. Being a friend to many and being a good friend is a talent.

Support & Love Family

Mom loved family in all it’s forms. Immediate family, cousins, nieces, nephews, Grandparents, distant relatives, everyone. I know my extended family because of my Mom. She made keeping in touch with them a priority and knowing about them. They were always welcome in our home to visit, live and just be a part of us.

The Homemade Gift

I love a gift of the heart. My mom did too. She was always making something with her hands. And if it was really cute, she made many of them. If we made something cute she not only wanted one for herself but… one for everyone else. Because she knows they will love it too. So sweet and a bit annoying. Afraid I am probably like that too. Sorry kids.

Service

No matter what form of service it is, my Mom was involved or supportive of it. It was just naturally in her character. She was always thinking of others. She supported my Dad in his church callings, and fulfilled hers. She would listen to others and know what they needed and strive to make it happen. One thing I miss about her the most is her listening and wisdom. She would call at the right time, follow up when we had a tough day or something to do. She cared and it became a part of her life, it mattered to her. I miss that the most.

My dear sister Laura always has great ideas. And sent an email out titled: For Those Who Knew and Loved Beth. We are all going to remember her in different ways, miles apart. If you want to share this day with us and remember “Bethie”, serve someone. Here is Laura’s email:

Well I cannot believe the 2 year mark for Mom's passing is this upcoming Friday… I still catch myself wanting to call her and tell her a funny story, get a recipe, or just chat…. Jacob still asks me when Grandma is coming back, but his question now more often is, when will Grandma be resurrected? As I was sitting in church today, I was reflecting on Mom, and what a great example she has been to me, and how much I miss her… I came up with a tradition I am going to do with my family, and shared it with them after church, and thought I would share it with each of your families to see if you would like to join in with us. They were all very excited to do this… I asked them what Grandma's greatest example to all of us was, they all said love and service!!!! So this Friday, and every March 9th, we are going to remember Grandma by planning and doing an act of service on that day (collectively as a family, and individually). Jamie and I laughed because they asked if we could also remember her by getting timbits, going to the Dollar Store, and buying a bunch of candy on that day…. I laughed so hard, they don't know it, but I think I am going to surprise them with it on Friday…. oh I miss her! I think it will be a great opportunity to feel together as a family (though there are miles between us), and closer to Mom, and share Mom's example of love and service to our children.

I love you all,

Laura

36... Ahh...

I don't post enough, but some traditions need to continue. 36, things I have learned this year, grateful for, whatever. I was sitting in church today thinking about being thirty-six. Yikes. I thought of my mom, I think of her a lot. My mom was 36 when she had me and growing up I always thought she was so old when she had me, and here I was 36 and if I could, I would definitely have another child this year too. 36 isn't old at all, it is great, lots of life to live and it is a great life I have.

36....

1. I love my kids, they are hilarious, the older they get they are so fun.

2. Drink of the year... Diet Dr. Pepper Bold I think it is. Grey can, 10 calories. Yum.

3. I am brave, I moved to Colorado, and I love it.

4. Laughing is better than crying, and crying ALWAYS gives you a headache.

5. The temple is an amazing place of peace and love and learning.

6. My newest baby... my iPhone. HOW DID I LIVE BEFORE?

7. I am back in school getting my Masters, and I can still write a paper, take a test and learn. Weird.

8. I love to sleep.

9. Best job... motherhood, might be better with my Mom around. I hope I can do it as well as she does.

10. I love Sundays when I get to be in Primary.

11. If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap and easy.

12. Quote of the year: Faith makes things possible, not easy.

13. 14-year-old boys are pure entertainment. Just have a lot of bacon in the house.

14. 8-year-old girls are a joy. Just have a lot of nail polish in the house.

15. 12-year-old autistic boys, well they melt your heart. Just have a lot of M&Ms in your pocket and sing a lot.

16. I love me a GPS. I don't have to think.

17. Moving isn't fun. Ever.

18. I love new boots.

19. I love new perfume.

20. I love new earrings.

21. A good book is the best antidote to any problem. It is a perfect escape. I still buy all my books and add to my collection. I have to hold the book too. No Kindle for me.

22. Modern Family.

23. Music, play it often, play it loud. My kids hate that I sing all the time, whenever they say something I have a song to go along with it. Good thing I have a good voice. Bah ha ha.

24. Online Dating is interesting and entertaining. Who are we kidding, dating at 35 or 36 is just plain interesting.

25. You can't buy happiness but you can buy chocolate, and that's kind of the same thing. Add peanut butter and it is magical.

26. I tried contacts again, can't do it.

27. I love people that can make me laugh, even when I don't want to smile.

28. Wash your hands, and say your prayers. Because Jesus and germs are everywhere.

29. I love a good friend that will go to Target with me and wander and spend a bunch of money on stuff we don't really need.

30. I have the best friends in the world. I know and I love them all.

31. Life is a journey.

32. Mormon Graffiti: Gotta love it. My house still has vinyl and quotes everywhere.

33. Facebook. I don't call it stalking people, just a compliment that I want to know everything about you.

34. You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.

35. Love is an amazing, powerful thing.

36. I make lists, too many. Always have, always will.

Signs I Love... And You Should Too