mcjm
12 07 1989
18
tpjc
hscs
Cauterize.

Aiysha
David
Elaine
Esther
Huda
Hui Jun
Hui Mian
Josco
Melvin
Rachel Tan
Rhyss
Shu Qi
Valerie
Warren
Yi Wei
Yong Quan
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010

The past three days dashed ahead of me,
and I've merely just begun to catch my breath.

It's been an exhausting three days;
and I'm tired.

I can barely remember the last time I could simply lie my head on my pillow and drift off to sleep.

I'm officially no longer a councilor
and yet somehow
we all still want to grab hold onto the handles of the past and never let go.

The experiences, memories and times we've shared can no longer be relived
and can only be replayed over and over in our heads and hearts until we cease to exist.

And yet, the memories are all that we have left.

I know that the good experiences we've had in the past can never be relived.
And so I pray only that we may be granted the chance to create.

To create new memories that we'll always cherish and hold dear to our heart.
And new experiences for us to dwell in, as we wish in foolish hope that it will last for eternity.

Thinking of all my past mistakes and all the times you didn't care.
I'm wearing myself down.

I need another smile
to keep me going.

signed off, 4:04:00 PM

It's ok.

There'll always be someone else better than me for you.

At least that's what I know you're hoping for.

I promised to never let you fall.
And yet I let myself fall beyond any hope.

You never once did care.
And you were never there for me.

There's nothing left for me to hold on to.

It's ok.
You'll find someone else who'll care more for you than me.
And who is up to your expectations.

I knew I never was what you were looking for.
I knew it all along.
And yet I tried.

It started on the 26th, so long ago.
But it doesn't matter,
to you.

I know I tried.
Because this pain is real.

This is how I disappear.

signed off, 11:14:00 PM

I'm the fool again.
It's true.

I'm sorry for trying.

I sprained my leg today on my way to school.
And I had a painful walk limp home.
But that wasn't the only part of me that was hurting.

I know you'll say that there's nothing to understand.
But we both know that's not true.

There's so much to understand.
And I think I understand.

I just keep holding on to this false hope.

signed off, 11:52:00 PM

I'm really happy today. =)

It's days like this that help me hold on to the hope
that you still care

signed off, 11:48:00 PM

Elmo is still emo.
I guess that makes two of us that needs cheering up.

The greatest fairytale I've ever read.

A Walk To Remember.
Something that I would definitely always remember.

And it's something that I'll always be looking for.

Faith; Love; Hope.

I used to hope and held on to the faith that someday, someone would be there to love me as much as I loved her.

I was so naive then.

Life is not like a box of chocolates.
Life is a box of expired Oreos.

signed off, 11:42:00 PM

I was too naive to see.

I can't give you your fairytale.

But I'm living in a make-believe world.

It's true.

It's just that right now, everything is burning.
And I need you to help me find my way.

Someday, when I'm awfully low
I will feel aglow just thinking of you.

I never knew the song would be so true.

It's a cruel joke, really

I'm down because of you,
and I'm happy because of you too.

Each time I think of how I can make you smile,
I'll smile myself too.

Don't you want to love yourself?

Don't you know that someone will?


I will.

But that someone you choose
wouldn't be me.


It wasn't me.

signed off, 1:43:00 PM

I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore.

Everything seems so hazy.

The ache in my head throbs harder each day.

Will you be there?

I'll never know.

Can you still remember?
The last time we talked.

I can't.

It's been so long..
I can't even remember the last time we smiled at each other.

Has it really gone so far?
I need to know.

You're the only reason for everything.

Everything's slipping away.

signed off, 1:16:00 AM

It's the first time that I've been sick in so long.
And somehow, it seems all so familiar.

Maybe it's because of my lack of sleep.
Or maybe it's because I can never wake up to look forward to anything at all.

Why does everything have to turn out this way?

It all used to be so beautiful.

Sleep early,
remember our promise to each other to sleep before 12?

Don't fall sick like me.

Take care.

I know what you said isn't true.
There won't be people here for me
like how I've been there for you.

"go and sleep early. don fall sick like me. take care"

signed off, 10:28:00 AM

There was cca today, and I only saw you once.
I thought I'd be able to see you again; but I never had the chance to.
I guess you left right after you were done.

You know,
You are the reason for so many things in my life.

And I didn't join this because my classmates were in it;
And I didn't join it for the achievements.

All I wanted to do was to create opportunities for us to talk and get to know each other better.
And I can't even remember the last time we really talked for real.

He created an opportunity for himself to get to know you, and he succeeded.

And after all these years, I'm still only the one who has waited here for you.

Where do I go from here?

signed off, 10:26:00 PM

We had to write an essay about Globalisation yesterday for GP class.
And of all the topics, I chose the one that was about happiness.

Haha.
Somehow, it seemed to me like the most interesting topic to do.

I thought about what I could write about happiness and joy and you came to my mind.

And throughout the 1 and a half hours that I was writing the essay,
you were on my mind.

I guess I now know what happiness really means to me.
All I had to do was to picture your smile.

So smile, sunshine.

signed off, 9:43:00 PM

I won't ever forget.

This day, two months ago.

Every night I'll always see the time 11.11
and yet I know that there's no one missing me.

It hurts more and more each day.

Whoever said time will heal all wounds
was lying..

signed off, 11:12:00 PM

The day when I let our wishes float up to the skies.

Can you still remember what I wished for?

To always be with you and to always see you smiling;
just like that very day.

But I don't know what you wished for.
I still don't know.

You didn't let me see, and I've always respected everything that you said.

Maybe I shouldn't have listened to you for once that day.

And I would know whether you still wanted me to stay;
or go.

Wishes.
I will always keep that wish in my heart.

signed off, 12:42:00 AM

I don't know what's wrong with myself.

I want for us to be smiling together

And yet it hurts more and more everyday.



Please help me.

signed off, 11:13:00 PM

I don't know what we are anymore.

Maybe I've tried too hard.

Maybe you didn't want to try.

Maybe I just don't know what everything is about anymore.

I need to find a reaosn.

you've gotten so cold and far away.

signed off, 10:00:00 PM

I didn't want to believe it; but maybe we're not meant to be after all

I walked away when I saw you today.
Perhaps just like every other problem I had with you,
I walked away.

The faith that I had was the faith I needed to believe that we were meant to be

I tried to create happy memories, but all we have only painful ones

Why can't we just live in a make-believe world where you and I could just happily be together?

signed off, 11:20:00 PM

=)

I heard today that I might not be able to get to join OCIP because the school admin has decided to ban all JC2 overseas activities.

And you know, I initiated the planning of the trip because you said you wanted to go.

But now, all those thoughts and dreams seem lost.

I know you most likely would have forgotten by now..
But I always remember all my promises to you, and everything that's been said and done, I'll remember it.

But to you, perhaps all of this is just another simple thing that can be thrown away.

Hope hangs by a thread.

Off to council camp for the next 3 days.
Hope the J1s will be fun.
And it's nostalgic to think back about the true first time I got into council, and also good to know that I'll be finally handing it on to the next batch of leaders.

I hope all will be well.
If only all is well
and simple.

signed off, 12:04:00 AM

I feel really tired.

I saw you for the first time in days after school today outside the library.

Haha. Did you know?
The library has become my second home after you told me to study hard.

But it goes two ways too.
I wanna study hard because you told me so.
And I wanna study hard so I will forget all my troubles.

But it doesn't really seem to be working. Haha.

When I saw you then, we were so far apart.
And yet I heard you shout something over in my direction.

But I didn't dare to respond, or even look up.

Because I know that it most likely wasn't meant for me.

Just like so many other things that I know can't be meant for someone
Just like me.

I feel really tired.
Maybe it's time to waste away.

signed off, 11:18:00 PM