a year later.
12 months.. insyaAllah...

Abah hung this up on the wall. Im so touched. It goes to show abah is so proud of me.

It has been more than a year. More than a year since I graduated. I can still remember how much my parents have supported me throughout the struggling years I had in NTU. I know its something they wish so much from me. From all their children. I feel so blessed to have make it through. Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah for giving me the chance to feel what it is like to be a Graduate in my life.

Allah has set His plans for me. For He knows Im capable. It a huge responsibility. The 'ilm that I have gained, I know for sure I must contribute it back somehow. That moment of graduation. I can still remember how happy I was. Who wouldnt. Its like being freed from a torturous jail. Torturous really. Im not kidding. I cant recall how many times I broke down from those torturous stress I had to go through in school, just to.. just to graduate.

It felt as though a huge weight was lifted off me. Im free like a bird like finally. Should I know whats waiting for me after that, I wouldnt be extremely too happy. Life after school is actually not so fun afterall. Albeit work is not so stressful like school, work is erm... how should I put it.. work is tiring. yeahh. tiring. And I cant pon work like how I pon school. Boohoo.. I'll talk about my work some other time yea?

Some friends talk about continuing to study further. Some already took their masters. Some asked if I have the same plan. As much as i look up to them for continuously seek 'ilm, Bless them ya Allah, Im not sure if taking up masters is the 'ilm that I want.

Honestly, I dnt have any interest to seek 'ilm that is being quantified by a system. Its like I dont have the kudrat to go through again. Its painful. Its painful why? cos theres a system which sets limit and benchmark and put all the pressure on us. Its like I had enough. May Allah bless my friends who are really strong in persisting, making me so proud of them.

If you ask me again, I would love to seek 'ilm freely. At my own pace, my own capability. Deep inside, Ive always dream to learn how to jahit. sound mak-cik-ish rite? Its not to me. Ive always dream to make little2 dresses for my own daughters. Make beautiful curtains for my own windows. Or even lace out my own tea-pot.

But as long as i'm still a working female, that dream remains a dream. Im no superwoman who can juggle many at a time. Work has taken up so much from me that even doing laundry at home after work is so depressing.

One fine day insyaAllah.. If Allah sets His plan according to my wish..if my wish is the best for me, I'd be a housewife one day and learn to make baju my own :)



A Dreamer,
Mai

Sorry for the long mia.
Life has been too beautiful that i forgot to reflect n jot down.
I love uolls!

Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku







Hampir 6 tahun... 6 tahun..
Hanya kamu Bilal.. hanya kamu.

Semoga dipermudahkan urusan kami untuk membina rumahtangga insyaAllah..

It hurts badly.
Dont mess with gerls' emotions.
And to compare a girl with another girl is really a no no.
I know many others are prettier than but u just dnt have to say it k.
just dnt, cos it hurts badly.

Ok finally she opened up the bottle of olive oil i bought. Mcm big 'phew' gitu rasernye. It has been there, unused for months.

I was refering to me mommy. I bought that olive oil out of 'emotional flux'. Now that im perfectly sane, i feel tat it was kinda bad to do so.

The other day i was craving for some kerepok ikan. So i was being the manja lil sister mintak kakak goreng kn kerepok hehee. N so my kakak pon selamba gi dapur tuang minyak ke kuali dan goreng. Die pon mistake jgk lah tak baca kn botol minyak tu tulis olive oil. Like who in the world wud goreng keropok with minyak zaitun la kan.

Goreng nye goreng lama2 i also kepo2 at dapur sambung goreng kn. Last2 tup2 mak dtg 'kapow' kene marah. But ya lah siapa tk marah kn tu minyak mahal pakai for special dishes only mah. 1 kg botol kecik aje da belasan dollar. N hers is the big bottle. Petpot2 smp msok toilet pn maseh celoteh sorg2.

N me being me *sobs sobs* kecik la hati sngt. Ye lah, its like im the punca everything kn mintak kerepok. Kne marah2 siape suka kn? :(

So esok2 hari, kompol2 nye kompol $$$ plus syilingsss haha, i go buy another one. I dunno y i did tat? Sedih sngt kot?

Dah beli tunjok mak taruk dapur, mak pun ckp 'hai merajuk smp beli baru?' 
Like mcm oooopsy gitu kan mak ni sume bnde tahu.

N guess wat lar, it didnt make me feel any better, worse lg ade. Mcm.. It feels bad to tell the person the person has made u feel bad gitu? Not my intention though. But at that point of time i felt that its better i just telan n didnt buy a new bottle :(

Susah la nk explain. Nk mengadu pat org, org akn ckp..'Ehh bnde kecik je ni pon besa2'.. 'laa psl minyak je'.. Or anywhr along that line la. But it was just wat i felt. Mcm feel pt heart tau gitu!

Kita salu tgok org2 tua ni asek2 merajok kn.. Lately ni pon sikit2 heart ni asek nk kecik ati.. Am i like evolving or menua.. Or is it natural org pmpan ni maken besa makin sensetip? Hahahaha i dont wanna b dat way but mcm *yikes*kn! 

Ok dah tu jer nk cerita :D

I can have tears by just thinking about you. Because the heart feels. The heart really feels. *sniff sniff*

malam2 gini.. layannnnnnnnnnnnnn la perasaan. :'(

A tad too emotional.

Few days before I end my last exam in NTU, I had this strange mixed feeling. The same feeling when I walked out of RP on my last day of school. Love-hate relationship? Im not too sure.

But definitely not like the last day in Maarif. We all became cry-babies. hehe. Cos madrasah experience was really different. Its just love. No hate.

I dunno if I shud miss NTU. Despite all the complaints, no doubt NTU has made me who I am today. I thank Allah for the experience. Alhamdulillah.




Assuming I pass my final semester, I cant wait to officially graduate. And to be a graduate. I cant wait to earn on my own n live my dreams :)

I cant wait to make my parents proud of me. soon ok daddy? soon. :)
Soon we'll hv a new portrait of us. Im counting down the days....

Pesan Abah sebelum keluar rumah baca:


اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أَعُوذ بِكَ أَنْ أَضِلَّ أَوْ أُضَلَّ، أَوْ أَزِلَّ أَوْ أُزَلَّ، أَوْ أَظْلِمَ أَوْ أُظْلَمَ، أَوْ أَجْهَلَ أَوْ يُجْهَلَ عليَّ


Allahumma inni a’udzu bika an adhilla aw udhalla, aw azilla aw uzalla, aw azhlima aw uzhlama, aw ajhala aw yujhala ‘alayya

bererti:

Ya Allah, aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari kesesatan diriku atau disesatkan orang lain, dari ketergelinciran diriku atau digelincirkan orang lain, dari menzholimi diriku atau dizholimi orang lain, dari kebodohan diriku atau dijahilin orang lain.


[HR. Abu Daud dan Ibnu Majah]


harap kpd yang membaca, dapat sama2 amalkan doa ini juga. :)


googled source

The other day, i had this dream of a luxurious shower room. Yes a shower room, a bathroom. the toilet. It was very huge and spacious. I could walk around.. and I had to walk a certain distance before I could reach the bathtub. Bathtub like wow kn! the circular shaped one. like those jacuzzi kind.

And it was so pretty coz the bathroom was gardenly-themed. Full of greeneries and flowers. And there were sunrays shining inwards. ahuh! sunrays! coz it was covered with glass on the other side. awesome sngt kan... I was like hopping around enjoying every moments for a bubble bathe. heh.

I wish I can draw out the images I had in that dream. Really beautiful Subhanallah. :)

But then soon, I saw people outside watching me. coz its glass. not so beautiful anymore :(
I panicked, i felt so embarrassed and ran out looking for daddy. lol!
And then I woke up.

My mom said I had that dream bcos berangan too much. heh.
oh well, things u do when ure supposed to study. =D

But I cant wait to design my own house if I can one day. I can somewhat imagine how my kitchen and bedroom looks like. Fresh flowers on my desk please :)


hah! keje tak, blaja malas. berangan ade ruma. mai mai.... *peace*

Why am I not feeling the exam heat?
could it be because I cant be bothered anymore? Or perhaps just because I cant wait for sch to end?

I am not so diligent today as compared to how I was for the previous semesters.
I get distracted by fb, twitter and GE stories. They seem much more interesting than exams. But mostly, I daydream.. and daydream.. and daydream.

Oh well,
I just cant wait to end this exams....

...and start living our dreams together :)


I'll be counting down the days.







Im sorry awak about semalam.
It has been good 5 yrs long.. and to fight over little things like BenNJerry Ice cream is..

well yeah Im sorry :)