Road to Recovery - Phase 2:

On Thursday morning 25th, I wore the simplest n slackest thing I could find in the wordrobe. All prepared for the Operation. I wasnt really nervous at this stage. More like I didnt know what to feel. Its a mixed feeling of everything.

Its the day I went through the toughest moment of having a surgery. Horrifying, yes.. embarrassing, yes.. painful, definitely yes!

I had kind nurses attended to me. They kept talking and assuring me to relax. Perhaps they thought Im nervous, scared and everything a person like me should feel.
But really, I didnt know what to feel.

They made me changed to the operation gown. I shouldnt wear anything except that. And they started pushing me to the operation theatre. I see lights, people moving, so much like the drama ER...!

They had to paste metal tabs at the sides of my body and my arm. They had to give me jabs which I didnt know what were those for.

For all I know, I dont like injections. I would always squint my eyes and look away, waiting for the needle to be out. But the last injection was different. I waited quite long but the needle wasnt pulled away. It was at the most painful area - above ur middle finger, behind ur knuckles.

They started to tape the needle. Then I knew, that wasnt an injection. Its a tube! A tube for the drips. U know, the one u'll see a packet of solution hanging above the hospital bed. Yeah, dat one. I could see the buldge. The tube made a long thin buldge above my middle finger. That scary. It was left there, to support me. The drips are glucose anyway.

Then I could see busy nurses moving everywhere. And then poof...! I couldnt remember anything. I went into the deepest lala land.

The next thing I know, the nurses woke me up saying that the OP was over. I remember I started crying, I didnt really know why but I was frightened. And perhaps coz I knew they had cut my knee...!

I tried to wipe the tears but I couldnt move my hand. The anaethesia was THAT strong. I felt all giddy and everything looked blur. And Then pooof, I went off to a sharp sleep again.

When I woke up I was already in the ward, placed next to the window. I saw the dark sky. Should be night already then. I mustve slept super long.

The next thing was something routine: wake up - vomit - sleep - wake up - vomit - sleep.

I counted the number of time I vomitted: 7.
Ergh, the strong morhpine. I can still remember the smell. Ewww~
The effect of morphine is nausea. The nurse had to inject me again with anti-vomtting jab to make me stop.

I was supposed to go home by evening coz its a day-surgery. Crazy eh. How could they expect me to be that strong.
And coz I was too weak, they had to admit me in, making me an inpatient.

So I spent the night at the hospital. It was not as nice as I thought it would be.
The most horrifying thing - when i wanted to buang air lor....! hahahaha!
I thought they would walk me slowly to the toilet.. but NO! My leg was still as fragile and immobile.
They put this basin underneath, like super duper ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww la!!!

I DONT WANT TO BE IN HOSPITAL AGAIN CAN.

Ergh.

My empty stomach was filled in only by the next morning, when I felt all fine and ok.
I had nice breakfast and started talking to the nyonyah next to me and her visitors. hehe the ward im in filled up with oldies.

It was that morning that the nurse finally removed the tube stucked in my hand!!!
I wonder why must it the there. Thats like the most tipis part of flesh. cant they put it in somewhere fleshy.



So there u go. My whole new virgin experience of being admitted to a hospital.
Not so nice isnt it. Not nice at all. heh.


To my daarling friends who kept SMS-ing me. THANKS alot alot alot! REading those helped. Such care from loved ones is all i need to brighten me up. =D
Wheeeee~



There were more than these above. Too many. I loves i loves.
And that MOT_DOT is the exact time I was morphined.


And to my girlfriends who came to my place aft I was discharged. I cant thank you all enough. Raudah, raudhah, arafah, raifana aisyah. Muuaachx muuuacxhs!
I was super happy to have guests. =D

And to Bilal, u came looking handsome in that white police polo tee. heehehehe~



I love the flower.

Road to Recovery - Phase 1:

The first follow-up after consultation was PAT - Pre Admission Testing.
It took me around 4-5 hours for the whole process.

They briefed me about anaesthasia and the the whole opetation process. They questioned me abt drug allurgys, past sickness, etc.

They had my height n weight checked. ERgh! Blood pressure checked too. I was supposed to go for a blood test but the surgeon said I didnt have to coz Im still young. Hrmm I wonder why young people dont need the blood test.

The most interesting test was to measure how loose my left ligament was. They had this machine called Arthrometer. I was fascinated about the machine. REally2.





Personally I think they shouldve used this instead of physical assesment waaaay before even MRI. Physical assesment is kinda funny I think coz the doctor has to sit on my feet n keep pulling the lower leg to feel the "looseness". It looks funny coz it seems like the doc is trying hard to break my limb away. They had to do it for each visit, despite MRI has already proven I have a torn ACL.

The machine works in a way that a force level is exerted, and then the machine will measure the degree of separation between the lower leg and the upper leg. If the separation is high, it means the knee is loose.

The control is of course, my perfect healthy right leg. For the same level of force, she will test both legs and the degree of separation is compared.

For a force number of 15, my right knee moved 2 degree and my left moved 11 degree. For a force number of 30, my right knee moved 5 degree and the left moved 18 degree!
The doctor was shaking her head and telling me how terrible my left knee is, and thus, really encouraged me to go on with the ACL recostruction.

Next was the muscle test. They brought me to physio rehab centre. It was really embarrasing coz i got a male therapist. He had to make me kick, jump, squad, etc to check my legs muscles' strength. Oh pls pls pls i hope to get me a female therapist next time round.

Over at the centre, I saw others who were exercising their legs. I saw scars on their knee. For that instant moment, im sure all of them had the same case as me.

I saw this girl. She's young. She was also exercising her leg. I could tell perhaps she was already there for months after operation. Coz her legs looked fine doing all the work-out, except for the scars that were still clearly visible. I smiled at her but she looked away looking sad.

I couldnt help but to wonder why. Will everyone after operation feel sad n down? Sad for their current unstable condition? Coz I have a feeling I will.

Im sure I will feel very upset with my leg.

Its tomorrow.
Help me.

The feeling is so the crappy.
Ergh.

A week left.
Scary.

In between the 2 TSC weekends, i managed to squeeze my time out for vacation!
Like finally. yes!!
I have been wanting to go abroad so badly u know u know.

Finally i had my 2nd chop on my passport eh.. the last one was dated feb 2008...! the one i went UM with selatra! haha! happy ah!

Sunday 7th june, was really2 uberly exhausting. It was the third day of TSC. We had to be in sch since morning till night every day. And night, as in night, after everyone from other sch left.

And sunday the event started at 10am. Wiya had to call me 5 times till i woke up. Its was like 8.20 and she said she'll pick me up at 8.40 haha!! Goodness ah. That was the fastest siap-ing moment. But tanx gerl for the lift to school. I couldnt imagine if I had to go public and had to be in sch at 9? oh my... Mendera tu.

So 9 am it was, all the way till 10 pm? N mind u we had to clear up the mats, tables, gongs n stuff. coz the event would resume only till the nxt weekend. But it was fun yo, coz like ramai2 do work, so kecoh2 i like! =D

And on Monday morning, I had to be at Lavendar at 6am....! With last minute packing n stuff, I swear I slept only 2 hours.

Waking up at 4.30am was hard. But there's just this exciting vibe caused me to be all jumpy and awake THAT morning. My mom was super caring that she prepared me RICE, yes rice, coz she's worried I might be hungry in the looong bus ride. I love my mom!
It wasnt easy to eat big that early, like sahur huh.

And so there u go, the beginning of my holiday trip to Rawa island...!
Its not common, coz its not commercialized. yep.

I couldnt sleep in the bus coz the journay was really reaaaallly bumpy. The roads 'up' there are not levelled out i guess.

Upon reaching the pulau, perhaps I was sooo happy, I tink I had the newest vibe of energy! And it was also THAT afternoon I had my first snorkling experience...! Great!

Just great. Esp when it comes to my lovelies. =D




The sea was very clear. U can see fish and corals from above. But it was super masin i tell u!



Ohooo believe it or not, I had swimming?? swimming?!? for sure. Since when do i know how to swim eh. But i really swam!

Thanx to the life vest. heeeehe! like mcm fhm u know kuak2 tangan and kaki.




The food was superb. Very appetizing. I think we all ate more than usual.
We played scabbles at night.
We had night ice cream.
We had night sea walk.
We had hair-do tutorial.
And we had our usual story wory update moments ;)




I love our sememeh-ness over there. =D




Lastly, tanx for this oppotunity gerls.
I shall wait for our next trip. jeng jeng jeng...!

Its the 15th. Mid month of the mid year. Great! 2009's moving fast yea?

After loooooong busy2 weeks, I can now have my morning-sleep-night-awake sessions again. It feels so long since i had dat u know u know.

3 solid weekends of TSC 09!
from the very beginning of weigh-in, balloting.. the first weekend of actual event, and the closing weekend.

Honestly, it was fun despite all the penat2 la sngt badan. Guess i got to know more of my ntu silat mates, after one whole academic semester being absent from trainings. And im loving it. They're definitely one whole bunch of nice n fun people. =D

Sometimes I wish i can go trainings so i can meet them again. Atleast something to fill up my boring days. Oh wells. Nvm.


The Team:





The spirit:





And the fun I had with 'em:
















IVPs. TSCs. They're always fun. Esp when ure part of it.


all n all, it was nice to get to meet ol pals from RP again...!
Wish I could just sit and catch up with them, but I couldnt find the time.
Darling raudah, sorry couldnt really chit-chat down there with ya. We meet some other time yea? miss ya!



=D


And I have one last weekend, reserved specially for the boy, before im down temporarily handicapped. :S

Sorry for all my busy schedules. I miss u.

Mirza Anaqi~

I love the smell of a newborn...!



With beloved nyayi =D





Clearing up jaundice:



Tsk tsk.. wrong timing, its the hottest season we have now

The eye pillow is cute don't u think?



Hope I can see him again soon. =D

30th May = TSC 09 Weighing-In and balloting .

I swear I was affected for a short moment after sneakingly went to the weighing machine and checked mine.

Sigh.
I stared blankly at my screen thinking how to lose 'em the fact that I cant do strenous exercise now and my OP is drawing near.
Its really a serious issue here i tell u. Its the worst gain ever.
Im gonna get myself crutched soon and im expecting more 'weights' UP. How can I not get affected?

Zack, on my left with his cracks n laughter somehow got me back resuming my Admin work.

Admin dept.. we're getting really REALLY busy as of late. Im sure I got my eyes juling after checking the names over and over again on spreadsheet and on hardcopy paper. I think Doing cross-checking got my eyes crossed! haha

10 schools with hundreds of names.

And Im all prepared to write these hundreds of names, but multiply by 6 for 5 jurors and 1 KP, down on the scoresheet, together with the rest of admin team. And this is only the FIRST round of matches.

Wow.

I feel what the admin team last yr felt. Moon, huda, nashitah, liyana, farah n I cant remember who else, sitting at the corner and kept writing/printing.
But I enjoyed being in the welfare team previously. =D

N Gosh, its already a year?

The feeling of TSC or what we used to call, IVP, is really different now. Prolly because im not participating and my teammates are? *shruggs*
Its the kind of feeling that, u know when ure friends are down there fighting in the ring, n aww u wish u can be next down there, but ure not, but last time when ure down there u wish ure not down there n hope everything ends quick. get it? haha.

And probabaly because I dont have that keep-in-shape-period before IVP for now.
I remember running aroung this Lengkong Tiga Estate,round after round, at a constant pace. Wow. I admired my fitness level back then. I WISH, really WISH that 1 day I can have that again. With a new ligament? I feel doubtful somewhow.


Sigh,
Here I go again, reminiscing IVPs, all the way back from 2005.

...

2005 at NP, I was so blur, knowing nothing about silat. I was REALLY fresh back then. I watched the game without understanding. LOL!!~
I didnt even know that silat has tanding n seni. I thought silat was just.. u noe.. Silat. haha!


2006 at NYP, ahh...~ this was my very first competition. I did both tanding n seni.
I felt my first winning for seni. oh boy, all unexpected. =D
For that, I was so grateful. we had more than one teachers who trained us regu. RPsilat instructors Cik Mail and Cik Salmah, our captain firdaus, we had external people like kak dian from tapak suci and firhan from grasio who helped us. And ofcourse, not forgetting our virtual teacher, video!! haha!
can u imagine we learnt the steps on our own by following videos? We had to keep pausing and rewinding. Thank you thank you and thank you.

There's this huge feeling of satisfaction when we had to perform with the regu male champ from SP for the closing ceremony. ahh~~ with that M.Nasir song semerah padi.
Gosh, everything is still so clear in my head.

N psssssssssst, can i say this again..
it was IVP 2006 when i met bilal. Those malu2 moments.
awww awwwwwwww and awwwwwwwww. =D



ok 2007 at NUS, aahhh this was special. Coz bilal competed too. N i remembered we ran together around this lengkong tiga to keep our stamina up. Those tiger balm n tapes we bought. N yah, I did receive remarks abt bilal in class A n im not. trying to say Im pratically bigger and heavier than him? mcm nak tarok tu tape pt mulot die je.
haha. Nvm, Im proud to make him well-fed now. =D

And this time round, I felt my second winning. Seni again, Im never good at tanding.
And for the 2nd time, performed for the closing ceremony again. I wonder why us alone and not with the male champs. We added some moves b4 we started the normal regu. The feeling was super great I tell u. The background music was just perfect! A moment of spotlight I wont ever forget. =D =D


2008 at RP, ohooo~ i was a busy woman indeed. I was part of the hosting team, at the same time a participant, and at the same time, WORKING full-time coz ive graduated and still waiting for NTU enlistment!

I felt my third winning, though just a bronze, made me happy and satisfied enough coz back in my mind i knew how hectic my schedule was. And I was proud of myself coz I knew I had already tore my ligament partially.


2009 at NTU, ahcheeey im part of the admin team as mentioned. lets see how it'll go this weekend!! =D


Oh pls take note that above was on a non-boasting tone. Really2, I just felt that I need to express the sweet acheivements ive been through. Atleast I know my teen years were meaningful and wonderful because of my involvement in Silat. Be it only at school level, coz I dont wish to go deeper. =D


Its 2.30 am now so I better stop.