This is how I felt

when I found out I had to take THAT many pills for malaria prevention for my upcoming trip to the enclave cause I may get bitten on the last day and the bacteria can live in my blood for 3 weeks. Hmmm so how would I know if i got malaria and I may never know even if I caught it?!. Exciting but weird at the same time.

Random

This blog entry is a classic example of the times when I have photos and random thoughts. Firstly, this is Nate, looking like he was hit by his toy trains.

Secondly, this is Raja, my ex-redtailed catfish which I had to give up to the pet shop because he ate 2 of my small fish in my aquarium. Cute but deadly. I have a neck for choosing such fish. Thirdly, it's 1.24am and I should be asleep but do you care?

Swim

I don't mind swimming HERE. Speaking of which.. time to start hitting the pool again.

Thinker

He's always looking like he's thinking or absorbing life... So young yet so serious.

This is uber cool... me likey very muchie!

The real reason

Students meditate as part of a camp held to boost morale and educate them about HIV and AIDs Monks make their way to AID and HIV class as part of their High School class so that they can return to their temples and educate their community.(above)

HIV positive women (caught from husbands who worked in the city) care for a baby, one of the women's - who doesn't dare give the baby a HIV test as she's afraid of the results being positive.

HIV positive women learn how to sew for their livelyhood as most have lost their jobs after catching the disease from their husbands.

A funeral of a villager who died from AIDs. Most funerals in Thailand resemble carnivals where games and ferris wheels are erected as part of the celebration of life.

Recently, i've been meeting up with new and old friends which whom conversations have sparked regarding the work we do versus what we give back to society.

And this got my already active mind thinking even harder about the future and about where I was and what I am doing.

The real reason why I took up photography _ and as beauty queen as it may sound (shudder) I had always wanted to use photography to help other people. To be a voice, to generate awareness. I for one was really bad at painting - I doodle and sketch, and I'm really too lazy to write. So photography for me, was a quick and easy, well, and romantic was of recording the world.

I was also very inspired by an old friend from the sailing club who would spend her free time in Nepal, teaching kids english, and building schools.

That, was really honourable and wonderful to watch.. someone giving back.

So at the age of 16, I decided I wanted to take up photography.

I wasn't a typical photography enthusiast.

I didn't know any famous photographer. I had no idea who famous people like Henri Cartier Bresson was?!

But I took whatever path I could find to take me where I wanted to go.

At that point, it was Temasek Polytechnic. Where they offered photography and graphic design also known as Visual Communications at their Design School. I couldn't afford a trip to Brooks in Santa Barbara. Therefore I stayed.

As my major project, I was lucky enough to meet up with a friend who knew the project manager of a UNICEF and USAID funded project in Chiang Mai, called the Sangha Metta project which actually tries to educated people about HIV and AIDS.

It aims to get rid of the stigma which comes with people suffering from HIV and helps rehabilitate these victims and their family members. It's a social economical problem in Thailand and many women are left jobless and sick, many children are then ophaned and even people who are not living with HIV but are related to someone with it, lose their jobs. So the problem goes on and on, and passes along the whole village. It basically encourages people to LIVE with HIV.

I've been documenting them for many years, starting when I was all of 20 years of age - that was a decade ago when i was still shooting film on my Nikon FM2. I knew NOTHING about photojournalism... but I knew that these people needed a voice and I had a camera.

These photographs would then be given to the project manager where he would use it when he attends conferences during the World AIDS day in various countries, to explain what they have been doing and how Thailand, Chiang Mai is moving along. The photos was also to be put together in a handbook, which can be circulated, to generate public awareness, and generate funding...

I made it a point to save my own money and go up once or twice a year for about 5 years to document their progress and process. It was a humbling experience. It fed the soul and the best part was, the work I did was used for some good.

I will go back some day.

I found some pictures hanging around my hard disk, just 5 of maybe hundreds that I took. This work is still in progress but i've put it on hold for 5 years now because I got busy with work and making money to pay the bills. Had a baby and less time to do anything else. But now i'm inspired again, and settled. I'm also starting to feel famished in photography. Its such a powerful tool that can be used to help others. Maybe it doesn't have to be that complicating. Maybe it doesn't have to change the world. But maybe it can be used again, for just one person, to voice one voice.

Anyways.. it's been a while since i've given back.

Think it's time to start cracking again and not go on blindly or too focused on what doesn't really matter in life in the end.

Let's inspire and be inspired... there's so so so so much to be learnt in this journey together... the momentum of dialectics overflows!

Anna-Lou Leibovitz

"I don't have two lives. This is one life, and the personal pictures and the assignment work are all part of it."

Fry-day

So what luck could I have had yesterday afternoon when I had decided to go to the fish shop to pick up some snails for my puffer fishes? Apparently about 50x the norm.

There was a new import of Veiltail Balloon Molly fish at the aquarium and I did think they looked kinda cute.

I was toying with the idea of getting a pair for my office aquarium when another customer comes in and falls totally in love with the school of fish. He asked me if I wanted to buy the only blue and red coloured fish otherwise he'd buy it. Being undecided, I let him have it.

After walking around a bit I had decided to go fish one out for myself. Out of the 20 fish, I was attracted to this "Freckled" looking Molly, who was FAT. I thought it was fat because of its _ well, name. Balloon Molly.

About 5 minutes later, as we proceeded to check-out, the owner of the aquarium pointed out that it was birthing. I was over-excited at this point. I have seen baby fish, seen pregnant fish but never seen the process in which it gives birth. And witnessing it was amazing.

I, of course had to go against all my rules and buy yet another small glass tank to house these fish fries of which I will pass some to my sister-in-law. Let's see how they go and interested parties can drop me a note in my comments page.. I've never done this so let's hope they survive.

What luck I must have had with this aquarium (more stories to come about how gracious the owner is at this humble little fish mart.) So I made my way home, as quickly and carefully as I could....

Slowly separated the mother and babies, and watched her pop close to about 50 fry in a whole of 3hrs.

Naturally, there were some still-born, there were some embryos which were unformed but they were all part of nature which never ceases to amaze me.

My friend made an interesting point last night: "Whatever we have in our bodies, something as small as an ant has it too! - God is Amazing."

Yes He is.

Peep Squeak

This is Peep. Squeak is hiding. They are small but they eat snails bigger than them and FLING out the shells. Never underestimate small things.

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

So much has been going on since I left for Bangkok, and been back.

Firstly the experience of it all and the lessons learnt.

Then there's home where I am, where work seems to be filling in at a constant pace, not too much but enough.

Also the other factor that I have not really had a good break since i've been back.

Ooo and the new interest in aquarium fish, which is highly theraputic and educational as well. Nate loves it. They are very interesting to watch and discover from.

And now another assignment which will be off in an enclave in East Timor is lined up as well.

I'm hoping to spend some time next week, penning down my thoughts and photos with blog updates before I carry on. As the Queen says: Keep Calm and Carry On.

Singapore Zoo Homepage

This was a total beauty.

Everyone, check out the zoo website and be refreshed by it's very cool avatar-ish home page.

I likey.

You likey?

How Bizzarre

This is not a big deal but it's a first in my life and I have to pen it down.

Also because in the big picture of things that have been happening to me, this is one funny ironic twist.

So I was out with Joyce last night just catching up and having a glass of vino and some yummy dinner at Dempsey Road Woods by the Wine Company when it was about time to go home and I suddenly felt a big sting on my left outer calve. It was the kind of pain (AT FIRST) that you would think.. oh no.. fire ants and automatic response is to sweep it away with my hand.

We were sitting outside where there are many trees and the place, surrounded by greenery. Very nice.

Anyway, suddenly, while sweeping it away, the sharp piercing bite sting feeling hit me in between my forth and fifth finger. And it started to get worse. It felt venomous. I looked down, of course it was completely dark. We had candles at our table _ Yeah that kind of romantic setting except that Joyce is my best friend and she's not a boy.

I digress but details make my life happier and more colourful. Like staring at a photograph and noticing more and more things... yeah.. digress again.

So I started relating the pain to someone burning me with a cigarette bud and sticking it in further.. that was when i realised that it was not fire ants. And all these things went through my head.. Snake? Centipede? Bug? Bee? And as I tried to brush off the pain, literally, it started running up my leg and my hand started to feel numb and tingly, full of pressure like I was tourniquet-ed. I then made my way to a side light and lifted up my pants and found a puncture mark (single) in my calve and in my hand. And it started swelling.

I wondered then if it would be appropriate to take off my pants as fears that whatever hit me was still taking refuge in my pants... Hair standing moment.. and as i write this, my goosebumps are activated. I decided that it was not a snake nor a centipede nor a bee. You see.. when you watch enough National Geographic, you lean that snakes and centipedes leave 2 holes in your body. Bees will die after stinging you.

At that moment a waitress comes up to me and insists that I go to the clinic and was very quick to respond that I go see a doctor and come back to her with the bill - where they would reimburse me completely. I started apologising (because that's me) for feeling bad that they felt bad but decided that Joyce and I should go see a doctor anyway. I've heard horror stories of venom travelling fast to the heart or allergic reactions that could kill you. Though I felt completely stupid because it wasn't bleeding. So I went.

Got a jab, got antibiotics and was under observation. Thank god the swelling started going down and there was no more heat coming out of the sting areas, though I do have two circle markings on my leg because the doctor wanted to make sure it didn't grow further.

So I feel a little squirmish now not knowing what hit me. But from intelligent guesses from people around me, most think it was a scorpion! !@#$% That's just too freaky thank you very much.

I must mention that the restaurant was very responsible but I must admit that I was a bit suspiscious when they were so quick to react, but I guess it is all good so I shouldn't question their good intentions. I guess I was a little puzzled because it seemed to be a common thing. The doctor did tell me that a couple of months back, someone who was at that same restaurant came in with a centipede sting.. argh. So much for pest control which they claimed was carried out that same morning. But it doesn't matter because I think it could have been much worse.

The funny thing about this as i reflect is how ironic life can be.

I was in Bangkok for 6 weeks dodging bullets and molotov cocktails as well as grenades a couple of weeks ago and I didn't even get a scratch on me. But here, while i'm just chilling out and doing absolutely nothing and being brain dead, I get stung. Don't take comfort for granted.Padumpum.

Sometimes life throws you curve balls, long or short, and you literally won't know what hit you.. or stung me but life goes on, hopefully.

Bring it on.

Questions:

Why do trees conceal the splendor of their roots?

Does the earth sing like a cricket in the music of the heavens?

Where can you find a bell that will ring in your dreams?

Why do leaves kill themselves the moment they feel yellow?

Tough Love

I was just talking to a friend a moment ago.

We were discussing leaving the country for work; leaving our kids at home.

It's always this balance we need to strike between feeling guilty for "abandoning" the kid and carrying out our professional duties.

We have to do what we have to do. There will be times when people will question you or give you dirty looks as if you were irresponsible but you know, i've thought about this a lot, and decided that you can't be by your child's side 24/7. That's not going to do them any good.

Perhaps if the reason is valid like in this case _ work.

They will most likely grow up to be more independent and appreciate what you're doing for them in future.

So chin up, parents and keep your eye on the prize! A couple of hugs later and perhaps and ice-cream or two, they'll forget that you were even away.

I was away for 42 days and Nate knows that I love him just the same, if not, even more.

Both sides now

Rows and flows of angel hair And ice cream castles in the air And feather canyons everywhere I've looked at clouds * that way But now they only block the sun They rain and snow on everyone So many things I would have done But clouds got in my way I've looked at clouds from both sides now From up and down, and still somehow It's cloud illusions I recall I really don't know clouds at all Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels The dizzy dancing way you feel As ev'ry fairy tale comes real I've looked at love that way But now it's just another show You leave 'em laughing when you go And if you care, don't let them know Don't give yourself away I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take, and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall I really don't know love at all Tears and fears and feeling proud To say "I love you" right out loud Dreams and schemes and circus crowds I've looked at life that way But now old friends are acting strange They shake their heads, they say I've changed Well something's lost, but something's gained In living every day I've looked at life from both sides now From win and lose and still somehow It's life's illusions I recall I really don't know life at all I've looked at life from both sides now From up and down, and still somehow It's life's illusions I recall I really don't know life at all

Do you sleep

" ..... I saw you as you walked across my room.... You looked out the window you looked at the moon.. And u sat on the corner of my bed and you smoked with a ghost at the back of my head."