Every year we strive to achieve new goals. For some, it's as simple as learning a new language, or waking up earlier daily, sometimes we get into more complex decisions to examine the heart and tap into the complexities of being a better spouse, parent, child, partner or employer. And in the midst of all these issues, we forget that we are blessed. Some people may very well be fighting a life threatening illness and may just be fighting to live through the day or to feed the family.
I've never really penned down my year end thoughts and decided (apprehensively) that i should do so this time. I have read many blogs and contemplated contemplating the year that is about to pass; and come. I'm sure like many of my friends we fear the commitment which comes with voicing out one's thoughts. Sometimes i even fear looking back to see what i have or worse; haven't achieved. Then there is the whole issue of goals. Do we put too much pressure on ourselves? Do we just write them down to make ourselves feel better psychologically? Perhaps. Good for you if you have achieved them over 2007. But what's to come in 2008?
My friends have told me that i've become calmer as a person. More collected as compared to my old impulsive jumping up and down like state in the past. They say this to me in reference to ever since i've had Nate, my son, who's 13.5 months old now. I struggle to see the change in myself but i choose to take it as a compliment. I hope that it only means that i can make more thoughtful decisions and perhaps have matured. Or maybe i'm just getting jaded in which i hope not. I'm still emotional most of the times but I'm trying to keep that under control. I am one to show my feelings outwardly and am not very shy about it, most times i can't help it even if i try. I think there is something very sad sometimes about people hiding their true feelings from each other because of pride. But that's a whole different topic and i hate to digress.
So how do we approach the new year? I've been thinking hard about it. Do i look at what i haven't done? Do i try to achieve what i haven't done in the past year, next year better? Bigger? And Faster? Yes. The logical answer is to move upwards. But from what basis is all this done? Who are you comparing yourself too? How much can you afford practically as a person? And what approach is your heart taking. What is your anchor?
My senior pastor gave a very good sermon yesterday.
Pastor Edmund mentioned about how we need to get rid of the spirit of complaining and the spirit of comparison because we can never be satisfied; which means that we can never be happy.
I agree.
We spend too much time complaning and comparing and worrying.
And the only way to break this bond is in 3 words:
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
And when we do some soul searching as we count our blessings, we find our wants changing into needs. We become more appreciative of our family and friends and we become less greedy. It makes one happier. Thank God.
So now as i write, i find myself calmer. Worrying about the future is not going to help. Yes there is a need to self examine and move on; but not without the Grace and Love of God.
There is only so much i can do to ensure that Nate stays healthy. I can lock him up in a sterile room with padded walls and drink ginseng chicken soup everyday with birdsnest as dessert. But if he's heart decides to stop right now, there is nothing i can do.
I look back into the year and though this may not interest you; its purely for personal reflection, i count my blessings and there are many. I hope that this will inspire you to search your heart and that it will give you and idea of what's to come and how in 2008.
ON FAMILY:
- It came into action full-force. It hit me like the north-east monsoon at it's best and the wind's still blowing. I learn patience. I appreciate my parents more and I never cease to wonder how they coped with 2 of us. I see the cause and effects of my relationship with my most inspiring and influencial parent, my father, and i see how much i am similar to him. Our interests, our communication skills and our insecurities and strengths. This makes me wonder how my actions will directly affect my son and hope that this alone can direct me to be a better parent.
-I communicate better with father because i have learnt to speak to him about the way i feel now that i understand the way i feel. I forgive him for the things i feel are lacking or the things that were done to hurt in the past because i see the same weaknesses and the things that drive these weakenesses in MYSELF as well right now.
-In the course of time I felt extremely trapped being a wife and mother and i rebelled but i count my blessings and i have a very patient and loving husband who accepts me for who i am. He supports everything that i do that is reasonable and has never let me fall to the point i can't get up. I understand and am still learning about the “till death do we part” bit and that having a kid is very different from having goldfish as pets. My husband and i have a very good thing going right now.
-My grandfather passed away later in the year and it made death very real to me. I haven't had a death in the family since i was 5. Family matters and they rally together in times like these.
-We took over from my grandfather after his death, an indonesian helper. Thank God for her initiative and honesty and i am learning to be a friend cum employer. I've never had a helper in my life or agreed with the idea of having one. But because of her, i have some normalcy in my life back and i enjoy Nate more.
-We move to the new house in a couple of weeks. Never done that in my life and see God's timing in everything from the birth of Nate, to the helper, to the house move to the Beijing stint etc.
-I've made efforts to go to my in-law's which is 5 minutes from the airport weekly with Nate because they love him and miss him and i like my Mother in law's cooking very very much. She has talent.
ON WORK
-Work has been good and i'm enjoying working closely with Gillian our reporter. I Thank God i have such a great and smart and professional colleague to work with. We can count on each other and that's what matters.
-I had a chance to work with great friends back at the Beijing bureau for 3 plus weeks and experience some real work which taught me so much about being a photojournalist. And i learnt that our singaporean-mandarin is not that bad after all. I J girls can survive!
-I organised the 13th ASEAN summit shoot for AP and am blessed to have a boss that trusts me.
-Nothing major happened and no one got hurt on shoots.
ON HEALTH
-I've started working out regularly again and terence has been supportive enough to allow me the time to do this early in the mornings and even joins me on runs.
-Meeting up with old girlfriends again while road biking helps us bond and keeps us fit. Fellowship in fresh air works. We are training hard and loving every minute of it. Praying for health and strong hearts. I've never been healthier and hope i can stay this way.
On a separate note, i'm glad i made contact with certain people who have been key elements in my history books. I can only pray that more stories can be collected and pages can be added with new chapters ahead. A lot will happen in 2008 and i'm looking forward to it. I thank you all for loving me and my family and forgiving us in times of our weaknesses. I pray for you all and thank God for you. I wish all of you a Happy New Year and May God Bless you with goodness and health.
Praise God.
Amen.
