I've been thinking about stupid decisions and being naive for the last week.
It's a horrible feeling having to waste the last 4/5 years. Of course, God can redeem those lost years.
I can't help but feel upset. If I was less naive, more receptive towards advice, would I be happier?
If I didn't trust some people as much, would I be less disappointed?
Could I have felt more secure?
I don't get it at all. Back to the drawing board again. So some people categories you as "seasonal friends", having to be caught up with other people in the later part of their lives and conveniently chooses to not spend time with you - totally and eventually.
How nice. Add a touch of quotations to it too.
And there's people who just disappear and walk out.
Or combination of both of the above or more.
......
Telling a friend how I felt didn't help at all. Not talking to the same friend didn't help at all. Screaming at the friend that I care didn't help at all.
And so that friend disappears into her own world AGAIN and pops in now and then with some msn message and disappears again till whoknowswhen.
What the heck? Haven't I have enough pain for the longest time? Here I am trying to cope with uncertainty ahead, and assorted stuff and trying to stay afloat, I get people like this person doing this.
How am I suppose to react? I barely even know her nowadays. Oh heck... if any relationship works two ways, then I'm guess there's not even a one way now at all. I'm sick and tired of trying to fix things when there's nothing to fix and I end up looking like a dork who's whining at every single thing.
....
Speaking of relationships being two-way, I realize that once people leave a fellowship - its always that people NEVER touch base with them anymore and their lives carry on like nothing happen. Don't keep in touch, don't ask. Don't even bother to msn, email... whatever.
Nothing new really.
So just because the person who left is heading for another fellowship becomes another classic case of 'its all good, they are in good hands'.
damm. I'm whining again.
And I have to do this every 28 days ... great...
