I prayed for something, and I got more than what I prayed for.
While on the way back home in the cab, I remembered that I prayed for fellowship. Cell or something which I could relate and feel home or comfortable with.
Before that, I realise and am convicted that I didnt need a mentor. God will be my mentor.
And today, He just showed me again that He has already given me my family. And He has been providing me with the people I need who I can relate to.
I wish I could cry, but the emotions inside are really going to burst out and flow out soon!!!
Because I only see it now that actually He has already given me a lot more than I've asked.
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It's been a long while since I actually went out and felt like myself. Felt so... liberating... that I can be myself and just go there and laugh and laugh and share and be open.
I used to think I am 99% transparent to everyone - who you see me at home is where I am else where. But after chatting with someone, I realise I'm actually far from 99%. Maybe only 50%.
I guess its really walls that I've build up over the years. Failures, pains, hurts - and not knowing how to go about handling it. If the last 6 years was a period that I need to learn how to grow up and handle life's pain, I better look foward and see how the next many years how I will be reacting.
Learning how to forgive myself, to love myself, to love those around me, to express it out. Learning to forgive others and let go. Learning to see others in God's value.
And learning to accept myself. Because this is me, made by God and no one can change it. No one.
And learning to have fun and be silly.
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God answered my prayers regarding work. For a very long time, I really dont understand why things are happening.
Instead of having a solution which I always wanted, I got something more. I got to see a reflection of my values of work. And I'm shown that I havent entirely reflected how Christ would have done it.
And God in His mercies is directing me back to where I should have been heading.
If not, I would have really gone the way others have done it. And its not too late to turn back now and undo it.
I never thought its possible to be real and actually have integrity at work. Now that I've seen a living testimony of that happening, I know I can do it. Not because of my own strength. But because this is what God really wants. To be real. Because He is Real - the Way, Truth, Life.
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I know His healings are taking place in my life and heart now. His words will really change and turn things around. If only you would stop and listen...
I wouldnt want miss this opportunity again. 6-7 years of running around seeking the wrong things might be short for some. I just dont want to waste my life anymore. And I know all is good in His hands...
All that I need... is a broken contrite heart, and one that humbly bows before the Lord God almighty.