THE END...

now i know its not jus paranoria but from the start. it has always been that she cant accept a non-christian boyfriend. STUPID ALAN. how could he have been so blind. missed her hints. missed my parents naggin that it will never bear fruit. missed the advice benny was saying. missed all the teachings that all other christians were telling me. how could i have missed it all, and be so blind? ... ... ... ...

was my best still not good enough? was it my fault for even wishfully thinking that it will end like fairy tale? was i not caring and concerning enough for her? did i not play my role correctly as a boyfriend?

she told me we could cool off and continued after my trip or could break. wats the point of cooling off. since she started off by saying she couldnt accept a non-christian. all i wanted was for her to believe that it could end like a fairy tale.

isnt wat love is all abt? no? the powerful force which brings 2 person together to accomplish the impossible. to be in a relationship of whom there is another individual on the other line that is totally impossible.

STUPID ALAN........................stupid you.

WHO ASKED you to believe

believe are for wimps... for those true men are those for fight and grab for it. can i ever be one? or am i a forever wimp

the end of the exam period is near. going to leave singapore soon. goin where? philipines. for? doin volunteer work at HFH(habitat for humanity). haha..my motive? gain more exposure. nothing like being in foregin land and away from parents, shld be quite out of my comfort zone for a while.

wat did she say abt this. hmmm..oh well. either she said nothing or i couldnt remember. on my part i rather i couldnt remember.

my parents who goes on and on abt this and that. :0 i am not complaining abt it, rather i am pretty much enjoyin basking in such concerns. well, seems tat they are the only ones who cares. not forgetting grandma as well. :)

during this exam period, u might be surprised how often i have been watching the korean drama on dvd. its actually not my idea. its mummy who is attached to the drama, i am jus sitting in :) ...

its the one abt 18-yr girl being married off into a fictional korean royal family. mostly abt her adapting towards the different life and her indifferent new husband.

then it started me thinking. why cant ppl articulate they feelings to those corncerned? if u are worried abt another person, cant u at least express it out? makes u wonder if that person is at all feeling anything?

i also admire the main female character in the drama. her persistence in trying to make her indifferent husband speak up. that is some determination. for me, i would jus give up after some attempts. ... ...

i beginning to understand how tiring one-sided love is. or at least how it is to feel one sided. it is when u cant feel emotional attachment from another. technically, that is not true. cos, interestingly as it sounds, theres actually such a thing as love language.

seems tat everyone reacts to love and give love differently. there are actually 5 ways to show or recieve love. act of service, quality time, by words, by physical and by presents. according to wat i understand, as time pass by, one of these many traits will start to dominate. and it is not necessary that u show or recieve love by the same means.

act of service : does very subtle things like making tonic soup, making porridge when u sick, etc.(usually found in older generation of ppl, they like doing these kind of things)

quality time : amount of love = amount of time spent together (simple and most economical love, i guess)

by words : wat is said verbally = love. these group of ppl likes and love to hear/say love you and stuff.(i guess this is dominate in those highly skilled in articulation)

by phyiscal : not sex. but rather they enjoy the slight cuddle, hugs, or even the good pat on the back.

by present : needless to say. loves/likes to be showed with gifts(this catergory of girls should be avoided at all males...most economically taxing not to mention the vast amount of effort)

so at a brain level, all these are checked in. and the brain acts accordingly. lets say for example, girl A is one of those who feels that she is being loved by words. boyfriend A can go ahead present her with gifts and spend time with her. however, she wouldnt as much loved as if boyfriend A did say a few words to express himself.

after this text, i guess everyone will be more enlightened. or at least i hope everyone will be. so that there can be more love to be spread around.

the day is finally near. my first exam in NTU is jus a few hours away.

haha...one might think that wats with the first exam anyhow. well, it seems to be the exam to weed out rote learners. i sure hope i am not one of them.

time to embrace a whole new discipline of thought...

hahahah its been nearly a month since my last update. sorry for the delay. was up to neck with tons of things both at school and in my personal life.

at school:
ITS UNI, of course there are tests almost every now and then. so we shant dwell on that any more. :)

in personal life:
joyce and i jus celebrated our 1st anniversary together. although i organised it, it was equally dreamy experience for me as well. i cant remember how many times i have run the simulation of that nite in my head. through and through, with her reactions to my plan, the possible screw-ups, the atmosphere, the ambience, the words, the things to do, etc.

dreamy~~~ :) not to mention hazy as well. i am glad to share how i planned my evening to any other boyfriends out there who's still clueless wat to come up with. i dun self-proclaim myself as a romantic guy, but i try my best to achieve that perfect nite with my imprefect attempt.

at the end of the nite, u might wanna ask wats all this for?

answer:
for her from-the-bottom-of-the-heart smile and reaction.

YEA...recently i have discovered that i was spending too much time with everything other than myself. its not by pure realisation, rather its by a bunch of really caring pals, well not exactly a bunch...rather jus 2 of them:)

guess wat...since school started it has been studies, family, frens and joyce. i guess its abt time i enjoy my own time. by that i do mean spend time with myself, nothing more.

okok...getting abit too distracted there.

jus over the weekends i tried to go swimming. guess wat. like usual, man can plan all he wants and not know if it is accordance to the big plan. i ,somehow, didnt manage to even take off my clothes. the waters were so close yet so far.

then i started to take a very very long walk. the place? some park within vincity of the lakeside MRT station. the parks there was mostly centred around jurong lake. the view was jus spec-tag. i dun even know how to begin describing it. it was a place i would definitely wanna bring joyce to.

i was seriously suprised that within JE there are such exocitically nice spots. i always thot that the appeal of JE was its familiar and feverish warm concrete jungle. the roads full of smog and the crow-filled evenings. i am jus glad that there are such spots around the neighbourhood.

hehehe...i also crossed a canal yesterday. now, brimming with sense of achievement. my journey back home after the exploration saw coming face up with the canal, partially due to the shortcuts that i took. my brain reacted to the canal. "NO!, u cant make a safe jump." that was some good advice. so i took more roads into the journey and found another end of the canal. it was another suprising spot not to be missed. it jus keeps getting better. :)

okok...have to get back to studies. cant be too indulgent.

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

its been a while since the tree was doin other things other than concentrating on his fifth season of growth. as it turns out, that was the maximum that he could rose to. his previous season of growth greatly stumped his attainment to great heights. nevertheless, he wasnt disappointed. he focused all his attention towards growing more branches, that in hopes leaves might grow flourishly in one of them.

despite being the last season of growth, he had made sure that all this fuss hadnt gone to his head. he still tried to make time for himself, family, frens and the people that he loved and loved him. it was a total mess. he feels ever lonely and apart from all of this.

amongst all these changes, he tried to look for the wind, to have at least someone to rely and depend upon. but all he found was himself.

loneliness is the training ground for the pursuit of greatness? and solitude is the only weapon that the tree can weld to train for greatness?

**********************************************************
a Tree's sonata

a love song for the one in the spring of love, is a great beginning.
a love song for the one in the summer of love, is a great excitement.
a love song for the one in the autumn of love, is a great dream.
a love song for the one in the winter of love, is a great sorrow.

within the hollow trunks of a Tree, this sonata is brought to life.
within the hollow of himself, this sonata is shattered to pieces.
**********************************************************

can the wind find the tree again? can the wind stop his spiral descent of depression? is the training of greatness jus a figment of his imagination? can they develop the faith and trust to lean and depend on one another?

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

as the tree continues to grow in his fifth season of growth, he feels ever lonely and isolated.

the tree had been a source of support for many around him. a toilet, a shelter and even a punching bag for the passing by animals. he is no doubt immune or even numb about such stuff, as he believe deeply that its all part of his growing up as a tall sturdy tree.

but he has is still not all that tall and sturdy yet. he still have moments of weakness where he wish to lie and depend on another. he yearns to be desired, to be a centre of attention. to be that someone that can stop the world in another person's eyes. to be that someone to cause someone else to skip a heartbeat. to be in the limelight. to be seen, appreciated and not jus be left there for the next animal to use.

the wind had always lived a life of independence, can she understand?

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

another season has jus arrived for the tree, it was a season for him to grow more branches and grow in height. it was not a season available to all trees though. it would mean that, a particular tree had to possess the right conditions to even be considered for such a season. for other trees, it happens twice or thrice. but for the tree, this is his fifth season of growth.

during this season not only will his branches spread and grow, he will also have a chance to grow taller. with his mulitplying branches, he can thus grow more leaves to provide for himself in the future. with height, he can grow and see further and know more trees out of his own little forest. it was however, he had to strike balance between the best of the 2 worlds.

this was a moment of great change for the tree. the tree is afraid of wat might happen. afraid of the change that might put a gulf between him and her. would this change make him forget his love for her? the tree was already a tall tree by himself, but he lacks the self-confidence that comes with his height.

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

the tree could not contain his curiousity. he had to find out from the wind despite of the depressive answer he self-imagined.

both of them arranged for another meet again. from the time of the arrangement till the time of the date. the tree was thinking all about her only. the tree's line of thought suddenly changed. he wondered maybe her expression was as subtle as she ever was. that thought temporary arrested his spiralling depression. while his only depression stems from her and only a single word or answer from her can set him free. or worse, plunge him deeper into the abyss.

when the tree met the wind, he hesitated. the tree had no idea how to bring it to mouth nor have any vague idea how to carry on with her without clearing this doubt. when the tree finally asked the wind, she suddenly came on strong on him.

the tree already facing much problem about surfacing the question and yet to add-on she had no clear understanding of the question and where he was coming from. since the wound is already open and burning in pain, he thought that he might as well bite the bullet and get everything off his chest.

the wind responded. the tree was glad, he was glad that the wind responded very near to how he had wished she would and also that she understood some of what he said. the answer to that depression, set him free. it was just as the tree thought, her subtle ways of expression caused the confusion from his usual outgoing expression of self.

the tree had already knew that the wind was subtle in her expression, he also knew that the wind was different in nature from him. however, now he truly understands what that all means. the tree understands the wind a little bit more...

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

the tree didnt believe what the woodpecker said about himself. he knew the woodpecker for the longest of time. the woodpecker like another part of him, his alter ego.

but for a certain reason, he jus cant shake the feeling that both the wind and him, was totally opposite in nature.

one day, the tree got wind of the wind's new toy she jus bought. the tree was equally excited because he knew that it was something that the wind was waiting very long for. it was another toy that added to her burning desire to be free and in control of her freedom.

the tree thought to himself:
wouldnt it be good that she came around with this toy and be the first few to see it? touch it?

but it never happen.

the tree wondered why, but decided not to pursuit for the answer. for he knew, that the answer will not be a pleasant one. because he could have found no reason why she didnt want to share such joy within the first few moments of recieving the toy. he felt that he would and why wouldnt she?

the tree started getting depressed like the evening progressing into the night. depressive thoughts started going through his head like re-runs of an old film. he will eventually get out of it, but what will the by-product be?

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

the tree craved for the dreams to be ever-lasting, ever-recurring, ever-perfect and for-ever. but in reality, dreams are how they are. ever so instant, spontateous and fast fading, and maybe thats why the tree dwelled on the desire of havin more of it. 'The perfect moment'

all the other trees never talked before about this dream or even anything remotely-related to it. maybe its because of their distance that seldom anything close to heart is shared. the tree only got wind of it through the passing birds and bees.

the seasonal birds that share their tales on every other stops they made, telecasting all news worldwide big or small. exchanging news and stories everywhere they go, making a very huge network of news network with other seasonal birds. while the passing bees, hum about the tiny gossips and rumors of huge entertainment value. due to their minute bodies, they appear almost invisible gathering all these precious 'dirty laundry'. some relay about what whispers they hear, others jus spin their own yarn from their imgination.

these are the sources the tree possess of the outside world. everything outside seemed so colorful, at least more colorful that the forest he resides in. the color comes from the vast and rapid changes that the world is happening outside every day. while the tree only observes that little changes from his little spot in the forest.

he sees the green leaves on him grow and wither. he sees the sun signalling another time for him to study. he sees and hear the birds and bees. he also sees his brother inching up in another spot of the forest. he notices his parents progressing in age and the drain of each day for them. he yearns... ...

he yearns to be a big strong tree covered with plentiful green leaves. he want to be this big tree that not only overlooks this forest but the entire greenry as far as the eye can see. he lacks the confident, for he knows how many bugs that dig within his very trunk. he also understands the limit of this growth, that he can grow no taller than the canopy in that forest nor grow more green leaves that his parents. his change can be no more than the other trees in the forest...can it?

he feels more insecure with the wind. she who sees all changes as the only constant she who seems to have limitless growth. he feels a gap between them, or is jus his inferiority bug diggin at his trunk?

one day the resident woodpecker told the tree :
the tree grasp his sense of security from the surrounding dependables and is used to that. hence, the tree unknowingly provides that same kind of security that he recieves to the wind. the wind feels secure and relived. yet to the wind, security is based on more intangibles rather than the surrounding due to her very own nature. hence the security cycle is then broken, not because the wind is not giving the tree security, but due to the different form and conversion of it. hence is the stem of the insecurity.

the woodpecker left everything as it is, since there were no inferiority bug to peck out.

finally back here...recently, was either waking up too late to do any decent updates or was back home too early in the morning to think of anything to write. alas, the opportunity~!!

finally my parttime work as a waiter is comin to an end on this comin wednesday. recent events has made my departing easier as well as smoother. one of the events is the consistent realisation of the incompete leadership that my current outlet manager possess.(as do my usual practice no real names will be used, unless special extreme emotions are used.)

there is usually a beat or rhythm at the workplace. the most important thing is to pick up that beat and rhythm. for him, he will always be the deaf one. grabbing anyone he can find to do things he thinks needs to be done. and he is the one that keeps bullshitting about doin specialised task for each person. a person who preaches but doesnt hold his end well.

and boy does he like to preach. he can continually 'brief' the new waiter staff for time that seemed too long(in the context of a waiter). jus to illustrate the point that he like to talk so much. he can chat and take orders for jus a single table in the time that i used to take orders for 2 tables, fulfil them and still have time to look at him and frown. wondering who died and made him manager?

he is always covered with 1001 paperwork but he nv has the discipline to work quietly. if anyone jus drops by for a chat, one word, Venus flytrap. he is jus always doin the wrong thing at the wrong time spotted by the wrong person. he shld jus quit man, he is not cut for this manager material. he is still a few more metres short of it. and he wonders why is the lowest paying manager around.

well there have been happy things as well as things upsetting. the resturant has been havin many batches of new waiter and waiteress mostly china students studying here. and i have been dumped with the task for being their trainer and becos it seems that i am doin a hell of a good job.

one of the staff grew quite attached to me recently. her name 周晶. she is from wu han province of china and studys in Ngee Ann ECE. she grew so attached that she suggested to be my younger sister. hey, VEN if you are reading this. yes~you have another sister. the reason why she was so attached to me? becos i remind her of her dad. o.0 yes, wat a nice thing to say to a guy. its not so much that i look like her dad, but rather i talk and call her is like her dad. long story...

current, sister count is two. one jus flew over to aus and the other is goin back to china to visit her parents next month. this morning while i was telling my princess about this, i noticed an alarming similiarities between this 2 sister of mine. both was born in Oct 1986 and studys or had studied in Ngee Ann Poly. weird huh? i guess i jus click with this super particular and specific bunch of people. :)

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]
continued...

one night, the wind blew across the forest and reached the tree. the tree was suprised, as the season was already over, but the wind made an exception to stay behind. the tree knew that it was a difficult decision for the wind. it would have to mean certain sacrifices on her part.

the tree had only one thing left on that night, that was to make her as happy as possible. that was the only way the tree thot that will make the wind feel better abt the sacrifices she made.

that night, the wind continuously circled around the tree and they talked. knowing each other deeper and more. although everything seemed all better, there are still topics that they have to slowly work out or even to avoid.

but to the tree that night alone was a magical night, a night where he still wondered if it was a dream when he woke up the next morning.

the story of 枫(maple)[this story is written from the perspective of the tree]

the tree grew up like all other trees in near solitude and not so close to his family. as how seeds of trees are always sown far far from the mother tree. however, this tree grew fast and was soon nearer and nearer to his own family of trees.

one day, a wind blew past. as sudden as she came, she left. the tree didnt notice it at all. as he was all big and strong, and theres little the gust of wind can disturb him. he thought to himself that it was like any other wind that blew past. for a moment there he was terribly wrong.

the season came, and that particular wind kept on visiting the tree. the tree suddenly found interest and grew affliction towards this wind. initially he could not distingush between the few other winds and this particular one that he grew interest in. after a few trials and error, he finally recognised his favourite wind. he liked almost everything about her. her warmth, her character, her personality and her.

however, to the tree, the wind was the wind. the wind always come and go as and when she liked, the tree never sought to changed that about her and let her be. the wind was always unpredictable in directions, and the tree can only watch as she passes by.

the wind as it appeared to the tree, was self-reliant and independent. she was quite unrestrained. and it seems that only the other winds could understand her and fly with her to the ends of earth and back.

the tree on the other hand had to stand firmly on the ground to grow stronger. he had to depend on the soil and sunlight that nutured him. there was also a set of rules the tree had to obey, to grow strong so that others can depend on him.

the tree tried to move from its spot, however, he could never step out of the soil that he so proudly stands on, nor can he move into the shadows. now he knows how deeply rooted he is in his own world. and the tree learnt more about himself and his limits as he continued to try.

he wished to be like how the wind drifted and swayed. however, it only caused him to grow weaker. despite, his only wish is to catch up with the wind and be by her side.

in the near solitude of his world, he continues to try... ...to reach for the wind.
can the 木(tree) be together with 风(wind), and live together? 枫(maple)

maxferes took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Suffering from the effects of those things which a..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

i was actually writing abt my trip to gambling ship today... =S the power to my laptop went off a few times and i got fed up of writing...hence let this be it...

i went to gambling ship to see see look look with cindy...

ladies and gentlemen...i am back at the scene again.

days have gone by very fast. its nearing may and its almost time i do my acceptance into NTU mechanical engineering year 2. i have also nearly worked for a mth since my graduation from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. i am now working as a waiter in one of the many Jack's place outlet. this is my first venture into the F&B, the really upfront F&B. there are tons of things to learn and lots of work to be done.

its not excatly a dream job. there are super long hours and my time are basically the inverse of normal mainstream jobs. when the mainstream 9-5'er rest, i begin my work. and i guess that somehow puts a strain on my current relationship with joyce. sorry~. all i can do is to try my best to find time with her.

despite the recent busy schedule, life lessons still proceeds on. one of the modules that i took up recently was about trust.

i have always thot that with each person that i classify, different amounts of trust will be given. give a dash of trust to those new strangers that i have been introduced to. give more dashes of trust to mummy and daddy, but still have to hold back some, on certain issues. and thats how i thot trust shld be distributed. that sort of unwaivering and firm trust to family and close frens, while skeptical and growing trust to frens who grows with you.

i guess its becos of my upbringing that leaves me to be so trusting. mummy used to befriend the spikey needle during those years. she would SERIOUSLY poke poke your mouth if she ever finds out that you lie. okok, dun have to go report the authories. the threat alone was enough. not to mention the witness of an actual punishment. that punishment happened to my brother. FYI, he doesnt have problems with leakage when he drink.

quite a few frens have come up to me telling me that i am jus too trusting, and i have on several accounts seen how dangerously trusting that i can be. i have also another group of ppl telling me how skeptical and NOT trusting i can be. hahaha...well you can satisfy the crowd. so i rather keep to being trusting to every other frens and family i have.

well so wats the problem then? usually when we use the word trust, it has a common understanding that it is quite mutual. hence the most saddening and disappointing part is the revelation that its not mutual at all. have you tried trusting someone jus to have him/her tell you that "yes, i dun trust you.". when you are as trusting as me, it jus turns into a common event that these sorts of person turns up quite often.

trust requires the mutual affirmation of both parties yet it can still be as fragile as glass. without trust can countries truly be at peace with one another with one word? without trust can religious people truly be faithful to their gods with one heart? without trust can friends cover each another's back with one thought? without trust can couples live long and be happy with one another? without trust can families trust one another and stay united against external aggression with one heartbeat?

seemingly fragile as trust can be, it is as important as it is fragile. and as difficult as it is to take the first step, it is as easy to continue to trust. that is to continue to talk to one another and take away the selfish self that exists between the two parties.

its been days after my graduation. although i haven got my cert or been through the actual ceremony yet. i am pleased to announce i now hold a DIP in mechatronics Eng. and i grad with a GPA of 3.9174. yea...for those out there..the max score for a GPA is 4 and of course the best results will be the ones gettin 4.

actually there is little to no point getting such high score. only except to get into favourite uni and favourite courses. hahaha...finally i have enlightened and seen through it. so now the question awaits, am i in uni yet? the answer is still pending. ba~~~ .... so far i have only sent my application to NTU. up till now, no answers. arggh, the wait is killing me. y did i apply to NTU only? erm...cos so far thats the only uni that have left a clear impression that they can let me direct into 2nd year of studies. arrghh...the pains of waiting, dun blame me, i am the maggi mee generation.

even if i get my letter of entry now...i have a whopping 3 months before i enter into uni, as classes start at around august. time to find a job to fill the 3mths.

oh...regarding the medallist thing. it seems that i didnt get it. i got news from one lecturer that somebody else got it. but you know wats the most fustrating thing about it? let me tell you ALL about it. initially there were four of us, who went for the interview. out of the four, there were Allan Law, Sun Tian , Lee Soon Lee Sheng and me. allan was already the undisputed gold medallist. while sun tian was the undisputed silver. so it was obvious that either lee or me got the bronze, if there was such a catergory. according to the lecturer who told me the news, another guy got the bronze award.

i was super pissed right there and then, if the news that the lecturer had told me was true, as there hasnt been any official announcement or posting. imagine the angst. although from the start of poly i had wanted to obtain a certain recognition for my efforts, i had never thot this award would be possible. then came the interview invite. i was by then full of hopes that i can do my parents proud for once. all shattered because i was only invited to put up a show. ba~~~...i still haven got over it.

i am now hoping for at least an official announcement before i kick up a storm about anything. if i really didnt make it and lee also didnt make it, but a third party made it. i really hope they give a reasonable explanation. if the news that ALEX HO TAI TONG told me its false, at least for now i know the true color of another person. as he had told me the news around my SRG preparation days. wonder if he was all out to set me up. all these...WAIT.

so i guess current status of my life can be described under WAIT. i am not the particularly waiting person. i hope this phase of my life can pass soon.

i have also jus went to Gentings JUST. it was a super short trip. we left for Gentings at friday nite, reach the peak in the wee hours of saturday and left in sunday early afternoon. this trip was under the instigation of a particular fengshui person that mummy consulted. well, it worked to a hoilday, so i was more than happy about it. hahaha...

a word of advice for those goin there. please pack your own foodstuff. its not that theres a food shortage there. its jus that the price there are as good if not higher than the prices in singapore. go for the more international brands such as Mac or coffee bean. imagine 3 pairs of dough stick(you tiao) worth 6RM, i almost got the shock of my life. the worst part is that that is already the discounted rate. scary~~~. i guess too much singaporean visiting gentings could be a bad thing after all.

goin 6mths(since 21st oct 2005)

the date...6 March 2006. event? nothing. hahaha...actually i finished my exams some time ago. had it on the 1st and 3rd of march. FWAH~! GRADUATION finally. now for the continuation of my plans to catch up to my fellow peers. so if i successfully enter into the direct 2nd year of NTU, i will be then lag my peers by one year. phew~

the primary and secondary march school holidays are comin. me? trying to embed myself into the pulse of the society and existence of adulthood, while still in my recent new relatiohship.

soon i will be required to go for an interview for the potential medallist. hahaha...the thing is i dun even know which one to aim for. bah!! it all seemed too pre-defined. when the gold and sliver placing are fixed. now i am only left to wonder if i can get the elusive 3rd placing. i call it the elusive, because i am not even sure theres a 3rd placing. saddeness looms. the only reason why i am still goin for the interview is purely for a few reasons
1) joyce's encouragement
*for those who doesnt know wat joyce means. SHEs THE NEW MISTRESS OF THIS BLOG
2) pride, hounor and glory for parents...IF i really get something
3) for myself? nah...
anyhow...hope i can prep something for tml's interview.

the NTU application shld return results soon...i hope. the predicted date of knowledge is at the end of march. hmmmm..long wait, and not to mention the starting of the new semster which happens only around August or earlier.

till then i guess a proper part time job would be good. not to mention a holiday to go with it. bah~~~ desperately need a holiday. the worst part to this holiday is not the lack of money, but the lack of companion. joyce cant make it to an overseas holiday(Genting, Malaysia) without her family taggin along too. hmmmm...then i guess it really boils down to lack of money....bah~~~!!!!!!

joyce's FUTURE-to-be 'JIE FU' has already booked me for a period in my holiday to do sales. hahaha...yea. the only thing that worries me is the realisation of that. seems that it has yet to confirm. anyhow, i really hope to get to work in the coffeeshop opposite my house. not that i am dying to be a a coffee-boy. i want to work in the Jap food stall in that coffeeshop. hehehe...then i can learn how to cook jap and earn my keep...:) please please keep the opening for me ....HOPES!!!!

in a relationship, you will learn the most about yourself. know why? hahaha...as it is difficult to solve a variable by itself. you can always try to solve it simultaneous with 2 variables... ...okok...lame. i found out that i am actually quite the physical contact guy. erm...not in the very sexual sense, but in the very kola bear sense. still dun get it? erm...nvmind. why am i explaining it to you anyway.

hmmmm...its been quite sometime since i last gave thanks to everything that surrounds me. lets hope i am still ok at it.

thanks for the fruitful and meaningful relationship that has happened. to joyce:"i am enjoyin every moment of us together. xie xie."

thanks for the bountiful wealth that has kept me afloat throughtout this few months. there has always been money and assistance, whenever i needed help. hahaha..thanks

thanks for the intelligence that served me faithfully through this 2 years course. as wat benny said "guy is prime at 23. becos u become most intelligent" o.0? then i am glad that i am still jus a few more months from being 23. hahaha...can use more of the intelligence before turning 24. :) thanks

thanks for the peace of mind. in a relationship there bound to be quarrels and arguments, i am thankful that peace of mind always return to clear my head and my heart. without it, i doubt i can pull through so many 'clashes' :P

thanks for the health that is still going good. hahaha...recently did a BMI calculation for myself. i discovered that i am actually 21.7. hahaha...from the same person who inspired me to do the BMI calculation, it seems that i am still in the acceptable weight catergory, for an asian. wahahahaha...

thanks for the friends that never forget. thanks for your companionship, your tolerance of me, your patience into our friendship and your time. i hope i can still remember every single one crystal clear by the time i get alzheimer's :)

bye

this is the morning of the 2nd day of project exhibition at Ngee Ann Poly.it is supposedly an occasion where Ngee Ann 3rd year, goin-to-grad students, show and awe the crowd. well, i guess we did quite some of that.

its been long since i did some real updating already. oh...i have applied for a place in NTU mechanical engineering. i have paid up the application fee. i also jus dropped into the mailbox my supporting documents that they requested. only to have release that i am quite the nobody. not much academic achievements nor much non-academic achievements to boost about. pathetic sad life.

hmmmm...pretty much guessed how this morning is goin for me already. well since rome wasnt built in a day, i also didnt jus wake up with this mood...

hmmmm...looking at everything, my life is pretty much goin back to the scheduled and planned life like how most of the singaporeans are having. studying till reach degree and then off to work till my blood runs dry. SADDENING

so well, i was quite pre-occupied thinkin of my next venture into the robotics world. so the sumo robot is nearing competition level and ability, time to forecast further. my ultimate goal would of course be Gundam and a fully automated fleet of Protos army. wahahaha...for those who haven have the slightest idea wat Protos is, check out StarCraft. hopefully i can mimic it into real life as closely as possible. same goes for Gundam.

so whose goin to be my next robot? i was actually thinking along the line of constructing a robot that is capable of fight in the TaiJi boxing style. why taiji boxing style? cos it seems to be the only fighting style that induces the opponent off balance while maintain from off balance to balanced state. True test of a robot's balance :)

hmmm...still trying to evaluate how possible is that. Sony's line of robot cant even go up the stairs and i am here dreaming about a fighting robot with INTENSIVE tests on its balance. hmmmm...hahaha y not? since we are pushing robotics technology? hehehe...

thats that...but i am still disliking the idea of working after degree. i really wanna do more than jus earn a paycheck. greatness? paycheck without upper limit? good retirement? super luxurious lifestyle? married life? single and 'super seeder'?

hahaha...all jus wondering only...still not much cause for alarm yet. purpose for this life? erm...teaching ba?when u teach, u learn the most. and y not? seems like a noble enough job. teachers seems to enjoy a good repute so far. through the years, seems like none have been dished.