jus finished my final review for my final year project. yea~~~ was rushing for the project for the past since i dun know when. now...rest...or at least for the moment.

the rush got intense only within the past 3 days. the days meaning the weekend and friday before monday. hmmmm, still wondering if i made sense in my last sentence. oh well..3days straight staying at alpha centre to produce something that was scheduled for 3months. hahaha...ya. the programming part of the robot, Zer0. we were supposed to give it a 3months troubleshooting and trial run period. ended up, doing it within 3 days.

luckily was able to activate my god-like mode and whacked everything through. y was i in god-like mode? hmmm...cos had to basically program 2 robots. one was the autonomous and the other remote control. hmmm...but the rest of the groups were jus stuck to their autonomous. thankfully the remote controlled robot was a breeze. other than the small glitch of not initialise-ing the timers, which helped out in the remote control process, that was nothing much.

the autonomous one proved to be the toughest. all the groups started abt the same time to panick and troubleshooting (EGO coming) and i ended up tops with both robots working to expectations. wat could be more gratifying? hehehe...rest of the groups didnt make it to the point of expectations.

but the most TURN-OFF event was with one of the groups. his program was hmmmm...how u put it?...STUPID but impressive? jus because its goin at high speed doesnt mean that the program was good.

our robots are suppose to stay within a ring and still sense opponents. there was a boundary white line drawn on the black ring. hence, the more intelligent part was to show that the robot can stay on the ring and differentiate the opponent whether the opponent was still on the ring before giving chase.

one of the panel was like impressed with the speed that the robot gave chase rather than the intelligence of the robot. SHALLOW. seriously, anyone can kick a ball. so wat makes a football legend, a legend? there~ point proven. i sure hope i wont be getting the same score as that group, cos i wont know wat i might jus do. think that i am petty? read on.

i will prove that i am not petty. for the fact that i wrote the whole program with my own brain and that HE edited the program from a senior's program. well there u have it. but if someone is goin to tell me that HE is better off cos he 'stood on giants shoulder and looked further' theory. then i have really nothing to say, i would then have to admit that he's good.

but guess wat, he stayed for days at alpha centre trying to make it work to expectations and still fall short. HA~ the STOOPID me stayed at alpha using my own brains and it worked. hmph. thats to all copycats out there. GET A LIFE, instead of copying others. _ | _ _

hmmm...enough of that. otherwise i might end up smashing my latop.

ok...today is jus a day after the final review, but still not much rest time. cos i need to prepare for tmolo's big event. my 2mth with my dear. hehehe...due to wat i planned for tml, i will only have to get everything by today to gurantee the FRESH-ness of things. if i have gotten it the min i planned it, it wld have by then perished. wanna know wat i planned? hehehe...maybe after she experience it, THEN i might consider telling you...hahahaha~~~

hahaha...back here.

nothing much to update here already. cos all the updating is done on another blog site => www.girlfriend.com/XXXXX [please do not try this site. it is an invalid site, or at least i think its invalid.] well, so i have been updating my recent happenings with my girlfriend.

comment on this relationship? nah...time will tell...:)

things are obviously goin very well for the past few days of absence. wondering wat i am up to? hehehe...goin to celebrate passing of a month for a relationship soon...hehehe...cant wait

hehehe...guess now the question is "WHO is she?" hmmmm...due to the request by the mistress of this blog, the name is not published.

lalalala...hereby saying sorry and goodbye to all other girls out there. tata.

i m back...wondering if i have had too little of Omega3 or maybe i am using it up at a not so recommended rate.

depression sets in.

like i have said countless time over and over again. there are only 2 things that can relatively bog down any guy. money or matters of the heart. i jus hate to sit here and whine about this or that. but i figured its better off than to scream my voice coarse or to find a stranger and vomit everything out. at least hopefully after this blog i might be the same physiologically and be more GLEEFUL, or i dun have to worry about that stranger passing my story around with added 'preservatives'.

in here, when i type, my brain sub-conscious takes over. there is no more alan, jus the slumbering maxferes. maxferes has no sense of environment and hence he spews whatever S***(censored due to the careful consideration of those who might not be suitable to read such language, done by alan) he likes. i feel that i express myself better whenever, i type. somehow, there is this link between my brain and my fingers. liken the link beethoven's fingers had with his brain, IT JUS FLOWS(not trying to level myself up to his AWE-ness, jus trying to illustrate).

enough endless chatter...now for the real talk...er...or blog for this matter.

hmmmm...who in this world doesnt have a single problem with the female species of the world please raise your D***. as you can see, the previous sentence ends with a period instead of a question mark. notice the choice of punctuation mark?

suddenly maxferes was whacked so hard on the head by alan and went back to sleep before he could even finish blogging.

after careful consideration, i have decided not to continue with this blog. most of the time i have choosen to jus leave out names in my blog, to sorta protect privacy and identity of people that i interact with. Futhermore, i was goin to blog about a girl close to heart. how disrepecting can i be, by airing our dirty YET juicy 'lundary'. i guess a sleep will do both maxferes and alan some good.

time for dinner soon...

yea~~~finally back here to record my life again. why the lag in recording? hehehe...let me provide my side of explanation.

19 Oct, i went for my final wisdom tooth extraction. the right upper tooth. reached the dental clinic at 1000. brought my brother along too, he was complaining the sharp pain in one of his tooth. i saw quite a chip on the tooth he was complaining about. WOW~~ actually there is nothing much to be amazed about. in our family, there has always been a poor or lack of dental knowledge. meaning, we are not one of those dental clinic people.

it was quite a 10min thingy. i sat down on the chair about few minutes past 1010. then everything was over a few minutes before 1015. fwah.

hmmm...nothing was up. so we fast forward to oct 21st.

it was a date not to be forgotten(hehehe...due to the request of the other party involved, i am bound not to say a thing AT ALL.) however, let this date be forever forged in my mind. :)

it was a date where mr lim got really panicky about the sumo robots. tml, which is monday, oct 24th, there is goin to be an exhibition at Temask Poly. its their engineering week and all the polys are invited to exhibt some projects. sumo robots being the distinct featured project was of course one of the items.

the major prob was how all our senior's robot seemed to be falling apart. to think we are only using the the robots from previous batch design and production. fwah. we stayed till 2000++ to work on the robots and still problem exists. the deadline is tml 1000, or before that since we have to be there at 1000.

thats all for now. i will be goin for breakfast...bye dear

hmmmm...back here so soon?

alot thing happened. unexpectedly.

like i said i went fishing with a couple of fren. one of them being my most trusted buddy during my National Service. then there was bernard as well. he was holding a 3rd-sargent rank when i first met him. he was quite my senior in age, hence, i always knew to place a certain amount of respect and awe jus for his seniority in age. however, he always seems to wanna 'get in the group' mentality. well, thats at least what his actions said. he went for the fishing as well.

to certain people who knows, i have actually a phobia about frogs. my legs can jus suddenly go into rebellious mode. meaning, performing great feats without proper authorization and approval from my brain. it can jus freeze INFINTE hours or performing olypmic jumps breaking records. thats that. why the phobia...long story. will tell you more if you.

anyway, it jus so happens that last nite, of the person in our group spotted a frog/toad(basically i dun give a damn). AND OF ALL THE PLACES, it was jus VERY VERY behind me, somewhere within the grass. haiz...actually i have no qualms about anyone poking fun of me about my phobia. well, if it can really stroke your ego, laughing about other people's weakness(like you dun have a weak spot), by all means LAUGH.

this is where i really wished i had re-arranged bernard's face. he really pissed me off with the CONSISTENT tauting, jokes and commentaries. )#*!@(&(@#^&(censored). PLEASE~~, how old are you already? dun you know there is always a time limit to jokes , especially when they are AT THE EXPENSE of others? how mature can he get? he is at least reaching 30.

*mental note to self* : leave a gap between me and this loser. in case i get associated with his lame D***.

basicailly, the personal lives of others are none of my business. for his case, i really hope he stays jobless and live off his parents till this parents depart from this sad reality. the ultimate punishment? i hope to re-arrange his organs.

enough of that....

later part of this day, i was actually wondering. wondering? if a relationship, no matter wat type, is built on minimal truth, can it be strong? for example, i was messaging someone today. within our conversation, she mentioned that she is goin to airport, on her own accord. so out of sheer curiousity, i asked about her business at airport. she replied that she would be doin a travel overseas to country T.

this reply is actually a very normal reply on any other context. however, taking into consideration that she jus returned from country T. i pretended to go along and wished her well.

not taking into consideration that anything romantic might happen between us and that we are only frens. IS IT really necessary to go through all this pretention? is this the latest fade? in the first place, she mentioned out of her own accord that she is goin to airport. if she feels any where uncomfortable about givin me answer, she could have jus said so and declined to answer my question. i am not the police nor interpol, investigatin on a murder case that requires her answer.

pretention, i think, can only add on to the instablity and gap between people. feeling very sick, emotionally that is. felt like losing 2 frens in jus one nite. sigh~~

right here right now...

hmmm...noticed got a few strangers, or at least a few unidentified frens. PLEASE PLEASE, i beg of u...at least let me know who you are. dun worry, i jus want your name and HOPEFULLY be your fren. i have no particular interest in any other thing else. OR if we had already been frens, jus at least let me know who whispered...

thats that...but i didnt come in to say all this.

yea...later goin fishing...at Kranji. if you see me there, dun push me into water, please. :)

Zer0 now is in a turmoil stage. manufacturing is occuring, programming are slowly figured out, components are arriving hopefully soon and yes...everyone is not quite motivated to do their project. sigh~

i dun hope to change the situation, what i do hope is that everything will run as smoothly. oh...something jus came to mind. i have actually come across this despicable act within our sumo teams. what act? what can be worse, LIFTING.

lifting is defined, by maxferes big book of english words, as COPYING without understand, or VOMITING out information/data that you got from someone without namin it, or DOIN THE EXACT SAME ROBOT, with ppl using their hands and brains to come up with and you jus ctrl-c & ctrl-v. oh please, how lazy can one person get. i thot i totally defined the word laziness or any related words. BUT HE...i stress HE...totally wow-ed me away.

it seems that that guy's robot is now an exact replica of another robot of another team. lost? heres a clear-er pic. there are 5 teams doin sumo robots. the GUY in topic i shall refer to as J and the guy J copied from shall be known as Y.

J and Y have exactly the same robot design. hehehe...obvious who am i referring to. and i bloody dun give a damn. reason? difference between tweaking something original and JUS ctrl-c ctrl-v...bloody irresponsible. sigh...

yea...finally managed to get back to the second session of my swimming. wahahahaha er...i think. anyway, no one's keeping track. i plan to keep doin this swimming rountine till i run out of free pool to dive in. so theres actually the free pool in Ngee Ann Poly and there's also a pool in NTU(if i m not wrong).

the results of my last semster's modules will be out soon. the date of release : 6 Oct. i wish everyone ....erm...nope. i shld say, everyone got what they deserved. hahaha...sounds mean, but its true. any hopes? hrm...now i have an average of 3.899 GPA. i hope it can stay around that region. then possibly i can get a second-year direct into the Mechanical and Production engineering. wahahaha...ambitious :)

poly already skip first year, now even attempting to skip NTU first year. wahahaha...well no choice. in fact i already lag behind my batch by 2 solid years. due to the JC then Poly route. so, techinically, if i can do all those i said in the first sentence of this paragraph, i will be the same pace as my batch.

however, in reality, i still lag behind by abit. this is how it goes. the '82 batch will have 25% goin to JC and the rest goin to Poly. about 80% of the JC batch will go into the Varsity in Singapore, the rest might end up in overseas or started working. the ones that do get into local varsity, they might go through a 3-yr degree course or 4-yr direct honours course. this is the most speed-iest way to get an honours. thus almost impossible for me to catch up to them.

the batch that went to poly will spend 3 years getting their diploma. after which top 5% of the people get into local varsity(local varsity trying to increase intake, hence might change). hence, the poly students who eventually make it into the local varsity might or might not get the second-year direct. hence makin their stay in the varsity abit different from the JC batch. those who recieve the direct entry can still possess the option of 3-year degree course or the 4-year direct honours course. however, their total stay in the varsity will shrink to 2-3years. i will still lag by year after all the skipping. the second group of people is the one that i will catch up to. the poly batch without the direct entry into the second year and the 3-year degree course or the 4-year direct honours course.

hmmm...seems that i have OVER-blabbed. haha...in that case, i shall jus continue on. wahahahaha...

today, went for business meeting again with vincent and matthew. ended the meeting quite fast. cos soon coming out with feasible proto-type. after that, the two of them simply jus psycho-ed me into getting into a relationship. reason? cant really understand the reasons they gave. however, i guess its nothing peer pressure nor is it anything harmful. vincent already has a VERY VERY steady relationship with meifang(they are on the verge of marriage). matthew jus went into relationship with jennifer, his 10-year(duration) old love interest.

i guess everyone is in a lovely-dovely mood. oh well, although i do go all sour and stuff whenever, there is an overwhelming presence of couples(and believe me, they are everywhere, like the devil's angels). despite all the sour-ness, i still hope to find that someone to settle with and plan a future with.

well well well...back here again. started my swimming schedule. yesterday swam 2 laps...hahha...one small step for alan and one big one for health.

couldnt do freestyle though. still lack the stamina and the erm...rhythm? beat? hmmm...i remembered that when i started swimming...correction...when i was being scheduled for swimming practice i used to be swimming with ease. there was this rhythm or beat that i caught from swimming. either that or i was VERY in tuned with water. sound very abstract? nah...its quite elementary.

it feels like fish out of water all of a sudden. asking the mermaid to go back to water after a long life on land. haha...it has DEFINITELY been years since i last swam, seriously. i guess i have lost that connectivity with water. hahaha...speaking very ZEN-ly again. anyhow, no worries, goin to pick it up again real soon.

then again, i was doin some analysis of my life again. i was actually kinda of wondering, did my connectivity with water had anything to do with my haywired life? during my younger years, i remembered swimming as part of my life, my habit and schedule. but since a period in my life, i stopped swimming and concidentally, my life seemed to have gone out of hand.

water has always been tauted as the bringer of life and a cleansing element. i hope i can find back the connectivity with this great entity, and cleanse myself. cleanse myself of? of all the mundane and worldly matters. hahaha...now i am really speaking as though i am goin to a monastary. hahaha...

truthfully, i dun mind a short stay at the monastary. the peace, the meditation, the serenity, the calm and the self. arhhh~~~

ok...more to the updates.

Zer0 is progressing, however slowly, its still considered progress. the components are giving me a racking headache. in actual fact, we were supposed to have chosen the components at the earlier design stage. haha...i did the opposite. i designed and now only to have panick if it will fit or work. thanks for the blessing of my grand-dad, alls been well. phew~

some of them are losing heart and interest. well i cant blame them, it all boils to personal choice whether to have continual passion or limited passion. for me, their de-moralising has been quite a drag, adding additional burden unto my already very temperamental passion. haha..guess its another training i have to go through.

the worst part is that the supervisor Mr Lim is providing alot of push factor. ITs actually the Holidays for Ngee Ann poly student, whereby either you work your ass off for cold hard cash or sit at home and rot till your last flesh or spend your time and effort on other aspects of your life. for me, i dun mind coming back school to doin Zer0, after all, i do have invested passion. however, the strict restriction that even the holidays are considered project days are turing me off. hmph...not to mention those who were already demoralised.

ok...for other matters.

jus met up with coco and coconut(yan cheng) for our Publication stuffs. the design of the all important 29th anniversary Nite logo and other designs, banner and posters. it did come out quite fruitful(<--wonders if spelling is correct), left the materialization of the design prototype.

the disapperance of the 2 Floor Managers missing in the 2nd meeting, did some reprecussions in the whole sub-committee. Samatha was off overseas, attending something personal which she had took up. Benjamin, was last heard working part-time. haiz~~ the most pressing problem i guess the whole sub-committee is wondering is the location of the Anniversary Nite, with the 2 Floor Managers gone.

through this, at least it did shine something postive on Joan. haha...it put her in the super hardworking and all-round. she handled the progress report of the Floor Manager section as well as her own F&B section, not to mention helping Program Co-ordinators sought after sponsors. WOW~~ wonder-girl.

now i will tell myself that i will not fail. for it will mean breaking a promise that i commited when i first join the sub-committee. Neither will i fail Zer0. i will strive for the successful profits derived from 29th Anniversary Nite and the Championship title of Zer0 in Singapore Robotics Games, R/C and Automated Sumo catergory.

1 : back here again.
2 : troubled?
1 : yea...
2 : wats troubling you?
1 : have you tried that feeling of longing to talk to someone, but didnt do it because...
2 : because?
1 : because...u think that u are being jus bothersome and irritant.
2 : ok...so u r here because of that?
1 : no... ...aiyah...i dun know...
2 : how can i know when u dun even know?
1 : ... ... ...
2 : wat did u wanna talk to her about?
1 : all the insignificant things and little happeneings in my life
2 : why the hesitation? because u think u are bothering her with all these details?
1 : yes...well...if someone does that to me, i wld feel very much bothered too.
2 : hmmm...tough question. but the problem is, does she feel bothersome listening to it?
1 : well~~, it does seems that she is jus too busy for all these. not that i am complaining her or anything, its her life...she still runs it the way she likes.
2 : hmmm...go on...
1 : well...to bother her like that jus doesnt seems nice. she might have 1001 things to do than to listen to all this small chatters.
2 : didnt vincent tell u already? it doesnt matter how she thinks. the most important point is to get your point across. and your point is?
1 : ...i dun know...i dun have all the answers to the world u know.

training in 冰心诀 to numb, to forget and to chill

while listening to
不得不爱 ，否则快乐从何而来
不得不爱 ，不知悲伤从何而来
不得不爱 ，否则我就失去未来
好象身不由己 不能自己很失败
可是每天都过的精彩

current geographical location? at school...more specifically at alpha centre should be concentrating hard on Zer0. why am i here blogging? hmmm...

yesterday, jus had a talk with mr lim. erm...actually, he had a talk with us. he sounded very disappointed. meaning to say, he will still pass us, but with that sense of hmmmm...disappointment? it seems that being in the sumo team has its own reputation to maintain. even though there is no obvious recognition in the winner of this competition, we are still pretty much sought after.

well the image of being in the sumo team pressures. the pressure of keepin the team-mate in pace also pressures. not to mention the pressure of recent troubles pressures.

haha...finally into main topic....:) erm...how to begin?

recently, i did mention that i was growing kinda of close to a particular someone? well...that is also the problem. as this kinda of getting close part happens. it always seems to get in the way somehow. engineer's term...to be close but not too close. whenever, i get too close to someone, it always seems that i show too much care and attention. nvmind....

so being also peeved about certain things that she done. i chose to withdraw from her. not sure whether it is a wise move, but at least i can stop watching her every move so much and stop getting so peeved.

hmmm...kinda of notice that i am actually not very good at portraying my feelings and emotions very clearly or even in detail. hmmm...got to work on that.

this time round, tried to hang around the girls that are already within my vicinity. then i discover an alarming fact, either that or i am too into my own inferiority complex. that i am portraying too much of a big brother image. hmm...well, i guess thats wat i do best. thinking back, i have never been much of a big brother to anyone, how can i possibly portray such an image?

anyhow...in a very troubled state of mind. trying to maintain the straight path. to graduate go to NTU, eventually take off in the biz with vincent and matthew. hmmm...is it always too much to ask to quickly find the one then get on with the rest of our life together...happily ever after?

or at least, minimally get someone to share joy, laughter, woes and pain together?

jus realised that i sound very pathetically desperate and...pathetic!!!

hmmm.....................................................................back to Zer0

now in the midst of contstuction and programming concepts.

jus came back from wisdom tooth extraction. target : left upper one(the 3rd Molar)

i made appointment very very long ago. way before the examination or even the study break. but it didnt help allievate all the pain that my brain was generating. y i choose this date? because i figured that i cant do my exams with all this forecasted pain hence i decided upon a date somewhere after the exams. since 1 week later, i will be having the 2nd meeting, of my involvment in the 29th Anniversary Sub-com, i decided to do have the pain asap. hence forth the date and stage is set on the 19th sept.

the appointment was set at 1000 in the morning. i was still anxiously looking for Joyce to accompany me to the clinic at around 0945 in the morning. y? because of my dear mummy again. she jus had to scare me into all the scary teeth extraction that she went through in childhood. all the thing about feeling swollen when the anesthetic is administered. just yesterday night, she specifically reminded me to stay at the clinic to rest a while if i wasnt feeling alright after the extraction. -.-
how did i grow fearless and timid at the same time?
answer : thanks to mummy's consistent bombarment of scary stuff.
anyway, she had something on. SO i had to brave it alone. arggh!!!!!!!

i left the house at around 0950+. thankful that the clinic was nearby, otherwise i might be panting throughout the whole extraction. when i reached, it was about 1005 and the doctor was late. phew~ not that i am complaining about her late lack of punctunality, but i enjoyed it. maybe it was the raining that was keeping her. i wished KATRINA would keep her away, but no luck.

i was at the SEAT at around 1010 and thanks to the wall clock that is directly situated in front of the SEAT, i was able to chart the whole progress. when i sat, i could feel my heart literally pumping. i swore, the whole seat was shaking, but was i shaking? dun know. i tried to calm myself, that its nothing. haha...wat a joke. as soon as she neared me, i pumped enuff blood to flood my brains. arrghhh~~ wat insanity.

the dentist was a very nice lady. she gave off a very motherly feeling, so each session with her was nice and pleasant. she doesnt look auntie if you had gotten the wrong feeling. btw, the raining had stopped. i guess the sky stopped crying.

throughout the next 5 min, till 1015, she administered the anesthetic course, WITHOUT my knowledge. WOW~~~ isnt she great. :) first she applied this pink yet translucent anesthetic gel on my gums. next she changed a few metal syringes. but there seems to be no feeling at all. actually, the numbness came right after the gel. it worked GOOD...till now my left side of the mouth still feels very very very tired.

then the next 5 min was the main highlight, the extraction. the most gratifying thing about the extraction was the use of something similar to a workshop piler. i didnt actually question her about it or clarify my doubt. however, watever tool she got in her hand, reminded me of the tool i used in the mechanical workshop. the extraction didnt hurt, but there was this tingling feeling, which i will try to explain.

ever tried to pull a tree out of the soil? yea? when you do, there is this whole bunch of snapping sound in the soil. although you know that the roots have snapped it is still kinda of hard to totally pull it out. haha...this is the whole extraction process. i heard alot this snapping sounds in my head. i am definitely sure that i didnt make these sounds up. i think these are the sound of the veins snapping. it wasnt exactly a clean pull, she did have to jerk left and right abit before it was totally out. guess wat...NO PAIN...yea~~~

i am feeling abit lost. guess its due to the lost of blood and might you, i did lose alot. now i am biting on the gauze that the dentist gave. she instructed to bite on it for at least an hour. i guess its to apply pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. hehe...should be done biting on it at around 1130. she also instructed to take porridge for the next few days.

the next extraction, eta one month, 19 oct. snobs..sometime after my bday. wat a birthday. oh well, at least its all within the holidays, there wlnt be any inconvience propped.

wahaha...today, jus finished my exam. my one and only exam! in this semster at least. actually, the before and after exams didnt differ much, in terms of excitement level, in terms of panick-ness, in terms of anticipation and etc. so i guess i have pretty much got used to the examination stress that all these students are coin-ing. or maybe i am jus too cocky and confident, wahahahaha...

anyhow...made some progress on the emotional level. actually i am still confused on whether it is known as progress. oh well, jus take it that i made some headway. headway in wat sense? hrm...in a sense that not everyone you can communicate well with are potential soulmates. one obvious clue is that he/she might actually already have good communication skills with others. you are jus that one person within a group of people that he/she is communicating with. suddenly felt very tiny and insignificant? haha...no need for that. cause you jus have to remember, that person is also jus another person in your large network of people that you communicate with. whahaah...revenge is sweet~~

soon my birthday will be upon me again. wishes for the upcomin birthday? hmmm...like usually hopefully can find a soulmate to be with till the end of our biological years. why do people have wishes? mainly its due to the fact that some of the things in life are too hard to achieve, hence the last resort, wishes. since its so hard to achieve, by the law of nature, you will NOT get it almost certainly. however, if you got no wish AT ALL. it doesnt mean that you get everything that you want. its jus that you are plain unmotivated, no ambition, no goal and jus wasting your life away. to even get a 'WANT' in your life.

recently, a sense of withdrawal came upon me as well. withdrawal from crowd. or at least from certain groups of people. not that i have anything against them or that anything happened. it jus happened. hmmmm...puzzled.

another thing i found out is that this is actually the lunar eight month. the most 'metal' month throughout the whole year. hmmm...this doesnt spell good. cos my ba zi must avoid the 'metal'. hmmmm...

today...tuesday, i think they showed the last episode of CSI : Las Vegas on Channel 5 this very nite. which season was it? no idea. all i was concerned about was the engaging investigation and sourcing for clues. soon they will be showing CSI : maiami(sounds like that)

today i also reach another height of tolerance. tolerance for? hmmm...at this point some flashback would come in...
(flash) (flash)

remembering sometime ago, something drove between my current project partner and me. and that has started to get me thinking if i am really that bad a person to get along with. if i had one wish from a magical genie, i would wish for one more truthful person to speak about me. i have enough...ENOUGH(stressing that point) of all this avoidance and surreal facts. can someone please tell me wats goin on??? current state:depression.

back then, i remember that there was this period of time when all the deadline came crashing. the due date of ART(automation and robotics technology) PBL(problem based learning) was drawing. not to mention the upcomin of the upcomin ART Final Assessement and the VIVA Presentation of our Final Year Project. that was a period of bleak-ness for me. it was a period where i saw myself repeating a previous mistake i made in my JC days. i was adamant to stop such a negative flow.

jus at this moment of crisis, i saw myself and my partner, through and through. the ART PBL was about a project that a group of us are supposed to embark on. in our group, there were 3 of us. hence the project was divided carefully into 3 sections and each would handle a section, namely the mechanical, electronics and programming. my partner gleefully took the mechanical part. i voluntered the programming section, while the 3rd member took the electronics.

as we had poorly organised and planned for this project, we had to do very last min work. i was glad that everyone was able to keep to their own section and fulfil each section's requirement. however, this was the most disappointing part as well. as i scramble within lines of sample codes, trying to understand it. my partner stood his ground. there was nothing wrong with it. except that, i had on my own wishful thinking hoped that he had helped out with the electronics section, as he had completed his section early. like i have said, that was my own wishful thinking...

i feel myself ever so tied up. another burden that i carried was my own reputation. the reputation that i was so good at what i do. people saw how easily i had excel at what i did, and overlooked my efforts i gave out for it. i was fed up with it. however, i could not have change mass opinions overnight. the worst part was that even my own partner cannot even believe that. he went out all the way to challenge me. challenge? are we not a team? are we not assist one another? are we not to cover each another's ass? are we not to take turns to play the fiddle? he flaunted his better results through only a few hours study, over my resutls. seriously, i did feel beated results wise, but i feel disappointed not havin a partner of at least the similar values.

days before the Final ART Assessment and ART PBL submission, he approached me on MSN and asked if i could help him study for the upcomin ART assessment. i was in the middle of cramming as much understanding of the program codes as i could and worrying for the ART assessment(which i have studied for). i was up to my neck with problems of my own. the least he could do is to at least ask how i was doin during this period.

suddenly ,gushes of memories relating to him came back all at once. it was always flashes about him goin out with frens for movie session. it was always about him telling other frens how much more free time he since he became a 3rd year student. my brain continued to dwell on the more and more of such related memories. that eventually tipped my scales. i blasted him off over MSN. from what i know, he has only wasted all his free time at who knows what, instead of consistently studying. suddenly, i developed an awareness. maybe there are really people who deserves assistance and help and some who doesnt at all.

my emotions ran amock and was at brink of insane madness. after that blast, i tried to keep my distance. when that was no longer possible, i left MSN. then continued in the piles of program codes.

ever since that nite, the wedge between us became very obvious and vivid. in the shape of knife and color of cold. knivin between us day after day, and adding chill as with progressing inch. it was a matter of time before the end.

(flashback end...back to trichome color)

i selected this course partly because of the sumo competition. i was super driven back when i first joined this course. i used to eat, sleep and think of Zer0. now only the hollow is left. the remainder passion is now driving my body to finish up Zer0. i am not lookin as forward to the birthdate of Zer0. now i know that it is one thing to fulfil a dream and another to fulfil dream with someone who literally wanna jus scrape through.

i jus finished the remote control for the auto Zer0. the PCB(printed circuit board) design was jus given to Mr Goh to be fabricated. as i announce to the rest of the sumo teams, his immediate reaction was :"you expect me to make the casing also ar?"

... ... ...tired... ... ...mentally... ... ...strained... ... ...

yea...the number 100th post...!!!celebration...

finally may have unlocked my own ba zi. i have always thot that ba zi of others are relatively easier to read than my own. well it turns out, i have finally figured mine out. happy happy happy. after like dun know since when, i finally done it.

i remember i started dabbling in basic feng shui around my secondary school days. then it moved to the more complex ba zi. touched abit on liu ren(which is a system used to predict future). pursuit XIANG(face reading) to learn more indepth reading of one person's character and his life. haha, then throughout...have been in continual motion of learning Fengshui. whaha...really busy...:) now aim to pick up Ziwei. haha..but kinda of like jack of all trade and master of none. hahaha...

hehe...here again after a very very long long break from bloggin. talking about bloggin, the (infamous/famous), depending on which you prefer, will be coming to Ngee Ann soon. she is of course not alone, there will be other blog celebs too, like Mr Brown, Popagandi, etc.

then on the bus, i was catching a glimpse of the Channel NewsAsia news flash scroller when my internal google rang alarm. BLoggin Championship? WTF? hmmm...perhaps i am not as XIAO ON(slang:enthu) in bloggin as the rest of the blogger race.

hehe...have been recollecting why i was so bz till i had such a long break. then it suddenly occured to me. too many things have happened. too many to write, to bitch and to complain. then it brings me to another point that i am maybe to attached to the world. haha...speaking very ZEN-ly.

really...i really need a few days to 'calm' or 'earth' myself abit. hope this span of days will come. meanwhile i am keeping myself busy with the project Zer0 and the 29th TAS(the adventure seekers)Anniversary Night. i am the sub-committee for Publication officer...hehe...

one of the facet of alan : lately have been feeling kinda of weird...er...i mean feel kinda of close to one person again. hmmm...wondering if i am demodulating the signal wrongly? or counting the frequency, period and duty cycle wrongly. hahaha...she really is a no joke character, 'powderful'(slang:powerful) enough to set me writing again...haha...

the other side of alan(the low confidence and inferior side) : aiyah...most probbably jus de-modulating it wrongly. ... ... ...please , take a good look at yourself. HOPELESS!!!

maxferes(alter ego) : waT? 0.o look here we have plenty of things to worry about, you better stop wussing around in girls. save some energy. i sense a big load of activities comin for us.

Finally the fengshui of my room has changed...phew...jus finished the final touches and movement. shld be around minimally 3 months for everything to take effect. now trying to personalise the re-arranged furniture to my own personal settings. haha...

its been a long long time since i last blabbed here. alot have had happened. haha...the usual wild fantasies, loftiness, bad-ass attitude and temper. alot of these have been flyin around lately, so it seems nearly impossible to write all of them down.

really need to GND myself abit. to discharge somewhere somehow. now still fretting over the global re-position referencing for Zer0. its looking up. hope i can implement it for the upcomin SRG.

sometimes not everything goes your way...oh well...back to the boards.

finally...seated again in front of my computer. the worst seems to be over.

the past few days has been quite a living hell for my mind. consistent on the edge to keep deadlines and promises, not to even mention doin the programming for the ART PBL. well, time is drawing near. thursday is jus around the corner, ART PBL is about up. still no show.

bleak entry...AREGHHH.

life IS NOT BLEAK!!!! I CHOSE THIS PATH...every mortal should be responsible for the decision that he/she makes!! i have decided to not lead a bleak path AND i have chosen this way into the Automation and Robotics industry. I SHALL STICK TO MY WAY and PATH!

LET NOT minor bumps on the road bring me to the depths. let the minor bumps bring out my better, more refined self~

today, woke up with an outcry from my body to rest. didnt even feel like waking up. hrm...currently, flu-ing(means that having flu currently). didnt have a good sleep. the only thing i thought of before sleep was Mr Sunharto's micromouse program. the only thought i woke up with is ALSO his program.

why am i looking at his program? Mr Sunharto is another lecturer at alpha centre. he is renowned to own the micromouse competition with the shortest time possible. o.0" imagine that! looking through his program has definitely brought new heights to how i look at stuff, logically.

why does his program have such importance to occupy my brain? like i have said, i have to complete my ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) PBL(problem based learning). it is to do up something similar to Mr Sunharto. my project consist of a micromouse who goes into a maze to find all the black tapes on the side of the wall of the maze. after the mouse have found all, the mouse would be required to display the number of black tape found as well.

current progress: shld be able to come up with something by today.

notice that alot of things are starting to go downhill.

it seems like the JC days again. whereby, i am again caught up in all the school work, projects and assignment to hand in. arrghh...something MUST BE DONE. EXTREME MEASURES~!

nothing have been done for the ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) PBL(problem based learning). yet to test the sensors, dun even know the syntax for the programming. and everything is due at next week's presentation.

as for Zer0, next week is the last week to do anything else for it before the 3rd and last review. and i do mean the programming. also have yet to figure out the syntax for it as well.

not to mention the line-up of tests, assignments(even from my inter-discipline module MQE[MindQuest for Excellence]) going to break out soon. and i do mean into half. this situation is totally similar to the one i had at JC. guess wat, the outcome wasnt favourable and sweet. so i shall survive this period...somehow.

currently, seated at home.

last nite, while i started to work on my feng shui arrangement for 2006, i discovered something astonishing. oh...maybe i should cover why i was doing my feng shui arrangement for 2006.

as everyone knows, 2006 is the year of the Dog. since i was born on the year of the Dog, this means that 2006 i will 犯太岁. for those who are still ignornant heres the brief overview. in every year, there will be a presiding 太岁(aka lord). this 太岁 is considered the lord as least for that year he presides. Each 太岁 will take turn to preside and altogether there are 12 of them. within that year, all those people who were born under the same horoscope as 太岁 will be deemed as being insolent to 太岁. hence the term 犯太岁. there are actually a few more ways to offend the 太岁, but it does lead to any good ending. 太岁 is usually revered as the one who handles everyone's luck within the year that he presides. so in order to get to his good side, there are 2 ways the Chinese have had developed.

1) at the beginning of that year, pray and give offerings to the 太岁 that is goin to preside and which you have offended through 犯太岁

2) there is actually something terribly wrong about your personal feng shui and needs to be adjusted.

haha...since i will 犯太岁 on 2006, i have decided to take the 2nd option and hope for the best. thus i was looking through my personal feng shui. and guess what i found? hmmph...it seems that THERE IS something terribly wrong with my feng shui. its drawing up quite a fair bit of loneliness, accidents, misfortune and impedance in career. everything seems so crystal clear right now.

kinda of explains the past few post of loneliness cries. heres the apologies to all those that have companied me through that period. i was my fault for not keeping my feng shui in check. the impedance in career also kinda of explains my recently poor attitude and carelessness in my studies. arrghh!!! AND i am goin to put a stop to all this...

i know its not good to blame and point fingers. oh well~ i need an outlet to vent :)

now working hard to regain my feng shui...

i am back here again. back here to lament and complain about my life. back here to lament and complain about ... loneliness

it has struck again. once someone told me that what you focus on expands. i guess i am too focus to put loneliness behind that eventually i made it a much bigger problem than i have realised.

i wish to have someone to live on the green meadows jus on the cliff overlooking the sea. in the morning, we would watch the sunrise and listen to the sea wash the shore. in the hot afternoon, we would bathe and enjoy ourselves in the sea. when night fell, we would lay on the wide meadows counting each and every stars. we could tend to a small bed of flowers and relax the days that pass us by.

what i need is more than jus bestiary pleasures of the body. what i need is someone whom i can talk to. someone whom i can resonant my thoughts with. someone whom i can share my days and woes with. someone whom is willing to let me be a part of her life.

can there be one who can satisfy this? am i asking for too much? for the though of this loneliness is purely devasting. when you cry over spilt milk, the crying helps to allievate the guilt away. however, what do you do when you are lonely? can the company of friends do any good? i wished and hoped that the company of friends could be an alternative source. however, the 'agony' is still there, nothing resolved

in art of war, one of the worst case scenario is when your troops are attacked when you are halfway acrossed the river. in such situation, the general usually has to decide between retreating back to the bank his troops left, or make it to the other side, or staying put and fight. all decisions has its con weighing heavily down on the commander and his troops.

hence my situation. while crossing the river of life, i am attacked by loneliness. do i continue crossing the river? or do i wait for the reinforcement(the solution to loneliess) to arrive?

we have been on quite talking terms. i am basically not ashamed nor held back when talkin to her. it was only recently that i felt that i am slowly withdrawing from her. i seem to mind what she does, who she meets, what she says or even mind that she's not around sometimes. i guess i withdraw because i felt afraid. afraid of what might be? afraid of? afraid of my inadequate, in short inferiority complex. what i ask for now is a sign. a visible sign to continue to hem and haw or to take the great leap forward.

made some changes today...actually made one change today.

started to converse more with huiling, as advised from a fren. although still cant remove that mental restriction of talkin to her. oh well, its a start anyway. why the change? no idea. who made you made the change? not important anymore since the change has already begun. how did the change begin? never begun but catalyse started by a fren. when did it begun to change? just a few moments ago. what changed? nothing i hope. however, things are not always within control and expectation.

i guess its now quite official. i have been branded as the senior consultant and advisor by huiling. seems that she appreciates the deep thought i have, the advice that i give and remembers them all by hard. wa...such sincerity, i guess it can pretty much move mountains and sea, much less my unfeeling heart. she really knows how to make moves man. i might be checkmate within another short period of time, you never know. hmmm...and it all begun with my hahas' and oh oks'

it really feels so good to be appreciated and held in awe for once, at least once in a lifetime. haha...stupid male ego workin my brains again...hahahaha...

before that i was talkin to my dad about the chapter on Tolerance which i jus studied in Mechatronic System Design. haha...being a precision engineer himself, he jus went on and on about his work. he even took out some drawings he got off his hands, jus to scare my bloody brains out. the drawings look out of this work, not to mention the terrible printing and bad choice of fonts(which confuses readers between '5' and '6').

i was really not very in the mood and apitude to listen to him. however, i jus stayed. well, you never know when new things might jus pop, although i dun quite understand the stuff that is already spewing from dad's mouth. haha...but one thing that i have learnt. dad's life lesson are never to be taken lightly. you might not be able to get his point or understand his lessons, later in life you will realise for sure that he was right. haha...i think i have inherited his style of thinkin WAY ahead of everyone, and sometimes, TOO AHEAD.

dun ask me how or why i write...but i jus feel like writing...

although i cant proclaim that i have found the secret of life, but i can safely say that at least i know what i am born to do. to think, ponder, analyse and conclude.

ever since the MindQuest for Excellence module in Ngee Ann Poly 2005, i know my life has somehow changed. in MindQuest for Excellence module, Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP) was taught. in NLP, i learnt that the brain had 2 parts, the conscious and the sub-conscious. the more intriguing part was not that fact, however, it was that the conscious mind actually had to lead and guide the sub-conscious mind. reason?

the sub-conscious(subC) mind and the conscious(C) mind was made different. the subC was made more to multi task, work holistically, think in terms of intuition and store information. the C was however, more in tuned to think linearly or singularly(depending on different individual), analyse and place judgement.

all my life, i thought that it was my subC whom i should listen to. i was wrong. the subC cannot make judgement calls like the C can. the subC also has the inability to analyse any situation or problem. so in NLP, we were taught that the C shld be the master of our lives. and since C has a memory problem, therefore, it is imperative that we remember ourselves the directions or goals that we wish to head. i had no problems with all that information up till then. well not at least my subC started to think.

i realised that the key point i have been missing out is that i still dun understand myself. to fully understand myself i will have to make myself fully conscious of all my actions, behave and reactions. which also means that i will have to analyse my subC using my C. come to think of it, in my life till now, my C wasnt fully responsible for most of the actions, behaviour or reactions. it was my subC that was mostly responsible. most of my actions, behaviour and reactions were instinctive, something my subC was really good at.

for the benefit of those who are truly deeply lost in my thoughts, here is a simplified version. think of the brain as a computer. there are 2 parts to this computer, the conscious(C) and the sub-conscious(subC).

for example, at a subC level, the computer will draw electricity as would i draw breath. the computer at a subC level, will carry out all previously scheduled anti-virus checks, port checks and list goes on. drawing parallel, my body at a subC level, also does bacteria and viral checks, if such is found, my body reacts with either flu, fever, or antibodies.

for example, at a C level, the computer will react to whatever reactions it recieves from its users. liken to me, i will react to people once i am peeved or once i am ignored, or even when i am threatened.

so the point here that i am trying to make is that, i find it imperative to understand the programming of the subC of our brain. this is, i feel, the reason of life. the reason why humans keep reproducing children and the reason why humans record their knowledge.

o~~~came back and settled down in front of my laptop.

came back from cycling and kayaking in East Coast. haha...today is supposed to be a school day. However, since tomorrow is a public holiday, i have self declared a holiday for myself. yea~~~

cyclin was to urge my itch for cyclin and well kayaking was to try something new. haha...kayaking was fun and easy to pick up. oh, pointers for those first-timers, try not to get sea water into your eyes. it gets pretty irritated, i mean the eyes. although i had wanted to kayak as long as possible. i got super exhausted within the first hour of the rental already. phew~ and now i look like some lobster. still got this wavy shaky feeling of being seated in a SOT(sit on top) kayak.

haha...on this trip, sometime struck my brain. haha...it was that everyone of us actually had the capacity. however, it is jus stored in the great big vault of sub-conscious. as i have noticed that, our brain will sometimes quite instincitve do something to react to certain information obtained by the brain. i hope that i can bring more of these sub-conscious thoughts into the conscious analysis.

till now...my brain has already gone into several periods of 'off' mode and sleep...so i guess i had better to...

here i am...relative to the past few post, i would say its been a looong time.

significant things happen to me every now and then. oh...you dont believe? hehe...anything is significant if you know what you can learn from it. although alot happens in daily life, i am sometimes not even compelled to write them down. due to the fact of butterfly effect. however, i shall as clearly as possible and as accurately as possible, put into words the significant events that i can really write about.

thursday, was quite a disappointment. actually had plans to watch the latest movie by Tsui Hark, Seven Swords. ended up being all alone. haha...well not exactly there. in the end met up with benny and kumar. had a hell of a time. :)

friday, which was yesterday, mirgraine. bad sign. mirgraine does let me become another person. haha...like Jekyll and Hyde, only not so extreme in character. oh, jus started READING habit. yes, i didnt type wrong and you didnt see wrong. i READ other than astrology books, now. started with the graphic novel League of Extrordinary Gentlemen. haha...not exactly anything to rave about, but its goin to improve...i hope.

another discovery i made during these few days. it seems that when you start to like an individual, you tend to focus on that person. you will keep that person so in focus that everything that individual does becomes unbearable. every little and minute detail is carefully scrutinised, analysed and hated over and over again. or is it jus me?

everything is going quite smoothly. takin on a few projects lately. first its Zer0, next is the Tan Kah Kee Award project that i am still trying to embark and third a presentation for a Green Project.

everything for Zer0 is about done. mechanical design and PCB(printed circuit board) design. the things to do now is to construct the physical body, send the PCB design to be fabricated and start programming.

as for the Tan Kah Kee Award project, i still need to carry out some experiments before i start. starting to become a drag and burden, need desperate motivation.

the Green Project, is actually a joint project with a few other courses. wei yi and i have be selected to present it. now in the midst of understanding the program codes, which is all written in Ladder Diagram(a programmin language used in PLC[Programmable Logic Controller]). not that i am too full of myself, but i think that the codes can be better. so now in the midst of understanding and improvin the codes.

jus as i am about to give everything up, stuff always happen. suddenly, i grown so intelligent about the the affairs of the heart.

jus as i was walkng back, my brain suddenly short-circuited. then comes the question. how does one know that a person of the opposite sex is in fact interested in you? it jus suddenly occur to me that there is an analogy in electrical world.

ever wonder how a computer know when is it a 1 and when is it a 0? by referencing it with Ground(GND) or digital ground(AGND). a subtraction is done with the unknown and the reference, GND. thus if, the result is closer to the reference, then its considered 0, else consider 1. hahaha...the above is actually a simplified theory of what actually goes on. so pardon my lack of detailed knowledge.

anyhow, back to topic. so how do you know if someone is interested in you? through the Difference! he/she will be treating you quite differently. so by noticing these changes a clear 'signal' can be obtained. however, do watch out. even in electrical world, the reference can also be unstable due to noise. hence, the Difference might not be so easily recognised. beware.

haha...in that light, to woo or to go after someone of the opposite sex, create the Difference. that is where the normal you comes in. she will have to get used to that normal you and verify it as your 'reference' behaviour. once she recognise that as the YOU, Difference can start to be created. simple? well, whats not easy with words?

shld i preserve to keep my head above dark murky water(affairs of heart) and all else? haha...maybe i shld ask the person who always keep asking me to perserve. haha...yar i think that person know who she is.

back here to say my piece.

over dinner i jus remembered something taught in Neuro-Linguistic Programming Inter-disciplinary module, which i am currently takin in Ngee Ann. the conscious mind will lead the sub-conscious mind. hence i have decided, to take charge. to once and for all stamp down and concentrate 200% on my studies and projects.

being a libra, it doesnt help in makin decision. there is the part of me that goes, WHAT IF. what if this huiling is the one? OR what if the one comes along and i am all engrossed in my studies and my life only? then i answer back, what if she doesnt? being pessimistic has its perks...:)

here comes the reason. i cannot possibly 'what if' every other single and available girl that comes along. that would be totally mistake, not to mention totally pathetic. mistake meaning, i have to live my life. i cant have these topics surround me all the time. once or twice...ok no prob. however, i cant just live in these topics, its not healthy. there are alot more things to do. things like er...cant think of any thing now, maybe later something will show. the POINT is, GET on with your life already.

life isnt all about girls. there is the POWER, not to mention WEALTH and FAME. so many things to purse and you choose girls. haiz. things will work out, eventually. EVENTUALITY(defined by princeton:a possible event or occurrence or result).

let not heart affairs bother thee. let thee rest in thy own daily chores and play. let i who hath too much time in fantasy land return. let not the fates play us out. steer thy life as thee fit and not let wild obscure thoughts run.

yes...i am back. back here to blab about myself and my insignificant life. haha...just joking not to so pessimistic.

however, i do feel kinda of withdrew from the crowd. somehow, i feel that there is no more meaning in the crowd. when you have lost that face you look for in the crowd, i guess you will have that kinda of withdrawal too. i didnt lose anyone physically, if thats what you are wondering. humph...

life has been rather busy for me lately. projects deadlines draw ever so near, and i have planned for myself to pick up ever more things to do. wahahahaha...feels like i am trying to numb myself? oh well...maybe i am. numb from? who knows.

oh...one important thing to add. recently, i got to know this indonesian girl who is currently in beijing, i guess. i posted my interest as astrology and stated that i knew some knowledge of it. then poof...there she was, on MSN. her name is huiling, and she is a virgin(HOROSCOPE, no indication of sexual activity) of my age.

ever since then, she has been the only one so far that has so consistently converse with me, or at least i try to. till date, i can confidently say that she is the ONLY one who has so consistently tried to converse with me. everytime she is online, she is bound to drop a line or two. er...not to mention those kissing winks and heart-everywhere winks. i guess its obvious i am not so comfortable with that...because i feel like i am being woo-ed.

when i told mummy about it, she was (unable to describe that expression of hers). she said,"ok, wat. dun think so much, relax lar." anyway, she is the type who thinks that when a guy and girl sleep around, guys are always on the upper hand and girls at the losing end. so i guess what mummy wants is for me to enjoy being woo-ed, IF thats the case.

oh...well, cant say i talk alot to her. the most frequent words i use are like 'haha', 'k', 'tks' and 'got to go'. not very inclined to talk to her though, however, she seems to be able to confide in me though. weird huh? i think so too.

goin for dinner...maybe will write later.

its been a long time since i wrote. haha...obvious.

today happy day, well at least for this moment. i jus completed the printed circuit board(PCB) design for Zer0, so whats not to be happy about? :)

in acutal fact, this current design which i have just completed is the 2nd board. the first board is a 110mm by 83mm board. there are empty spaces here and there, everything was cleanly done up. cleanly because i had done half of the routing manually and half by the auto-route feature of Design Explorer Protel 99SE. yea!!! the manual parts that i did do is to try and make the routes more efficient. meaning, to the human eyes the routes dun look too stupid. well, humans do have the more complex mind. so that was that.

that board when through 2 person and suffered some feedback(choice of words:instead of failure; there is no failure in design). first off was from Mr Goh, the resident techincal support officer(TSO) at Alpha Centre, weichien and i were attached to him for technical support. meaning, he was our life bouy if we should meet up with any problems in the project. and oh...our team is PZ20(coded by alpha centre...hmph). anyhow, from first glance Mr Goh could tell it was a auto-route work. WOW! then he gave PLENTIFUL of places for me to watch out and improve.

next off, Mr Lim. he is our project supervisor. he seems kinda of FORGETTFUL and kinda of bias against the teams competiting in the Singapore Robotics Games(SRG). blah blah blah...its always his US sumo people(those teams who were attending the RoboGames 2006 Sumo robot catergory). anyhow, he gave more ideas and of course that would translate to more work and re-do. that eventually lead to the birth of the 2nd board...YEA!!!

the second board, is a 9 by 9cm board. totally manual routed. following certain ideals of routing provided by Mr Goh and QiJing(ex-classmate in JJC, who is now doing project in Alpha Centre too). tailoring to the requirements by Mr Lim as well. FINALLY, it has a birthdate. :)

everything is progressing well in Zer0. the body should be out soon. the PCB design once approved by Mr Lim , will be out in fabrication for 2 weeks. Anticipation!!!!

thinking back jus this morning, a certain 'thirst' has awaken. was it the packet of Lays potato chips that i had for dinner yesterday? nope...was it jus because i woke up from my drooling sleep? nope. i was something more, something deep.

the yearn for another companion has grew ever more. someone to share my thoughts, someone to share my happy moments, someone to share my time with, someone to be with and someone to hug with. that 'thirst' almost prevented me from the completion of my board. just another lonely soul in this big and crowded world. paradoxical? o.o

today is also my grandma's birthday. this is my maternal grandma. how old is she, you ask. seriously, i have no idea. what i do know is that she got married during the WWII and for that, her every day is already a blessing.

today is goin to be another crowded session of relatives. sigh... ... ...is there anyone there to quench my 'thirst'?

after yesterday's fierce battle at the badminton court, my right hand have problem closing. the muscle(in the lower arm) that is controlling the grip motion and the wrist motion hurts!!!! ouch! and to think i went to work today.

yea...went to harvest catering to work today. same old same old, setup ready for people to dine. after which, clean up after them. the usual rountine that my mummy did for at least 20 years of my life.

during one of trips to and fro, my brain started its engine. then i was thinking, wouldnt it be nice, to be working all day and come back to have something that someone special made for you. hmmmm...sweet. no i am not from any non-profit marriage organisation trying to promote marriage.

however, the whole idea jus turns me on. yea! well it dun have to be meal, it could be a muffin that she has been trying hard to make or perfect(which is the better scenerio). or even a simple cookie. heart-warming sight. ahhhh....!

so i guess i am one of those, that you might consider the stomach guy. however, i dun necessary need to taste gourmet standard food. i taste the sincerity in the food rather than the food. besides food is jus food. make it so delicious also end up being nothing.

oh...another thing. i saw face to face my first Rolls Royce. car plate number was SFM 288. wow! spectacular! (drooling)

Zer0 is now on the way to its 2nd review. Weichien is now doing the 2D drawings for all the mechanical parts. i am now still trying to design the most route efficient PCB layout. actually i am still quite lost in the PCB design and layout.

current location : at Ngee Ann Poly canteen 1

plan for today :
1) try my best to teach Skye MPI(microprocessor programmin and interfacing)[my 2nd year module]

2) do routing for the PCB which i have finished placement of components jus yesterday. [tons of satisfaction and zest after completion]

3) play badminton after school at pasir panjang christ church. making use of their multi-purpose hall. hehe...althougn not christian but i know Jesus is kind enough to loan me the courts FOC for one session.

all these events are achievable with the trusty support of my new/old phone. oh...guess i didnt rave about the new/old phone that i got. haiz...maybe its because of the price i paid for it. i paid cash S$98 plus i trade-in another phone of mine. i got Nokia 6100(i think). traded in my nokia 8310...sniff sniff. to me, the 8310, was more than a phone. with it containing all the memories, scratches and fingerprints of my past.

however, the phone gave up on me instead. it chose to auto delete the actual physical memory it has, making it highly usable for me. so for the period before i got this new/old phone, i was using one of the phone in my brother's collection, nokia 8850.

i was actually jus contended with a phone to use actually. it was actually my brother who kept hounding me to get a new phone, so that he could have his 8850 back. apparently, he thinks that i am doin tons of damage to the phone. well...i cant say that is not entirely false accusations. rather, how can you use something without giving it a scratch or 2, or even bumbing it off something. hehe...

so EVENTUALLY, after many sessions of nag, violent 'takeovers' and tireless persuasion, i gave in. i got a new/old phone. a brand new 2nd-hand phone, well, minus the brand new. at least it looks relatively brand new to me. oh well...it does feels thin-er and more non-existant than my 8310.

the good thing about the phone being a 2nd-hand phone is that it has quite a number of previous settings. things like GAMES which i like. for example, pro mahjong and big 2(card game, more popular within the Asian region).

oops gotto skye is here

now...in front of my computer staring blankly.

suddenly, nothing inside brain.

mummy jus know was inquiring into my future exams and holidays. when i told her the last and final exam was in sept, she totally freaked.

"SO soon you graduating?" mummy ASTONISHED.

guess that she was kinda of expecting me go for the long service award in Ngee Ann Poly. well guess what, no mummy, i am not going for that award. i am trying to get my diploma asap, no time to lose.

btw, did i address the issue how weird my mummy behaves? i guess i got most of my genes from her. hehe...

there was this one time where i got a GPA of 3.963(highest possible of 4). being the eage-to-please-and-impress-mummy kinda of guy, i told her the good news straight. well, it turns out REALLY annoying.

"You didnt get 4?" mummy again ASTONISHED.

although mummy hasnt been one of those mums whose always on their sons back prancing around in hopes of good grades, life is still tough. she was always on my back prancing to keep me afloat and not to fail. it was a straight downward path from 90+ marks in primary 1. she even demostrated that if i continue the graph, i would still pass my primary 5 but fail primary 6. hehe...

she is always the grade booper also. whenever, i score well for test, it will be near hard to impress her, even if i would be the only one that pass in the class(rare to near extinct chances).

"why compare yourself to those who did worst than you? why dun compare to those who did better than you?" mummy in an defensive tone.

trust me, it was never in her motive to see her dearly beloved son in the top ranks(even though it would defintely be a really beautiful appraisal as a mummy). she jus wanted her son to be normal, no pressure and live out his potential. that brings us to the next topic. the mental abacus classes she signed up for me while at tender childhood.

the class was real interesting AT THE BEGINNING. what class isnt interesting at the beginning? the hard part was keeping up as the level rose. did it improve my mental calculation abilities? well, those who know me knows best. hehe. the more important question was why did i stick with it? NO idea. i jus showed up for class all the way till i was very much near the top of the ranks(3rd highest ranks). plentiful of certs which illustrated my participation at certain prestigious events(mental calculation examination). the venue was cool, it was at erm...some ballroom somewhere downtown.

anyhow, managed to convince my mummy to let me quit. my brother, took the same class as me, but he was more devious. he failed a few test, proved his incompetence and incapabilities. mummy had no choice but to withdraw him. GREAT! it actually took me more pains to fail than to pass. arghh!!!

then again, mummy didnt gave me much stress nor pressure, was only there to nag and keep me afloat in the education system. AND i am proud to say that she has done excellent job. thanks mummy(salute).

she is always on the lookout for my welfare. whenever, near exam periods, i will get special brew of chinese medical concotions. not forgetting the all important indgredient, the essence of chicken. on the usual days, she will keep her eyes peeled for the next available, cheap and good tuition.

tuition was the only pastime in my childhood years. the rest of the childhood years are either spent in front of the TV or at the playgrounds near the tuition. day in day out, it has always been awakening, school, home, tuition, home and sleep. do i resent her for my hectic lifestyle? ....truthfully, there was this time at a particular moment in my life where i did. i resented myself for going to so many tuition. then again, resentment didnt get me this far in life.

recently, i hate waking up in the middle of the night. why? because when i do, i feel all alone. then i will proceed on to hug my 2nd pillow tightly, so tight that it has in recent times deformed.

even though i know that hugging a pillow is no permanent solution. my brain has no solution to offer my body. why is there such longing to be hugged? i heard people say that its due to the lack of hugs due my infancy years that lead to the vast desire to be hugged and assured. well, i dun remember much about my infancy years. however, what i do remember is that since the beginning of my memory, i dun think i have hugged anybody because of an urge to hug. hmmmm...weird. hehe...wanna know who was in mind when the urge to hug came? hehe...

oh...back to the topic about me writing blog. a few days back, a fren mentioned that he actually wanted to start writing blog, but was totally clueless about it. being frens, i told him how i did it.

whenever, i start to write a post, i would have this certain scenerio in mind. i would imagine myself being the reader in one fine day, where i had lost all memories of my past. this blog is supposed to provide as accurate as possible details to the daily significant events in my life. well maybe not daily, but most significant events in my life. those big shockers, small happiness and interesting thoughts.

within this blog i try as much as possible to embed my emotions at that current moment. if not, this whole blog might jus as well be known as the biography of maxferes. i didnt like history, due to it the stiffness of content. eeek.

the extra audience is jus secondary concern. then this whole issue starts, if i didnt have the extra audience as primary motive, then why am i doin it online? the whole branding of being a show-off cum attention seeker starts. humph...

i should by explaining why i chose to leave my memories online rather than other alternatives. firstly, i dun quite like to write. i dun have a nice handwriting and yes, i do know that practice makes perfect, but i am jus not quite inclined to do it. this is further explained in the next point. another thing is about coherent thinking. my thoughts are more attuned to the typing fingers rather than the writing hand. thus multiple correction arise when i write, because i think too slowly than my writing hand. however, when i type, my fingers think the thoughts for me. somehow, they sync.

hehe...although the electronic writing more for multiple correction writing. however, i make less correction that when i do on writing. or is that my impression...:)

secondly, the hassle of a diary. sooner or later, the diary is goin to run out of pages. then what? get new diary? where do i store the old ones? eventually all diaries get stored in some part of earth in Singapore. the impression of internet that i have is linked with forever. thus my memories can be forever stored, hopefully stored away.

hmmm...i guess thats all the excuse i can think of for my actions to write my memories online.

this is the 2nd day of prep BATTLE ROYALE. the first day ended quite alright till i stepped out of the prep BATTLE ROYALE arena and realised a vital mistake. haiz...sigh. now can only look forward to the future.

LiNG has been named to Zer0. why? apparently, weichien suddenly didnt like the name. actually the whole idea is to name it zero and ling is the chinese pronounciation(hanyu pin yin) for zero.

finally settled...

the courts has heard both side of the story. the case has been resolved. respective sides have come to a consensus.

on my part, i have and will publicly acknowledge the sorrows, distress and trouble of any sort or more. hence, i would like to hereby apologise to the affected party through 2 ways. first, my public APOLOGY. second, the withdrawal of the previous 2 post.

through this incident(friday sushi incident), i have learnt that, i am TOO FAST for the world around me. or in another words, i am too implusive. implusivly implusive and too reactive.

i believe in solvin ANY problem asap. for the rest of the human race, there may exist such a thing as a cool off period. however, its a total myth for me. if i cannot solve a problem, the warm on period begins. the longer the warm on period, the least likely i will even care about solvin the problem. this is an obvious trait when i do maths problems.

the warm on period varies with each problem also. the more interest invested in the problem the more likely to warm on faster. the least interest invested in the problem the less likely to warm on faster. thats why, math is my strong subject. not because i have interest in it. :) weird....

another thing is about this trust thing that i have for people around me. i dun usually trust people around me. sad to say, but true. unless i have uncovered that truth does flow from them. then again, truth in relative to who?

this trust that i have from people stem from the trust that i hope to have from them. like i have said in previous post, to recieve you have to first give. in chinese charater 舍得, the first character 舍 comes from 舍弃(to abandon) the second character 得 means to get. in order of the character, first to abandon then will you recieve. 舍得 in literally means the willingness. hence this is one of my many weird and exotic root beliefs.

in actions, every word that spills from my mouth holds a certain level of responsiblity and commitment. i will try to be responsible for my comments. i will also try to stay committed to my every promise. since the world is not all round, i will bear responsiblity to try and uphold and explain for my failure.

yesterday night...(censored by XXXX XX XXXX, XXXXXX; personal request)...so thats that.

tml...everything will be said and recorded...now, rest for the beginning of the prep BATTLE ROYALE that starts tml.

today...the graduation ceremony for the Mechanical Engineering School jus ended(1600++). i was part of the ceremony as an usher. comin next year, i will be the major part of it. Mechanical Engineering School houses my course, Mechatronics Engineering.

i have been thinkin long and hard about my future plans. the most ideal would be that i get headhunted jus after i graduate and HOPEFULLY the company/organisation decides to further my studies. well, this is the most ideal situation.

a few other alternative would be to start work immediately after graduation. however, mummy seems to not agree to that. well, i was actually hoping to get some money rolling in, instead of helping her spend her income. its actually bad enough that i have wasted my 2 years and my parents's 2 years worth of resources on me. the urge to take care of them grows ever so steadily. in most of the games i play, i understood that timing is often of the utmost importance. now i guess its still not time to enter the job market yet.

so last option, to continue studies. luckily i got it quite planned out already. most likely, i will get myself into NTU Degree in Mechatronics(stream). i decided to stick back to the mechatronics industry. i have actually heard many accounts from lecturers that most of the students will diverge into either mechanical or electrical. however, i think my passion is too deep into mechatronics already. hehehe. all this studying at the expense of my parents AGAIN. haiz...the predicted year that i will have finished my degree will be around 2009. If i get into direct honours, it will be at 2010. by then the world will be in another pattern already.

during my free time at my ushering job, i looked around at the achievements of the gold medalist and shrunk in response. how am i supposed to join their ranks with my puny contributions? i think i had better hide myself in shame and solitary corner. nevertheless, even if i cant be half as great as the medalist, i shall try my best to narrow the gulf between us.

current stats :
GPA (max. 4)=3.898[3.963,3.833]
6-AD 3-A+ 2-A 2-B+ 1-B
CCA score=3 points(pathetic)
deadline...till december 2005

oh...by the way...the last round of Battle Royale is scheduled at sept 2005 and the prep Battle Royale period is jus next week. here i am, letting my thoughts run wild on tons of other matters. CONCENTRATE!!!!!!! the last BATTLE!! let there be no regrets and no looking back.

current geographical location : Ngee Ann Library, level 4, Magellan room.
mission : to study for the upcoming common test

not forgetting the piece i wrote last nite. actually i had more to write. other than the factual happenings, i wanna write about the other things that happened.

i guess it is true that when a person is alone, he will tend to discover more of himself. i did. throughout this trip, i didnt think i would expect anything, i thot everything would jus happened like in the last trip. a trip to numb my senses.

as i mentioned before, i was actually quite tensed for this trip. with all the information, about this mount ophir being spirited mountain, about havin to calm my parents down before each and every long distance trips and about havin to mentally prep myself to up the mountain.

haha...sometimes someone does say that i think too much. haha...i think so too. if i can manifest my brains onto my body, i guess i can enter the Mr ManHUNK competition. i jus cannot help but consistently flex my brain cells. the worst part is that whenever i get too tense, i will flex it so much that my body has difficulty getting rest, which means i dun sleep. haha...this part my mummy knows best.

remembering in primary school, i can actually get so panicky about homework being undone that i wake up in the wee hours to complete it. then mummy will come and get my arse back in bed so that she can sleep peacefully also. hahaha...

thus on this trip, i pushed myself to sleep and rest as much as possible, as i was afraid of wat my tensed up brain will do to my physical capability. as expected, my body stayed wide awake, due to my tensed bomardment of electric signals in the head.

i had to stray my thots to calm myself down. in the end, i went to bed with the thots of [her] in my mind. who is [her]? definitely not my mummy nor my grands nor any other girls that i know and NO not puteri gunung ledang(the mysterious princess of the mountain). i guess maybe its because [she] has been lingering around my electric signals for a few days before the trip.

after the succeess of first trial of that special brain medication, i have been taking the medication throughout this trip. every moment i cant get to sleep, i bring [her] image into mind. the thot of getting back to singapore to see [her], is the main drive that i have to get me on the summit. i was so driven that i could even help motivate my buddy on this trip up the summit too. fyi(for your information), my buddy for this trip was Mr Ang PG, 47 years old ECE lecturer at Ngee Ann Poly.

...whats my problem? none...jus concentrate on the studies and project for now.

wahahhahaha...back in singapore in ONE GOOD SOLID PIECE!!!!yes!!!!and heres the recap

july 8 left for malaysia(where else but there?) again its another school CCA thingy. left at around 2000++ on public transport to Woodlands customs took bus to Msia customs . amazing, the customs were relatively empty at around midnite. hehe...looking at the previous statement, i suddenly realised i made no sense. hahahaha....oops. everything was a breeze, not the kind of 'jam' that i was expecting to get caught in. THANK YOU organisers!!! JIELING...heres thanks to you. [xie xie ni de yong xin liang ku]

when we came out of msia customs the first mission was to get to City Square to wait for our charted bus. heres the part where we came head on and face off with malaysian efficiency. THE BUS WAS LATE. correction, not late. late is often defined by the inability to meet the appointed time within range of time from 5mins to 30mins to an hour. we were at City Square so long, i that i thot we were waiting for the first public transport to get us to mount ophir. cheez...

again, TAS confiscated my super-featured watch. haiz...no more compass, alitude meter, barometer, temperature and TIME!...the bus finally made a stop in its long journey to Gunung Ledang(mount ophir) Resort. the bus stopped at a canteen at Yong Peng for a while. this canteen is practically like my second home when i am in Malaysia.

whenever, i pop to genting highlands in malaysia, the coach will usually make a stop there. not counting the umpteen times that i visit malaysia, you can perhaps tell why that was liken to a second home. well, i guess most singaporean will have come by to this canteen at Yong Peng too. cos i do believe that there are alot of singaporean coaches who makes pit stops here(erm...i mean there in yong peng)

talk about being singaporean. one characteristic i think we have is the ability to be so early, in order to be so kiasu.(please look up Singlish dictonary at talkingcock.com)not forgetting this trait, we reached the gates of Gunung Ledang at the super wee hours of the morning. so early that even the shops situated jus outside the resort's gates were not even open. well, what to do? sleep..zzz...zzz.z.z.z..z

i managed to catch some zees while on the way from city square to yong peng and then to gunung ledang gates. now we even had more time to catch the zee monster at the small side road jus outside of the gunung ledang gates.

i wasnt awaken by anyone, more accurately, i was awakened by EVERYONE. the busy bustling and hustling of everyone, woke me up to a beautiful morning and a beautiful sight. the sight of the roti prata on the pan. not to mention that everyone was quite literally brrr~~~~cold.

jus then i got hold of Myi Myi Tun(aka ah Hua华) to get some prata and teh tarik together. ah hua is from mymanar(hopefully i spelt it correctly) and IS a guy. he is around the same age as my younger brother(3 years). i think we got along quite well due to the small age difference.

the teh tarik and prata really warmed our cold stomach like cure. after the warming welcome of gunung ledang at her gates we proceeded with the beginning of our trek UP! it was actually a rule to have at least 1 ranger to lead a company of 10 person. thus we were introduced our rangers and off we go.

in order to protect the nature and environment, there were specfic rules about littering offences. well since TAS(the adventure seekers), us, were jus there to trek and not to destory, we obeyed the rules faithfully. to the point, that we even had internal rules not to bring soap and shampoo unless these proudcts are bio-degradable. hehe...i guess this is a small effort but at least we are moving in the direction of a greener enviroment.

the rest of the memory is all blurred. i think its probbably due to the mental stress that i subject myself to. even before the trek, the TAS council have on quite many occasion told us to prepare for the trek up physically. haha...being the lazy me, obviously i took the EZiest way out. so was actually pushing my body very mentally up the whole mountain. now...suffer the sores!!!!

i can still remember that we reached checkpoint 4 in the afternoon. we then pitched tent and settled into our 8-men tents. the original H-8 members from the previous pelapah waterfall trek came out short of 2 person. haha...but nevertheless, we stuck together at under the same tent, with 2 other guys.

from checkpoint 4, we rested for the afternoon. this would be our base camp aka headquarters. from this base camp, we are supposed to trek off to the summit and watch sunrise at around 0200 in the following morning. the rangers had arranged to have a briefing session at around 1900 in the evening before the trek. haha...till then, we trashed it out at the nearby river.

the water was FREAKIN` COLD. when i first stepped into the waters, it totally re-defined my definition of cold feet. THAT WAS IT, unbelievable. next i tried to squat down. jus as expected, the chillness totally froze my balls(forgive my choice of words for being so crude, but i jus cannot find more appropriate words to describe fully that sensation). the waters was also very clear with fishes swimming around. liken to the pictures that you would find in screensavers. AND i really SEEN it with my own 2 eyes, hear it with my own 2 ears, felt it with my skin and tasted it with my own taste buds the river water so natural.

H-8(6 present) being the male hormones driven young guys touted each another into a challenge of endurance. we challenged each another to partially submerged our bodies till our neck in the cold river water. the first to rise, shld recieve the ultimatum punishment. as the water froze our balls, we tried to psycho each another to get up, so that the rest may get up too. haha...i guess everyone is too driven male hormones, that none got up. being the eldest of the H-8, i couldnt bear to saw the rest suffer. there was ethan, with the LEAST fat content and luke who has about the same bulid as ethan. there was also shawn with the tall body to maintain body heat. i was on the other hand quite settling into the cold water. hmm...wonderin why too? all of a sudden i concentrated and poof i felt warmth all around my body. the thots of hypothermia crossed my mind. i wont want to be the one to tell their parents or even the council the bad news. not to mention, to snatch their chance to watch sunrise. plus, ruin the mood of the whole trip. so i volunteered to stand up. shawn was always the more mature of the group saw the kind intention behind my actions. phew~~one less accident.


haha...i guess i shall end here. spent too much time here already. time for other things.

now...currently at Alpha centre

currently lost ALL possible motivation to continue in the sumo project. y? hmmm...arhhghwefhwogihwogihwegoiha;oib hawoiehf uhr vuidbs n;fmvac sjpf98qgh wboeuivbndlu vsugh vu8her fuags nuqigw h4pf8yh p08f9 jgpq82y uh3jp8fhsvdnf ilauh j[q9u wjfrcv97gpf hunxgimf[p0uj43wf8yvgiun pqw93u4 r[=2 qu49wjvoyguthrjp90u W[3YFH RE78BIVU AR;SLJF [ 40UJGFWEIGURH

oops...vandalise my own blog space. currently, no place available for me to vandalise...sob sob sob sob sob sob. blab...

sad...think that supervisor got problem. he kinda of biased against the SRG(singapore robotics games) team. haha...i think i got attention seeking problem. hahaha...he like more focused on the USA team. hmmph. back to work...enough of blabbing le...

last night had a really bad headache, so i turned in earlier than usual. its one of those not-enough-rest headaches again no worries. this will partly explain my presence at school at this early point of the day.

going to trek mount ophir this comin friday and returning on monday evening.

back to the yesterday post.

back to the point about how lazy i am. pretty much of it, i guess. more accurately, i have been living like an emperor. well not to the extend of havin people change my clothes and soiled pants for me, NOT THAT. think of my laziness as having GREAT amounts of INERTIA. according to simplified newtonian theory, it is the measure of the resistance to move. in other words, the alan law, the laziness rule. i guess this will be the hardes to swallow so far.

as i write this piece, a person came to mind. of course, that is she, what were you expecting?! before i released this 2 post on this blog. i remember telling her about all this. well, not exactly all this. why? cos the both of us were on quite talking terms, VERY talking terms. so i kinda of left out the 1st part.

what happened next? liken to any rotten guys you find on the street, i was too stupid to realise and thus never actually cherish. well...what to do...(sigh). i dun know if she will fit the 2nd and 3rd bill, but she is definitely the one who fits the 1st bill. she fit-ed it so nicely that i didnt think it was essential to ask of her. i guess i shld jus stick back to being analytical. stop using the heart so much.

so whats the status quo between her and me? lets jus say i did some REALLY dumbass things and we are not on that much a talking term as before.(sigh)...i guess this is what they meant by, "you havent tasted loneliness till you tasted companionship"

-----ending this post in realisation of his loss....

good afternoon...alot to write about and blab. or maybe jus none at all.

recently was reviewing wat i look for in a potential soulmate. why? got reminded by an online fren whom i jus got to know about. her name is huiling from indonesia. same age as me and we met through friendster. she was interested to know about what life has installed for her. jus so happens that i was able to satisfy her curiousity. weird, how 2 person can jus meet like that. for the record, she is a virgo.

i am jus doin an unofficial statistical check about the females around or have been around me. then i seem to stand out as a virgo magnet. not that i am booasting, it jus so happens, i click well with virgo. not to mention leos and libras and not forgetting sagi. well, that jus about round things up. hmmm...trend?

anyway, back to main topic. what i look for in a soulmate, preferred species, female. i am not goin to act all high mighty and noble saying that species doesnt matter. well, i find that i can click somehow better with girls. i think it comes with the package at around 16 Oct 1982.

and i know, we shldnt expect without first giving. cant blame me also, no apparent chance for me to even explore what i can give. so here i am making list of what i expect.

i hope to find someone whom i can talk to or talk with. i understood in the past that communications was important. but little had i expect it to be so crucial. that soulmate had to be someone whom i can talk to for ages and ages to come. with no restrictions and limitation of topics. from the weird and unthinkable to the close to heart matters or even problems. to share and to behold even the smallest details of each another's world. ... ...hmmm abit too idealistic, rite?

another expectation. i hope she can be the frank and forward person. a person who knows what she wants and not shy about asking for it. i know this is also TOO idealistic and surreal. at minimal she should have idea what she wants and will at times ask for it.

last point. she must have great tolerance of my laziness. here i am admitting that i am lazy,

comin back later...going for class

yesterday...something really disturbing happened. disturbing meaning it disturbed my sleep ALOT. current location, blk 40at 0830+.

yesterday, met up with a fren, matthew, to talk shop about our business venture and 10 year plan. he was at the moment quite caught up in his half-hanging relationship. furthermore, that seems to be his only source of power to continue on whatever, he is doin now.

so out of concern, he asked about how was that aspect of my life comin along. that meaning the relationship aspect. it was like re-opening an old wound...

recently, or more accurately jus previous post, i did an analytical view and perspective on the topic LOVE. recieved quite a fair bit of thrashing though, and i wondered why. maybe i wasnt kinda of expecting that level of thrashing. cos i thot i had finally shone a light at the dark misty path at this field. oh well, so far no postive comments nor any indication that my theory draws parallel to real-life situation. sigh...

returning back home from the business venture, i felt tired and went to bed immediately. it shld be around midnite when i hit the sack. amazing, i woke up at around 0500+(didnt check the clock). then i tossed and turned on the bed for the next few waking hours. doing wat? thinking...matthew's topic had stayed in my mind long and hard till the point of disturbing my sleep.

imagine...i actually had the power, capability and destructiviness to ruin 2 friendship at a go. wow...and let all beware that when alan has power, he is all foolish, rash and stupid.

after numerous times of reading her blog previously, enlightenment came only at this morning 0715(i actually stood up to look at my alarm clock). i finally saw the light shining at the end of the tunnel. i finally could understand her perspective, understand why she was stumped. it all make sense now.

life was great before affairs of heart entered into alan's life. he was at minimum happy. he was a disturbed, deranged and disllusional but happy in his own right. that was the growing years. change came at around secondary school, when he and messenger of love crossed path. complexity drew.

usually, i will wake around 0730 and still laze around in bed. usually take the 0800 66 bus, reach school at around 0800++ near 0900 jus nice for my 0900 classes. now that i woke up at 0715, i was relatively earlier for my schedule. hmmmm...

jus then i noticed a habit, that i think i jus grew. i went and shave off my facial hair(not including my eyebrows) and trim my nostril hair. haha...the habit is actually not the trimming of my facial hairs. its actually something to do with cleaning. recently i feel that whenever, i feel bored and stressed out. i pick up something to clean. the first was my ledge at the windows. second was my Nalgene bottle. the third is now my face.

weird?...nah~ it think it may be working out to be a good habit. after all, who can say that there can be no stress in life. hehe...so when stress then clean something. end up with a more hygenic environment, less likely to get sick and less likely to be more stressed. :) weird but workable logic. haha...so i guess whenever, you see a really presentable alan. i guess it would mean a really rough patch for alan. so pray you see a really shagged out alan. hahaha...

still lingering on the relationship aspect of my life. haha...despite changin topic here and there... still...haiz!! maybe the next thing will be to keep out of this field for a while...

LiNG progress.....zero