Thank you.

Thank you so much for the past week, for bearing with me and all my shenanigans and anxiety attacks, for waiting for me who is so slow in everything, for keeping me sane through our darkest period and giving me hope when I thought there was none. If it were not for you I would have already given up and prepared to fail.

Despite the torturous 13 hours a day cramming, the multiple anxiety attacks and breakdowns, we managed to pull through. I do not know about you, but I have to admit I loved it when you were there, and have gotten so used to you being there. Now that this is over, I will miss you a whole lot.

It's over. It's all over. And now that you know that you got that question correct we can get some sleep tonight. All your hard work paid off and I am quite sure you will be fine.

Rest well, the future (and your Bentley) awaits!

Tribute to Ben

11 p.m. We're on the couch in the lobby of Building 399, books, pens and iPads all around us. Around us are small groups of people drilling each other with questions all in preparation for the upcoming registration exam.

"Everyone else has an ex-intern helping them..." I start whining.

"My place didn't even have an intern before me, but we'll be OK. We'll get through."

He sounded a little flat. It could have been the fact that he had been studying all day today since 11 a.m., but it was comforting.

We met each other two years ago through a mutual friend, which ironically now whom I no longer talk to (long story...). We wanted to land an internship in hospital, we both failed, landed in the same company, and somehow now we're study buddies. We are having our exams on the same day. We also had our mock test on the same day last week and he suddenly offered me a lift to the venue. After the test he took me straight to uni, up an empty building past locked corridors into an empty lecturers' office, his secret hideout, and said: "We better study."

So for the past few days we have been meeting up at 11 in the morning studying and quizzing each other non-stop until 12 midnight. Yesterday we had a most unusual study session where we walked into a nearby pharmacy roaming the aisles for an hour revising all the different products.

He is several years older than me, drives an open-top four wheel drive which is the only car here which has not given me motion sickness, and gives me a sense of security like the big brother I never had. Our knowledge complements each others' quite well so we learn things from each other, something I would never get if studying alone. If it weren't for him initiating this study buddy thing I would have given up studying and be mentally preparing myself to fail. But together we kind of force each other to study, and at least I now have something in my brain that I can use.

I have not met many people worth holding on to throughout my five years here, and I am not sure if this good relationship will last. I do hope so, because for the first time in a very long time I finally found inner peace. However, even if this is a friendship based on benefits, I guess I'm still thankful for him being here with me through this time of despair.

Shit my boss says 2

1.
So this guy walked in and asked me about meds and stuff. He's pretty good looking. I helped him and went back to the dispensary.
B: "Stop blushing."

2.
B: What happened to you?
M: I'm tired.
B: Try having a kid.
M: ... (Kay fair enough can't complain...)

3.
B: You tired?
M: I'm always tired.
B: Do you want to come in later tomorrow?
This is like the sweetest thing anyone at work has ever said to me and I almost cried...

4.
This doctor who is really cute came in asking about stuff (he's from Europe) so I tried answering his questions. And naturally because he was cute I couldn't help but smile to myself.
B: Oh my god you like blonde guys.
M: No I don't...
B: I saw you flirting with him!
M: I wasn't even mate...
B: You like goldilocks! *proceeds to tell my other supervisor/senior/"work boyfriend" about "Goldilocks"*
M: I hate you...
P.S. Said doctor has become a regular at our place eheheheheheheheheh...

5.
B: (While showing photos of his kid) Look at him. He's so cute. Too bad when he grows up he won't be so cute anymore he'll be like "fuck you daddy".

6.
*Friend from sister store calls*
B: *Picks up phone* SEXYMAN...

7.
This lady came in and accused him of being racist because he served a white lady first.
B: *Shows lady his arm* Look, I'm black (he's very dark) and I'm Asian. So I definitely can't be racist.

8.
B: "It's good if you're black. Look when I lie and I blush no one can tell."
(This was like his best line ever...)

2 days later...

B: I feel sick. Is my face red?
M: If you are I can't tell.
B: (Calls wife on the phone) I think my intern just used my line against me... I didn't expect that...

9.
B: I'm interviewing someone on Wednesday.
M: I thought you found your next intern already.
B: She bailed on me after working with me last weekend.
M: What did you do to her?
B: Nothing!
M: You scared her off mate.
B: I didn't. I just did what I do when I work with you.
M: You sure mate?
B: Yeaaa...
(Silence...)
B: Do I repel you? Is it how I smell? *steps really close and leans across my face*
M: Mate can you not...

I'm finding it really hard to leave this place next year...

Shit my boss says

Just a random collection of the damnedest things my boss has said...

1.
B: Here's a donut.
M: What's the occasion?
B: I wanted one donut, but they come in packs of two...

2.
He refers to my other supervisor as my "work boyfriend".

3.
B: Have a donut.
M: I'll eat it later.
B: I WALKED IN THE COLD WEARING A T-SHIRT TO BUY THIS FOR YOU!

4.
B: You have the day off on Friday.
M: Yea.
(This happened three times within the hour.)
B: You usually say something like "love you", why didn't you say anything today?
M: *Did you just tell me three times I had the day off just to hear me say "love you"?* OK, I love you.
B: That doesn't even count...

5.
B: Where's my phone???
M: *points to phone*
B: You're like my work wife now.

6.
M: *Tries to reach for something on the top shelf*
B: *Comes over and gets it* Why are you so short?

7.
LUNCHATORY!!!
(That means lunch time.)

8.
For no apparent reason...
B: You're moody today. Are you on your period?

9.
B: You know, my kid could have been your kid.
M: What?
B: You both have the same cheeks. (His baby has very chubby cheeks.)
M: You're the worst...

The pill cutter

I'm kickstarting my blog again and starting a new series of my misadventures at work. My first post will be dedicated to the dumbest people of all--- Customers. No don't get me wrong. Some of them are lovely people. But some of them are just empty up there.

Today's story is about a pill cutter.

The discerning intern: I
Old lady who really needs her money back: C

I: Hi, how's it going?
C: Hi, I would like these prescriptions filled. Also I would like to return this pill cutter. It doesn't work anymore.

(Intern looks at pill cutter, notices it is covered in powder, most probably served its purpose cutting pills but is past its prime.)

I: OK. What's wrong with it?
C: It doesn't open up

(Intern tries to open it, sure enough it doesn't open.)

I: When did you buy this?
C: A couple months ago. Look, I don't want to be paying for something I cannot use.
I: And was it like this when you bought it?
C: No. It was fine when I bought it. But now it's stopped working. It doesn't even last. I want my money back. They know me here.
I: Do you have your receipt with you?
C: I don't have it with me, it must be somewhere at home.
I: I don't think you can return this today then.

(Customer dismisses intern, intern dispenses medication, calls customer to collect medications.)

C: Look I think you don't have the right to tell me that I cannot return this. I'm not paying for something I cannot use. I want to speak to someone who can actually do this for me. They know me here.
I: (Sorry what?) Yea sure, do you want to speak to the pharmacist?
C: Who's the pharmacist?
I: (Points at pharmacist) She's over there, do you want to speak to her? (Though I'm pretty damn sure she won't agree.)
C: I don't know her.
I: O... K?
C: I don't know her. Who else is in today?
I: The boys work weekdays, they're not...
C: (Not even gonna let I finish) I'm coming back during the week to speak to someone I know and can do this return for me.
I: Suit yourself.

Look mate. You're being funny. Let's say this was a supermarket, you buy a carton of milk. You drink half a carton and it's abso-fucking-lutely fine. You forget to put it in the fridge and whoop-dee-do what do you know the milk goes sour. Do you take that carton of milk, go prancing back into the supermarket declaring "I want my money back I'm not paying for something I can't drink!" Well I'm bloody fucking sure you don't. I don't know how to feel now, uncontrollable hysteria or murderous rage. And to think that people like you exist and can potentially reproduce and have offspring, and then populate the world with descendants who inherit your rock bottom IQ is frankly bloody discomforting.

Rant over. Bye.

就算放开
那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

Got up cranky, regretting that I slept after 3 a.m. this morning and dreading my demise at work today.

It wasn't any ordinary Saturday. People started putting in prescriptions immediately after opening. Seriously who wakes up at 9 a.m. to get refills when they can sleep in. Priorities people. Priorities.

Anyway, a customer came in to get his refills. He's a regular, comes in most Saturdays to pick up his meds, He mumbles a bit and I'm half deaf so I usually can't 100% understand what he says. Today he stood at the counter with a bouquet of red and white chrysanthemum looking flowers wrapped in white parchment. Got his prescriptions out, asked him what he wanted, the usual, commented how nice his flowers looked.

"Oh, these are for you."

Wut.

Seriously?

Whut the actual...

"Are you serious?"

"Yea. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. It's an early Valentine."

*Gawk* "I can't thank you enough. I'm really flattered. They're lovely."

He then asked me something about going out with him tomorrow and I was kinda tongue tied. Not sure if he was pulling my leg or not. But anyway, conclusion was: No, I need my sleep.

To be honest he wasn't high on my list of People I Want To Receive A Valentine From, but that really made my day. I was expecting not to receive anything at all, so the flowers were a pleasant surprise and also a good indication that for every person who despises me because of my incessant questioning of their medication use or declining to supply their usual medications (because "what do you mean my BMI is not high enough and I can't have my Xenical I get it all the time!"), there is a person who appreciates my concern of their wellbeing. These people are rare, but a good enough reason I didn't quit pharmacy school. 

To you people out there, thanks for your understanding and kindness to this bumbling intern who is still fumbling her way through this profession. I can't thank you enough.

After work today all I wanted to do was to drag myself home and collapse into a heap. It had been a long day, never-ending stream of customers (some very draining ones too), problems with the tills at closing... As I hopped on the tram, a guy suddenly spoke.

"Hey, what flowers are these?"

"I actually have no idea. Do you like them?"

"Yes. I do." 

I moved to the next carriage because it was so crowded, did not mean to be rude at all. And for some unexplained reason I found myself looking at him, at my bouquet, and I pulled out (in my opinion) the prettiest blossom amongst them. 

After a few stops, the chappy got off and although it wasn't my stop I hopped off as well. Walked up to him and handed him the blossom. He looked like a kid who just got candy, absolutely adorable, and his smile was just infectious. He thanked me, crossed the road, looked back a few times and smiled. *If this was a Korean drama he'll walk into the pharmacy next Wednesday... And we'll get married and live happily ever after.*

Don't think I've felt this warm and fuzzy for quite some time.

I'm tired, my friend. Tired.

For the past year I have tried my best, teaching you whatever I know, explaining things which I can explain, and at the same time becoming more and more attached to you. After all, you can't expect that attachment to not develop with such frequent contact. Yet I sense that you take me for granted, for the fact that I'm always there, replying at your every beck and call, answering all your questions, humouring your banter.

One day if I left, would you even notice? Am I just another passer-by? Because you have torn my soul to rags.

As much as I long for your presence, you're too damaging for me.

You once asked me if I had ever done any drugs before, if I had been bold enough my answer would be: Who needs drugs when there is you? The dizzying euphoria when we interact, the depressing withdrawal when you're not there, the desperate craving for your presence once the withdrawal has passed, more potent than any drug-infatuation at its best and worst.

I'm not sure if I can do this any more. Although the next time you call, I'm not sure I will be able to hold myself from running back.

Such is the power you have over me. 

Do I stay, or do I leave. I tried to leave once, and here I am, back again, indulging in the most elaborate means of self-torture.

I think, I will walk away once more. And if you really miss me, you will come after me, won't you?

Resolution

Blog has been long dead (or rather, comatose) so I'm just gonna' give it a little electrical defibrillation to see if it will come alive this year.

Last year to be honest was not a good year with more downs than ups. Missed the mark on exams so I'm not graduating with first class honours (Screw that), got my application rejected by the place I so badly wanted to do my internship in, got hurt emotionally (Hope is a wonderful thing, yet a very dangerous thing to have under circumstances like this...).

Forgive my whining...

On the bright side, I'm still surviving, albeit scarred... I don't have to hunt around for an internship like many other people because my current supervisor took me in (Bless him, he's going to regret it but I'll try to make him not regret...) and I'm working with the same people whom I've known for 2.5 years which is good. And I'm still in the (so called) most liveable city in the world (That's bullcrap how does a city with accommodation and utilities so expensive manage to be crowned "most liveable" fk yrslf thx...)

But anyway...

It's a new year. That doesn't mean "new year new me" once the clock hits 12 to a cynic like me. In fact I spent NYE and New Year's Day working (That bonus pay tho...), no such thing as countdown, parties, having fun until the sun rises... But I do have a resolution for this year, because why not. Also because my resolution this year doesn't specify a goal, rather it will allow me to grow and learn along the way.

Cry

A simple word. This 2016 I will cry a lot. Only because I promise to push myself hard this year, to bust my limits both physically and mentally. It has been a long time since I last did anything like this. Frankly I felt I coddled myself too much in the comfort zone and that was more damaging than nourishing to my body and soul. At the end of this year, I will look back at where I was and what I have achieved, no matter how much or how little, and cry tears of joy.

Grant me the strength to face the coming pain, and hopefully at the end of it, I will be a stronger person whose tears will no longer come easy.