Saturday, July 23, 2005

the story behind the story

Re: top eight guys under 25...

Ok I think you people reading this might be thinking I am one hell of a despo! I wouldn’t blame if I were you. Hahaha… but the fact is I am really not.

So why the hell did you write this entry?

Well.. basically, if you go to www.freewebs.com/mulif which by the way is pei fen’s blog, you will notice there is a similar post there. but, she doesn’t really know half the guys on the list. Therefore, to me, it sounded as though I was making up names for the sake of names. So to prove that they exist, there they are! Hahaha…

So that is the story… but what is the story behind the story?

Ok… you see… my dear friend listed her top ten guys. And I made a joke saying that by the time we actually become their age, they will not really be that alive. Hahahaha… therefore I gave her a challenge to find her top 10 guys under 25... and at the same time I listed mine lor… hahaha…

But there are only eight?

Ya ya.. I know.. it’s hard to think of names lor! Ok basically I limited to the shows that I watch or mag that I read to really make any selection. By the way if you didn’t know… most of the male celebrities look way younger than what they really are! Utt is 31, tom welling-superman is 28 etc… so yar.. it was really hard…

So I guess you watch very much only one series now?

Yup. I am totally addicted to one tree hill! Dumb mediacorp doesn’t appreciate the show.. first they used to put season one on Saturday afternoons late last year. I remember catching a few episodes. But I mean like if you don’t follow up, half the time you don’t know what you are watching. So ya I gave up, besides, I had Chinese tuition. Now they put season at 12 midnight on Thursday nights. Right… so ya.. I have been taping it…haha… bo pian.. I like the story line and not forgetting the guys! Hahahahahaha… *now you have reason to believe I am despo*

What is Vincent and Zhirong doing in your list?

Hahahahahah! They got into my good books lor… so this is the best way to thank them, I feel… hope its not embarrassing to them though.. oops… =X

There were 9 on the other list, wasn’t it?

Yar… I know…. The person is real but I don’t want to show the picture. Cause I think its really quite dumb. Hahaha.. furthermore, it’s a little boy... so ya..

Thank you for this interview. Now readers vj will be making more list when she has the time.. for now… enjoy!

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N.B: this is purely a work of fiction, it is not a real interview. I interviewed myself for the purpose of ,well, fun. =]

This is for me to entertain myself lar… as most of you know, I am at home yang shang… I have only move from my house to northpoint the furthest.. further than that, I also cannot take it. Erm, anyway, I have been broody broody this few days. So I guess this entry will probably give more life to me and the blog bah.

to the guys that didn't make the list, sorry lar... its just a list don't take it to heart, ok?

Anyway…

Who’s your top ten under 25?

Hahaha

=]

1:38 AM

RE: top 8 under 25 ------they really do exist!

1:00 AM

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Re: how do you nurse a broken heart?

I think the people in my block think that I have dropped out of school or something. Truthfully I don’t blame them. My own mother said that to me in a fit of anger that day. I got very angry, really very furious. As in I literally felt my blood boil. I couldn’t control my emotions. Then I did the stupidest thing. I lashed out at her.

I screamed out. I said I hope she is very happy seeing the state that I am in now. That I have just wasted my last 3 years. And what ever she and my father said came true. And I hope they are happy that they are correct.

Then I shut my mouth. It was as though my brain send me a signal. That as much as I m hurting they most probably are too. I said nothing for the rest of that day.

My grandmother called me on the phone and said she wanted to me to do well and see me go to university. You know when you heard such a thing you should feel touched. But do you what I did. I was indifferent. I hate myself at that point. What have I become? Once upon a time I would have never been like that. I was the over achiever. Yet now I am completely different.

To make things worst I feel a lot of pressure. I a m the eldest grand child on both sides of the family. Once upon a time I wanted to be the best out of all of them. I wanted to set the bar so high that they will never be able to touch it. So far I have been able to do that. But some thing really switched off this year. After CA1, I felt as though something was taken away from me. No more drive, no more passion for anything.

When that went away, that was really when I lost myself. As each coming test came, more of me left. Now i am just a zombie. There really no one in this empty shell.

Now with the medicine, my internal clock is also quite upside down… my nights and days are screwed… anyway, that day on discovery channel, they mention something about sleeping too much and not being able to wake up or feel energise. I was wow~ that is exactly me! Now I can find out what is wrong with me… but guess what.. it was really a disease… an illness called depression.

I was shocked. I always said I feel so depressed. But you know it is just kou tou hua… now its like to me no joke… I have got to get of this mental state. It’s the only way the rest of my body really can keep up. I need to get out of depression. I wouldn’t let it cripple my life.

Right now I really also don’t know where to start. When everybody else’s prep are almost over, mine is about to start… I am stressed by the fact that everyone is so hardworking yet i haven’t caught the mugging bug. I feel so guilty. I really want to do well. But for some reason my system is not working together with me.

Maybe it needs a break. It suffered too much rejections these few days. Time can heal wounds. I know it. It just depends how long. One thing for sure, the wound on my back is gonna take another 2 weeks according to the nurse. But these wounds for all the other things I have been through, I don’;t know how long it would take to heal. But I hope its soon.

Cause I know that some where deep down, there is the me that i once upon a time used to be.

Right now, all I need is the old me back

Come back VJ,

Come back….

10:29 AM

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Re: how could this happen to me

i thought i was really over all the award crap.. i really thought i was over it.. just founf out i am really not.. really really really not.. and it hurts so much.. can you imagine loving something as much as you hate it? that is what i feel for the school.. in a few months everything will be over.. yet at this point of time i can't pick myself up.. why is there such a long hiatus? why?

why did i have to come online?
why did i have to log on to the portal?
why did i have to read the broadcast?
why did i have to click the attachment when i obviously knew my name was not going to appear on it?

no.. my name did appear on the list.. on the damn KIV list.. why the hell didn;t anyone tell us about the list? what';s the point of showing it now? why not after term 1? why not before the CA2? why only now? when it doesn't matter what you do..

a week ago i recieved many sms from well wishers telling me: CONGRATS! you're out of the diamonds!...

f*ck.. its a cruel joke, isn't it? its like a sick form of consolation prize is it? on one hand they said you made some sort of improvement then they said you didn't.. i agree on the latter.. its that they want to 'peng ni dao tian kong' so that they can' ba ni shuai dao di xia'.. for the blow to be bigger is it? is that what it is? i hope they had fun..

life is one cruel joke..

mine especially.

happy laughing

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this is how i've been feeling..

I open my eyes I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light I can’t remember how I can’t remember why I’m lying here tonight And I can’t stand the pain And I can’t make it go away No I can’t stand the pain How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me Everybody’s screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I’m slipping off the edge I’m hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can’t explain what happened And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done No I can’t How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me

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really..

how could this happen to me...

:'(

2:55 PM

Monday, July 04, 2005

hiatus

currently: recovering
soon to be: honour student!
how to do that: FOCUS
when will i do that: start with packing my files @ 3 then NO MORE PROCASTINATING

end.