Haha here we are again. 1 year after my last post. Guess what? I got to go on the secondment again! And it was for a longer period this time - 8 weeks woohoo! My boss actually wanted me for a longer period but guess I was too expensive and I can't blame them. I feel guilty being there to do the work I did for the price that they paid my employer. In all honesty, a poly intern probably could have done a better job than me lol. But I'm not going to complain. It was MY VACATION, MY ESCAPE from hell. Looking at the emails that went on in my company while I was away, I am just so damn glad that I had a respite. 

I was at the client's office for a few days at the start then I had to leave for manager school in KL lol. There was a slight delay with the onboarding (as usual) but nothing much we could do. Even with the extra few days, it was a last minute scramble to get everything in order before I left 'cause I could only do my away memo when the start date is confirmed. 

Let me just dedicate a para to my experience in the manager school before I deep dive into the secondment period. It's definitely something worth recording. It was an APAC manager school and I was really dreading it before I went 'cause there was no one I knew at the school and trying to act friendly with a bunch of random strangers just didn't appeal to me. Even the other new manager whom I shared the hotel room with wasn't exactly a friend - we just did some work together previously and never even met each other face to face before this lol. But thankfully, everything turned out really well. The courses were mainly on soft skills, which I found quite helpful actually. I learnt that my social style is analytical and this alone helped me to understand myself a little better - at least I'm a bit more aware of the pitfalls that I'm likely to fall into lol. People there were really friendly. Most of them were from Philippines and yep, they are definitely a friendly bunch of people who like their alcoholic drinks lol. We had a service line lunch on the 2nd day's night and man, it was really high haha. The emcee was good at hyping things up. But the food at the hotel is nothing to expound upon - merely passable. So my roommate and I usually went out to eat dinners and used the hotel meal vouchers for room service/takeaway food from the hotel restaurants. Lesson learnt here is that having meals brought to your room is at least 2-3 times more expensive than having the same food self-picked up from the restaurant lol. During that 4-day course, we had quite a bit of spare time and we went shopping for gifts to bring back to Singapore. One of the recommended gifts to get was Beryl's cookies and mannn, they were definitely the right choice! It's my first time trying their cookies and I was surprised that I like Beryl's more than famous amos lol. I bought a tin with an assortment of their cookies for my boss at the client's office and she loved it! Well, I think she like the tin more than the cookies but she happily devoured the cookies together with me hahaha. Even the big boss snuck one or two I think 'cause he told me the cookies were good lolol. That reminds me...I need to bring out the rest of the goodies that I bought for the family. I bought quite a bit and we had stored them in a cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind as usual. Beryl's also has a couple of outlets in Singapore but their prices here are much more expensive than in Malaysia. It's just too bad that Beryl's doesn't have any outlets in JB. Their stores are mainly in KL, which is an hour's flight away from Singapore sigh. Makes me tempted to go to KL just for their cookies haha. And did I mention that this is my first time in KL? It's just like another Singapore actually. For the manager school, we stayed at JW Marriott and it was basically another Orchard Road with shopping malls all down the street. Other than Beryl's, I didn't find anything much to buy although I still bought a packet of famous amos to bring back haha.

My roommate was coughing quite a bit towards the end of the trip and we thought it was probably just because we had too much heaty food...KFC and friend stuff etc. So we didn't think too much about it although we had been notified that some of the participants had tested positive for covid. End up on the last day, after all of us had reached home in Singapore, she texted to say she tested positive lol. I was feeling okay but still concerned since I was on this secondment. THANK GOD, nothing happened to me. I guess I still had some immunity from my last covid bout in July. PHEW. It would have been disastrous if I had tested positive too. 

Anyway, I went back to the secondment right after that and my happy days started. This year I was brought in a little earlier and could participate a little in the analysis they did for the performance rating stage. It was all really interesting to me. To see what went on behind the scenes for the ratings to be finalised and for the bonus/salaries to be nailed down. This year, I definitely understood a lot more about what was going on as compared to last year lol. But I feel like I made more mistakes this year...thankfully my boss is always cool and helped me out. There was once I made a blunder and one of the heads was really grumpy about it. I don't know what my boss said to him but he even said thank you after that. She is extremely good at this - managing people's emotions.

This year, I could really feel the emotions pouring out of all these heads that came in and out of our little room. They were that strong. It was to the extent that I felt sorry for them and wishing that I could do something to help alleviate all that pain. When the first allocation came out, the big boss prepared an email to lay out the risks of having such a low pool and from that email, I could very distinctly feel the desperation and pleading tone in there. When the respective heads got their allocated numbers, it was the same agonising feel as well. 

Emotions aside, I got a really nice insight to how senior management allocates bonus, especially when there is insufficient monies to go around. In some ways, it's almost a strategy game - socialisation (i.e. spread it around so that everyone gets a little) or drastic route (i.e. give to just the top performers and nothing to the rest - even then, the top performers are still not getting enough to match the market rate). I really feel for them during this 2 months. We did get a little extra money after pleading for a couple of weeks but it just wasn't enough. And the timelines were super tight because of all this suspense and waiting. It was basically rush to wait and wait to rush. We rushed to get all the analysis done so that the bigger guys at the top could see if it's worth giving out more money and meanwhile, we still had to get the heads to do some allocation of monies IN CASE THIS WAS ALL THEY WERE GETTING. Everyone prepared a couple of iterations at that time and even had to key into the system first 'cause there was still no news of more money. It was about a week later that we received more and another round of allocation and analysis had to be done. At that time, the system had closed to the heads and me and my boss had to do all the data entry for the entire population. God, what a nightmare. After data entry, we still had to send data cuts to the various country heads to review and give feedback. 

It was quite a tough period. Me, my boss and big boss worked very hard - them more than me, really. I just did all the brainless work while they had to crack their brains on who to give and how much to give. For that 1-2 weeks, we left office at around 8.30pm / 9.30pm / 10.30pm. We even came in on the weekend to work and some of the heads came in as well 'cause it's easier to talk face to face sometimes. On that Saturday, I had arranged to meet ah cao for dinner at 6pm and my boss had a ball that night. So we initially planned to leave office at 5pm but things just dragged on and on and on. I kept pushing back my meeting time with ah cao and she even asked if I want to just meet another day. I FELT SO BAD TOWARDS HER. In the end, we cut off at 7pm and both of us went off for our appointments, even though we were already late lol. My poor big boss, he had a wedding dinner to attend that night too but in the end he had to miss out on it. It was that bad. On Sunday, we worked another 10hours or so and this time it was the big boss who had to go out for dinner. But he was really nice and got us Tiong Bahru bakery snacks on his way back. I brought them home for parents and they really liked them. I went to check out the prices after wards and oh boy, those pastries were NOT CHEAP. I shall try them myself another day...when I'm feeling rich maybe lol.

I was quite surprised that the client's company doesn't seem to cover OT meals. My boss paid for Saturday's lunch and my big boss paid for Sunday's lunch lol. I was so paiseh and it just didn't feel right to order something expensive. Anyway none of us had an appetite. It was more of eating for the sake of eating so that we can get back to work. So...when they asked me what I wanted to eat, I just said McDonald's LOL. It was the only thing available in CBD on the weekend. And I really like the burger I got - Angus cheeseburger haha. Got the same thing for both days. Easy, brainless, no need to think. And I could eat on one hand while using my mouse with the other hand lol. 

The big boss seemed to be really guilty over it and he kept saying he'll get me something nice afterwards. I thought he was just joking and just brushed it off. I mean, how many big bosses will remember such a small thing. Working on weekends is so normal for all of us in EY. Just that nowadays we just work from home instead of office. On Saturday night, at around 10pm or so, I suggested for us to go home and continue instead 'cause it didn't look like it was going to end anytime soon. And I was worried that dad would start screaming for me to go home. Thankfully they were understanding and the 3 of us went home to continue after that. I felt much better after a shower and could focus more too. 

I think on Saturday, I worked from 10am-9.30pm and 10am-10pm on Sunday. That weekend (12-13 Nov) was really tiring and in my mind, I call it the McDonald's weekend haha. Fitting since that's what we ate for 2 days straight. My poor boss had it 3 times that week - the other time was with her family 'cause her kids wanted to lol. But even as tiring as it was, it felt like the bond between the 3 of us were stronger because of it. That's the power of OTing together at night right haha. That sense of teamwork is just so much stronger 'cause of what we went through together. And it's not just 1 weekend that we worked such late hours. On the weekdays before that weekend, we also stayed till quite late together. And I'm quite touched actually - how many bosses would physically stay and work together with you until such hours. I count myself very lucky to have met the two of them.

After that weekend, I feel like the big boss started smiling at me in a much more friendly manner as though I'm his favourite. It could all have been in my mind but lolol. I think on the subsequent Monday, my eyes were quite dry and I had taken off my specs to rub my eyes (as usual). He happened to walk into the room and asked if I was okay lol. That was the #1 common question that everyone was asking at that time - "is everyone okay? are you okay?" Haha. I happened to have an advisory team dinner on Monday and of course, everyone asked about the secondment. I could only say that it's much more intense than last year but they still said that I look refreshed haha. Probably 'cause of the makeup and dark lighting in the restaurant. It was really nice to see everyone after a month but life goes on with or without me. And I wasn't looking forward to going back when I saw how tired everyone at the dinner was lol.

Things cooled down at the secondment pretty fast after that weekend and my boss let me work from home to recuperate a little. I think her intention was for me to shut down and rest at home but I felt so weird to be paid to rest. Anyway I was online throughout the day and some requests did come through to me as well so I don't feel so bad. On Friday, she gave me the day off and I brought parents to Hai Tien Lo to celebrate dad's birthday. Their dim sum standards seem to have dropped though. It was quite disappointing and I don't think I'll ever go back again. On Saturday, we went to celebrate his real birthday with the rest of the family at a hotpot place for dinner. I thought the food was normal but maybe that's just me lol.

Anyway, nothing much else happened at the secondment in the last couple of weeks and I mainly just did some more analysis for the big boss. The attrition risk is just too high and he needed to bring it up to the higher levels. I also had the chance to meet a few people in the other parts of the bank to understand the work they do. This was all thanks to my boss who really put in a lot of effort to help me get a job at the company. But after talking to all those people, I became even more confused on what I wanted to do. I guess I was just uncomfortable throwing aside all that I had learnt for the past 10 years to go into an industry where I knew nothing. The risk-averse me is still more inclined to stay with something related. Even until my last day, I couldn't tell them what I wanted to do, which was a real pity. I was so close to getting out of hell!

On my last day, my big boss told me that if I ever want to move away from tax and became interested in this other industry, I could definitely try it out. I was really touched that he could still think about me even though he had so much going on his plate. I could see why people were willing to stay and work for him even though the company wasn't doing much for them. 

Anyway, my farewell lunch! Mann, it was a big one lol. I guess it was a combined farewell for me, my boss and big boss - 3 in one haha. I was officially leaving, my boss was flying off for a long holiday and my big boss was flying off to work elsewhere for 3months. So even people whom I haven't spoken much to were at the lunch. There were 8 of us in total. It's a pity we didn't get to take a photo - I was too shy to ask for one when no one else brought it up. We went back to the same restaurant as last year's farewell lunch. Just that instead of a booth this time, we had a private room lol. It was a rectangular table with 4 on each side - James, Nerida, Anshul, Louise on one side and Yeoh, Gloria, me and David on the other side.

And yep, the one who did the seating arrangement made me sit opposite the big boss lol. I felt so out of place. In a fine dining restaurant. With 4 glasses of different types of wine in front of me. Eating things that I knew nothing about. With the big boss directly in front of me lol. Thankfully there was no awkward eye contact or anything. Everything felt very natural and he even engaged me in conversation...on personal tax of all things lol.

We had 2 entrees and 2 main courses. I only took a photo of the main dishes 'cause they looked really impressive. The entrees...well let's just say that I had no idea what I was eating. Not quite up my alley as well? lol. I was too busy stopping the maitre d who continuously tried to refill my wine glasses. I really don't know how to appreciate wine and all that expensive alcohol is so wasted on me. My takeaway from this is that I need to take up wine appreciation class and probably a VBA class to learn macros sigh.

The entire lunch lasted 3 hours in total and we had a couple of toasts together. One of it was just to say cheers to start off the lunch and another was to thank me and Nerida for the work that we had done. The big boss was really nice to say that he couldn't have done it without the two of us. During my last week and especially on my last day, the most frequent phrase that I heard spoken to me is "thank you very much for the work that you have done". I received thanks from so many heads (even from people whom I least expect it from) that I tend to tune them out a bit lol. I'm terrified that all these praises will go to my head and affect my work afterwards. And of course, I'm also petrified that they've thanked me too early and that I've made some blunder which they'll know later on. God, I really hope everything goes well when they receive their letters next week sigh.

And guess what? The client, collectively, gave me a present. This year it wasn't ANZ souvenirs, but a high-tea voucher at Fullerton for two people. Good God. I just googled - it costs S$131.80. Apparently my boss gave the idea 'cause she caught on that I like sweet stuff (based on all the cookies that I continuously supplied our room) and the big boss paid for all of it - he didn't want to split the cost with her lol. I honestly feel so...undeserving of this. I was just doing my job and they shouldn't need to thank me or give me gifts for just doing my job. But they still did. All the expensive wine and lunch and gifts. Sigh. Besides this farewell lunch, another guy also gifted me and my boss with a tumbler (yes, tumbler) of expensive red wine. (Tumbler is their way of smuggling alcohol around lol.) And I tried to push it to my boss to take all of it as usual. But unlike the previous 2 times, she insisted on sharing it with me and we got coffee mugs to drink the red wine from lol. We closed the room door of course but suay suay as we were finishing up, the big boss came in and I'm pretty sure he could smell it in the air LOL. He just said some work stuff and left with a knowing smile. So paiseh! Thankfully it was around 6.30pm already lol. Officially off-work? Haha self-consolation.

Back to my last day. The night before, I actually worked till 12.30am on some last minute analysis that the big boss wanted. And he wanted some refinements on my last day. So under the influence of alcohol, I rushed it out and sent it back to him. I can only pray that it's correct. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's not lol. But I'm hoping no one finds out >.< I don't even know if the source data I used is correct. But no point crying over spilled milk. It's done while I was waiting for my boss to come out of my big boss' room. She was supposed to leave at 4pm for another appointment but she only came out at 4.15pm or so. I quickly gave her my present - I got her some bak kwa (non-spicy even though she likes spicy stuff 'cause I didn't know if the rest of her family takes spicy) and Yoku Moku (I got this as my farewell gift this year for everyone). She laughed when she saw the bak kwa and said I'm so funny. Hopefully in a good way lol.

Even though she was already late, she still walked me around to help distribute my gifts to the rest (James, Yeoh, Christine (who spent quite awhile talking to me to give career advice), David (whom I didn't talk much to but he's the hiring manager lol)). All of them accepted graciously and seemed to really appreciate the sentiment...I mean this is nothing to their expensive tastes but it's just a gesture from me :) I didn't bother to disgust them with handwritten notes and there wasn't time anyway. I also gave one to Anshul when he came into the room to say his final goodbyes to me. And he also seemed quite touched. He went "awww you didn't need to". Haha I didn't peg him as a guy who would say "aww" lol.

The last person I gave to was Yeoh and he asked if I had 5 minutes. I was shocked 'cause I have never spoken to him one-on-one. And my boss had to rush off too - she gave me a hug and flying kisses before she left me with him. And that was my last view of her sigh. Apparently Yeoh wanted to give me some career advice too. He introduced me to a couple of people on his team and made sure I exchanged numbers with another girl so that I could have a chat with her on the work she does. He even asked me to add him on LinkedIn. My god. A head asking to connect with me?? I am so undeserving of this...I told him I'll update my LinkedIn before I add him lol. All this took an hour and I finally left the office at 5pm. I forgot to even switch off the lights in the room. Oh wells.

My heels were killing me and I changed to my flats the moment I went downstairs haha. Didn't really had a minute to take one last look at the little room where I spent the last 2 months. But it's definitely in my brain. And I'm really hoping to be back again next year, in one way or another. I can't stand another peak season in hell. But first, I need to figure out what I want to do as a career first. Then the rest will follow. Wish me luck - I really need it to move out of EY. And hopefully there will be a suitable role in the client's place where I can continue to do rem work with the same lady boss and big boss :))

Fingers crossed that my analysis are all correct first...if not they may not want me back either lol.

How quickly time flies. I have already joined the workforce for 5 years...but of course, many more years to go. Recently, I had an opportunity to go for a client secondment. In our department, such secondments are really rare and those few who went...well, they didn't stay long after they came back lol. I am really happy that I grabbed this opportunity when it came by 'cause I had a very very nice time there. It has been a long while since I enjoyed myself like this. In a workplace setting somemore lol. 

I wasn't even offered this chance initially. It went to the managers first and it was really by luck that I got a chance to go for the interview. It was so rushed that I never even submitted my CV. Just went straight to the interview, which was like 15minutes? Shortest interview I've ever been to. And it was more like a chit chat actually. Just to find out my comfort level with excel and for them to judge whether I can cope with whatever they wanted me to do. Right after the interview, I got chased out of the call for my boss to continue the conversation with them (yes, he was there throughout my interview lol). The next thing I knew was him saying "well done" to me, which is pretty rare 'cause I usually don't receive praises from him. 

 The paperwork for the secondment took awhile. For some reason, the contracting docs always take forever to clear in my company. End up, the secondment was shortened to just 1 month period. The client's office is very near my company's office actually, but their location is much better - closer to food and mrt. Everything is literally just a few steps away and there are convenient ways to get to the mrt without getting wet. I have to say, I was very impressed by the client's office when I first went there. The pantry looked so cosy, the washroom looked so posh and I was very lucky to be given a corner in a meeting room to do my work. I shared the meeting room with my new boss and my monitor is back facing the door to the room. This meant that no one would look over my shoulder and I had complete privacy. The reason for this is because the info I am handling are very very confidential. Since my seat was facing the door, I would be able to notice everytime someone looked in or stepped into the room. I don't know...somehow, I was just very comfortable in that position haha. 

Office layout aside, I think I got along with my new boss pretty well. I mean, it would be difficult not to right...since we share the same space every day for 1 whole month. She is a very very nice lady and I never felt uncomfortable whenever I was with her. I totally get why she is in HR 'cause she has such a way with people. Everyone loves her. And that's probably why our meeting room door was always swinging open and close, open and close, all day long lol. There were so many people who wanted to discuss stuff with her. Whenver this happened, I try my best to blend into the wall and pretend I'm not there hahaha. The stuff they discuss are confidential matters so if they don't concern me, I just tune out and focus on my work. I have had many many opportunities to train this skill in my company (thanks to certain colleagues). 

At the end of my first week there, she very kindly sent a compliment note to my boss, who then forwarded it to the whole wide world. lol. I literally wanted to just dig a whole when I knew about it. But it felt really nice that my work is being appreciated. which is something that is very different from my company. Not that I don't receive compliments here/ It's just not to this extent and more often than not, people just take things for granted after awhile. It's just human nature, I guess. 

During the busy weeks, I had to stay back a few days, which I totally didn't mind at all. 'Cause my new boss actually sent me back home via grab. I mean, how many bosses in the world would do that?? None, I tell you. Seriously. Of course, she would be claiming these from the company later on, but it just feels nice that someone is doing this kind of stuff for you. I actually enjoyed the OT nights 'cause that's when no one else disturbs us and we can really bond. There is a common goal that both of us work towards - finish the work on hand asap and go home haha. 

Most of the time, we just eat our lunches in the meeting room. I realised she tends to work while working, which is something I totally cannot do 'cause I would get indigestion. Tried and tested lol. So I just play with my phone while I eat. Sometimes we would chit chat a bit. Overall, the mood in the room is always very pleasant. I will totally miss her sighs of "oh dear dear dear" whenever she gets stressed and her stomach growls on her salad days haha. 

I forgot to say that the meeting room is on their trading floor. So right outside of our room, there are traders all over the place. I have totally forgotten what a trader's desk looks like. One tiny human being seated in front of like 6 screens lol. 1 pair of eyes is not enough for this kind of set up. I am happy with just 1 monitor (although there are times when I wished I had 2). 

Fast forward to our farewell lunch...mannn, these guys really lead the high life lol. Champagne and red wine to go with an italian 2-course meal. The alcohol drinks were compliments of my new boss' friend, who is one of the big shots in the company. I was treated to lunch by 2 of the bosses that I worked with during this secondment and they could tell that I can't really drink (see my face also know already right lol). My new boss was really nice - she kept telling me that there is no need to drink all the alcohol that I was given. But I knew how expensive they were, so I tried my best. And for the first time in my life, I finished 1 whole glass of champagne...in the middle of the day. It was a wonder that I could go back to office after lunch and work as per normal. But I must say, the champagne was really really good. I have no idea what year it is, but there is a sweet aftertaste of grapes - you could almost imagine the big green glistening grape right in front of you. Expensive shit lol. 

I didn't touch the red wine and gave it to the other boss who came to the lunch. He could really drink. And talk lol. He was the one doing most of the talking and it is always nice to have someone like that at a meal so that there is no uncomfortable silence. I really enjoyed the lunch even though I was eating with 2 big shots lol. Surprisingly, no indigestion at all. They even asked me if I was interested to join their company. I said yes of course. I would take whatever role they offer. I just want to get out of my company (shh). 

Let's fast forward again to today - my last day at the secondment. They were so so so sweet. They gave me some company souveniers and even pooled some money together to get me some gifts. They totally didn't have to do all these. I mean, they are paying good money for me to sit in their office and didn't have to give me presents for the work that they are paying me to do. And their big boss even came to say thanks and goodbye to me. I was really touched. He seems like a really nice guy too. But another big big shot. So I need to be careful about my conduct around him haha. People can be nice, but I still need to be professional right? 

Even if I don't get to join their company, I really really hope that I can come back again next year to help them with the same work. It is literally a vacation as compared to my normal work. Even during the OT days when it can get tiring, I still go to bed with a smile on my face. Last night, I couldn't even sleep, just kept tossing and turning, thinking about how my last day (i.e. today) would go. I guess it really makes a difference when you enjoy the work you do. To be honest, I think the main reason why I enjoyed the secondment so much is because of my new boss (now ex-boss). It has been a joy working with her. 

Pray for me yea? Pray that I can sustain another year in my company and pray that I still have the good luck to go for this secondment again next year. I am going back to my company next week and already dreading it...

I am so mentally drained. After 2 months of work, I am already so tired ._. The past 2 months have been the start of a new change in my life. Joining the workforce is a pretty drastic change from school life. No more 2 or 3 day work weeks. No more spending whole day outside with mom, catching a movie, having lunch then going shopping before heading back home. No more weekly swimming or badminton sessions with ah cao. Sigh. All there is now is the constant worry at the back of my head - have I finished all that I need to do by today? When is the deadline for this task? What are the list of things I need to KIV? Worse still...what if I forgot to add something to the KIV list?? Oh my tian. I don't even want to think about it.

I have 2 reviewers currently. 1 is really nice. The other is hmm...not as much work chemistry I guess. So I really have to clarify how she wants to work with me. There are so many new processes that I need to remember for each engagement. The good thing is that I only have 2 engagements to handle. Even after 2 months, I am still struggling to remember all the bloody shortforms used and where all the files are saved in. Thank goodness I am starting to be more familiaried with all these now. But I am still silent during meetings. Not sure if I am supposed to contribute? lol. I think people here are pretty open. I can just speak up whenever I have questions, so that's not too much of an issue. I am only worried about me keeping quiet EVEN WHEN I don't know what is going on. That is bad...

Every day I go to work, praying that nothing will happen today so that I can go home in peace. Of course, this is not sustainable in the long run. Like last Thursday, I had a nice little chat with one of my superiors. She was my counsellor when I was here as an intern so I guess she likes me a bit? 'Cause she pulled me into the 2 big engagements she is in. lol. End up my portfolio is more than other people of my rank. I guess there isn't much choice to it since the size of each portfolio is liddat. If it's not me, it's someone else who has to take it. So last week, she asked me if I can take the workload. And I couldn't really answer 'cause I haven't been through a peak so I can't tell if it's too much for me. Anyway, she said she will have to add more to my portfolio 'cause 2 reviewers ain't enough. True, yes, 2 is insufficient for performance evaluation. But omg. 她不说还好.她一说, 我就 start worrying whether I can really take it and survive a peak.

Okay, breathe, girl. Breathe. You can do this. On the bright side of things, portfolios change every year. Survive one peak and things will get better. You will come out stronger knowing that you can handle a portfolio of this size. Stretch yourself and push your boundaries. Don't crumble before you even started. 💪

Last week, I had an engagement meeting. Apparently someone did something wrong and the team was discussing about it. The director said something that I didn't expect. It was really something that is very forward looking. She said "Don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone makes mistakes; I do too. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes and think about how we can improve our processes. I am thankful for all these small minor mistakes that highlight to us that something is wrong and that we should do something about it, instead of us blindly going forward unknowing of the problems. So don't go back and blame yourself. It's already over. Now, we have to think about why we went wrong."

Isn't it a morale booster? The case was about a manager taking 3 days to check and answer a customer query. What we should have done was call the customer immediately and inform her that we will go and check instead of keeping quiet and take 3 days to reply. 'Cause in those 3 days, things got escalated pretty bad. The case also unveiled a few other points on how we can tighten our processes. I really learn a lot during these meetings. The bad thing is that I need to take minutes. omg...I suck at it. So much for all those years of being a secretary. lol.

After starting work, I appreciate my free time at home so much more. On the days when I don't bring my laptop back (which is not often given that it is off-peak now), I just nua at home, enjoy my time with my parents. I haven't had a chance to nua one weekened at home though. Every weekend, I spend my time at big bro's house to do his homework for his masters course. Urgh. Initially it was okay, 'cause I get to eat nice food -glutton face- but after 2 months plus, I am tired. Helping is one thing, but being used is another. Phrases like "I leverage on you mah. You do the work and I understand the concepts from there. It's faster and in the homework pieces, I value-add on what you provide." Yes, it is faster but I feel really used. And the feeling sucks. Plus every weekend, he says he will send me back. But in the end, he always gets our parents to eat out on sunday nights then they can "顺便" take me back. If not, he will give me cab fare...this feeling is really bad. Why should I be used like this?

But I can't break into a whole argument about it with my own brother either. Helping him should be 天经地义 isn't it? Sigh. Now I am doing his projects for him also -.- he says he will do his part later. So I am supposed to fill in all that I can. If I read up everything, of course I can write the whole paper. He wouldn't even need to do anything. It's not that I am being entirely selfish leh. If I am schooling or having holidays, I wouldn't mind doing this for him 'cause I will still have time to myself other than the time I spend with him. But now that I am working, I still work on his projects after work on weekdays and on weekends, I still spend all my time there.

I feel really drained. And I am very afraid that this will affect my work. Sigh. I am already thinking about when I can take my leave days. I want to take before peak starts. Otherwise I won't be able to clear after that. I see too many cases of being unable to clear leave and TOIL. Having a couple of days of doing nothing at home sounds real good to me. Maybe in November ba. Or October. Hahaha.

I had a meetup with the EY clique 2 days ago. We went down to Marina Bay Link Mall to have lunch at Soup Spoon. lmao. I ordered a mushroom soup but there were just too many mushroom pieces in it and I gave up after having 1/8 of it. lol. Maybe even less. But I truly enjoyed the company. Haha. It brought back memories of how enjoyable it was to hang out with this bunch of guys. At the same time, I also know that this kind of meetup 是享受一次就少一次. So I really treasure our time together. Honestly, sometimes I feel a bit weird around them 'cause I am not the kind of girl who hangs out with guys that much. From the eyes of a bystander, I may have the bad image of being a flirt or ... yea, you know. Especially in that EY department, where there are so few guys that having the majority of them surround 1 girl is really a weird picture. I think I really need to hang out with girls more. lol. It's a good thing that I have an innocent and good girl aura...Most of the time, it is so fun being around them that I don't really care about what other people think of me. Which is a bit dangerous, considering that I need to work in the department soon...Sigh.

Anyway. I realised that even though everyone seems to be really happy during that meet up, all of us have our own troubles. It is just that we don't really share our burdens during that short period of time that we are together. Even my 2 favourite 开心果 also have their worries. I have never mentioned exactly why I call them that right? Haha. I never told them that I group them like this in my head but Yuheng called me out on how I seem to favour the 2 of them more. Well, they are my 'happy beans' because I am always very happy when I talk to them. No matter how upset I am, they will always be able to cheer me up or assure me such that I am not so depressed. Plus, the positive vibes that surrounds them is something that is very attractive to me. So yea, forgive me for being so obviously biased. lol.

Peak is starting already so those 3 full-time staff are getting more and more stressed out. Honestly, I am a bit worried about Binwei. Like I mentioned last time, he is too helpful to the extent that he sacrifices too much of his own time/work to help. The one being helped would of course be very happy. But his boss is not going to be happy...and it seems like he got scolded again recently. I can't imagine my boss saying to me "stop playing around and focus on your work". Being someone who takes things very personally and strives to be boss's pet, I would be devastated and super depressed. But this whole scenario highlighted how stringent and professional the culture is in EY. To me, Binwei is already the epitome of hardworking and meticulous. And in EY, everyone is expected to be extremely competent. I am so afraid that I cannot meet that standard. I don't want to mess things up and cause problems. -resolved to train my memory skills- I really don't know how I am going to remember so many clients' names in the future. sigh...

I am also quite surprised because from the way they spoke, it is as though Binwei isn't going to leave anytime soon. I thought he was gonna get out of there asap. lol. Dunnoe what he is thinking...but I really hope he knows what he is doing ba. 男人应该闯事业. But well, he seems to have the time to do stuff that he enjoys, like scuba diving. So...I dunnoe. lol. Moving on.

Daniel seems to be rising up the ranks in EY! Haha. I dread the day when I go in and end up being in his team or worse, his buddy. I sure kenna bullied like there is no tomorrow T.T His standards are also pretty high. -stressed- On that point, I am a bit worried about my lunching situation when I go in...I would probably want to lunch with the 3 of them, but I also want to remain friends with the newcomers too. -headache- I don't want other people to think that I am sucking up to people of higher seniority...When I went back the other day, there were only 2 other people whom I really spoke to, which was Ailin and Arantxa. Ailin was walking past and her attention was naturally drawn to that one tall guy squatting near the corridor. lol. I didn't even notice her at first 'cause she seems to have dyed her hair! Jack is definitely more observant than me. The same thing happened with Dengwan. Haha. I just found the whole scene hilarious. I hope they don't think that I am impolite by remaining seated while Jack stood when we were conversing with them.

Arantxa is so cute!! Haha. I hesitated a really long time before going over to her 'cause she seemed so engrossed in her work. But when I went over, she seemed to really welcome me. Hee. For some reason, I really really like her. We seem to get along pretty well too. Haha. Some things are just so difficult to explain. When 2 people just click, they just do and there isn't an explanation for it. Of course, I might be 自作多情-ing here. I didn't expect to talk so long to her either but both of us got really carried away talking about holidaying. Hahaha. I hope to have lunch with her someday too! I talked to her for so long that Yuheng and Jack gave up and went over to the pantry to wait for me instead. -paiseh-

While Jack and I were hesitating outside of EY's doors about whether we should go in, Yuheng had already blown in and gotten right along with his ex-team members. Haha. That guy is a pro, man. He is so good at socializing. Are all SMU students like that? -clap for them- After the meet up, I walked to the MRT station with him, and he revealed that things aren't as rosy as they seem on the outside. He is having some problems in his relationship. Sigh. Being one of the 2 people in the clique who are attached, I really hoped to see these 2 relationships come to fruition. -pray that things will work out for him soon- He also asked me about my attitude towards having a bf and I replied that I am open to having a relationship at this point. But then, the me right now has no idea what kind of guy I am looking for. lol. I am a bit tired and quite confused on this topic now. Let's move on.

Jack is another pro. Pro at pon-ing school. Haha! For the first 2 weeks of school, he only came to class twice. Amazing. Originally, we planned to take the school bus together, but he is always late and we decided that we will just OTOT until he gets used to waking up early. Haha. I miss the times we trained home together after work, discussing all the little things that concerned us at that time. That guy is always socializing too. He seems to have an endless stream of friends but he can still make you feel important when he speaks to you. A pretty special ability!

Yosuke, our Japanese friend~ Haha. Ever-polite and gentlemanly. Actually even though the guys in this clique can appear to be crude sometimes (they curse and swear in front of me like I am a dude),
they are very gentlemanly. Truly. They open doors for me, let me sit in the most innerseat, etc. It feels like I have a bunch of caring older brothers, which makes me feel very comfortable around them. My real blood brothers also don't treat me that well. Hmph. Haha jk jk. I am just a bit sorry that I neglect Yosuke the most, I think. Don't really have that many common topics with him and he is usually very quiet too. I even forgot to say bye before I left -paiseh-

Next time I come back, the 3 of them will be my seniors already -stressed- I don't wanna start work! But I can't wait for our next meetup! Hopefully we can go out play instead of just lunching :)

你说骂我后能降血压，那我愿意让你骂。
但你每骂一句，我的心就多碎一寸。。。
这么多年来我一直努力让你们能够为我感到骄傲。
但这二十年来，无论我怎么做都比不过你们心目中理想的女儿。


There was once during dinner, when my brother recounted a story of one of his students who was doing very poorly in school. This kid has got an elder sister and brother who excel in their studies and then my dad gave his views on this student. He said "因为他比不上他的哥哥姐姐所以就自甘堕落lor，做一个没有用的人."


In my heart, my reply to that was "你知不知道我也曾经差那么一点也就到了自甘堕落的地步。就算是现在，我也随时能够陷入那里。如果我真的变成那样，would there still be a place in this family for me?"

EYECANDYYYYY -floating on cloud 9- It is so torturous to have such a handsome eye candy sitting beside me each week! I can't bloody concentrate in class T.T He is an exchange student in NTU, originally from SMU. lol. Originally doesn't seem to be the right word, but whatever. Every time I think about him (which is really often), my heart just flutters like a butterfly~ -flutter flutter- lol. I think this is what they call an infatuation. Ah well. Give a girl a chance to fantasise a little lahh. It's not everyday that I find such a sweet eyecandy worth salivating over.


I always thought that I wasn't the 花痴 kind of girl. During the NDP rehearsals, there are lots of macho-looking army guys walking around and the girl volunteers always swoon at them. But I was always more interested in looking for people I know within the contingents. Well, yea, I have a soft spot for guys in uniforms too, but THIS EYE CANDY IS SO MUCH BETTER. I want to get to know him better but T.T once bitten, twice shy. Plus I have a feeling that he is either taken or I am not his type of girl. He is the gym-kind, comes from rich family, and studies well. Now take a look at me and you'll know why I don't think I have much of a chance.


Sigh. I feel like I am becoming more and more timid as I grow older. AHHHHH, MY EYE CANDYYY. I shall enjoy the remaining 10 chances I have to look at him.

为什么每当我将要把你忘了时，你总会再度出现。。。为什么不管我对你有多么的坏，当我遇见困难时，你还是会毫不吝啬地帮助我。。。你这样做只会让我更恨自己--恨自己为什么不能忘了你对我的好。
这么多年来，你都守在我身旁保护着我，陪伴着我。你让我觉得你是我这一生最能依赖的人。我从没想过我会有一天如此对待你。。。

Today is the end of my first week of internship at EY! Haha. It is a happy ending: I managed to finish my work, got 1st for my group's presentation and went off at 5pm. YES! This would probably be the one and only time when I end work at 5pm. lol.

Alright, here is my reflection for my first week of work:

On the first day, it was basically just a day of training, with the last hour spent introducing me to the colleagues at my department. In my dept, there is only one other intern who came in with me, Jack, who is also from NTU ACC (group B). But even though we are from the same school, I have never met him before. Haha. Somehow, the two of us get along really well and I really think of him as a bro. Currently, we lunch with the rest of the temps on the same floor and they think it is really funny that we tend to complete each other's sentences. lol. I don't really think we do that, but whatever~ Our lunch group is one that is really funny and basically the lunch break is the highlight of each day.

The work team that I have been attached to is really nice too. On my 3rd day of work, I was assigned my first piece of work, where I had to draft a tax return. My god, the system that they use is really complicated. One of the associates taught me personally and I was completely overwhelmed. The time they take to teach me how to do one task is probably double of the time they would have taken if they had done the work themselves. So I am really very grateful that they all take the extra time and effort to teach me. For that first piece of tax return, I accidentally pressed something in the system which generated an email out to all the big shots in the department and I was totally "oh shit". Seriously. My face went pale green and I felt sick. It was only my 3rd day leh! omg. Then I went to the associate who gave me the task and he said "small issues. no worries. I will take care of it" Wah, I tell you, I was so grateful I would have kissed his shoes. It feel so bad to have someone else clean up my mess. Sigh. On the bright side, I made the error early in the internship, so people can still accept it. Compared to when I was at DBS, they only realised my major error when I was about to leave after 6months and my guess is that they probably were thinking "what has this girl been doing all these months..." lol.

The first tax return job I did was actually pretty simplified already but it still took me like 5hours to finish it. lol. For the second tax return, I was actually asked to draft it from scratch. That took me around 7 hours. But from that, I really learned how the entire thing works. Phew. Mind-blowing task. Everyday I get home, I am totally drained mentally and physically. Physically 'cause the handbag I carry to work has to be hand-carried and it is pretty heavy, so it is like arm-training. And mentally 'cause it is quite tiring to change from being a student to being an employee. From having a 3-day study week, I now have to do a 5-day full day work week. In this week, my face usually goes zoned out by 4 or 5pm. Haha.

There is this temp girl who has been here for 8 months already and she was the one who taught us the stuff Jack and I needed to know. 2 years ago, I was in her position, teaching other interns how to do my job at DBS too. Ahh, those were the good times. It is so much easier to be the teacher than the student. lol. The first time you learn everything you have to use a lot a lot of brain cells. Learning the stuff as someone teaches you is one thing but doing it yourself is another. There were so many problems I met on my 2nd task that I felt bad for troubling her and the team members so much.

Besides drafting tax returns, I also took on the task of calling IRAS for confirmation of some clients' details. I think I have a nice girly phone voice ba. Haha. So far, no one has given me any trouble over the stuff that I have asked for even when I am not officially allowed to ask for those info. Another thing I realised is that at work, interpersonal skills are really important. lol. For phone calls, you need to know how to negotiate to get the info that you want. In the team, you need to get along well with the rest of the members. Yea, yesterday, one of the members helped me to take a night snack and placed it on my table while I went to the toilet. So sweet of her! And that reminds me...for those 2 returns that I have drafted, I haven't asked the task-givers whether I did them alright. I mean, by right, I should be taking the initiative to follow up luh so that I can learn from my mistakes and not do it again for my next tax return.

Overall, the people here are so nice that I can't wait to make my éclairs for them as thank you! I think I will write small notes and stick to a box of 3 éclairs. 比较有心. Haha. Wondering if I should make something else in the meantime before this final one though. Maybe cheesecake or something. Hmm, see how.

During the training on the first day, they split all the interns into groups and each group had to make a video and present about it today. My group only met up once and I was actually late for it. I only attended 30min of it then we pang gang already. lol. My name wasn't even in the video. I think the leader forgot my name. Oh well. It's a good thing that my face can't really be seen in the video 'cause it is supposed to go up on facebook. Eek. I prefer to keep a low profile. The leader was the one who put together the entire video, poor guy. Our group's mentality is that we don't need to be the first. We just don't want to be the last. Haha. Turned out that we were the first! When the emcee announced our group's turn to present, everyone were laughing that our name wasn't very creative. We called ourselves The Intern and made a word out of each syllable of INTERN to put into the video. Haha. I wonder how we won though. After one of the partners explained the theme in greater detail at the end, I actually thought that we were out of point. Oh well~ We were all quite surprised that our group won. Haha.

I also realised that everyone in the dept are really smart, even the temps. Most of them are not even uni students, just Alevel grads waiting to go to uni and after temping here, their tax knowledge is probably even better than mine. Till now, I am still half blur about what is taxable and what is not deductible but they already know everything by heart. Wow. All of them also work till really late, like 10pm. I was shocked when I heard that. I mean, temps don't have a supervisor assessing their performance, so why work so hard? I mean, the OT pay is good, of course, but still. No work-life balance leh. There are 3 temp guys who are the same age as me and the other 5 temp girls are 2 years younger. One of the guys is really handsome ehh. SJI-kind of handsome. Hee. Too bad, people probably got gf already. My luck in this area has never been good. Sigh.

My work persona seems to be really attractive. People are willing to listen to me speak, unlike in school, where I can't even make people laugh and pay attention to what I say. Over here, the temp guys will specially seek me out to talk to me and the temp girls will initiate conversations with me during lunch too. They actually seem to think that Jack and I will be together, 'cause we seem to get along so well. Haha. Neither of us have said it is not possible between the two of us though. For me, it is because I just don't want to make things awkward between Jack and me. I hope that for Jack, it is for the same reason as well and not because he thinks there is a chance between us. Ew. No. Thanks.

I guess that's all I have to say for my 1st week~ Hopefully things will get better next week. For my 2 precious weekends, I am just gonna slack slack and slack!

So confused. My mind is in a haze of confusion. Which is the right choice to make? Which is the choice that won't make me regret choosing it? I am so afraid...afraid that if I choose the wrong one, I will lose another good friend.

I was just scrolling through my whatsapp conversations and I realised that the one with Marcus has gone all the way down to the bottom. lol. Bottom third I think. And his display picture now shows him and his girlfriend. A blissfully happy picture. Seeing it made me feel...a little down? The only thought that crossed my mind was "the girl in the picture could have been me...the girl who could have made him look that happy...could have been me." And then I remembered all the fights we had. lol. Isn't it ironic? I once thought that he was quite possibly one of the few guys who aren't prone to drama and his actions turned out to be Hollywood drama-worthy. I am glad we are no longer together.

Right now, there is a much much better man chasing me. And he is so awesome that I can sing his praises all night long. I am serious. You know in primary school, when girls are asked to spell out the characteristics that they want their Prince Charming to have, they will say stuff like "oh, I want him to be sensitive, caring, nice, etc etc". Well, he has all those qualities. And he is really smart and studious too, which puts us on the same wavelength. In fact, he is much smarter than I am. Which is something I really like. Have I mentioned that he looks darn hot too? The first time I saw him wearing formal clothes, I could do nothing but just sit there and stare. Seriously, it was that stunning. In fact, when he wears jeans, it is all I do to stop myself from salivating. God, I am turning into one of those crazy fangirls.

But that isn't all. The ONE thing that is stopping me in my tracks and really consider him as a potential guy is that he is willing to put me as priority over everything else. Over his games. Over his friends. And that, is really important to me. Especially the gaming part. I am not sure if I have ever narrated what ended me and Marcus but just in case I haven't, let's drag those painful memories out again...

Year 1 Sem 1 was a terrible time for me. I had arrogantly planned my timetable such that after one class at SPMS, I had to run all the way to S4 for the next class, which I am of course late for. And my idiot group mates would never leave a chair for me. Idiots. Well anyway, one of those days was really terrible and that day I went home, showered, laid on my bed and texted him "Hey, what are you doing?". His reply: playing NBA with a friend. And my heart broke. At that point in time, we were actually going through a breather. A breather which is the third time we had taken it in the 6months' relationship that we had. If he had told me that he was outside with a friend, or something, I wouldn't have been that upset. At least I don't think I would have been. It was the "playing a game with a friend" that was the last straw. I didn't need him to think about us every second of the day, but I do expect him to not be in a mood to play a game. And that, was why I gave up on him.

Come to think of it, this guy also games quite a lot. And I am seriously considering telling him that if we do get together and when we fight, he cannot play his computer games. Not even his dailies. But I am afraid that he will ask why, and then I would get stuck 'cause he doesn't like to hear about my ex. Sighh, Anyway, my life is thrown into confusion because of him. I don't know if I should accept him or not. We get along as friends very very well. But I am not sure if we have the chemistry. And if we don't have much chance together, I would rather not risk our friendship for nothing. What should I do??

NDP'14 is finally over...sigh. I am going to miss it loads. From the time I signed up till now, I have never regretted joining this event. It has been a truly very enjoyable time spent with very lovely people. I am rather blessed to have been grouped with the people whom I have, because without any of them, my NDP experience definitely wouldn't have been the same. Sadded that things have finally come to an end though. How I wish that we can always be together.

It is amazing that I feel so strongly bonded to people whom I have met for only a few short 3 months. Probably thanks to all the sweat we shed together. Haha. I really hope to be grouped with them again next year, but I guess...the chances are pretty slim with the grouping being so random.

The end of NDP also means the end of my holidays and the start of yet another semester. This 3 months break is a first in that I have never rested for so long without working. Not even after my A'levels. Back then, I only took 1 month's rest. Sighh. I really don't want to go back to school, but it is my hope that this semester will be better than the last 2. Hope. One can always hope. Right? Right.

Let's hope I can do better academically this semester than last few too! Jiayou! I need 'A's badly...

I will be meeting my fellow Red Sector leaders twice more for gatherings then that is it already. All of us will be going separate ways and it will be difficult for us to ever get together like this again. Really sad...I am probably biased, but I think this will be the best NDP team I will ever belong to. Red Sector FTW!