A letter to my cousin and the words I really wanted to say...

Totally slacking off in the blogging department. So much has happened this year.

But first I need/want to get these words shared. They have been sitting inside me for a while and I need to share my feelings.

There is no easy way to tell this. As anyone who has lost a child can tell you. A close cousin of mine, lost her darling 3 month old baby to SIDS last month. She rolled over for the first time while sleeping and went home to heavenly father.

I never got to meet this sweet baby. Life had gotten busy and even with this cousin living in Provo for quite some time. Somehow we never met up as often as we did growing up. When either, my family made the trip to California or they made a trip to Utah.
I loved spending time at their house. As my Aunt put it while visiting with her before the funeral. "You were allowed to be a kid" which was the truth. I remember hours of ruff and tumble play, running around in just swim suits (they had a backyard pool, a novelty for us Utah kids) watching movies, playing video games, eating what and when ever we wanted to, fighting and playing long hours. These cousins were fun to be around, they loved to read and were all extremely smart. And in our teen years, we all had a similar passion for the performing arts. I have extremely fond memories of spending time at their house.

When I heard the news of her baby's passing, I knew I had to help. And the only way I knew how was through my sewing. I made a white gown for her to be buried in.
My first thought, was holy bananas. I just offered to do what during a super stressful work week? A ton of gowns to get ready for December weddings. But I just keep having this feeling I needed to do it.
So I just went with it. I raided my stash and found ample amounts of white bridal satin and a beautiful delicate embroidered organza. Just enough of it too. I also, had just enough of a beautiful Alceon lace trim left over from an alteration I did earlier this year. It was literally just enough to go around the hem of the dress and edge of the sleeves. Lily also tried to help cut out the dress and cut the center front bodice panel. Even with her cutting the bodice twice before I got a chance to sew it up, I had enough fabric.
What really got to me was I made that gown in about 3 hours. With only having to unpick the sleeve seams. (I sewed them in wrong to put the elastic in) Which when I rush like that, I always end up having to unpick way more. And I was happy with it, another look back moment and couldn't believe it. I just wish I had more time to do something more. The classic designer in me wanted more delicate baby details. Hand sewn embellishments etc..

But here Sandy, are the words I really wanted to say at the dedication of the grave. I needed to give the back story again so all this would make sense.
I could not imagine what feelings you had that week. I so tried hard to understand how you would feel. When I walked into the receiving line as you graciously greeted those who had come to support you. And I saw how clear and understanding you were of Heavenly Fathers plan for you was. That was the reason for my tears. To see how beautiful and gracious you were, to see you comforting others when we were here for you. Your testimony shone brightly that day and it has forever effected me.
Lily talked about Heavenly Father on the drive there for the first time and there was such a strong spirit there. I felt that there were heavenly beings surrounding us.
The words I tried to say through all my blubbering at the grave dedication were: Here in your experience you have lifted others and helped me deeper understand the Lord's mysterious workings, by how you presented your self that day. All those events leading up to this, strengthened my belief in his individual plan for us. Because he helped me to be apart of those events.  He knows us and loves us. He knew I wanted to help and blessed my hands and mind to help. He knew.

I so badly wish, it was different circumstances that this lesson helped taught me how he makes a way. But I want to you to know that my testimony was strengthened. I saw proof by your example. And thank you for that. Know you have given a gift far greater than you know.

January and February! A quick post about what we have been up to the first bit of 2013! 

 This cute girl turned 5! I can't believe it has gone by so quickly! I have a 5 year old!!!! She is one little firecracker and keeps me busy keeping up with her. Especially since her understanding and speech and gone through the roof, in just a few weeks. She loves to talk and is very polite with lots of thank you mama's, and says please. She is recognizing feelings and tells us when Ethan is mad, who's crying, and when she is mad. This last friday, we went to DI to find an old pot for dying fabrics and had found a princess DVD, but since it was scratched. I didn't want to buy it. She of course, threw a fit and cried the whole way home. I asked her to stop, but it continued. When we got home and I opened up the door to get her out of the car; she very tearfully said: sorry *sniff, sniff, sniff* sorry *more sniffing* for *sniff, sniff, sniff* for crying. It was very sweet!

 For her birthday she wanted a Cinderella cake, and since she is also obsessed with Belle too. I decided to make a Belle one too. I like to pretend I know what I am doing when it comes to cakes, but I am no cake boss. I have to admit to my self I am pretty darn happy with how they turned out! While making the cakes for her Party. Lily was in the living room with daddy. I had almost finished with the Belle one when she came running in to check on me. When she saw it she gasped and put her hands up to her mouth and went running to into the living room and screamed to Dad. "oh my goodness, daddy my cinder-lala belle cake!!!"

 Since she got her ears pierced last September, so we had asked for Jewelry for her birthday from family. She was throughly spoiled and now has a collection almost as big as mom's of fun earrings and accessories! Here are some of the birthday spoils from Shannon & family.

This last week I pulled out the little history book Kim had wrote about my Dad. There is a picture in there of dad around one year. It is super creepy how close these two look like each other. He has those stunning blue Hammond almond shaped big blues!

He is still such a laid back baby. Although right now he is going through a growth spurt or teething and sleeping has been a little rough. Meaning he is waking up more than his normal night feedings. But compared to what Lily was. I will take it!!!

He is still a super good eater, and loves pretty much anything we give him. Between these two months he has learned to crawl, pull him self up and has started to babble. Lots of da-da-da-da's but he starts it with a big "aaaahhhh" sound. He loves to giggle with his sister and it's really cute when they are in the car laughing at each other. 

He monkey crawls, with one leg bend to his crotch and then the other in a kneeling up position and that is what he propels him self with. He is really fast now! He can also get him self up from his tummy into a sitting postion. His legs are still little shaky, but that hasn't stopped him from pulling him up to his knees. I swear, he figures one thing out and he's instantly working on the next thing! It's the same with toys, I have to give him one a time, let him figure it out and then give him another. He is one smart little boy!

He loves to cuddle and if I had to pick what animal he is most like, it would be a cat. He likes to cuddle on his own terms, will be super still and quiet, then all of a sudden pop up and want to be put down. He is in 12-18 month clothes, I can't buy for him in advance or else I miss out and he's already out of it soon after I buy it! Thank goodness we inherited all Shannon's boys clothes. I've barely had to buy for him. 

Jason: we are half done with our last semester! And he is doing fantastic in his class. Really looking forward to when we are finally done done done!!!!

Me: I started working for Alta Moda Bridal this year. I love it! I'm keeping pretty busy, seven brides to sew for! I really like working for them. Hilary (the owner) is great and I've loved being surrounded by wedding gowns again and seeing all the insides. I'm learning a lot and really love the challenge it's been. I also have two custom design brides both I'm really excited about! It's for sure a busy bridal season! 

Life is so beautiful!