Robert Week

Boy do I miss Robert.

The emotional toll of this year is impossible to measure. Never has so much emotion coursed through me. I never hoped to feel these emotions. And last week was the "Robert week" of this pregnancy. We made it through. Onto week 25.

Pregnancy is a difficult time; more so for the woman than the man. Already this has been a long pregnancy for both of us.

I feel like I should be holding Robert on one hand and I am excited to hold our unborn child on the other. I feel like it has been forever since Robert was born and forever until the next child will be born. I feel caught between the two and long to hold both. I know that will never happen during this life.

What do you do when you are haunted? Can you hold the yearning for one and the excitement for the other in the same breath? What about the nervous apprehension that is a constant companion? Can you cling to loss and hope at the same time? Does one of the emotions have to win? What if, deep down, you may not want either to win?

Looking at the pictures on this site reminds me that we will never have a "full" family picture again. Can that really be true? Can I hate that fact while I acknowledge my hate won't change anything?

All our next child will know of Robert is what we teach.

What will we teach about Robert?

How will we teach who Robert is?

I Can't Take the Pressure

The prices have fallen at my favorite gas station. It is only $2.35 a gallon compared to $2.15 a gallon across the street. Do economists call that a market correction? Or is this just a market adjustment? If a gas station need only adjust to the market, then how strong is the pressure?

Maybe this gas station is impervious to market pressure because there is a market force less than "pressure". What should we name something weaker than market pressure? Is that a market mild suggestion? Or maybe a market intimation?

Do economists sleep well while I corrupt their discipline?

He Wants to be a Cowboy, and She Can be a Cowgirl

Grace went to a birthday party this week. The theme was cowboys. I think that she really enjoyed getting a new dress up outfit.
Here are the two of them playing together:
Caleb playing cowboy:

Now THAT is Scary

Mary and I went to a costume party last Friday night. Mary dressed up as a witch. (It was either that or the pregnant nun.) I went as myself, a nerd. Photographic evidence:
Here is a closer look at the witch. Her "fly-away" hair was a thing to behold.
The real winner for me was the mismatched socks and ugly belt. Who knew that my horrible dressing habits from my youth would be so useful? The worst part about the costume was trying to part my hair down the middle. There is not quite enough hair to do that anymore. Oh well, what are you going to do?

Stall Tactics

As I close the door, I say, "Good night, Grace. Good night, Caleb."

Out of the darkness comes Caleb's voice, "But, but, but, but, but..."

"Yes, Caleb," I reply.

"I need to go potty."

"You just went."

"Can we have one more story then?" he says searching for my weakness.

"No, its time for bed."

"I need a drink of water."

"No more water." I am standing my ground because this has gone on too long.

Then he says, "Will you lay by me Dad? Don't Dads like to watch kids sleep like it says in the book?"

Now, I am wracking my brain. Where would he have read that line? Isn't that from The Daddy Book by Todd Parr? "All daddies like to watch you sleep," it reads. When would he have last had that book read to him? A month ago, two months ago, longer? Has he been saving that quote until now? Is three-years old a little too young for random quotes that sum up a situation perfectly?

As I try not to laugh, I say, "Yes, Caleb, all Daddies like to watch their children sleep. You need to sleep so I can watch you later. I love you, Caleb. Good night."

I close the door amazed at the recall of children and their impeccable timing.

But Caleb is right. I checked on him later. I kissed his forehead, like I always do, and heard his soft breathing. My little handsome man sleeps. This Daddy certainly enjoys watching him.

The Walls Have Ears

Grace and Caleb love to play on the computer. When they are not surfing children's websites (PBS Kids and Sesame Street are two favorites), they view the pictures on our computer. The family blogs are their latest discovery. They love to see their aunts, uncles, and cousins and hear the latest news. The other evening the three of us were surfing and came across a post from Kristin about her pregnancy.

I clicked on the first picture and Grace and Caleb said, "Look, its Aunt Kristin."

Then I clicked on next picture and they shouted, "Its UNCLE!"

Then Grace adds, "And Lovey."

Now, Oliver and Kristin have a pet name for each other: Lovey. Grace and Caleb know this nickname, so they borrowed it. (I think they may be slightly confused about the it, though. I was telling Mary how Grace called Kristin "Lovey" and Grace said, "But Uncle is Lovey, too.")

Children have an amazing ability to pick up on the smallest things. Of course, it usually the things that you don't want them to pick up on that are the most memorable. Like the time Grace went up to my mother and said, "Cute bottom, lady." I have no idea where she might have heard such a phrase. Also, I am baffled as to why Caleb called Mary "sexy lady" at Target the other day.

Where could my children have heard such things? Surely, they must have heard them somewhere...

A Chip off the Old ... Ow!

Yesterday I was cutting up oranges for dinner. Caleb asked if he could help. The formula works this way:

3-year old + boy + knife = trouble

Since I am his father, I decided I should teach about knife safety. I told him only adults could use knives. Also, I showed him were to place his hands and how to cut. The two of us cut his orange into quarters. By then, Grace wanted to cut an orange. After a short safety demonstration, we cut her orange into quarters. That left one more orange to cut. I wanted to get it done, so I told them this was my orange.

I promptly cut my thumb.

So much for knife safety.

My, Aren't We Snooty?

Mary and I needed a short vacation. Luckily, the 'rents were willing to go back to full-time parental duties for two days when they were in town. They did the school routines and got Grace and Caleb to all their activities. It was a great time away for Mary and me and the children enjoyed the grandparents.

Grace is constantly drawing. She has a large collection of markers to entertain herself. While we were gone, Grace decided to draw. She asked my mother to join in. Mom saw all the markers and decided to teach Grace how to graph.

Now, I believe in the power of education. I am excited for Grace to learn new lessons and ask tough questions. I believe all children need to be exposed to math, science, the humanities, and the arts early. An education changes lives. Pedagogy notwithstanding, I cringed when I learned my mother was teaching Grace to graph.

Why?

Because my name is Jared and I am a graph snob. Incorrigibly so and unrepentant. If anyone is going to teach my child how to graph, it has to be me. How did I miss out on this already?

(If you feel that you may suffer from graph snobbery, a tool is included below to aid in your diagnosis. Do yourself a favor and take the test today. If you can confirm that you are a graph snob, do the world a favor and teach them how to graph.)

Grace's Marker Bar Chart:
Graph Snob Diagnostic - You may be a graph snob if you can answer the following questions in the affirmative.

1) Can you say that you have never created a pie chart?
2) Do you shun 3-D graphs at all costs?
3) Are you sick everytime you look at a USA Today graph?
4) Do you try to use anything but Excel to graph?
5) If you must use Excel, at a minimum do you customize the titles, labels, axes, tick marks, background and colors?
6) Do you adjust color schemes for proper contrast for every graph?
7) Can you explain the definitional and stylistic differences between a vertical bar chart and a histogram?
8) Do you know about different "bucketing" algorithms for histograms?
9) Do you apply the principles of usability to graphs?

Is it Starting Already?

Being a parent sneaks up on you. There are ominous stories you hear; the challenges and difficulties of parenting, the new beginnings, the old times, and the constant transitions. For Mary and me, we are beginning to hit those milestones. Sure, the children are still very young and they let us hold them and hold onto them, but they are growing up fast. Grace is now in school and soon Caleb will follow. The relentless march of time continues without abatement.

I thought that having the first child start school would be this year's difficult milestone. It was not. Admittedly, it was startling to see Grace go to class the first time and emotional to see her almost cry. But she stood tall and we tried to as well. We were looking for another momentous signpost and one snuck up on me. It was a fatherly duty and it happened last night.

Now, fathers are always on the look out for certain lessons to teach their children. Though they do not relish each lesson, fathers are mindful of the particular ones they must teach their children. Fathers want to help children learn to choose friends wisely and how to fix things. They may teach about basic life skills or math lessons. Others have the opportunity to start awkward conversations about avian creatures and flying insects. This conversation had to do with a daughter and a boyfriend.

We were driving in the car and Grace was telling us about school. She was describing enjoyable kindergarten activities and her group of classmates. Mary asked about her friends and Grace listed those in her group.

Then Grace says, "Dimitri is in my group. I told him that he was my boyfriend."

Somewhat incredulously, Mary asks, "Really, what did he say?"

Grace says, "He said, 'Oh. Great.' "

Now, what is a father supposed to do with this information? A first boyfriend for my kindergartner? Should I grab a shotgun? Or a dictionary to explain the term boyfriend? Should I tell my daughter she is never going out with him? Or should I take Dimitri's answer and add it to the "Say what?" post below?

Grace has a "boyfriend". And it made me laugh. Maybe I am not cut out to be a father.

Say what?

I love words. The imprecision of their preciseness captivate me. Random statements out of context make me laugh. Some of us struggle to find the perfect word. The rest of us choose words poorly and hope we don't sound foolish. Some things that have been overheard recently:

In church, Caleb to Grace holding Chapstick, "Hey, I want some make up."

Caleb after applying the Chapstick, "There, I am all polished."

Dad speaking to Mom over dinner, "Hey, your tail is way bigger than mine."

Caleb to Mary, "I'm mad at you Mom, I'm not going to share my bed with you anymore."

Caleb to the food at dinner, "Disgrossting." (Yeah for contractions!)

Grace telling us she did not want to play soccer this week, "My gas tank is broken."

Grace on her life plans, "When I'm nine, I am still going to be an artist. But, not when I am ten."

"Cheese!"

Rebecca Mudrick is a good friend of ours and an excellent photographer. (I have known her husband for twenty-two years.) Two weeks ago, she took some pictures of us. We love the pictures. She sent us a link to her blog with two of the amazing shots. We could not believe our eyes when she sent us the proof gallery.

In her blog, she wrote we had a disinterested three year-old. I believe she was being generous in her description of Caleb. After the first few pictures, he was done. He made it perfectly clear by running away from Rebecca. Since Rebecca is a talented photographer, she took it in stride and worked magic with him. We were worried that she would not have any "great" pictures of Caleb. We need not have worried.

Rebecca, the pictures mesmerize us and one day we want to hear the story you told Grace and Caleb about the stone wall, a castle, and a prince and princess. Thanks!

Mmm, Pie

We went apple picking yesterday. It was a beautiful, fall, New England day. The perfect day for apple picking; sunny, mid 60s, with autumnal colors splashed across the trees.

If yesterday was picking, that can only mean one thing for today: apple pie. We have a family system for making an apple pie. Grace and Caleb add ingredients. I cut apples (seven beautiful Mutsu apples today). The children add the apple slices, stir the sugar and cinnamon, and eat apple skin. Mary prepares the crust for the pie tin.

After I had finished cutting and was cleaning up, I walked past Mary putting the apples into the pie dish. She was rearranging each slice so they all lined up. Now, we did have a lot of apple slices, but is that impressive or obsessive?

(Full disclosure: The pie was excellent, but the apple slices take longer to cook when rearranged shoulder-to-shoulder.)

Economist's Nightmare

We, like the rest of you, drive pass gas stations everyday. Lately, it has been a more pleasant experience since the price of gas has fallen in the last month or two. We do not like to pay $50 for a full tank of gas.

But gas, like most commodities, is subject to market pressures. And markets are the first love of economists. When I took Economics 101, the first example of market pressure had to do with gas stations. If one gas station lowers its price, the one closest by will probably lower prices as well.

Well, this does not apply to a gas station near us. For the last month or more, the price of gas at this station has been much higher than the price at the next gas station (and all stations, really). We drove past it the other day and the price was $2.55 a gallon. Across the street it was $2.18. Who would buy gas that was almost $0.40 more a gallon than the place across the street? How does that gas station stay in business?

It is an economic oddity, if I have ever seen one; a gas station impervious to market pressure.

Is this the kind of thing that would keep an economist up at night?

Apple Picking Pictures

The crew of Craig, Liam, Caleb, HC, Grace, and Jared (Mary and Lois not pictured; taking pictures): Grace picking: Caleb picking:
Caleb, Mary, Grace, HC, and the spoils: The tail end of the hayride back from the apple picking: Jared and Caleb on the haystacks: Grace being happy on the haystacks:

Starting School

I thought that I should post some pictures of the the start of school. We took this picture before Caleb started preschool this year. I love this picture because it has a lot of his personality in it. This is really what he is like. I am not sure how Mary will feel about this picture. There are better pictures of him smiling, but I like a little bit of reality mixed in with life. He was a little nervous to start school, but I think he is doing well adapting to his new life. He is a great kid. I don't think Grace could have been more excited to start school this year. Here was what she looked like on the first day of school. Although, I must admit that I wish we had a picture of when she was ready to walk into the classroom. She was startled (mildly scared?) for a minute that she had to leave us, but she turned around and walked in. The girl wanted to do her thing and she was not going to be stopped. I was really proud of her. Tough little cookie. I thought I should post one more picture. This is the two of them before Grace's first day of school. I think Caleb will really miss having Grace at home.

A Keen Insight

The 'rents were in town this past week. The children and I collected them at the airport last Monday. They had four pieces of luggage and a purse/bag. I figure that is not bad since they are going to be on the road for the next two-plus weeks. (They spent the first week with us.)

Later on Monday, I went into their room. Somehow the bags have multiplied. They still have the four suitcases but they have been joined by about seven other types of bags. Bags for computer stuff, toiletries, toys, etc.

As I left the room, I realized I had just had a keen insight into my brother Matthew.

How to Eat a Cupcake from Mike's Pastries

Family Activity with the Parents

Grace, Dad, Mom, and Caleb frosting mini Ghost cakes for a family activity.
The photo is important photographic evidence of the power of genetics. If you have questions, please see 90% of Mary's pictures from her youth.