~Marshmallow Love~

Monday, April 16, 2007

Just so you know
~jesse mccartney

I shouldnt love you but I want to
I just cant turn away
I shouldnt see you but I cant move
I cant look away

And I dont know how to be fine when Im not
Cause I dont know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feelings taking control of me
And I cant help itI wont sit around, I cant let him win now
Thought you should know
Ive tried my best to let go of you
But I dont want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

Its getting hard to be around you
Theres so much I cant say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I dont know how to be fine when Im not
Cause I dont know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And Im wondering why Ive waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spokenIm waiting here...been waiting here

o0..happy together..0o
4/16/2007 06:53:00 PM

Monday, February 26, 2007

first of all..i wanna thank god for his grace..his patience wif mi..esp dis few daes..next wanna thank both muy sistas mingrang and joy for their lovely and wonderful birthdae present for mi..i gt a knitted letter J frm mingrang in frame..it jus shows her time and effort spent into dd it for mi..reali thanks dear..and i gt 2 books frm joy..both of which i tink it's a prayer answered frm god..hu neva fails to see and understand muy needs..it's a book on how to pray for others..and 1-min prayers for women..the lord neva fails to bring ppl to mi esp when i nidda help and pray together..and tt's the amazin love and grace he's for us all..ptl ~

todae's the first dae of work..but kept yawnin away at muy desk while readin the manuals in the mornin..didn't hab enuff sleep ytd nite..i'm hurt and disppointed..i'm stil tinkin abt him..muy love is stil dere despite of wat he did..but i noe he's not much feelins left for mi for us again..many of muy frens told mi to gib up and move on..but sumhow i hanged on..til last nite..i tink it's reali pointless for mi to be in his life anymore..he jus evidently shows he doesn't nidda mi anymore..so i tink i betta disappear..i dunch tink it wld eben make a diff to him..gt mi no mi..

it's reali hard for mi to gib up dis time..i've tot it thru..but i've to learn to accept reality..he kips focusin on the probs we had b4..despite muy endless assurance tt thgs are diff eber since tt patch up..cuz to mi tt's wat god intended for us..but sumhow..his mind is not soft enuff to accept watever i've said to him..i reali learn to treasure ebery lil thgs and moments we spent together eber since tt patch...cuz i've learnt muy lesson and mend muy ways in which he doesn't like..but sumhow..it's nothing to him..

he's one hu used to tell mi when thgs happened..it's when god wans us to learn sumthg as a couple together..he's the one hu used to tell mi tt when thgs happened..we shld always look bak at the sweet and happi times we had together..instead of dwellin in the probs and sadness..he's oso the one hu used to tell mi to never gib up tt easily in the r/s..cuz he noe hw much it wld hurt god by dd so..hu kips on blessin us so much so much..

sayin goodbye to dis r/s is reali reali like takin an impt part of mi away..dis r/s is special to mi..cuz i've neva experience dis kinda of love at all..esp when god's in it as well..i've learnt mani thgs..n i dunch wanna forget so i wun repeat the mistakes again in muy life nextime..i've giben muy all..practically eberythg..tt's y i reali wanna cherish..the double portion of blessin frm god..and so much lookin forward to our honeymoon together in europe..habin our own nest..but yet it is oso in dis r/s tt hurts mi so deep so deep..tt muy heart jus aches ebery time i tink of how we are rite now..

tml gotta report eben earlier le..when i learnt of wat nic and i are gg to do in tt company..i noe it's not gg to be an easy job..tinkin..we're gg to be responsible for our products gg into shanghai..no wonder we nidda noe mandarin now..i jus wanna do eberythg for god..all for his name..

all i eber wan..ish to see u face to face..
den i'll noe i'm found muyself in you..

o0..happy together..0o
2/26/2007 11:18:00 PM

Sunday, February 25, 2007

todae's muy birthdae...but the tears stil flowed out..i'm jus so broken up inside..

o0..happy together..0o
2/25/2007 10:23:00 PM

Saturday, February 24, 2007

todae was supposed to go for muy two basic theory lessons..but last min mornin decided to cancelled...too tired to go..

went for service wif heeyin todae again..todae worship was not too bad..the lyrics seem to speak to muy heart abt wat i shld do..

after tt went for dinner at the usual kopitiam near the mrt..wif zuwei oso..haha tt uncle sittin down dere drinkin coffee readin newspaper while waitin for us..so funny lah..heeyin had noodles while i tried the abalone clam shredded chicken congee..cuz the popoular teochew porridge stall was closed todae! so sad rite..haha..suddenly alot of ppl eatin chicken rice todae..owner mus be grinnin from ear to ear..perhaps desirin tt the teochew porridege stall dunch open so soon..haha!

but the porridge dere..not too bad lah..heh..can go bak for more!

i'm reali feelin so dotz..cuz i jus feel so caught in the middle..dunchno whr to advance..the thgs he told mi todae..was kinda of..well..shockin..i jus dunch understand..

dis year missed the chingay parade..so sad..i wanna go...~~~~

den i stil haben got muy watch yet..so dotz lah..mon attachment le..

o0..happy together..0o
2/24/2007 10:19:00 PM

afternn went to rackie the attachment company wif nic..gosh..we waited for the bus so long..tinkin cham sia..mornin mus be dere early early to wait for bus man..den when we alighted..eben wif the map i printed out..we stil had quite a difficult time findin the buildin..summore it's drizzlin slightly heavier..it's jus so ulu dere..haha..den worse..when we gt inside the buildin..the security guard told us dere's no such company tt we're lookin for..we both were like stunned lah..but thankfully..we managed to find it's sub name..which was listed on the directory instead of the main company's name..heng man..

our next prob was tryin to get to the bus stop tt we wanted to alight initially..but we didn't manage to find it.. gosh man..den we went to the nearest bus stop infront of the buildin and took a bus to je..journey so so so long..can rot inside sia..

after tt long hours of rackiin the company...i met up wif heeyin and mingrang to go imm..mingrang wanted to eat fish and co so much cuz she jus misses jason so much..summore the soup of the dae was clam chowder his fav..haha..but due to heeyin and i who were quite broke..we ended up at mos burger..and yea ming rang gt herself a clam chowder stil!

we sat dere and tok..sharin stories..before headin for shoppin..
in the end we bought earrins..hairband..new tin piggy banks..new tops! i gt a cheap red sphag frm espirit..it's def worth the bucks man..heeyin gt the piggy banks for zuwei and her so dey can each start savin $$$..*thumbs up*

den so fast mus go hm le..cuz shops closin..haha..

reali thank god for blessin us wif such a lovely time together..

it's reali tough to forget a r/s tt means so much to mi..when so much so much was bein forked out..he's stil on muy mind all the time..but i jus dunchno wat to do...maybe he's right tt we shld reali pray together and ask god shld we be together again..but half of mi alr reali reali given up hope to be wif him again..cuz the hurt is jus to deep..it's trust tt he's broken..and it's so hard to build bak tt trust again..he has to convince mi...sumhow..win mi bak wif more den jus words..provided tt's wat god wans him to do..til den..i jus wanna live muy life all ober again..i dunch wanna relive the unpleasant experience eber again..

o0..happy together..0o
2/24/2007 12:29:00 AM

Thursday, February 22, 2007

i've decided to end todae..dou it's hard..cuz i tink i'm used to him around le..but i noe i cannot go on anymore..instead..it's muy hope tt thru dis break he'll get bak up on his feet again..whether we'll be together again..it's reali God's will..but now..i reali wish to see his good positive old self..not the person he is rite now..

i'm not gg to delete dis blog..but maybe i'll hab to change the skin and words..i had a hard time findin dis two goldie pups..i reali lurve it..but guess i'll find another one when i gt more time..

i noe the followin song ish so so so old..haha..but always wish that sumone wil play and sing for mi on the guit..oh wells..

More than Words
-Westlife

Saying I love you,
Is not the words,
I want to hear from you,
It's not that I want you,
Not to say but if you only knew,
How easy, it would be to show me how you feel,

More than words,
is all you have to do,
to make it real,
Then you wouldn't have to say,
that you love me,
Cause I'd already know,

What would you do,
if my heart was torn in two,
More than words to show you feel,
That your love for me is real,
What would you say,
if I took those words away,
Then you couldn't make things new,
Just by saying I love you,

It's more than words,
It's more than what you say,
It's the things you do,oh yeah,
It's more than words,
It's more than what you say,
It's the things you do,oh yeah

Now that I've tried to,
talk to you and make you understand,
All you have to do, is close your eyes,
And just reach out your hands,
and touch me,
Hold me close don't ever let me go,

More than words,
is all I ever needed you to show,
Then you wouldn't have to say,
that you love me,
Cause I'd already know,

What would you do,
if my heart was torn in two,
More than words to show you feel,
That your love for me is real,
What would you say,
if I took those words away,
Then you couldn't make things new,(no no)
Just by saying I love you.....

i jus wanna thank god for bein patient wif mi..
stayin wif mi thru the nite..

i believe when god closes one door..he'll open up another for us..
at least from now onwards he can choose to lead a normal r/s wif sumone else in the future..hope tt he'll be able to find sumone hu can suit him betta..stay nearer and yea..same church perhaps..tt wld be an added advantage..it doesn't matter to mi hu tt person wil be..eben if it's tt ger..as long as he's happi..tt's enuff..

as for mi..i'm gonna start muy life all ober again!

i wanna thank muy sista and bro..both mingrang and dunwei..thanks for ur concern and reali listenin to mi..reali thanks for all ur comfort and consolation todae..i'm reali fortunate and blessed to hab frens like u guys in muy life..

can't waita for attachment to start!
haha..

nite..take care

o0..happy together..0o
2/22/2007 11:41:00 PM

Thursday, February 08, 2007

i can see abit of silver linin in the clouds finally..but stil..i wanna be patient..and wait for the rainbow..the arrival of muy harvest..

i hope he's feelin betta or at least soon..

sumtimes muy heart weeps at the words tt are comin out frm his mouth his msgs..and i too feel very tired and wanna gib up and stop watever i'm pursuin..but i stick to god..i worship him stil wif that song in mind..i noe i can find assurance and strength among wat may seems so bleak and uncertain..
and i reali thank Him for being so patient wif mi..wif us..

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.

1 corinthians 13:4-8

the ones in bold reminds mi of wat to do when things happen in a r/s..be it a disagreement..a tiff..or others..

and trust wholeheartedly that wif love..anger wil hab no room to flare..if dis is not true or practical enuff..den god wldn't be real..for these words are from him..for us to learn..

i've so mani thgs i wanna share wif him..about wat god has shared wif mi..had made mi see and realise..and why we are gg thru all dese..in fact i'm thankful that dis happened..cuz behind dis lies a greater and stronger firmer love waitin to be embraced by us..

i reali hope he wil cum for service dis sat..cuz he nidda find the fire..to kip the flame alive..

in a r/s when one's down and weary..
the other has to be and stay strong..
to perservere and be the pillar of support..
ultimately it's love tt wld triumph victoriously against the odds.

hab to get ready and go for tuition..den at nite gg to pia PMA..last paper le mus stay focus eben more! *jiayoujiayou!* we can do it!!!!!!!!!!

o0..happy together..0o
2/08/2007 02:32:00 PM

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

ahhhH!!! todae polymer science..tupid polymer science!!! i actually forgotten muy formula!!!! *faints* guess muy mind wasn't tune into exams reali..anyways..it's OBER..but jus crossin muy fingers for the grades *peace to mi*

suddenly i see things differently..*thanks to god*reali*

and tt worship song..is indeed true..when we fix our eyes on ourselves..it's definitely hard to see..the best..DO WAT HE WANS US TO DO..*cheers*

this is esp so whenever we ran into probs..we'll be focusin hw tt wld affect us (individually) and wat to do for our own interest..eben it means sacrificin or inducin hurts to others..yea selfish..but god teaches mi to see dis finally..and i came to learn tt the best way to deal wif probs..bring it to god..cuz nth it's impossible and and too big for him to handle..and when our eyes are fixed on Jesus..nothing wil go wrong anymore..*amen*

ming rang told mi muy lower eyes are abit puffy todae..*gosSh* i tink i nidda more rest..

gonna pull up muy socks and put muy beeessssst foot forward for muy last paper on fri..afterall the glory i wanna for Him..

*jiayou jiayou jiayou!*

o0..happy together..0o
2/07/2007 11:20:00 PM