Blowouts.

And I am not talking about clearance sales. I am here to talk about poo. Lots of it. Conner has managed to have 7 blowouts since Sunday morning. So the story goes:

  

Sunday: I changed him and thought all was well. He was happy, I was happy, and all of a sudden.... one word- Hiroshima. So I changed him again and while I was getting the second diaper on, he did it again. Boom, boom, and ker-plop. All over my arm, changing table and fresh clean diaper. I had to contain that nuclear zone so I put him on floor to get his diaper. As I am making the transfer from changing station to floor he got all excited and giggly that he kicked his feet (toes) into the poo. Yes, now I had no changing table to clean him on and I wasn't about to put him on the floor. SO single handily (literally) I managed to clean his toes. Note: I am freaking out. After his toes were all clean I put him on the floor to stick his diaper on. As I am putting the diaper under his sweet little bum, he thought it would be a good time to pee on me. For those of you who don't know about Conner pee.... its like a hybrid of Old Faithful and Niagara Falls. Conner pee seems to go up and out and side to side and then up again. And when you think you are in the clear, like clockwork, he manages to whip out another gallon. Pretty smooth right? Note: I am frozen and completely in shock. This was my 4th diaper. I scooted him over on a clean area of his room that hadn't been bombarded with "B.F." (bodily fluids). I finally tamed the beast.

Wait I'm not done. Later in the day, I put Conner in his jumperoo so he could watch 'Word World' and he started to do the poo chant. I took him out and went in to change him again. It had COMPLETELY splurged out of every single side of his diaper. I am talking up the back, up the front (just shy of the belly button region), down his legs and all over his outfit. Blowout #2

Right before Mark got home, I was in the bedroom working on something and Conner was sitting on my lap. At this point I didn't think he had anymore ammo. Boy was I wrong. He started plopping those suckers out faster than I could respond. I set him down to change him. Because of my pure genial complexion, I didn't change him in his room on the changer like I usually do. I changed him right next to where I was working. DUMB IDEA.. that's all I have to say. Oh and poo and sheets DON'T mix.

My sheets were covered in poo and I was covered in pee. Oh I forgot to mention that while I was putting on Blowout #3 diaper on he peed all over my pants. Yes, thank you Conner. My dreams have come true!

On to blowout #4 for Tuesday. Mark got home and right before bed he pooped again. Now at this point I am thinking my milk was a little funky. Something had to have caused this havoc. I went over what I ate the day before. I could not think of one thing that would set him off like this.

Thankfully, Sunday came to a close. Monday was a good day.... slightly uneventful because he didn't poop at all. Not a single poop.

Tuesday came rolling around.... wow. I could have lived on Monday for the rest of my life. No objections. But no. Tuesday had to come with a furry. Not nearly as bad as Sunday, but definitely messier. Conner had splattered all over. Jumperoo's don't make things any easier. Jumperoo's and poo don't mix either. Blowout #5 and #6 came and went. Poop is poop no matter how you look at it.

And then finally, today. Wednesday. Conner had a big poop in the morning but nothing topped this evening. Wow. Mark was on the phone with my dad. He didn't hear Conner do the chant. I was sitting next to Conner as he was jumping around in his little Jumperoo as we were watching 'Monk'. I kindly gave him to Mark after he got off the phone and told him he was smelly and needed a bum cleaning. My living room started smelling like infant fecal matter. So Mark took him and said, "EWWWW! He leaked through his jammie!" I was shocked but taken away with laughter because I didn't really acknowledge the gravities of the damage done. Mark took him to his room and started to undress him. Ha ha ha. That is all my dear loved ones. HA HA FREAKING HA! I could not stop laughing for the life of me. I am still laughing as I am typing this. Wow. It was in his belly button which means it went through the back , front and only out the one side. That one side..... down the leg, into the toes. The smell.... HORRENDOUS! I had to just give him a bath. His room still has the hint of poo in the air. Its actually more than a hint. It just smells like a port-a-potty. Hence the febreeze. Who ever invented febreeze, I am forever in your debt.

You can't picture all the poop when you look at that face... can you?

 

Things I have learned in the time span of 4 days:

1. Wear air-tight, waterproof clothing when changing Conner. Galoshes are a included.

2. Take cover.

3. No such thing as too many wipes.

You Might Already Know

I never posted about Conner's Birth. I apologize. Life becomes overwhelming. What can you do?
So here are his stats:

Conner Don Monson

Wednesday November 10, 2010

8:46 a.m.

6 pounds 9.5 ounces

18 inches



Now my post is official. Thank goodness. It only took me 5 months to post it. Classy. 

5,000 pounds

I have found losing weight to be tedious, difficult, and disheartening. I think that two of the things I find the most difficult is that the weather has been so bipolar that it makes for a very inconsistent exercising schedule. That and the fact that I have no idea what to do with Conner.

Side note: Conner has this emotional attachment to me. But its not just any emotional attachment... Take this for example: I set Conner down so I can exercise (or things I would like to do by myself aka potty) . If it is past 3 or 4 in the afternoon... I swear he thinks ninjas dressed as clowns with crash through the windows and steal him away and feed him carrots and green beans (he hates carrots and green beans).

I am finding that when I cant set Conner down to clean or work on projects, I am munching. In fact, I cant stop munching. I want to lose weight but I end up feeling like I am starving. I think it is the stress of it all. Before Conner had surgery I was always holding him so that he wouldn't choke on his vomit or so that he wouldn't inhale the vomit he would project. Now he knows that if he cries he will always have me to hold him. Now it has become more stressful than ever.

Solution: So I am going to tell you a little secret. I have started to track my weight and food intake very closely. So closely I have started to take weekly pictures of myself in a sports bra and biker shorts so I can physically see my progress or my decline. I am doing this because I don't have a fancy iPhone or phone that has apps that keep track of your caloric intake. Also I think it is better for me to visually feel the progress. 

On a lighter note, Conner is finally in his crib! Bassinet goes bye bye! I am thrilled that he is sleeping through the night in his crib!

I am so grateful to be his mommy and I know Mark is grateful to be his daddy. I cant imagine my life without Conner. He really is a good baby. I know he  has his moments, but he is my little angel.

A crib and some sugar cookies.

I would love to post pictures but I just flat out don't have any. SO sorry. Anyways, Conner slept in his crib for the very first time! I am so glad the crib has finally been slept in. I was beginning to worry I would never have the guts to have Conner sleep in his very own room. Yes I am torn but at the same time... HALLELUJAH!

Oh and today we had the privilege to spend some good old fashioned quality time with our favorite Kerstin, Asia, Adalyn and Clara, Christian, and little Ben. They are so fun to be with. It was a little chaotic. Nonetheless, we still managed to make sugar cookies and frost them with neon frosting. Conner had a ball.... or I am sure he would have had a ball had he not fallen asleep.

Conner with a side of Don.

So much has gone on since the last time I blogged. We were in a 3rd car accident, killed a squirrel,  back pain 24/7, Crohn's issues, Uncle dies, cousin goes crazy, new baby, baby has surgery, baby gets blessed, baby gets infection in the incision site, and about 10,000 other things. I was going to do a "Chronicles of Monson" but that would be a dreary, long, and I mean LONG post. No one has that much free time. TRUST YOU, ME. I could go on with all the legitimate excuses I have for not blogging like Mark someday wiping the operating system on his dinosaur laptop making it difficult to upload pictures that will in time be deleted or moved to another location OR being a mom doesn't leave much time for keeping my house clean. Not to mention the trillion diapers I change daily.

Lets begin-
Conner Don Monson born Wednesday November 10, 2010 at 8:46 a.m. weighing 6 lbs. 9 oz. 18 inches long. Labor/delivery was actually not a horrible experience.... It was harder watching Mark hold my hand. I will leave you at that.

Conner had pyloric stenosis--Vomit the Comet! Now it is all better other than the fact he has an infection in the incision site. No fun. Antibiotic here we come.

Conner is 4 months old now and these are his accomplishments:
1. talking, jabbering, imitating sounds, and jabbering some more.
2. he holds his head up with his arms when he is on his belly for "tummy time" but he is not the biggest fan of "tummy time".
3. He pees a lot. I don't know where exactly he puts it all.
4. If you hold him so he is standing up, he will walk and it might be his favorite thing to do.
5. He loves the children's cartoon OSWALD. Don't ask me why my 4 month old likes a cartoon of a piano playing octopus with a pet wiener dog that looks like the actual American classic, processed, sports food stand, delicacy.
6. He doesn't like green beans or carrots all that much but he LOVES peas! (I still feed him green beans and carrots)
7. He is currently the record holding nail grower I have ever seen! I trim his nails 2 times a week now! Its ridiculous.
8. Did I mention he sleeps through the night?

Sleeping.

He loves to sleep. He gets that from the M.O.N.S.O.N. side. I am not denying that I don't love sleep. I really love to sleep. However, I have never met someone who loves to sleep and sleep in more than Mark. Hence, the sleep gene is graciously accepted from the Monson side.

Even though he loves to sleep, getting him to sleep is another ballgame. He does not like to fall asleep at all. He would rather scream his lungs out and turn purple in the face and rupture everyones eardrums before surrendering to his life long passion.

Anyways, I wanted to keep this short and sweet. But I have to bring this one topic up before I am done. I need to confess. I killed a squirrel. Well, Mark did, I was just an accomplice. I sat in the car and saw an innocent, live squirrel run in front of our car. I looked out the window in my rear view side mirror and watched its helpless body bounce to the side of the road. Hit and run my friends. And for that I am sorry.

Thats all until next time.

You know you are a red neck when....

I am so glad I live in Utah...

90 pregnancies at one high school

By James Eng
About 90 teenage girls at one public high school in Memphis, Tenn., are either pregnant or have had a baby this school year, according to media reports.
Frayser High School has 978 students – 508 of which are girls. That means nearly 18 percent of teen girls at Frayser are either currently pregnant or recently had babies.
As a Title One school, Frayser receives federal dollars based on the number of students from low-income families who qualify for free or reduced lunch, according to WMC-TV.
Pregnancy is not a new problem for the school, one Frayser graduate says. "When we would come back from summer break, there would be a thousand people pregnant. We were like, what's going on?" Alicia Williamson told KTUU. Williamson graduated from Frayser in 2004. She added, "There were a whole lot of bellies. You had to watch out so you didn't bump into them. Being 2011, I thought a lot of them would have thought this is not the right way to go, having babies during school time.”
The news comes as the city plans an initiative to fight teen pregnancy in their community with a nonprofit organization called Girls Inc., which teaches girls about pregnancy prevention.

Say What?

Okay, this post is random, and I have been just accumulating these sayings over this last year and a half.

Random things Sara says....

Sara: "Are you having a baby in you?" (because both Nat's were pregnant)
Sara: "Do you have friends?" (Nope, I was born in a bubble.)
Sara: "Does your mom like her house?" (I am pretty sure she does.)
Sara: "Do you like me? Cuz I like you." (I'm married. Plus, you're too young for me.)
Sara: (hugging her "Baby Alive" with a big, fat, cheezy smile) "This is my Baby Alive. She really is alive!"

Sara: "Will you give me a bath?"
Me: "Okay."
Sara: (giggle) "You can be Ariel's friend." (not having a clue about what she was talking about...)
Me: "Okay."
minutes later...
Sara: "Sing the little Mermaid."
Me: (I start singing)
Sara: "THATS NOT HOW IT GOES! It GOES like this..... aahhhh ahh aaahhh aaaaaaahhhh" (eyes closed, really feeling the moment)


After Sara is usually done with the questioning....(sometimes)Emma finds the opportunity to come sit on my lap... it goes like this:
(One particular instance)

Emma: "Why you like Sara?"
Me: "Because she is just so cute, just like you!"
Emma: "Wwhhhhhhhhhhyyyy?"
Me: "Um, because she is sweet?"
Emma: "Wwhhhhhhhhhhyyyy?" (geez... ya got me)

Another instance...
Emma: "Why is your hair black."
Me: "I was born with it."
Emma: "Wwhhhhhhhhhyyyy?" (again.. ya got me)


Off and On....

Ethan: "ANNNNIIIIIEEEE!"
Me: "Hey Ethan! Come here give me a hug!"
Ethan: (runs up to me as if to give me a hug.)
Taylor: "EEWWWW!!!"
Ethan: "EEEWWWWWW!!!" (screams and runs away with Taylor)
Me: (I think I'll just hug myself)

Running straight to my face...
Ethan: "Jazz is UP!"

Taylor just kills me....

When we were in St. George (was married for almost 2 1/2 months)....
Taylor: "You are my aunt."
Me: "Yep, I am."
Taylor: "Do you know what that means?" (Nope, enlighten me)
Me: "Yeah! That means I am your aunt!"
Taylor: "No, it means you are Aunt Nat's sister!"
Me: "Um... yeah. Technically we are."
Taylor: "So why are you brown?" (I was born with a defect called brown-syndrome)
Me: "Because my mom's hair is brown?"
Taylor: "Oh."

My official opinion of Obama.

Can they be anymore obvious?