Post Surgery

Wow what a difference already. I feel incredible and I wonder why I waited so long. I have the pain from surgery of course, but not the constant pain I suffered for years. I am worried that I am going to be so bored though. I am already feeling that way and cleaned the house today. Well I tried, but my kids yelled at me and finished it. I have the best kids in the world. Mike is bored out of his mind and can be found down stairs. I really don't think he likes being home. When the weather and the pocket book allows he will be a lot happier. I don't understand why he wants to retire. I think he would hang himself from shear boredom. I hope this six weeks flies by. I think it might.

So Sad

I feel so sad for my sweet niece. Her husband of 4 months walked out on her and their 2 young children. He said that he wanted to go to Colorado to visit family and he hasn't returned. He did call and asked her to send his stuff. And he did tell her that he had a girlfriend. Nice. His little girl that is 2 1/2 was so sad for the first week. It broke my heart. The baby is lucky because he is so young, he has no idea what's going on. My niece when to the state and asked if they would help her get child support. No the husband is calling her all kinds of hurtful names and threatening to take the kids away. He is basing this on the fact that Mellisa is on Symbolta for depression. What is wrong with him. Why does it seem it is so easy for a man to walk away from a family? And it seems like it is always for an other woman. He took his XBox if you can believe that, but left his family. I just don't understand. I want to help with advice, but am afraid that it will be taken the wrong way. So I will just keep my mouth shut. People can say it is because they were too young to get married, but I don't believe that. I was married at 21 too, and I am still married. My poor niece has to figure out how to get her education and support her family now on her own, because she most likely will not see a dime from her husband. I wish her the best of luck in the future.

Getting Close

I am starting to stress out a bit. My surgery is a week away. I am looking forward to the benefits that will come from it, but I don't do well when I am under and I get violently ill after words. This is the part that scares me the most. More so than the pain that is bound to come with it. My work has been so supportive and understanding. It helps that the principal went through the same thing a few years ago. Its good to know that I will have a job when I am healed. It amazes me how many women have had hysterectomies, and at young ages. It also amazes me that some did it for no more reason than their periods were and inconvenience. Then there are those like me that have suffered and tried every know way to prevent this surgery in the first place. I just want my life back. I don't want to have to guess when my next period will come and how bad it will be. I don't want to miss work because the cramps are so bad that I need to be medicated all through the day. I would love to have relations with my husband without fear of starting the next day. My doctor can't believe that I have put up with it for 6 years. Nor can I to tell you the truth. If I don't write for a week or two forgive me, I have a lot on my mind.

I really don't understand why people complain and complain, yet never change what they are complaining about. There is a coworker that is 270 pounds and she is 22 years old. She acts like she is 12 and blames everything that she can't do on her being fat, but she makes fun of those who can or at least try. She is always hopping around like a kids saying in a whiney voice, "Look at my fat, look at my fat." No I really don't want to look at your fat. Her mom works there too, and when ever the mom walks by her room she yells down the hall, "I love you mommy." She is always on a soapbox and it makes me laugh. She knows every rule in the granite school district and its okay if she messes up, but you better not hopw she catches you. I am so glad that she is not in my class this year. I think the kids are smarter than some of the staff.

Emotional Wreck

Lately have nave been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I believe that it has a lot to do with needing a hysterectomy, but some of it comes from a feeling of helplessness. Money has not been this tight in over 10 years for us and I hate it. Mikes work is not issuing over time anymore and now they are having us pay for our insurance. Mike has not had a raise in years, but everything else has gone up. I am still working but it is just not enough. I have applied to Coventry Health, and have not heard anything at all. I need to have a radical hysterectomy within the next few weeks, and that scares me too. I am really depressed lately and just want to cry all the time. I really hate what is going on and feel helpless to stop it. I don't answer the phone anymore, and hate going anywhere. I don't want to talk to a doctor because they will only put me on medication to mask the pain not to mention it will cost money that I just don't have. If I don't get this job that I have applied for, after my surgery I will take on a second job. I really shouldn't complain at least I have a job and a roof over my head.

They're on one

I work with a lady that should never work with kids, and surely not work with Autistic kids. She was sent over from another classroom, as what one might call a trade. Or class traded a man that had trouble dealing with our kids. He got hurt and could not work with our kids. Nearly everyday since acquiring Tracy she has made the same comment, "Look out, he's on one." Our kids are always on one, and every time she says this it sets our kids off. Our kids are Autistic not stupid. Last Thursday Kira the head teacher held a special teaming. During this teaming she told us (as a whole) not to use "he's on one." Yesterday she said it, and we ignored it. We all figured that she just slipped and didn't mean it. Well, today she said it over and over and I snapped. I said to her in front of Kira, "THEY ARE ALWAYS ON ONE." Then she look at me and asked me if it was because it is a full moon. Without so much as a breath I snapped back, "NO IT CALLED AUTISIM." Kira kept washing the dishes and as soon as Tracy huffed out of the room, Kira started laughing. I did apologize to Kira, since she is the head teacher and I just an aid, but damn it to hell, if you hate you job, quit. Kira laughing said that I was fine and that she could not have said it any better. Oh FIY it is a crescent moon tonight not a full one.

SICK KIDS

I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT TODAY WHEN ONE MY STUDENTS HAD A FEVER OF 102. THIS CHILD HAS BEEN SICK FOR A LONG TIME, BUT HIS MOTHER CONTINUES TO SEND HIM TO SCHOOL. HE IS THE SAME KID THAT I GOT SICK FROM AND IS THE SAME KID THAT HAS EFFECTIVELY INFECTED THE ENTIRE CLASSROOM. THIS POOR LITTLE GUY JUST CAN'T GET WELL. TODAY THE SCHOOL CALLED HIS MOTHER AND SHE SAID THAT SHE COULD NOT GET HIM AND WOULD CALL HIS GRANDPARENTS TO COME AND GET HIM. WHEN GRANDMA GOT THERE SHE WAS NICE, BUT SHE ASKED WHY WE DID NOT MEDICATE HIM, BECAUSE IT WAS CUTTING INTO HER DAY TO COME AND GET HIM. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU GRANDCHILD HAS BEEN COUGHING AND RUBBING HIS SNOTTY NOSE CAUSING ME TO BECOME SO ILL THAT IT CUT INTO MY WORK DAY. OMG I WANTED TO HIT HER. I WILL BET A $100.00'S HE WILL BE THERE TOMORROW. I REALLY THINK I SHOULD CHARGE THEM FOR MY COPAYMENTS, MEDICATION, AND TIME OFF. IT IS NOT FAIR TO ME, MY STAFF, OR THE REST OF THE KIDS IN MY CLASS. IT IS FUNNY HOW KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS CAN BE NEGLECTED AND ABUSED AND NO ONE CARES. IT IS BECAUSE OF THEIR SPECIAL NEEDS THAT THE LAWS ARE GEARED MORE TOWARDS THE PARENTS. I JUST HAVE A HARD TIME WITH THAT. MOST OF THE KIDS HAVE NO WAY TO COMMUNICATE AND TELL PEOPLE WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON. MOST OF THE PARENTS SAY IT IS TOO HARD TO LEAVE WORK OR FIND SUITABLE SITTING FOR THEIR KIDS AND THAT IS WHY THEY SEND THEM SO SCHOOL SICK AND OR INJURED. ONE OF MY PARENTS EVEN GOES AS FAR AS TO SAY SHE JUST NEEDS A BREAK FROM HER CHILD. WOW REALLY! PEOPLE YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS. THE STATE OF UTAH OFFERS TO PAY FOR RESPITE CARE FOR YOUR KIDS. YOU HAVE HAD A MINIUM OF 5 YEARS TO COME UP WITH A CARE TAKER IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD DURING SCHOOL HOURS. I JUST DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE KIDS IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT WANT AND YET CAN NOT HAVE CHILDREN, AND THESE PARENTS TAKE THEIRS FOR GRANITE. I AM ANGERED AND SADDENED WITH THESE PARENTS. I JUST WISH THEY KNEW WHAT WE GO THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS. I REALLY WOULD LOVE FOR PARENTS TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS, BECAUSE I AM SICK OF BEING SICK AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR POOR KIDS AS THEY SUFFER THROUGH A DAY AT SCHOOL, WHEN THEY SHOULD BE HOME IN YOUR ARMS BEING LOVED.