Haiku, Hey! I just post the more popular one's, don't blame me, I like attention

A haiku is a for of Japanese poetry consisting of three sentences containing the combination of a 5 syllable, 7 syllable, and 5 syllable paragraph. I find these to be very uplifting and full of wisdom passed down from generation to generation. I would like to now share with you some of my wisdom that I have accrued in my short lifetime. Please enjoy, and feel free to comment in the form of haiku.

I found my girlfriend
At the town cemetary
She was fairly fresh

I sure do like sex
My girlfriend doesn't mind
Too bad she's rotting

I broke up with her
Because she is starting to smell
Plus the dog ate her


Decided I need
Time to think about my life
Naked in a tree

I got arrested
For peeing on bystanders
Was playing Pigeon

No one understands
What it's like to be like me
Naked and screaming

Wrapped in wool blanket
In back of a police car
My balls are chaffing

Another adventure of a drugged up blogger

For some reason, since I haven't been able to actually speak to anyone, everyone has been calling me. I just don't have the voice to do it right now. But I think that maybe I send out supersonic signals around the world to everyone I know, saying "you know, this would be a good time to give josh a call" People that I haven't talked to in like two months are calling me going " I'm sorry, I didn't know you wouldn't be able to talk after having your throat ripped open and half of the pieces of your airway cavity surgically removed". And I go "dwats awwwite, I dwont miund" Of course I do mind, but it just seems to me that one person did it and called everyone else to tell them that I sound like the greased up deaf guy. "tuchin all da candy" Anyways, people...while I really do appreciate the get well calls, I have had to turn down most just because I was in no shape to actually have a conversation at the time. So, if you called me and I didn't pick up or call you back, don't fret cause I will eventually get back to everyone. Also, I wouldn't mind flowers and balloons. Water lillies and confederations are my favorite, wait that doesn't right. Carnations? isnt that an instant breakfast. I would like to admit that I know nothing bout flowers. So, what have we learned from this blog.
1. I can't speak right now
2. When I do speak I sound like the greased up deaf guy.
3. Figuring out how to sound like the greased up deaf guy in text isn't as easy as it sounds.
4. I know little to nothing about flowers.

Tonsilectomy

So, as you could probably tell by the name of this blog I had my tonsils removed today. I honestly don't know how it went, as I was unconscious the whole time. This was my first time being put under for any procedure. Even last year when I had my wisdom teeth out they just filled my gums up with so much lidocane that I couldn't move my lips right for a week. But today was different. As I was waiting for my surgery to begin, all pimped out in my gown and slipper socks, I suddenly realized how convienent it would be for all parties involved if you posted information on huge white boards over the beds, cause I can't even count how many doctors came over to check on me thinking that I was someone else. One even asked if I was having a hysterectomy. Well, after waiting for a couple of hours in the surgery prep room they decided that it was my turn to get drugged. So the anesthesiologist came over and gave me some vectrin? vectin? velcro?, I can't remember what it was but it was awesome. It was the sedative that give before the shit that knocks you out. Anyways, So I'm in the OR and they're getting me situated and they throw the mask on me and tell me to count back from ten. I don't how far I got, cause the last thing I remember before waking up was "alright, go ahead and count backwards from te...." So, YES WORLD, I can't handle my drugs. But, I have to say that I'm on percocet right now, I plan to stay on percocet until I develop a dependency on it and have to go to rehab with britney spears. Maybe we could make sweet, sweet love. I've definitely had worse. Good news is that I can already tell a difference in my breathing. I can actually take a deep breath without forcing it through my throat. I was going to try to make this funny somehow, but I'm not succeeding at the moment. *note to self* don't attempt to be witty when you're on prescription drugs for something you actually need them for.

Mmmmm, drool

I woke up this morning startled and really frightened. I felt like someone was pouring really slimey water all over my face. So I sat up quick as a whip and looked around to find the culprate. Except no one was there. It was then that it hit me, I drooled all over myself. I'm not talking about a little drool. It was like I had purposely filled my mouth with liquid and kept it there over night so that it could gain volume with my saliva. The worst part of drooling on yourself isn't the actual act of it, it's that there's no one else to blame. At least if I had picked up some shady chick in a bar and brought her home, I could be like "So, I brought this chick home and she drooled all over me!" The important part of this isn't that she would have drooled on me, it would be that I brought a woman back with me. But, unfortunately now all I have is the consolation that not only did my charm fail me last night, but you know it's not going to be a good day when you wake up to your own slobber. You know what I'm saying? Especially when it wakes you up early, you're like...fuck, today is going to suck ass! Maybe I should put some paper towels on my pillow tonight, or maybe I shouldn't tell everyone about my excessive bodily fluid issue, cause if some hot chick is reading this who before would have slept with me...not anymore.

Like i said, Totally stealing my own work

I guess that I'm supposed to write a blog, not saying who's requesting it *coughsaracough* But, I don't know what to write about, oh I just got an idea. I was doing ammo detail today at the firing range, and the only station that came in on the radio was whatever one had rush limbaugh on. No kidding, I listened to almost five hours of rush limbaugh. So I am going to give you the highlights of today's show. First, the democrats are lying bastards who want to eat your children and steal your hard earned tax money, of course this didn't start until the clinton regime of the 1990's. Second, michael j fox is a democratic puppet who is using his disease (parkinson's) to help the democrats start stem cell research in the US. also, michael j fox is exaggerating his condition ( if he has one at all ) in order to get a pity party. Third...I don't have a third, those are the only two topics of conversation that good ole rush talked about the entire five friggin hours he was polluting the airwaves. The only relief I got was the deafening pop of the M16's being fired. I suppose this is the place that I put the morale of the story. Yeah, morale of the story is...Rush Limbaugh is a big fat douchebag.

Hey, if you have a problem stop reading.

So, I went to the library and decided on checking out some books, mostly cause I get bored when I take a shit. I was just wandering around when I saw that they had one of my favorite authors there, laurel hamilton. She wrote this whole series on a vampire hunter, that was pretty good. I actually enjoyed the literary works thus yet. So, I see that they don't have the books that I have read and liked, but another series of books that she wrote after the ones I've read, So I decide to go ahead and get one of them. It's called something like seduced at midnight or some shit like that. So I get home and start reading it, and right off the bat I can tell something is not right. She starts talking about the glistening sweat off a a rock hard stomach of a male creature, I don't remember what she called it. Okay, I was kind of weirded out but decided to just keep reading cause you never know. I didn't make the chapter, cause she starts talking about ogres and trolls being gay and having sex with fairies and other weird creatures. Alright, I know your thinking that this blog has nothing to do with anything normal. But I just wanted to use this worldwide soapbox to say, if you decide to write a novel, please keep the mythical homosexuality to a minimum. If you must write about trolls having sex with ogres, at least make one of them a really hot female troll or something. Or two hot female trolls would be okay, no actually, leave out the troll part. Just write books about really hot humans having wonderful and eye-opening lesbian experiences.

I guess I should post blogs now

I guess I should post blogs now, but I've already written some blogs on another web site, so...I'm just gonna steal some of my other ones that aren't AS obsene. So here it goes....no really, I'm gonna start posting them now.



Why are you still reading this, go read the others.