“life will be better in spring”

January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 January 2012 February 2012 July 2012 September 2012 December 2012 June 2013

 on a separate note, i want to ink these on my ribs..




24 years have passed.
that's normal.
i'm young.
for the most of this year, it has been good
but not saying there werent times where the going got worse
the bad was really bad (for me at least)
but if i were to compare to the sufferings of others,
i guess i ought to shoot myself.

TRIPS
one in jan, one in july and one in dec
the kind of life i wanna lead
jan went to genting with angeline.
it was kind of awesome seeing smoke come out of ur mouth
even in asia.
haha
and i finally can tell people that i've went to genting before.
july to taiwan
for my grad trip
it was AWESOME. with the food and shopping
i could stay there forever if u let me.
dec was bangkok.
last trip of the year.
spent with mx and amanda
and flew on xmas day itself
and yes. shopping haven.
u shld see the amount of loot we bought
despite not being able to plan much beforehand,
it was still not that bad. hehe

SCHOOL
this year also marks the end of my school life
sadly, it does mean a long long pause to my academic years
and after 22.5 years of studying, i'm at the crossroads in life
to head to the workforce
something i'm torn between looking forward and hating it
and yes, saying goodbye to camps..
the place where i make good friends

JOINING THE WORKFORCE
end august could not roll around more slowly
really
but eventually everyone will get to this point in their life
i'm considered "lucky" to have delayed it till now??
and soon, august rolled into sept and into oct and so on and so forth
4 months of working alr.
no longer a rookie anymore
but also not an experienced person
and during this 4 months,
my attitude and perspective changed.
this is now a job, not a career
i thought i could make it into a career
but alas, no. i'm rather jaded by a particular incident now
jaded is a good word.
maybe i'll recover and bounce back, and maybe i wont
only time will tell and so my heart and brain.

UPS AND DOWNS
i've drank till i puked
not once, but several times
i've drank till i had a pounding headache
clubbed farrrr too often in one month
lead a destructive life
kept drinking
but i have no idea how to deal with life now
its not the usual shit they throw at me
its something bigger, and more lethal
they say media influences how u handle things
my way of relieving stress and my pending depression is through drinking
pardon me. and my liver
yes. i'm self destructive in this way

PICKING UP NEW THINGS
one of the highlights this year has got to be my resolve to learn a new instrument
picked up the ukulele
not that i've been practising often
but it has been a good source of entertainment for me

to end off, i guess the biggest fear and source of self destruction is myself
ultimately i need to get over my own hurdle
the expectations of myself, my temper and the conditions that are presented to me
maybe 2013 will be better
wishful thinking or not, i hope to be a better person
and i need to be.
since i'm going to turn 25 in a year's time




all i want now, is just to get away.
flee from all these stuffs that's surrounding me..
at this moment in time,
i really feel like wanting to escape to a beach
where there is no one
and scream to my heart's content
till my voice runs dry and my throat become sore

ESCAPISM




and with that finality of all things, my commencement ceremony brought to an end, my academic years
so yes. i'm no longer a student any more.
i'm a staff nurse now.
officially registered as one and signed to SGH too.

looking back, 4 years really passed by very quickly.
from switching course from SIM econs and management to NUS nursing
its really a huge leap.
a huge leap of faith for me, towards myself
i din know whether i was going to like what i have put myself into
if i would get use to mixing with the younger crowd
or whether i would survive
all i knew back then, 3 years ago,
was the fact that i could help someone with the knowledge that i gained
and that at least i would not be stuck behind some computer
doing mundane jobs

year 1 of nursing was a bitch. the attachments particularly
it meant long hours of standing.
and so with aching feet and breaking backs,
i lasted the rest of my attachment
but what made me go on and on was the patients
those cute patients of mine who brighten up my day
chatting to them, getting to know their stories
it was really inspirational
and at that moment, i knew i was in the right field
heck all those back breaking moments
those my-feet-hurts-like-bitch moments
i'd do anything. ANYTHING. for my patients' smiles and thank yous

it turns out i made a rather awesome decision for myself
not that it made my mum proud of me or ath
she was all like. i din dump thousands of dollars onto u for tuition just so that u can be a nurse
ok that sucks and hurts like shit
hey mom, nursing is noble. and i find more purpose in this field than others.

during the 3 years i was at school (regretfully i couldnt make it a 4th)
i made fantabulous friends
nilawan, the ever outgoing yet always makes me exasperated person
cheryl, someone i can always bitch to and talk to
audrey, i will always want to protect her and my forever squash partner
angeline, the times where we went for our tai tai sprees. lols
mei mei, for the spontaniety
lavie, for always trying to wake her up to go for outings
rubi, hey party girl ^^
benazir, the mrs ak
and many many more
really great friends.
i still remember when i was in year 1, so suaku
dunno what is kpop. never heard a single song
and then boom, nila was intro-ing all those songs to me
remember those spamming sessions when we were supposed to do our PIP??
hahahaha

then i remembered nearing year 2, we were all suddenly pulled to enter CAC camp
just cos cheryl said she din want to be alone. lols
so yes, we joined. and i had a blast of a time
i forgot how much i missed being in a camp
or being a GL for that matter
in SIM i was just the girl that hang around
that din do ath but just go school mug and that's all
well, the camp did add excitement and fun into my school life
and there was the OCIP trip to Serdang as well ^^
really changed a lot of my perspectives
simple could also mean bliss
i will always look back at those times where we frolicked in the field outside with the children from the orphanage
well.. one camp leads to another and another and many more
haha
and soon i'm like considered old bird of cac camp alr. gosh.

but i have to admit, as a graduating student i did not join any camps.
i just crashed them
who says crashers are outsiders??
i'm really glad to have crashed union camp this year.
they absorb me in like sponge
and makes me feel young again *ego boost*
heh
and when i needed to be mad, i could just be mad with them
really feels good
i wonder when will be the next time i would have this experience
as a swan song camp, its totally worth my time
THANK YOU LUIGI COUNCILLORS AND CAMPERS ^^

ah wells.. with that it sort of ends my student life
yes. i will miss being a student
all the carefree moments
the only time i get stressed about is when its abt exams
haha. now i got more to stress
working life.. sigh
hope i dont get more white hairs

but its still a next phase of life that i have to move into.
oh wells..
wish me all the best. and i hope to rock that next phase of my life too

About BLUE part 1


About BLUE part 2


BIG BANG - BLUE


after waiting for so long, i am so excited that my fav k band is making a come back :D
their new mini album is gonna be released tml :D
or rather.. in approx 7-8hours time!
EXCITED MUCH!!

now for some pictures preview~ <3



u are making me more confused..
what is it that u want??
i dont know anymore.
i'm being conned here i guess..
u treat everyone the same way as u do to me?
i wished u were clearer though.
without the mix message.
dear heart, i really do not know how to trust u anymore..