Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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tonight i missed you.

no you cant.
yes i should go to bed.

and tomorrow will be a good day.

and all the world is calm.

i just watched team hoyts again.
and i realised, there was nothing the son did to deserve the love as we so often call it.

we would think people would love us more if we were like this or like that, prettier, slimmer, smarter, wiser, stronger... and the list goes on.

but he was loved, simply because he was the son of the father.

even then, some of us still can't bring ourselves to believe the essence of this truth, because in the world we live in, sadly, sometimes, deliberately or subconsciously, we are demanded to be all that, to be worthy of some sort before we deserve some love.

perfection will not come.

let Him love you.
start loving yourself and others.

before its too late.
life is too short, and extremely fragile.
i shouldn't have to regret another moment.

some words can make an absolute impact on our thoughts, our perspectives, our actions, who we are.
they stick with you, they become part of you.

they can be destructive
or
they can be constructive.

i shan't talk about the former.

i can remember a few in the latter department, but the greatest one yet for me is "to be thankful for everything we are given."

maybe because it wasn't just only words. but the person lived it out as well. he showed me how, without having to say more. and it made me learn.
learnt so much i can actually say for sure i started to appreciate more people and things around me.

but i know, there are still many other aspects of it that i have yet to learn.

my heart have been too small.
its time to expand it.

i do remember the times when i was actually called bubbly.
when people actually did enjoyed my company just cos i laughed and smiled a lot.
at all the random silly little things.
and they just really liked that.
i was a happy person.

danggg. doesn't sound like me at all now huh.
anyhoos, i'm gonna find her back.
so its goodbye for now.
tata!

why won't these tears go away.
i just want to go home now.
please.

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet You choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go

Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
but You

I'm not the easiest person to love
But You, You've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

its late nights like this that makes me think back a lot.
sweet memories.
memories i could smile at.

the dawn is just so refreshing.
a feeling of warmth and hope.

maybe that's why i miss all the fishing trips.
waiting lazily for the fishes to tug at our rods while the sun slowly rises, wiping out the darkness around us.
cruising along the river, listening to the radio.
without a care in the world, heading home in the dawn to catch some sleep.
thinking about it, it has already been 2 years since.

maybe if i never told you, things could have stayed that way.
just friends.
just happy doing the things we love.

its ok. i will not dwell. i will learn to forget.
i will believe in the dawn of another day.

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete


Because of His mercy, i am worthy. worthy to be loved, regardless.
and i shouldn't let anyone tell me otherwise. i shouldn't. i shouldn't.
neither should anyone of you out there who feels likewise.

He loves us. He loves us.
for who we are.
every minute and every day.
when we are strong, or when we are weak.
when we are rich, or when we are poor.
even when we are inadequate, when we don't meet His standards.
He still loves us.
all because of the cross.
Don't let anyone, anyone at all, tell you otherwise.
not even yourself.

i think this is a start.



Here I am a sinner, broken and in need of You
Take my life and wash my fears away
For you are the great I am, rest assured I feel Your hands
Holding me until the darkness clears

Father to the fatherless, redeemer of my soul
My life is Yours forever, my heart will always know

Your mercy saved me, Your mercy made me whole,
Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

You were born to be loved
And you are receiving that love through your life

The love from God that started since the beginning of the world
Becomes connected with us meeting each other
And your existence in this world
Is a very huge happiness for us

You were born to be loved
And you are receiving that love through your life

life is.
relationships are.

we don't get the chances we get everyday.

i just have to be thankful for what i have now.

thai adverts are entertaining.

a hug may not solve a problem.
but it does put 2 people at a mutual standing.
an embrace that shouts "we are not alone".

sometimes a hug is all we need.
even if its not a tangible one.
i feel it.

thank you.

i was still waiting for you to come back and finish the degree with me.
you were supposed to be getting better.
we should be graduating together remember?
why did u just go like that.
why did i not even know.
why did i have to call your number and hear your sister on the phone.
why did u not answer the call instead.
why did u die.
why.

pingy is going home soon.
soon.

hang in there a little longer.
just a little.

not really..
just keep going.

i realise our love for God isn't as good as we want it to sound.

we love Him, because, He first loved us.
there is a because.

we trust in hard times, because, we know He has good plans for our future and that He will never harm us.
there is a because.

Do we really love Him just for who He is?
all the different sides of Him.
hmmm.. i can answer this one..
because God is so good, of cos we would love Him just for who He is!

but

Do we really love Him regardless?
let's say that if He will never bless anything that we do.
everyday is just a bad day and there is no hope for the future.
(maybe a lil' dramatic here, but u get my gist)

but that will probably not come to pass because God will always be good.

are we shallow?
is it simply because we are humans? just like there's no explanation for God being good.
if it is so, i don't really like the answer because it is too big an excuse for us to use too much of the time.

look at them. perfect friends. both have endless energy. both of similar size. i'm sure they had lots of fun playing together.
if i get the chance. i too will get a best friend that's as big as me. that way i can get many many beeig hugs. *woof woof*

every time i try to get back up.
i fall harder than the last.

my eyelids are so heavy.
i've never felt this hopeless.
i think i'm a burden to everyone around me.
and i keep having bad reoccurring thoughts.
if i'm gone then nobody would have to waste their time talking to me.

i need a good bashing.
maybe at the brink of death i will grasp the full meaning of life.

mornings are the hardest to take.
caught between dreams that take me down memory lane and the reality of an empty bedroom, along with the monstrous pile of work i have to face.
the air is stifling. it becomes hard to breathe.
i find it hard to fall back to sleep.
but harder to get out of bed.

it gets better through the day sometimes,
then the mayhem repeats each time i wake.
just like forgetful lucy.
perhaps the process will slowly become easier to take.
and a happy ending awaits.

but for some time now,
it just gets harder and harder each day.
help me. please.
i know i have lost control.
my soles are worn out from all that aimless walking.
i think i'll just go away for awhile.

i just realised this.

when we talk to someone who's hurting or troubled, listen first.

don't dive at every chance to tell them what they are doing wrong that results in the incapability to be happy.

empathize with them.. say things like "yeah", "i understand".. of cos if the things they say is like an absolute wrong. you don't have to agree with them, but still, resist, resist.. don't dive at it unless really necessary.

when they are done, u can now give your input.
make it short and simple, not too philosophyish.
it can even just be a optimistic/alternative thinking contradicting to theirs.
and thats it.

give them a hug. drop them a note later on. show them u care. anytime.

maybe sometimes, no input is even needed. just show them u care by being around.

people don't have to listen to the right answers and what they have to do.
because chances are, they already know.
we don't have to make them feel worse by pointing out how wrong they are living.
they know.
we just need them to grasp that glimpse of hope in our sweet input.
i believe the rest will follow.

cos hope or just another sweet perspective motivates the knowledge in them to become something more solid.
if the rest don't follow, just follow up with them!


at least that was how i felt. i don't know if other ppl feel the same too. but i'm sure there are other ways to speak to different people because we all eat different rice. but to speak to people like me, i think thats pretty it. maybe this was the way to speak to people in need all along, and i'm just slow to realise!

thank you friend.

my wallet is getting worn out.
bit by bit its falling apart.

its time to get a new one.
because the older i grow, the more cards i seem to have.
and this little friend can't really fit them all.

i've been looking.
but i just can't seem to find another one that i like as much as this.
maybe i'll just glue some parts and buy a separate card holder.
sounds like a good idea.

pretty hor.
i like the leftest.
but 4 digit price.
crazy.
for what.
just nice to look at anyway.
haha.

why does the mind often remember something so well when we don't want it to.
yet fails on us when we need them most.
i still remember the so blessed feeling when i meant to you like what you mean to me. i could look at you all day and just smile.

dreaming of a good breakfast right now.

fried salad with eggs.
lots of ham with cheese.
maybe with some sort of bread.

i am so hungry.
and i miss u so much. is there no other way for us?
look at the worldddd girl.
its still always so beautiful regardless of what u are feeling.
believe in that love. pleaseeeeeee.

soooo stressssssssssss. i can't meet the deadline at alllllll.
YEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! BOOM.

perth royal show seems like a happy place to be in at the moment.

but.

that happiness doesn't last.
and i cant leave my work either.
bahhhhhhh.
this semester has been one of the worse thus far.
in every sense.
probing my capabilities at its very limit.
if i pass, its definitely the miracles dat i don't deserve.
i've been such a let down. haih.
sorry mum and dad.
i hope its not too late now.


back to prs,

till now i still remember the life-sized my little pony soft toy prize i really wanted 2 years back. big enough i could almost ride on it. and it is pastel bluish green in colour.
if i ever get to go again, i'll look for it.
if i ever get to go again, i wish someone would win it for me. haha. i wish.

for everything else, i do hope next year will be a better year.
just like how you said this year would be a good year.

happy october.

why does missing someone hurts this much?
is losing our humanity the path to righteous life?
to be almost perfect in the things we do, yet feel so indifferent as a person?
what is it?

Jesus did not deny his feelings.
but
neither did He allow those feelings to determine His actions.

Jesus where are you?