Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE
pingy
dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace
but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today
i can't walk home from school in the dark without this heavy feeling in my heart. every step i take, i remember the talks, the laughter, the warmth you gave when u walked with me.
felt like someone i love, died. and its almost true because you are gone u are a different person now.
why of all people you picked me to talk to on msn to watch the sunrise with to walk with to ride with on atv to sing a song to to name your guitar after to watch movies with to hug to kiss to say all those nice things to to make me feel like there was a future for us and then after all that, u decide to go and never turn back. like i didn't even deserve your best shot.
a part of me understands where u are coming from. its not like there's anything u can do to make me feel better. but the other part that doesn't is taking over.
your reasons always so great and glorious. for the better good. but is that a right to pretend nothing ever happened and start living another life altogether? your very righteous life. to just take me out of the equation. because i was the mistake you made.
i think u've misjudged my capabilities. my potential to be someone you thought good of. to handle this better than i. and i just justified ur beliefs, that a person like me cannot fit to be your partner.
i look up at the sky and sighed. i can't accept that God will forgive me, because i haven't been able to do the same to you.
Dear God, i'm sorry. for morphing into this horrible person. for leaving You behind. i don't have the faith. nor the strength to continue.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
稻香 | 2:46 AM
不要这么容易就想放弃 就像我说的 追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
说好的幸福呢 | 2:39 AM
情绪莫名的拉扯 我还爱妳呢 而妳断断续续唱著歌 假装没事了
Thursday, September 24, 2009
i've got a moustache | 10:04 PM
hello mr pringles.
Dementor's Kiss | 1:09 AM
Rowling has likened the effect of a Dementor to depression, which the author has herself experienced. She describes it as "that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad".
slipped away.
Monday, September 21, 2009
cherry trees | 6:46 PM
aren't they beautiful?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
now its raining more than ever | 2:02 AM
maybe it was the cold. maybe it was the lack of sleep. maybe it was the nervousness. there was this really heavy, pressing feeling strapped around me so tightly, i couldn't stop trembling compulsively. i feel like i'm crying inside and am fighting so hard to keep it in. nobody would understand anymore. i don't even understand what i feel. why is this hurt still so gripping. every time i look at u.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
the d word | 4:28 PM
sometimes i feel like a burden. to a lot of people.
and she will be loved. | 1:46 AM
"[...]and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller communion."
-Oswald Chambers
Sunday, September 13, 2009
when I can't find the faith to make it through | 9:44 PM
I can't seem to understand why You love me why You hold me in Your hand so patiently Cause anybody else would've turned And walked away
When I struggle with my humanity When life's mistakes overwhelm me Still, You know everything And You don't look away
Whatever I can't erase Whatever I can't undo When I can't find the faith To make it through
You open up Your hands of love And cover with Your grace Whatever I can't undo Whatever I can't erase
So many times I wanted to hide from You So many times I tried to lie to You But You never let me get past the very first word
You told me that You already knew the truth And all You wanted was for me to come back to You And find a love waiting that can always reverse
Your blood is all powerful It's undeniable The change You've made in me You've set me free
All the hurt and all the pain Whatever I can't erase
Friday, September 11, 2009
for all i know of you now | 9:43 PM
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
-Robert Southey
did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
pretty eh. its a laptop bag and i like that it has many many compartments. and its so pretty pretty! i can camp in school with ease this way. haha. maybe my birthday is coming soon. haha. i hope its not too big tho. just like you know how the smallest sized shoes are always still big for me.
Monday, September 7, 2009
definitely, maybe | 11:59 PM
i believe if we try convincing ourselves on something long enough slowly we'll start believing what we tell ourselves even when we didn't like the idea of it at all initially
and till we reach the day when we fully believe so even He cant change our minds because He doesn't mess with free will
unless we're really sensitive to what He says then again. how do we know when it is Him and when it is our fear overriding the desire in our lives
and then what used to matter before wouldn't mean anything anymore even if there goes the what could have been because we started to distract ourselves with so many other things
and another life begins maybe its a good thing.
i have got to stop thinking
| 4:08 AM
save me. i'm going down so hard. and i can't seem to fight it anymore.
absence | 3:58 AM
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Jesus, love You so much | 4:06 AM
something i took home from cell. don't know why. but it made me tear. maybe cos i know, He loves me so much. loves me so much.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
koorong | 5:20 PM
went to koorong for a quickie today. to pick up a book i ordered. and i got 2 CDs and some birthday cards as well (so pretty). thank the housemate for bringing me there. :) i always enjoy being there and back. the treasures i get. the treasures i can bless people with.
suddenly i have a new resolution. i can do this. i won't be trampled on any longer.
what is it that you want to achieve? | 1:08 AM
http://www.youthministry.com/?q=node/4858
just came across that article, and it does make a lot of sense.
similar to what i read while preparing for word 2 weeks ago. this other article stated that people tend to serve more outside than at home. for example, we gladly offer to wash the dishes at a friend's place than at home.. which was kind of true personally, i admit. its like a i don't even know why its true, strange revelation i got to know about myself thing. haha.
then it went on to talk about how we are reluctant to do it at home becos its something nobody sees, and we don't get any praise or thank you out of it (most of the time - esp if u're a mum or something). and if u serve at home like outside, that's how people can tell if u have a true servant's heart.
its as if most of us all lead 2 different lives outside and at home. we can be like the nicest friend, but the rudest son/daughter. in church and out. the greatest pastor, but least caring dad. is it just me or do you feel the same?
i guess sometimes we get too caught up with the bigger things, that we neglect the people closest to us. we take for granted that they understand. that they should understand.
even when they honestly do and try to compromise, the lack of love, care and respects still kills. everything.
hello mr pringles.
aren't they beautiful?
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
