Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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adam
alekx
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eu fei
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cleaved. my heart aches from all the pain each memory brings.
disposable. i am not someone to love when u can and not when you can't.
love. i don't hate you.
faith. i just need to believe the bigger good.

i am biting the bullet. please deliver me.

hear my heart.

the rising and the setting of the sun.
taking a deep breath,
slowly i let it fill every inch of me.
as the warm air sweeps through inside,
i feel it working on something incredible.
closing every wound left open by you,
healing every scar etched in my memory.
then i let all out
and there i'm free again.
never again should i feel unworthy to be loved.

was clearing my thumb drive of trash when i found all these treasures.

they were used for the video that i helped put together for my 2nd sis's wedding, along with the song 'better together' by jack johnson. just looking at their pictures made me smile. to see the progression and the happiness in each photo. i'm such a sucker for love stories. haha.

here are some with me in it. =)
my sisters always, always emphasized how cute i WAS then, and then duno wad happened. haha.

my mummy and daddy! you know, i think my dad is rather handsome right here. skinny tie leh! how cool is that. probably the type i would fall for. hahaha. and not saying that my mum isn't pretty, just that its not THAT justifiable in this one. nevertheless, she is pretty ok!

and what's the point in all that? hmmm. i think they passed down some pretty good genes... lol. :p

man. i don't know when was the last time i have smiled like that. without a worry in the world. which was pretty much why i wanted to show this photo. to remember how special it is to be able to keep smiling like that. no matter the circumstances.

if i wasn't so small.
i would still dream to be a fire fighter.

We took the longest road
Just to make it harder
Let's do it all again
It only makes us stronger

It wasn't till i woke up that i realised it was all just a dream.
So surreal.
I'm slowly getting used to it all. my reality.

“Since no Christian totally understands the Scriptures, he must from time to time adjust his standards, as his understanding grows.” – Jay Adams

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. -Matthew 7:13-14

only a few find it.
am i on the right path? or is this the consequences derived from my own actions?

i feel broken. in machine language, i'm malfunctioning. and a machine can't fix itself.
today out of nowhere it poured cats and dogs. a very nice couple standing in the middle of nowhere, shivering under a umbrella, offered me a spot under their shelter.

so 3 of us stood there. in the middle of nowhere. under the small umbrella. waiting for the mega droplets to pass us by. we looked silly. but it was quite funny. and they were friendly. =)
thankfully, it wasn't long before the intensity reduced, and we went our separate ways.
there, i felt what love was. even if it was just a little bit.

never underestimate the little things we do. it may be small to us, but big to another.

and so. i dropped in on the doctor.
she asked me if i needed an mc for skipping compulsory classes. i said no. becos its true, the tutes are non-compulsory. i was just answering her question directly.
and she said. then i guess u don't need an mc.
aaaaaaa...

i wanted to ask if i could get an mc for pushing back datelines.
but i didn't.
just like how i dare not even ask for food when i was on the airplane.

why am i so timid!
its so frustrating.

i will get well soon i will. after i finish my proposal. rawrrr.
i so need a nap right now. zzz..

nightmares have become my best friends. they really like me i reckon. wads there not to like right. lol. get away!!

u know i realised i don't deserve anything at all in e first place. so i should count my blessings. and indeed i am blessed.

below is a quote from a friend.

"and for those who don't know about (his name), he's the one i'm dating now. rugby is his life. and he aspires to be a house husband so he can play mahjong and dota all day. tsk! but then again, he cooks, he cleans, he brings me out on his scooter to see the city skyline at 4am and he puts up with me. what's not to love? ♥"

i think i'm a sucker for love stories. both of them are my friends. they met in high school. nobody knows when they blossomed but they did. i think its cool how the "lucky i'm in love with my best friend" thing works. don't get me wrong tho. i think any other love stories are cool too. haha.

hebrew origin
meaning: heroine of God or God is my might/strength

hmmmm. do i look anything like a Gabrielle? haha. actually, i never had a keen liking on that name because the guy version is gabriel. and to me, no offence to anyone really, since my secondary school days, i imagine gabriel to be a fat, fair and oily kinda guy. lol. so mean right. i also duno why i think that way. its just totally random. and ps: i don't have any friend that is like that at all ok. but so funny anyway. haha. silly thoughts that stick to you from young.

but the meaning to the name. so apt.

its brooke's middle name btw, somehow chance upon it when searching for the husband's name.
i think its really cute how he calls her 'the wife' or 'wifey' on twitter. not mushy but the closeness is there. and how they do miss each other becos of all the travelling. my time will come. don't know when at all. someday perhaps. haha.

for now, i've just got to live each day as if my last.

On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
All because of love

love is the basis of everything. the love of good or evil, regardless, is a driving force. the reasons we do the things we do.

when we love a person, we are willing to sacrifice our time for them, willing to give them the greatest of gifts, willing to go the extra mile to make them feel better, make them happy.

likewise for everything else under the sun that we love.

when we love a subject, we would go research on it apart from our curriculum.

when we love a sport, we would always want to play it a little longer than the rest.

when we love playing an instrument, we would spend any free time practicing, having blisters won't even deter us.

when we love money, it drives us to work for it. either bury ourselves in work or think of smart plans so we earn loads and loads of it.


And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:13

now i know why he said that.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. -1 John 4:16

i can never comprehend the kind of pain he had to go through because of his love for his people. but he endured it all, all because of love.

this is the greater love we all talk about.

We love because he first loved us. -1 John 4:19

grief
–noun
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

"only if you love somebody deeply, u will grieve when you lose that someone"

i do believe we all have our ups and downs when dealing with the pain in our lives.
sometimes we feel like we can emerge victorious through it all, sometimes we just can't find the faith to make it through.

as of now, the atmosphere has gotten pretty gloomy.. its not just me.
my pillow of friends seem to be in their low moments right now too.
usually we are all at different levels so we get to help one another up.
but this time its all pretty low.
its really scary to feel such low spirits everywhere. even from people back home.
this is really not right.

encouragement is key.
got to pray one another through this.

i learnt a lot today. about life. about people. about the things that truly matters.



thank you friends for being around. indeed the greatest blessing one can have.
God bless.

the definition of love changes as we go through life at each stage.

but there is one that doesn't change. it cannot.

i wish i knew what is going on with me. within me. i told her i was okay. but she didn't hear it that way. i think i made my mum really worried i could almost hear her cry as she hung up the phone. she has never heard me cry this hard. she told me i could go back to singapore if i cant carry on here. start from scratch, study something else if need be. i always thank God for growing up in this family. they never expect anything from me. just my best would do. even if its not my best, so long as i am happy, not crazy, doing fine. i hope someday instead of offering me an easy way out, they could pray for me. because i know i need to get through this. but i think i pretty much spoiled that someday, crying like that. i told her its ok. not to worry. that i will get better. but inside i almost couldn't comprehend what i was saying because honestly. i have been feeling so lost for sometime now. even with all the promises in my head. hugging the bible to bed. mornings. are the hardest part. the moment i open my eyes, my world sinks to rock bottom. i used to sleep it off. so i would stay in bed all day. but now, i cant go back to sleep. once my eyes are open. i am kept awake by the pressing pain and i need to get out. to get it out. sing. read. go to school. do something. i think i'm sick. inside.
please pray for me.

God is good. all the time. He always is. i know. i just do.

there are people in life who means dear to you. but we will have to part with them someday. in all sorts of ways. through deaths, accidents, broken relationships, distance, unwanted circumstances... willing or not willing. having a chance to say good bye or none..

sometimes we just want to stay a little longer. be with them another minute. let their smell linger.. but at the end of it. we still have to bid farewell.
well.. maybe we'll say hi again to them someday. but that, we'll never know.

weird then why i say God is good huh.

you would know, when u know my God.
or u can ask me why. and i'll tell u all that i know.




and i would know the answer to another question when my heart is filled.
the answer to what love is.

for now, with my half filled heart, i love you.

National day is coming. means it is the 8th month of the year now. that is quite a long time since the start.. don't we just wheeze thru every year? think about it, its been 2 years since i first stepped in perth. 2 years since the start of my bittersweet journey. seems so short, yet sounds so long.

A song just popped in my head. its one of those singapore national day songs. and i'm starting to miss home. miss is such a hard word to get by. tears form whenever i say that word.



Deep in my heart I just know
Right from the start, we will grow
Look where we are, we've come so far
And there's still a long, long way to go

If only you still feel the same.

Loving someone with all you have is letting go of fear. Because when you love someone whole-heartedly, you let go of yourself.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
-Ephesians 5:25