Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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adam
alekx
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eu fei
ewen
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pk
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shane
shannon
shouzhen
shu-en
shuyu
wannonly
wei ping
wilson
yuan ting

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I never knew the dusk could break my heart
So much longing folding in
I'd give years away to have you here
To know I can't lose you again.

-Fernando Ortega


its been a war.
all the wounds and scars.
but its finally time to go home.

"welcome home soldier, you've done well"

every time i picture seeing my parents, tears would well up. i don't know why. maybe becos they remind me of a love that will never go away, and how they would never hurt me but only care for me.

my friends too. its just so amazing how we plunge right back into being friends like i've never left.

i thank God for all the little blessings in my life.

Soon and very soon
My King is coming
Robed in righteousness
And crowned with love
When I see Him
I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
I'll be going To the place
He has prepared for me
There my sin erased
My shame forgotten
Soon and very soon

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
See the procession
The angels and the elders
'Round the throne
At His feet I'll lay
My crowns My worship
Soon and very soon

Though I have not seen Him
My heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the Lamb
The Lord of heaven

stubbornness, pride and impatience makes the worst combination.

1) they don't listen
2) they can't take in people's advice
3) they flare up easy while defending their own views, and that leads back to point 1.

it is going to take a lot to get through to anyone with all the traits. =/ but sometimes i think its linked. like a person won't be impatient if they didn't want things their way would they? and that, is pride and stubbornness is it not? so, maybe solving one problem can unlock more solutions than we know it.


Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. -Proverbs 13:10


Must we take advice from someone we truly disagree with?
The danger is being too proud/stubborn to listen. A proud person is argumentative, quarrelsome and automatically rejects advice. Wise people listen to counsel and consider it before deciding to accept or reject it.

i hope i'm not one.
hiyak! but i think at any one point in time, most of us can be in that situation without knowing it. its true.

receptivity and humility just sounds a whole lot better.

Desire by John Eldredge



Many good people have been told that the path to a holy life requires us to kill our hearts' desires. And call it sanctification. But in this release of one of Eldredge's most inspiring works, we discover that God is the author of our deepest desires. He has given us desire, and he loves to fulfill our hearts' desires.


kinda relates to how i'm feeling, pushing everything, tucking them away into the corners of my mind. wrapping them up with tonnes of black tape so i know i won't have sudden outburst of negative emotions again. desiring God and laughing everything away with my dearest friends has been pretty awesome too. thank you.

I haven't read the book, but I'm going to, to see what its about. maybe there's another way out rather than to kill my heart. we'll see.

there are just lots of things left unsaid. with it ending in a huffy puffy manner. a cloud of the unknown surrounding. i just ain't satisfied. i don't have an answer to all the questions in my head. its frustrating. like doing a math question, but not knowing how to do halfway, being stuck somewhere, but not being allowed to finish it up and am supposed to just close the question and well.. just stop doing it. the sudden change in response probably made me feel like there wasn't an answer to the math question in the first place. some bobo just thought it was fun to frustrate me. i know its not. but i just feel that way. i'm dealing with it.

and i guess i could finally say that i'm slowly just letting it all go. no matter how messy things may seem. yes, even with my ocd compulsion. haha. because there is just no answer. maybe its like the green/purple ping pong ball story. lol.

then things just become clearer. what exactly am i striving for. which love lasts forever. i am constantly reminded that i'm a princess. and that God has just so much more in store for me. i am precious and worth it. not that i'm being arrogant or something. but its wad i am. a daughter of God. its ok for people to take advantage of me (for the fact that i am overflowing). but i am not to think any lowly of myself becos of.

there's one part i do find awfully hard to let go. becos its almost like a broken promise if anything happens and my heart won't be able to take. slowly.. slowly..


There's this other book.

Love And Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs



A wife has one driving need - to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need - to feel respected. When that is met he is happy. When either one of these needs isn't met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.


sounds simple eh. lol.
maybe why i could never exactly figure out what i wanted in a person. even character can change over time. what matters is the heart isn't it?
i just wanted to feel loved, like i'm worth it. that's it.
didn't get the book. not exactly what i need now. relationships for me are just a nono till time prevails. but its definitely a to read when the time comes. more important things first right now is to be the best i can be for God. to be His handy toolbox. =)


got another story book tho. just a lil something for the soul. so i can read on the plane back home.

Blue Heart Blessed by Meissner Susan



Left standing at the altar, Daisy Murien, a wounded but hopeful romantic, opens a secondhand wedding dress boutique, hoping to soothe her broken heart while giving doomed wedding dresses a second chance at love. Her predictable days take a sharp turn, though, when the retired Episcopal priest who blesses the tiny, blue satin heart she sews into each dress falls ill. When the priest's brooding and recently divorced son arrives with plans to take his ailing father away, a contest of wills begins between two stubborn-and hurting-souls. While fighting to keep Father Laurent close by, Daisy finally begins to understand why she has routinely convinced potential buyers not to buy the one gown that started her business-her own: She doesn't want to give up on the dream of a fairytale romance. This compelling story is about the magnificence of unconditional love and God's impeccable timing in bringing it about.


I'm a girl after all. =P

Jesus I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
For you

why i wasn't meant for you.

me being able to blog means

I GOT MY ACCOUNT BACK!!!

4 first try they rejected me. they said the information i gave did not match and they cant give me back my account.

but then i send in another 2 forms. and yay! last 2 tries they gave it back to me!
i am so happy i could cry.
i thought my life was devastated for awhile. having to set up a new account and everything with it. blogger, msn, email authorities, billing companies...
but PRAISE YE THE LORD!

its definitely Him because each form i sent, the information were all pretty much the same. don't know why the change of response tho. it has got to be Him. only He can do such things.

thank you thank you everyone who helped. =))

i finally got the umbrella i wanted.
a white dome shaped one. birdcage as the receipt calls it.
this wld get me thru winter without the excuse of not wanting to go school becos its raining.

funny thing. when i look at my room thru the picture. i realised how white most things are. even the door.
i've come to like white more than i know it. black was never really my colour to begin with. but white makes me feel blue. i don't feel fine not being able to get things for u simply becos i cant. even shopping makes me feel so empty. why do u have to be so cruel. is it really for my own good?

and yes. i cut my fringe yesterday. a new hair cut always gives me a sense of a new beginning.

All I gotta do is sit around and wait
All I gotta do is not anticipate
Every word I said I should have taken back
All I gotta do is get my brain on track

All I gotta do is just hold back and wait
But every time I try I make the same mistake
All I gotta do is make myself relax
All I gotta do is keep my brain on track

5 years from now.

i would again be in a different world.

just like how i am now wrt 5 years ago.
such an odd fuzzy feeling friendster gives me.
something left behind by time.
5 years didn't seem that long. isn't short either.

time sure stops for no man.

i just have to keep going.

He says He loves me and He'll never let me go.

yesterday i went night cycling.
pretty impromptu but yeah. it was great.
it wasn't dat cold after warming up and Perth is just beautiful.
tho e city is just a really small area with a few buildings and the new temporary ferris wheel, its still pretty.

rode all the way to south perth and back.
apparently it didn't feel dat far.
maybe cos we were chatting so much we didn't take notice of the time. but maybe it really isn't too far. its just so cool where u can go without a car. still many places! almost dropped by for gelare cos i tempted myself to. haha. but prolly kinda cold so didn't.

passed by many pretty houses by the bay. its really awesome to be living here. the only thing missing are my family and friends.

cant wait to go home this time round. where i'm loved just because.

gonna ask mummy if i can go to melbourne in my sept break. hopefully its a yes. then everything wld be most awesome ever. =)

when my world came crashing.

You were there.

sometimes u scan thru your msn list, and u realise there's no one u can really talk to.
or sometimes when u just hope somebody will talk to you cos u're feeling really crappy for the day, no one does.

i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels this way.

i'm sorry if i haven't been a very good friend.
if i have been selfish and needy.

on another note, yata! i had a good sleep today. it was good. no dreams.
no dreams are good. i've just been so tortured by them its not funny. dat is enough for one month. enough.

my head's still spinning a little but i should be all good soon.

2nd day into study break.

another 8 days to my first exam.

time sure do fly. now i'm just waiting to fly home.