What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
i've stopped doing my work. cos its the last week. and i just cant keep up. i'm pushing everything to the hols. i know its dumb. cos the hols is so short. but its so tiring to do anything when there's school. cos school's tiring. the early mornings are tiring enough.
and touch. i duno how. i just hope after 28may i can disappear and keep the holidays to myself. wad for continue going and be seen as
not there. i'm just wasting my time. i'm not even burning fats.
i really regret. that i din join odac instead. becos i've always liked stuff odac does, climbing, rowing, camping, cycling... why did i choose a team sport all over again? i'm just really not good at team stuff. i'm more happier one person, i guess. mabe. never really tried.
i'm starting to dislike people too. just people in general. like i wish to build a wall around myself and walk around in it. i just only liketo talk to the few s14 people, cedar friends and church frens. thats it. i do not like talking to other people. i duno why. they make me feel bad about myself. but with my frens. i feel better. i feel happy. i can crap.
mabe all this is just me. and the way i think. people always say its up to us to determine we're happy or not. yes its true to a certain extent. but sometimes, its just unrealistic.
i'm not like damn sad. i'm fine.
i'm happy enough, to have people stand by me. to love me, to care for me.
thanks kerr, thanks raymond. u guys have been the 2 people i've talked to most in this jc life. whom i can feel myself again when i'm with u guys. whom i feel comfortable with. that i do not need to rack my brains to do/say anything feel accepted.
last but not least. God. i know i've really neglected Him. talking to Him only when i feel e worst and saying thanks when i feel best. wad about the in-betweens and daily life? yes. i do need to try harder to let go and let Him take control. eveything else, is nothing.
is this end point?
i cant turn back.
and i dont see what lies ahead.
where do i go?
is it really gonna be better on the other side?
i cant go on.
i dont get math.
i dont understand physics.
screwed chinese.
screw Gp.
i just cant take it anymore.
i close my eyes when i get too sad.
i think thoughts that i know are bad.
close my eyes and i count to ten.
hope its over when i open them.
I wish i could count to ten,
and make everything wonderful again.
