Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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okie.. so life after fever.. wasn't too well done either..

felt vomity the WHOLE time.. and food and medicine just looks like brinjal to me. i wld practically scream.. bang the table.. stomp my feet.. slap my legs.. just yuck.. the sight of dem makes me...

haven been sleeping well either.. all these feelings at night.. just aint good for sleeping..

and just now.. FINALLY.. i vomitted. GROSS.

i was eating the GREEN anti-biotics.. took me about 1 hour to try to get that in my mouth.. it just sat dere on the table.. den my mum called.. she keep calling to see if i've eaten my medicine and i always say no.. cos my appetite was negative infinity.. but my hp batt when off..

so meanwhile.. i took the courage.. grabbed the two pills and stuffed it down.. gulped water.. den she called again.. and i was like.. "aaa..... CALL U BACK LATER!"

grabbed the plastic bag.. and "uweeaah.." once, twice.. short ones.. den.. "uweeaahhhhhhhhh..." suddenly the plastic bag was heavy.. YUCK! i saw the green pills.. and smell egg.. I HATE MEDICINE. HELP. =[

man.. i feel much better after that.. but still.. some shit feeling is lingering inside me.. i need to get a shit/laosai bad.. get rid of everything in my body and start life anew. if only dere was like some vacuum cleaner for the body..

one week of sickness is no joke.. i really duno how those ppl with big sickness have e courage to go on living day by day... now i understand. i really admire dem..

ok.. i shall stop.. thinking bout it makes me want to puke again.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

well.. i've been sick. for a looooong time.. not that long. but its long. i have about 4 mc's now. been at home for 7 days now..

finally my fever's down.. but my stomach's still queasy... the sight of medicine makes me frown/cry.. i take like 30 mins to finish my tablets and capsules of medicine.. cos the feeling's so bad i take soooo long before i decide to start on my first.. den on and on..

my stomach's full of medicine.. and i just so feel like vomitting it all out.. but it just cant come out from the mouth.. so all i can do is frown and give an xi nu AI le's AI face.. after swallowing one medicine.. i'll stomp my feet like a crazy woman.. man i just have no appetite..

medicine has never tasted so horrible.. i cld swallow dem so easy before.. YUCK!

and last night i think i slept in a puddle of sweat.. my fever was so high. i was coldddddd... den i ate the medi and started sweating.. giving off heat.. YUCK.. still am.. gotta do this to get well..

so.. one more mc to go tmr.. tho tmr i have no lessons.. dats good.. i really wld want to come to skool lemon.. but dere's no lesson and i dun feel tip top fine.. don't be disappointed k..
sorry to wake u up.. sleep more.. after promos yet still so busy.. haiyoo..

man.. enuff talking bout my eeerRrRyyuck... thinking about it just sucks.. i burp medicine taste.. MAMEE.. okok.. ahhhh...

and.. 3 blood test. all different vessel. i got 3 poke dots on my hand now.. dey were not exactly pain.. but u just cld feel something. the first one was done well. it din hurt.

i want to be strong.. i dont want to ever get sick again.. i'll cry..

and too.. i tot of cedar much. even a nightmare became good becos i ended up being with e blue and grey.. we were all tgt.. this is the part of my life... i wish i cld relive it again. thanks cedar..

watched as told by ginger.. she was graduating.. going to high skool i think. and she made a speech.. saying something like when we first entered.. we were like cocoons.. den at the end.. we became butterflies.. all different and.... cant rmb.. but dat made me think bout cedar too..

alright.. i miss cedar. i do. i miss cedarians more. i do i do.

Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven-year-old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts.

This particular Sunday afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain.

The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said; "OK dad, I'm ready."His Pastor dad asked, "Ready for what?" "Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out." Dad responds, "Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain."

The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking " But Dad, aren't people still going to Hell, even though it's raining?" Dad answers, "Son, I am not going out in this weather."

Despondently, the boy ask, "Dad, can I go? Please?" His father hesitated for a moment then said, "Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful, son." "Thanks Dad!"

And with that, he was off and out into the rain.This eleven-year-old boy walked the streets of the town going from door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract.

After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted.

Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.

Finally, this eleven-year-old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist.He waited, something holding him there on the front porch.

He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, "What can I do for you, son?"

With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE."

With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave. She called to him as he departed. "Thank you, son! And God Bless You!"

Well, the following Sunday morning in church, Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, "Does anybody have a testimony or want to say anything?"

Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, "No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday, I was not a Christian.My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world.

Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck.Standing on that chair, so lonely and broken-hearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me.

I thought, 'I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away. I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me.'I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder.

When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life.His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart the that had long been dead TO LEAP TO LIFE as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, 'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU.' Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand.

As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more. You see I am now a Happy Child of the KING.

Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract; I have come here to personally say THANK YOU TO God's little angel who came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from eternity in hell."

There was not a dry eye in the church.And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love & honor for his son except for One.This Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven shouted praises and honor to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.

Blessed are your eyes for reading this message.
Don't let this message die, read it again and pass it to others.
We will meet in Heaven.

"I Would not Quit" He Said One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "

When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots". "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and bring back this story.

If God brings you to it,He will bring you through it.

do u know whats the worse feeling? to be wronged or accused. ARGH. this is so shit. some old guy came up to me on the train and said "you're a disgrace to your school. not giving up your seat to an old man.."

i was like barely fully awake. so i just kept quiet. he is crazy la! i wasn't fake sleeping ok. I DIN EVEN SEE HIM. i was really tired. HE IS CRAZY. OF ALL PPL WHO SAT HE SCOLD ME. just becos i'm in uniform? that i'm young? wad if i had like some leg problem that i need to sit? after he left he was walking so fast la! tho dats not the whole point. but still.. like HUH?

he insulted me in front of everyone in the train. when i barely open my eyes i was wondering who was he talking to.. and its me! haha. wad a joke.

argh. just call this SUAY. super suay. do i look like someone who will HOG on to a seat? u do not know how many people have smiled to me and said thank you before. u are just unlucky i din see u. and u made my life hell.

well.. came online.. complained like mad.. den my sis said this.
"hai ya as long as b/w u and God u noe u r innocent can le.
the old man is just old and frustrated. ignore him why let one man make u unhappy when jesus can make u happy.knowing the fact that Jesus understand u .. and we all understand then who cares bout that old man.
jesus also been humiliated b4.. He also never qi si . wat for"

she's right. but i just want to complain. arghhhh.. i want punching bag. i'm violent. angry..

as the days draw nearer..

things seems more hopeless..

i still lack the drive..

feeling weirdly fine.. mabbe unfine..

pictured myself in all situations of my results. i guess.. i dont mind going anywhere.. but of cos.. i want still want to stay in 05s21.

okay.. off too studying.. major headache. but i'll do fine. cos i'm gonna ACE my end of year.. get
A for math.
C for physics.
E for fmath..

see.. its not that difficult. =)

well.. promos are near.. so can hardly update.. or rather.. lazy la.

haha.. i just started mapling. wad a nice time to start. a classic definition of being slow plus at the wrong timing of exams.. haha. how smart.

well.. exam seems ok. i'm not so stress.. i'm just going slow. kinda weird eh? seriously. i'm not very prepared. i only know my basis. and i'm hoping to pass with that.

duno. just lack huge motivation. tho i AM studying. it doesn't feel right..

oh wells..

i just want to be happy.