Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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adam
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putting every moment into a picture frame.
because you're so beautiful.

thanks kaward. heh.

here it goes.

Jeremiah 29:11-12
11 For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

Psalm 55:22
22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

its wonderful. how Great He is. feels good being closer to him once again.

i'm pretty fine. just that i'm sick again with two days mc. today and tmr. however. i'm going tmr cos i need to do physics spa. the a level one. yep.

its sure good to get a mc once in a while. =)

dear shoe you and her leader.. thanks alot..

"The right thing to do is by asking her to pray. its interesting cos her prayer shld b asking God to guide her thru instead of taking this situation away from her. I duno how close your fren is to God, but to have a strong relationship with God is needed. doing ministry work and serving alone is not gonna help her thru, at the end of the day, it's about how God uses her to touch the lives of the kids and how close she is to God. As for the areas that she feels she's lacking and all, all the better! cos the bible says God uses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise and the weak things of the world to shame the strong! so if she feels lousy, all the more God can use her and will use her if she allows him to. it's not just about our abilities and our availability that attracts God."

cos i felt i really can't cope with so many things. plus jc life. yet. its so difficult to tell anyone who can help me thru this.. i meant preferably someone in charge of this ministry..

but mabe i can.

God. Please help me to be stronger. Use me i pray. Please. in His name. Amen.

yesterday i ate one of the best dinners for a long long time.. with my mum, dad, sis and her fiance. at yakiniku daidomon. it was basically bbqing beef at the table.. like soul garden.. but the beef quality of cos is wouuhoo.. and japanese sauce is the best.

i just miss all the times a family went out to eat together.. how long has it been..

now everybody is just so separated. we hardly get together.

i hardly even talk to them. i just duno how to start.

sometimes my home don't exactly seem like a family.. we dun even sleep together since young.

why are things going the way they are..

i wonder why i'm so troubled.. i've eloped away from econs.. yet i'm still very stress up.. its so difficult just to finish tutorials on time.. or even understand during lecture.. its like i'm stupid or something. i cant even cope with 3 subjects! its not like i watch plenty of tv. its not like i go out everyweek.. yet.. i'm still so behind. i totally hate jc life. its really getting to me and my esteem.

am i doing it all wrong? am i not putting God first? is the condition of my heart not right with Him?

i'm getting really weary...

i want to take a break.
but is dere really enough time for a break at all?

willy wonka.. willy wonka..

i absolutely love the movie.. its so kiddish.. reminds me of the time i read roald dahl.. i liked his stories so much i practically read all including the adult ones.

the ending was great.. the house in the factory.. its just so....

the way..

how i wished i cld love my family THIS much.

but sometimes dey just really do get on my nerves.. so sorry abt that.

now i'm just so screwed.. my weekends are practically quite used up.. how am i suppose to finish THAT much hw..

hais..

pw is crazy.. i cant catch up with the number of drafts my group is editing. cos i dun exactly come online on weekdays..

last night, i slept at 2 cos i was doing my fma tut. completed it and man was i satisfied..
thereafter..read some physics notes.. and slept..

woke up at 240.. horrible..
had like 3 nightmares in a row for 40 minutes.. i was just so stressed up.
one was about the g word.
the other was some gross guy chasing after me and i just scream my lungs out.
last was something like the people i know purposely vanish on me.. leaving me all alone..

boo was i stressed.. but i woke up rather fine..

now i'm really tired.. but pw is constantly on my mind.. i just feel so like crying that i cant cope even i've dropped econs..

talking bout econs.. some teacher lectured me thru the ext line phone. i called cos i dint know who was taking over the HOD temporary to settle the official dropping of econs as she's away on a long long course.. so i called to enquire as the ext line i was calling was so called an arts department one. so dey wld probably know.

So i called and i did not just ask for the teacher's name.. instead i said a long string of stuff like i'm looking for blablabla.. in a polite manner..
and the teacher sort of giggled and kept saying. "Just who are you looking for. Can u please get the name right and ask around before calling?"

in actual fact i did. i asked my ct. my frens.. dey all said duno. and i was so desperate becos its been a month and i have not OFFICIALLY dropped econs.. so i called..

in the end.. it left me feeling really broken.. call me weak. i'm just affected when people are fierce. what did i do wrong? why are some people so insensitive to other people feelings when i'm already so polite?

i wonder if i'll get into trouble for writing this. but i do not even know who was on the other line. i only know she made me really upset and i went home after that to sleep cos i had a headache. (at first i wanted to stay back to do work)

hais.. well.. thats life. i just got to learn to be stronger.

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
i can't keep up and I can't back down
i've been losing so much time

cos it's you and me and all of the people
nothing to do, nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

GOSH. i've sat on this seat for about 13 HOURS.

my butt is now TWICE the size of yesterday's.
and i'm blinder than ever, stinking like a pig.

man.. moe is making my life so miserable.

its 3.41am now. and i'm gonna bathe first. den sleep. den i gotta wake up at 8 for church. mama.

still.. i'm happy i'm done with a PERFECTO EoM. haha.. or rather. i think. i'm so lazy to do draft 2. must as well be done with draft 1.

alrighto. off to bathe....

i am so annoying.

alrighto.. had parents teacher meeting yesterday.

it was fast.. the teacher had nothing much to say. so did my mum.
well. cos i'm good.

haha..

i guess its just that i'm reeeeli lazy and slow.. which makes my work piles like nobodies business.. den.. at the end of it all.. even if i work hard. at the last min... i'll panic and blank out. thats why my grades are.. ewww..

was just wondering how my life wld be different if i din join sports. well.

i wld be slimmer. as in skinny. cos i wun be building muscles.

i wld be much much fairer.. = prettier? ewww.. nope.

i wld prolly have enuff sleep.. panda no more

i may be smarter.. well not exactly. but seem to be cos i have all the time in the world to do my work.

i might fail my napfa. like how i ran/walk 12 min for 1.6km in p6. lol.

sometimes.. people just think about stuff like that.

oh well.. but since i started training in sec1. i'm loving sports. and there's no turning back. i just have to plan my time well between my studies and cca..

man.. many people are asking for a touch rug inter-house. cos there was the floorball one. the badminton one. the vollyball one. yea.. and i realise. i think, i'm the only rugger in venn hse. how!

inter-houses are fun. but i just wish venn house wld be more enthusiastic. its just saddening when we dun even have enuff ppl representing our hse. and its just a walk over. a few people is just not enough..

i better get going.. i'm piled with. all these stuff..
I&R
EoM
Written Report paragraph
some Gp seminar essay dat will be included 5% in CA
some excel sheet with an investment plan of 20 years?
chinese compo
fma
fmb + test

good luck to me. all done by this weekend. i'm trying to do the first 4 by today.

yay.

just feelin awkwardly sorry for being so unreasonable in the past. acting like some spoilt kid..

now..

i just want to grow up fast..
cos i love babies soo much.
i wanna teach dem hands co-ordinations
i wanna teach them to sing..
to walk.
to jump.
to love Him.

i love e kids in church..

lil cutie hannah had a pimple on her nose like rudolf.. mabbe its a mosquito bite tho.. big round one.. haha.. baby fats are adorable!

i shall train my arm muscles.. so as to carry my over nutritious baby nx time.. well.. if i over feed him.. well err.. accidentally. haha..

alright.. so kuku to talk bout this now. i'm insane!!

-mumbled lemonade thru my journey home..
i'm becoming so crazy..

woah... been too busy to do work lately.. and for the past few nights, i reach home.. i blop on the bed. zZzzZz... and it'll be a 13h sleep. lol.. i'm pig. hear me oink. i weigh twice as much as u.

fri - cell
sat - fop =)
sun - church and touch farewell
mon - bw
tues - bbq in church HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

i'm proud. i'm happy. i love ndps. cant wait to be in one again. i do miss running from the entrances and doing my dances in my shiny golden costume.. woOoohOoo.. alrighto..

my hw are goona diee.. haven touched any yet.. and i have training tmr. early in the mornin! wanted ta sleep and do work.. ohwells.. nvm.. touch rocks! i shall enjoy myself.

i love Him. i love it. i love u. i love dem. i love everything.

i'll do my best. even when things fail. its not the end. i know. i admire ppl who stand tall. and i shall be one. =)