Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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yawns.. lack sleep.
undone tutorials.
orientation starts tmr.

need to sleep.
need to do tutorials.
prepare for school.

ha. dats how bored i am.

and.. happy easter!

so many blog worthy stuff are in estee's blog. i stick to her like mad all the time. lol..

oh. yesterday. i lost my phone for about an hour plus. but i only realised it after THAT hour. haha. i dropped it on the way. check the classroom. lecture hall. NOTHING. but i was so calm. like somewhere i KNEW. it still can be found.

my og mate suggested general office. so we went. the lady at the counter say. wad color. got cover? wad number. haha. she use office phone to dial. den the thingy in the socks vibrated! haha. my phone was on her tray. YIPEE!

cool huh. i'm happy.

orientation. these two days. hardly any yet. just introductory lectures.. so lame. i can sit at cafe and STARE for bout4 hours or more. doing. NOTHING. sa so slack! nx week den start orientation. 2 days by pe department (some torture camp i heard). =X den nx two days by student council. man. we're gonna be so slow in cirriculum. i want to mug!

yawns..

haha.. crashed aj today. it was one of a kind experience. first timer. ha. noob.

at the gate. i looked at the auntie. pretend act cool. but always have the urge to look at her again. like to see if i'm safe. STUPID. den. auntie asked "u in this skool one ah?"

i said "ya" in a cool tone.. like i am so in this school. why are u asking me the question. ha. i passed.

den at foyer there's an ogl. she asked me if i was appealing. i had to say yes. so she lead me into the general office. i was like. die..

i took the pink form. walk here and dere.. den received a call from kerr.. act act.. open bag. like wana take out pen.. den. duno wad i do also. i put the form back onto the tray. den i walked out.

the SAME ogl look and me. den say. u finish already? going out? I HAVE TO SAY YES RITE? if not wad i do sia. haha. so i walked past her like 1-2m or so. den someone came to 'fetch' me. pretty in braces. haha. she was like.. talk to me.. pretend.. "like how?" "like this..".. before we knew it. we walked past DAT ogl. i tink she saw.. did she? haha... my back was facing her. but i was in BRIGHT BLUE? haha.

cool. met kerr under some steps. she grabbed my hand and we RAN to the toilet upstairs. haha. i changed to her orientation t and we entered the hall. learnt some dance dere.. quite fun. i wld have been more enthu if it was my skool. i kept low profile so i wun be caught by the SAME ogl. haha..

fun fun. at least it was better than sleeping. met yunhui and vinoth(my ex sa classmate). man. talked to him quite abit. I MISS HIM ALREADY. haha. yea.. kerr had debrief. so i went home wif yunhui.. yupyup.. and we both agree dat. sji guys are one of the best breeds. lol. in general.

yup. went home. SQUEEZED my forehead like mad. get rid of whiteheads/pimples. i duno. both have white things coming out. heh. i'm so gross. but dat was AFTER BATH. den i put tcp. so shld be ok le.

actually i went to church on fri. sat. and sunday. haha. some talk..

oOoo.. guess wad. Alex kissed my cheeks on sunday. before he said goodbye. haha.

sunday was Hannah's birthday. celebrated her birthday with a small cake. haha. and all the kids ate the cake.. cute..

bad person. bad bad bad.. she's freakin me out. it been a long time since i met someone like her. someone who can make hell for me. who can make me feel completely useless and able to make me jolt to tears.
my little lights team leader. she speaks in a completely (talk before she thinks) tone. and the way she phrase/puts her words.. its cryable. i know i can do the task she tells me to. but she need not order me around and ASSume things. pangsai!
she skipped the colouring session altogether becos SHE herself did not find the add-on stickers.. which i spent about and hour or two colouring that piece of paper with different tones of colour and shading..

and on careful observation. she is not in charge of anything!! she just points her finger at ppl to do the work. wad a leader. i almost kena doing 3 craft stuff but at least she had the heart to realise its too much for me.. if its gonna happen nx month again. and she doesn't do ANYTHING. i'm transferring out to the morning session. DARN. so so so... uRgh.

she's making my days in church horrible. YUCK. how can lidat.
she was talking bout maids. saying about now maids have to be educated to be hired so they can learn faster and speak our language. and she was like.. but must have good attitude. without a good attitude. anything else is useless.. i wanted to say. LOOK AT YOURSELF.. i was so pissed. ha.

man. someone help me. i want to get out without feeling so guilty.

gotta buck up buck up on my self confidence. i must be able to malu myself without feeling malued.. yes i can do it!

ha. btw now i in computing lesson. he's teaching one student. cos only he wants to learn. and the others can do wadever we want online.. oh wells.. real skool will be startin nx week.. dies..

wednesday.. chomps.. sure a weird place to be bumping. but i did. 4 ppl.

funny. order like so much food. round one. carrot cake.hokkien mee. stingray.chickenwings.satay.cheequay.many many cups of sugarcane and one chinchow.

we weren't satisfied. den dere was round two of the same food. lol. we were some hungry kids man. life's so good.. with dem around. CHOMPS!

thurs.. slacked
fri.. slacked.
sat. slacked. and did some bimbo cheer dat made my church frens say "do it again!" and again.. and again.. it was like an ancient cheer back in sec3. haha.

the end. wad a slack life.







lol. not so soon. just a leeetle beet more.
i just watched a super weird show. american beauty. ha. its.. REELI weird.
imagine
your dad. fantacising bout your fren. eee
your fren. in the end..kissing your dad. YIKES.
your wife smiles her widest while sleeping wif another man.
your husband masturbates while sleeping right next to u, his wife.
your neighbour, thinks u're gay.

lol. i duno how to list dem all.. super weird show. hilarious at times. u just go from a HUH? to a haha.. or. just simply a HUR? HAR? lol.

how weird it was. it kept me to the couch for the whole 2hours plus.

yea. i'm reeeli bored cos i'm half sick. cant do much. yucky nose. stuffed up wif water and haze smell. eeeewl.

haha.. tutorials done. none. it rhymes!

but i read my cmath lectures. HAHA. wad an accomplishment.

nvm. tmr i'll be teaching the lil kids.. =D

oh yay.. bw meeting today. well.. not today today but 1 hour 1 s ago..pk sick. shuyu wana study. and everyone else turned up.
lol. yea. guessed it. towning again.

ate kfc banditto pockett meal. fattenin man.

den we head off to cine to take neoprints. nicey nice. we all look good. prettee ladies. haha.

den. off to lido. watched. in good company. my goodess. i only found the surprise party scene the best. haha.. its too slow a show. and the ending is like. HAR?
shld have watched spongebob.

hero. legend. sponge.

haha.. den.. ate icecream. went to j8. i bote jijizaza sock for my hp! haha..cute little thing.
its been eons since estee been to j8. and she was fascinated.. lol. its cute.

darn my ear is still raw since the piercing like after my sec3 end of year exams? mamamia. its some weird friggin hole NX to the actual piercing. excreting pus EVERYDAY. eEeewL..MAD. besides dat. actually i tink e hole shld be alrite.. but its not! yucky yikky yack.

okie. thats like 3 days blogging within half an hour. haha.

tmr seems like a half filled packed day. CHOMPS wif bw! i'm gonna be so fat la.
besides dat. i guess its sleeping. and.. contemplating whether to do my tutorials for half of the day. in the end.. i tink it still sums up to the word. slack. but i just refuse to say it. haha.

14 march. woke up early man. 6+ , 7? haha. this wld be the first time i wake up for.. apparently.. no reason. on a HOLIDAY. my goodness. haha. on my way to skool. kinda late. den got 6 missed calls from es. she said trg was cancelled. she was already in skool. and me. in the nel.

haha. pangsai. i really duno wads happenin sia. 1st was cell. 2nd was kerr. 3rd is this. ha. a series of mild unfortunate events. lol.

okie dokie. ate at macs at harbour.. den went to buy uniform at the telok blanga place. 25 bucks per set. bote one set. lol. the skirt is like super long. make me look like scholar. it was funny. we were trying out the uni at like some storeroom behind..

slacked in skool to wait for the tennis ppl. till bout 1 plus den we left. THAT WAS HOW LONG I SPENT... doing. literally. NOTHING. ha.


finally. after buying some drinks/chips/french loaf/bread...we made our way to sentosa siloso beach. haha. THE SAND BURNED MY FRIGGIN FEET. i couldn't feel dem. dey were like friggin HOT! till finally my soles had burst blisters and felt numb. haha. all becos i din bring slippers. how stupid.

tanning. my feet will never ever be the same shade as my legs. trust me. its like practically impossible. haha. even if i fell asleep under the shade with ONLY MY FEET exposed to the sun. upon awaking. nothing happened. haha.

took the shuttle bus back to harbour and took a cab home with yann from dere. i was soooo lazy. ha. $14.20 including the surcharge of $1 peak hour. pangsai. haha. penniless.

i tink thats how the day ended. haha.

oOoo.. last sunday was kerrin birthday. 13 march. i went to church first. den back home just to eat maggie mee (cos i am very poor indeed). den met hua at amk central to buy mian xian and bday cake.

we lighted the candles on the cake and we stood outside the door..knocking.. and.. knocking..
ah ma opened the door.
we were like. "kerrin ley?"
ah ma, "kerrin just went out"
we were like. PENGX.
pk was like saying. i wonder who surprise who.

so we were like. ok. plan b. we pretend we nv came and hide in her hse..
den ah ma called kerrin to ask her where she is.. while we were doing our stuff.. we heard..

"your frens are here... blabla.."

we turned at looked at each other. -smacks forehead.
we died. WAT A SURPRISE. lol.

okie. so we got her a coffee cake. it was good.

den her phone rang. her fren called. said dey were outside her hse. TADA. another cake. mamamia.

we played zhong ji mi ma. and one guy had to eat like almost half the cake himself. partly on suayness and partly on we gang up on him. poor thing..

yea. den i stayed dere till like 10+ before leaving the hse. cos my mum wld have killed me. haha.
i just love slacking wif dem la.
glad u're happy kerr.. 3 cakes for u this year. lucky girl. =)

malued..

AGAIN. second time.

i went to cell. and. i FORGOT. dey have teens camp. cell's cancelled. i rushed all the way from town there and thot i was late. end up. man. i knocked the door in front of my cell leader's neighbour. and waited there awhile before walkin away. MALU. i felt so malu i almost broke down. i panic until i almost cry. becos its the SECOND time. gosh. this is mad. i think i'm too stress.

mabe its bad karma. since i've been bullying someone in skool. i'll try extremely hard to treat u nicely for 21st and 22nd alrite.. try very hard. cos i duno. its like human nature/common sense to suan u. so sorry. but i dun wan bad karma!

before cell in the train. i assured myself i wun repeat the same mistake. kept thinkin thru my mind.. i was sure dere was cell. but i FORGOT! really. i've become SUPER absent-minded these days.. its really scary.

well.. watched robots yest with my cg...i laughed my ass offed.. i think i frightened my cg mates. the laughter was resounding. i tink i malued myself in the theatre.. haha.. but yea. i loved the movie.. tho the duration was rather short. it gave me a hell of a good laugh. esp the err.. well.. farting scene. haha. the big butt lady robot is so cute.

eh.. watched many other movies recently too. haha.. been townin these few days.. so bored of everywhere including skool. everyone is like either ponning, stonning or sleeping/slacking. there's no life anywhere. its sad. feelin shagged and SIANZ. like absolutely. dying..

well.. i love my soft toy my sister bote for me! i wana get the keychain.. the smaller version of the soft toy. den my pig on my bag will have a companion. =) i just love the pig. everybody says its dirty. thats wad pigs are for! haha.

the pig is like my only companion thru the 'rather horrible' jc life. i will always hold his hands while i walk. i find comfort in dat. =)

this hols. i'm gonna catch up on my work. no more townin for me. waste time. beach mabe.. yawns..

yea.. i'm at computing lessons again. man. i hate skool. if only i can stay home and read all day. i wana be a bookworm. i love readin. but i never have the time, nor make space for time. darn. i want to sleep. good nite.

chase is comin.. 10 march i tink. been waiting for a show like that for soo long. since the previous show called chemistry? man.

it tells a story. not to reject someone ugly at our age right now. lol. u'll never know how handsome he'll become nx time. lol.

i'm reeeli tired. at computing lesson again. i seriously think i shld drop this sub and take econs. dat wld help me in the job i want nx time prolly? i dun want to be a programmer when i grow up! yawns.. byeee..

oh... high tea was not bad.. auntie talk was rather interesting..

den walk walk.. from clark quay all the way the esplanade.. by the river. MAN it felt good. the breeze and all..

on the way saw the fullerton hotel.. MAN. my dream is the get married dere (and immediately go broke)... haha. i LOVE IT..

and one funny thing was. haha.. I SAW THE SUN SETTING. I"M SERIOUS. it moved down and down and under this building. I REALLY SAW IT MOVING. amazing. it was really fast also k. not slow mo. man..

first time in my life.. i set foot at all the scenes channel 8 always film their shows at. the nice white bridge and the viewing river place nx to esplanade.. i am so happy!!

today even more happy. Hannah is still my favourite girl la. she follows in lesson.. but sooo cute.. she duno how to do thumbs up. haha. she keep pointing her index finger. Jamas brought a dog soft toy today.. smaller than the cat last week. and Duana sat on my lap.. and i hugged her like pangsai. haha. soooo cute. and Shovess waved good bye to me.. she's so pretty! haha.. everyweek man.. i go gegegogogaga over these little kids..

i'm just happy lookin. even if he's not handsome. =X haha..the way he handle kids. what perfect dad.. lol. nobody will ever know who or wad i'm talkin about. cos i wun tell. =p so. just. watever me la. haha.

oh. yesterday i watched the series of unfortunate events with my church frens.. it was rather funny.. quite a good show..

after the show. bird accompanied me to the toilet.. when i came out. i saw her readin something den she put her hands into the drying thing. SHE WAS SO AMAZED.. but.. I'M MORE AMAZED AT HER. u noe ps and j8 toilets? the drying hands thingy which squirts out LOTS OF AIR to dry your hands? i cant believe it! she was reading the instructions before she put her hand in. and yes. i laughed at her like some crazy person. haha..

den we went shopping round ps.. i hardly REALLY shop at ps.. this time i did. haha.

dere after i met ber, es and trina to continue shoppin.. while my church frens went to lynn's hse to watch vcd. den trina left. ber es me went to far east and i bote a shirt from fresh box.. i like.. =D if i had more money. i wld splurge and buy another one. haha.

den we met pk and jlow.. dey went to cine subway to eat while i went for cell.. so i guess i din eat dinner. lol. i came back half dead with headache. lol.. so many ppl i've met today. bathed. slept. died.

later gonna go for little lights meeting. or children church leaders meeting. not very sure. but all i noe its high tea at merchant court with aunties and it cost 17 bucks. the youngest dere is me. and the other.. a uni student. man.. i duno how i can handle it. =X scary. but i hear its good food. hee..

till now i'm still stoning. how i wished its still holiday. i dislike tutorials! ah! maths tutorials are like the most in skool. mama mia.

i tink i want to take econs instead of computing. i suddenly dislike computers becos its a waste of time sometimes. yikes.

From the very Begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background and that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often.
Though the girl love the guy deeply, she will always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset.
With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him.
As for him, he only endures it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas.
Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round.
Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society,
whereas the guy was overseas, continuing
his studies. They sent their love through
emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both
never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to
work, she was knocked down by a car that
lost control. When she woke up, she saw
her parents beside her bed. She realised that
she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying,
she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all
that could come out of her mouth was just a
sigh. She has lost her voice......

The doctors says that the impact on her
brain has caused her to lose her voice.
Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing
coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, it was only silent cries that
companied her. Upon reaching home, everything
seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone
of the phone. Which pierced into her heart
everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy
know.

And not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote
a letter to him saying that she does not wish
to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In
return, the guy sent millions & millions of
reply, and countless of phonecalls..
all the girl could do, was cry.

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learnt
sign language & started a new life. Telling
herself everyday that she must forget the guy.
One day, her friend came & told her that he's
back. She asked her friend not to let him know
what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't
anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with
an envelope, containing an invitation
card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered.
When she opened the letter, she saw her name in
it.

When she was about to ask her friend
what's going on, she saw the guy standing in
front of her. He used sign language telling
her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice.
I Love You.
With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger.
The girl finally smiled.

slow.. i'm really darn slow..mabe i've been runnin away from it. trying to accept it. and trying to be optimistic.but it hit me. hit me hard. I DISLIKE MY GRADES.its ugly.i cant bear to look at it.but still. i cant seem to cry..it just cant come out like before.i'm so immune to pain and disappointment.i seem to feel like i have a heart of steel.i dislike falling in love..even to the extent i get freaked when guys like me.. i see them as such alien creatures waiting to gobble me up anytime..=X..i just know its not time now. i just noe. everyone is still so young.people can go dating for 8 years den break up just before dey get married(my 2nd sis's fren)..or more than 10 years and break(eldest sis's fren).i mean.NOOO way i'll put myself into their shoes...DAT FREAKING HURTS.also dere's like the other kind of people where dey say.man we're still young.get as many boyfrens to get the experience goin man. but why do i need experience when i know dat God have already paired me up with 'the one'. den people will say. if u dun go steady..how will u find dat one..aiyoh! need not necessary go steady rite? u can just feel it thru the frenship.. hmmm.. yes no? dun agree? I DUN CARE! haha. cos its me. and yea. only me typing. ah huh. ah huh. yea. watched hitch today.nice show i can say.i will be like the girl.stay single and be happy about it till when the time is right. and the man is right. haha.. fairytales do happen. but ah. wadever. that can wait. i am still young and groovin baby..so shut upp and follow moma.. dun follow also can. haha.. I AM JUST CRAPPING MAN. now i'm confuse to it whether i'm not happy or gone crazy. ark. who cares. =S

abit lag eh? just din feel like talkin bout it.
i received my results with a stoned expression.. and i just stoned. throughout the day.
seems like i no longer know how to cry..

i can say. i aint happy about my results. esp my c5 for english..

other than dat..

i am actually happy for all my other subjects. becos they are all As..
including chemistry. (something i'll never dream to get since i failed almost every of my test and exams since i learnt dat subject)
my chinese too.. i expected to like get a b4 cos i felt the nov paper was much more difficult than the june one. yet i obtained an A.

WHY a 13?

it seems like a ok number. but its only a ok. nothin to be proud of AT ALL.
i've put in my best effort. and if dats wad i've got.
i admit defeat.
it IS a BIG FAT 13.
i am not smart.

still. as wad was said. God has plans for me. tho i cant go vj to join the rest of BW. i'm happy dat i can be with hippig again.. its like we can finish off each others sentence/actions..how can i live without u! we'll strive towards higher goals this time round rite? no more pigging!

now. wad do i think. do i want to stay in computing class? if only i can replace computing with geography. sighs.. computing make no sense. and i definitely am not getting a job dat involves programming. so am i wasting my time there? shld i take econs? but if i take econs. i'm bound to fail big time..argh!! headache.

well.. i'll just look forward to the new big campus nx year at pp. i can wake up much later too.

currently just slacking at home now.. organising/recharging myself.. if not i'll fall sick. i just know it.. i almost did.

suddenly seem so pessimistic bout things eh?
i noe i'll get over it.

cos there's nice uniforms in sa.
nice people in sa.
dats all i need.

-ps. i chose cedar becos of the uniform. haha.

wad a unorganised entry. i'm just sprouting nonsense.