with me.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

oh wells. | 1:53 PM

hmmm.. comin online lesser doesn't mean i studied anythin more.

just so disappointed in myself.. everythin seems to go downhill again.. all i have is my hse. e bug infested chair. the table. the radio. my bed. the tv. food. and me. i haven been muggin. and every single time i wake up after 12. i feel like beating myself up.

i ask myself.. wot have i done in this two weeks? i tink its lesser than wot ppl can do in a week. and wot i do is like practically wot ppl DUNT do. for example readin e whole book of model english essays. READing both maths summaries from tys. writing and understanding the skills for source-based and structured essays questions at this point of time(late). but i pray dey'll all be put to good use..

done like 13 chp of chem MCQ only while my frens are like doing the whole book.

bout 4 amath papers which are all done in tuition.(which actually only meant 2 papers. cos deres paper1 and 2.) other ppl have like probably finish the whole tys. which i've read from other people's blog and i feel so ashamed.

reading some ss chapters.. not yet memorise.

writing chinese words like crazy which i duno i can remember cos i only seem to be able to remember at the instant i see the word.

i have not touched history.geog and phy at all.. its e O levels. and i have not touched it. sigh.

talkin bout chinese. its so hard whenever i study it. becos i always tink of the way i studied in May. i've wrote so much. in colours. a whole a4 skool excercise book. and half a foolscap. and wad did i get? a b3. i cried. and i still cant get over the fact. perhaps my way of studin is wrong. i did my best. i really did. and all i cld get in O levels was a b3. is o levels dat hard? most ppl say its easy. but lookin at my chinese. i doubt so. i'm so afraid. stress and pressure built up. frens and family not wif me most of the time(i'm confined to home study..my mum doesn't like me out)... i'm starting to think again.

am i dat demanding for u to leave me wif no feelings left behind in your heart? like i was never dere? i din forget your birthday. i just aint got e guts to wish no more. i just aint want to contact u anytime soon. yet day and nite i tink about u and my academics..i cant help it but cry. also over e fact dat secondary skool life's over. i'm gonna miss everyone who made my life..

cld feel everythin being so distant now. its been prolly 6.5 months now. yet i can still vividly remember the times we shared.

why did u go.. and leave my world so cold.

dun get me wrong. i'm not brooding about it. u've been wif her for so long. i accept dat. but i just feel so useless.perhaps?

for the time i embarrassed u in public. for all the times i've been so doubtful bout u. -i'm sorry

wishin everyone all the best for their O levels and A levels. 3 more weeks are we're free.. suffer now. and it'll all end in 3 weeks. its worth it.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

good luck peeps | 7:02 PM

good luck peeps..

hope this picture appears.. couldn't get a good hosting webby.. and my boomspeed is full.. oh wells.. hope everyone get the best for their coming Os.. especially to my buddies who are working really hard.. love ya guys.

haha.. yest went vjc, ajc, njc open hse.. boy. vj was the best. so lively and all.. really want to go to dat skool.. wonder if i can squeeze in.. but i'll just put as first choice.. ajc was really bad.. very unlively.. and very little ppl.. when we first went we wondered whether we got the open hse date wrong.. nj was not bad.. signed up for the canoeing.. =)

oh yea.. before dat was graduation ceremony.. i din cry at first one.. but when we sang the skool song. i saw the teachers standing in front of us tearing.. and i couldn't help it.. den i hear many others behind me sobbing too.. it was really sad.. especially when i hugged frens dat has been with me for 4 years... gosh.. but after.. lol.. i took a picture with mr yau! lol.. i jumped up when i saw him. den he said i had 3s. lol. den we quick take and dat kept me happy =)

after open houses.. went to singapore swimming club.. ate at the restaurant dere.. food not bad.. had lotsa fun sia.. kept laughing like some crazy people on drugs.. den we played at the playground.. swings.. and we slid down the slides duno how many times screaming. lol.. it was a tunnel slide.. fun.. den climb all the laddery/netty/wally stuff.. haha.. fun fun..

did many rubbish videos dat were super hilarious.. sat 158 home and laughed all the way to serangoon. haha.. viewing all the spastic pictures and videos.. my goodness.. my stomach almost got cramped from laughin.. oh berlin.. love ya guys like crazy..

oh wells.. dats my day.. i'm glad i chose to be happy instead of upset of some certain matter. well. to my frens.. thanks for being there!

and now.. really gotta stop comin online.. i'm so naughty.. haha.. cya all! and all the best peeps.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

slipping away | 7:04 PM

i am once again slipping away.. duno wots up wif me... feelin all blue and thinkin alot again. ever since cip.. man. my momentum is spoiled and i am feeling horrible. school has not ended and every single day is a drained of energy. i am unable to study becos i come home really tired and punctured.

oh boy. somebody save me! boy. somehow these few days keep gettin reminded by some stuff.. for example smallville's superman mtv.. songs. and more songs.. boy oh boy. after prelims. things just dun seem to go well.. i'm not sure if i still've got all the facts in my head.

just really scared. 2.5 weeks away. i am not ready. and i'm really tired.. and i'm gaining weight.. closing to 40.. and i dun like it. =[ .. hmmm.. but mabe becos i grew taller too. =)

oh wells. just hope i dun slip too far down before its too late to catch myself again.

white chicks seriously is a horribly nice show. laughed my ass offed so bad. boy i wana watch it again. the last part was rather sweet too. i love happy endings..

oooO wells. shall work towards my own happy ending.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

cip | 1:37 AM

boy.. this whole week till now. i've done 26.74h of cip.. plus tmr 3h plus i wld have finish 30h.. just to get my a2.. so upsetting..

all ms leong fault. she accepted our nkf letter dat we will do our 30h after o levels.. den 3 weeks before O levels. which is this tues. she told us we had to complete our 30h by friday. we were like. HUH. seriously our heart just dropped. means our whole week's schedule will be destroyed and we wun even have time to study. i'm really really really upset. i really want to study. this cip thing has really caused my momentum to differ and i really afraid i cant get back into the mood of studyin by mon..

was thinkin if she dun accept our 30h of cip on this coming monday. lol. we will murder her. seriously. i tink my blood will boil so bad. imagine she took away one whole week of our studying time. now we cant study our best for Os.. and she dun count it into our report book. we are seriously gonna murder her.

well.. this is where motivation comes in. i noe i will to it no matter wad. i must succeed. really touched when mr yau photocopied the enlarged version on e oct/nov calendar so dat we can plan our study time table. he even taught us tactics how to plan. i really am loving him more and more each and every single day. i dun wana leave! gona get him a big big farewell gift when i leave the skool. he's like seriously. the best teacher i ever had.

YAUy i love U! hee. lol.. and he sang marry had a little lamb wif emath equation today. YET I MISSED IT cos i was at cip.. so upsetting! mummy! i really love it when YaUy does such stuff.. all e cute action he does.. lol. so like a small boy really..

why isn't he married! i want him. lol. seriously. i am mad for my age. haha.. but really! if i was YaUy's age. i will definitely like him k. lol. okie.. enuff of me madness..

song of the week - dunhavemyhanduseaspillowyouusedtoitornot. lol. ou de yang song.

spastic huihui. when she recite dat to be i just stared at her. like. huh? lol. cos i couldn't catch wad she was sayin. and estee told her to repeat thrice until she started luffin..

oh wells. we're the foolish people who make commuters who take buses or mrts laugh at us. i tink dey really enjoy it too man. can see how dey luff. haha.. wad clowns we are.

i tink we really burp toooooo non-chalantly.. even in public. lol. but we cant help it. its part and parcel of our live already. lol.. sorry to the jc ppl, to which ever jc we'll be goin to. lol.

adios amigos. i need to rush me studyin already since cip took up 1 whole week. zhuoi kin.