Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, THE MESSAGE

pingy

dear God I must confess
that sometimes You seem far away
sometimes i forget about
how i stand because of grace

but Lord there's been a change in me
a change i hope will stay
for this is my prayer today

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yes.. feels so great to let go of wad i've been holding on for so long. e hate and everything. feels great. i feel my frens surround me. and dat e sadness is just something dat i created myself.



yes. trying to get into the mood of mugging finally. dawn upon me the hard facts of a month to prelims. this is no joke. i wan to secure a good jc. stay in dere. den can minus pts of O levels for loyalty. =) my aim now is VJ. i duno why. its rather far tho. but e thing is. its a good skool.



this week i'm on the whiteboard duty. lol. i love my job when the marker ink are like really easy to clean. i dun like dat black marker. e one dat is so dark. must use so much strength to clean. haha.



this week also made two mtv. lol. swan lake and spinning tops. LMAO. i am telling u. if those videos ever get publicise. it'll be freaking and everyone will laugh their heads off. LMHO! lemho! LMAO!! laomao. haha. ok. i'm mad.



yes. pretty much caught contol of myself finally.



and finding dat online life is very scary as anything this is virtual world mite just ruin my happiness. i decided to come online as little as possible and i'm happy wif it. so yea. not much updates le.



mabe will come once a week or less. yes. thanks ppl. frens. for making my life. nv cld have done it without u guys. and u! =)



all e best in your prelims for now ppl. will wish u guys luck for O levels nx time. =) oh ya. for e upcoming chinese O's results. everyone will get A1 k. there's no chance dat ppl will cry. i dun wan to see it happen. i dun wan to see dem cry. neither do i wan to see myself cry. so all of us gota get A1s tgt.



well. thanks for e new frens in my life. u guys. really make a difference. -mwah!

yes. i live my life for myself not for anyone else.



no matter how pain something are gonna be or is. i have to keep it in me. i must learn to control. its over. efforts are spilt yes. i cant brood over it no more. today will be e last time i felt pain. hurt. tears over him. i want to make it my last.



remember. if i ever fall again. tink of yau. no i cant brood. yes its over. i've got enuf of bad grades becos of him. i know i cant brood over it no more. he made my heart ache so bad. yes. its over.



it has to be. i dun care how u gona do it ping. u gota to. he's not worth crying for. its just e wrong guy all e same. please.. heal. take your time. dun rush.



hate will go away. yes. it is going away. i dun hate him anymore. i just feel pain. and more pain. now i just got to overcome this pain.



i shall not slack no more. i shall mug. till i die.  and if i get below 10pts for my o levels. god is going to give me a much better guy.



i weeped thru e months. all e pain u've and u'll never know. becos u are of so happy in your love life now and its good for u. yes.



i must do it. any other way. i must learn to control. come on. it aint dat difficult gettin over a jerk rather than a good guy rite? keke.. yes.



be strong. e happier he is. e more happier u must be over his happiness. as in not for his happiness. but for your own happiness..



come on. today is sunday. tho its 8am and u din sleep a wink. its time to study if u cant sleep. and life starts today. MY own very life. i am not going to live for him anymore. he's just a mean old chap who doesn't give a damn bout e fcuking things i've done for him. so. sweep those dirt away. no matter how i deal wif it. as a nitemare or deceiving myself. i gonna get over this. I HAVE TO. no other way out.



happiness is in my hands. futurity-paradise is sure to come.



pick up all e pieces he threw. pick dem all up and pull yourself today. one day. i'm gona beat him. i'm gona be 10 times happier than him. yes.



once again. thanks my frens for being dere. i love u all. i know i've been dumb for far too long.

online experience sucks. i'm not comin on in near future. i want to be mugging. i want to be top. i can do it. i've got no one to burden me down this time. yes. it's my final lap after all e falls. i'm gona make it to e end. i am. even if e world ends tmr. i have to know that i am happy dat i manage to pull myself together and be a whole all over again.



i deserve much better. i dun have to be in self pity. I HAVE TO FORGET. yes. i need to.

yes. mr yau is the best. i duno. he seems to have magical powers. just e nite before. all e stupid things bugged my mind. and today. he enlightened me in class.



yes. he's my hero. really must learn from him. he's just so sure of himself and all.



so i've decided. all this hating thing shld stop. i'm on with my life people. and i'm happy. i know things will be. so... if i ever hate again or anything. just remind me of yau ok?



i will so remember all e many many things he say. thanks mr yau. u made e difference in my life.

hmmm.. dumb. i went to search for ahem blog. lucky i din find it. how come i so dumb? ok. its over. good thing i din find it. thus. will never ever search for it again.

 

wow worship songs are really good. seriously calms me down. esp here i am to worship and above all. its just so soothin and makes everythin so peaceful. =) its good.

 

and. i'm really. really tryin to forget and stop cursin. =[

life's practically e same everyday rite now. i'm quite happy wif everythin. or mabe very. tho quite boring. school's good. sometimes home is bad. but its good for sleeping. overall. everything is good. just that memories are bad. environment to provoke those memories are still lingering alot. everywhere. bad.

 

i just bote a book. its called ps. i love you. i'm gonna read it and die of sweetness. occupy my thots. mind. time.

 

well. i dun care if i'm living in my world i created. one thinkin dat he doesn't exist. dat he's dead. and dat its impossible dat he's still living his life. sometimes just imagining him going to church and its quite impossible. until someone reminds me dat he's still alive. i believe he's dead. or he's virtual. everything's just a nitemare. 

  

well today teacher taught e first lesson in chinese textbook 4b called "lei yu". e textbook has just an extract of e story. but e teacher told us e whole story. tho its just a story. i tink alot. its quite coincidental. e first wife who got chased out name ended wif a 'ping' hanyupinyin. and e 2nd mistress which this guy found name ended wif a 'yi'. its just a story wif lots of scandal and drama. which teacher later sums it up dat. "wad mean things u do now. u mite not suffer retribution. but ur descendants will" . 

  

tho my case aint all dat serious compared to e story. bao yin is true. i'm not bein evil. well he was mean to me. really mean. many ppl wonder why i'm so mean. cursin and all. but only to those ppl who have been in my shoes. will dey noe why dere's so much hatred and vengence. its some common reflex. tho i really want it to go away. this hate in me is still causing much pain. i really wish sometimes i get brainwashed. 

 

i'm suppose to be forgivin. and forget. but why. i just cant. why am i so mean. i am not much good either. please. got to say this again.

 

dun tell me anything bout him. i dun wan to know anythin. nothin. i am not interested. NOTHING. =[

he can screw anyone. i dun want to know. i just want to brainwash myself? i dun wan to tink of all those darn times i spent wif him. all e lies. all e shit dat he does. darn. just go away. 

 

yes. this is e different side of me. how can i ever be so evil. u'll noe when u're in my shoes. u mite tink u noe how it feels just by thinking. but no u don't. u got to BE in e situation literally. and u'll be as evil as me. darn. wrong. if dere's one who's not. please talk to me. and tell me how u've done it. i cant take all this anymore.

 

i dun noe which world is real. which is fake. which is a dream. which is not. i dream too much. toooo much of dem ever since he left. I DUN WAN. ='[

he hates me! i'm sure =!



ok. i saw russell again today. he got up from caltex bus stop. den i was deciding i shld stop at his stop cos i can walk home from there all e same. actually never dared. but trina keep urging me. so i just went down his bus stop? lol. den from dere. he ran and ran home. so i guess he really hates me to e extent he wants to run away from me. lol.expected he mite run but din noe he'll really. wo zhen de so ugly ma? lol.



but as he was running. it was drizzling a little heavy. so did he run to get home in time or does he really hates me? lol.



its so embarressing. how am i goin face him again? now he knows i'm dat girl who has crushed him since sec1 and i'm so like embarressed now. like. how am i ever gona take e bus in e mornin? wad if i bump into him and e bus is full? dead. seriously! he hates me!

i shouldn't have got down e bus today. seriously. but somehow it was fate i saw him two days in a row after school? mistake!! grave mistake! now he cant even be my eye candy. cos he hates me! screams. and i cant face him anymore either. =X



and i just want to say i'm sorry. i tink i scared him away. haha.



so practically he ran home without turning back and it started to pour. so i started runnin too. but two kind souls saw how wet i was and dey fetch me home. thanks grandma grandpa! dey were really nice old people.



so today is a rather happy day for me who cares if he hates me =S i'm just sorry i scared him off. lol. dere goes my eye candy.

haha. i saw russell today! lol. frens told me he's changed. most say better lookin. some say not cute but more mature le. lol. finally. after so many months. i felt my heartbeat. and e happiness. and in one point of e bus journey our eyes in direct contact. lol. i wld have died on e spot. lol. wen he got down. i tried not to look away. i stared instead. and i tink he did turn back. lols. i tink he saw me lookin at him. he was going to caltex again. lol. imagine if i was wif him. i wld get sweets and chocolates everydae. lol.



and kerr. go see ourstorie blog. =) i took 2h plus to search 50 over pages of gettyimages. lol. who say no one cares. u make for dem. i make for u la! lol. i hope u can see it. cos i scared e pic din upload correctly..



yes. i am a happy girl. livin in my own world.



e picture on my right is also made by me. copyrighted k. please. i took a long time to make it. cos my com was slow. its a little squashed up. but i lazy to set e resolution and size all dat. so.. haha.



as long as i dun see somebody and somethings. i tink i'll always be as happy. okie. i must get back my motivation to wake up early to take e correct bus. =P yes. this is e way i'm livin my life.

Jun & Jen are one young couple...

Jun is charming & many girls can't help but

fall for him... therefore, he flirts.



As for Jen, she's a ordinary girl with average

looks. Although there're guys chasing her, She

only love Jun. She knows that Jun will leave her

one day...but she still love him whole-

heartedly...



Jen love rainy days, she love playing in the

rain, & whenever Jun wanted to join her, she'll

always stop him from doing it.



Jun will then ask her: " Why don't you let me

join you?"



Jen replied: "Err..er..because i don't want

you to fall sick."



Jun then ask her again: "If playing in the

rain will make one sick, then why are you still

doing it?"



But Jen will always keep quiet & smile at him...



Although Jun isn't able to join her, he felt

happy. To him, as long as Jen is happy, he'll be

happy as well. :)



However, happiness never last... Jun fall for

another girl after two months. He even love this

girl more than Jen.



One day, when Jun & Jen had their dinner

together, Jun told Jen that this will be the

last time they had dinner together. Jen looked

at him. She knows what is going to happen, but

she choose not to ask. Then, Jun request for a

break up. And Jen, she accepted. Because she

knows, she knows Jun is just like wind. The wind

will never stop at any point.



That night, its the last time Jun send Jen

home. Jen was so quiet, although she wants to

know what actually happen, she choose not to

ask. Just when Jen wanted to went into the lift,

Jun stop her. He said: "Jen, I'm really

sorry that i've let you down. But i'll never

forget those days when i see you playing in the

rain...those are the most happy & unforgottable

memories i had with you."



After listening to Jun, Jen can't help but cry..



Jun hugged her tightly. He said: "Jen,

There's one question i wanted to ask you long

ago...



Why it is that when you are playing in the rain,

you just won't let me accompany you?"



Jen was stunned..



After a few mintues,



Jen replied...



"Because...



Because i don't wish to let you know that I'm

crying..."

oooOo.. bout exactly 2 months to prelims.. like OMG. i'm gona start preparing now seriously. tho i am. its too slow. i cant complete syllabus still by den. scary.

i dun care. i am going to do it. i'm super happy. been happy for a week. tho dere's a few hours of down. i manage to over come it! yAY.. as long as i'm determine to be happy. and forget bout gross thing. it will happen. happenin now. seriously. e power of frens. extremely powerful. 100 times better than a boyfren. i tell u. i'm luffin like everyday to e extend i shake my head tgt wen i luff. haha. this is how hard i'm luffin. i seriously love my life now. its good.

and i have many boyfrens. lol. one of is SPIDEY! he's back. after 2 years. gosh. how much i miss him. do u guys know how much i love him in sec 2? haha!

yay! i'm happy. so who cares bout dem. dey are just screwing up their own lives by pator-ing. screw their O's too. sorry to be evil =\ supposed to stop cursing. well oh well. who ask him to be jerk. if he's not one. den why even ppl who aren't his frens just hate him for no reason and call him poser. why wld he almost have e whole class against him in sec2? haha. naturally inborn la. its sad to know all these u know. becos i duno why. he's making someone elses life (besides me) terrible. he sure is gona get his retribution.

at e end of e day. remember always to have fun wif ur frens. luff hard. be happy. and sleep well. best of all too. work hard. and score. den u'll be a even happier person in time to come.

i must not let e past haunt me. not ever. tho it kinda does. i'll go away. i know.