Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

taken from livi and hmmm i have to agree that the education part is not true... whahaha next please...

The Real You

1: You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

2: You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3: You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

4: Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

hmmm... gags*

went to find pecks on friday... it was truely a memorable walk... 1 hour 45 mins walk... ok it cant be compared to some army march... and i admit, window shopping is not that bad when u have things to look at but when u only have blks to look at it's a chore man... but overall everything was worth it. we (xueqi and me) walked from khatib to yishun just to pass pecks some choc and we even got lost within the blk itself whahahahaha *pengs* but overall... the joy of passing someone a gift and the look on their face is like pweet*

went to my cousin's wedding today and it's being held in a church... the moment she walked in with her papa... wha~ *nearly teared*... just imagine jesus waiting for his bride (the church)... in anticipation of receiving... the feeling of having butterflies in the tummy... =)

alrights, back to projects... one more week to go... =)

thinking: thinking when will it be my turn to get married... whahahahahahahah (ah hwa pls dont say anything or tag me... though i know the more you will after seeing this msg grrr - dont anyhow talk nosense ah... )
song: last kiss - pearl jam

just met up with perd. seriously wanting to give up a lot of stuff. because of tiny failures and setbacks and disatisfied attitude towards school, friends and pastoral... neither here nor there... bu san bu si. urgh.

my major project sucks big time because i know i didnt put in any effort and yet i expect to score. who the heck am i kidding. i thought i could draw. well at least they look like humans to me, until i saw my classmate's illustrations. i thought my photoshop skills were pretty decent until i found out simpler methods to applying different steps. i thought i could speak well until i heard how my classmate presented without any preparation. i thought i could lead well enough to motivate people until i read about moses. i thought i could i thought i can i thought i should be able... the more i reply more on myself the result of falling and hurting myself is even bigger...

behind at the back of my head somewhere it tells me not to give up. somewhere something tells me that i shouldnt base my results on men's reaction or wait for their acknowledgment... sometimes it's bad enough that things dont really work out and get some really sucky and blah criticism from fellow classmates that makes me feel stupidly condemning at times... sometimes i wish i could just get a cleaver and chop my classmate's head. but i cant lah. will be send to jail one...

glorifying god and hoping for acknowledgment from people is a totally different thing. because the former, even if you fail, you find joy in everything that you do. whilst the latter, you become more miserable... whats my golden calf? im set apart from the rest ever since i said yes but i've been wanting to go to the opposite direction because i'm able to see more clearly what my grades for the achievments turn out... will i give up 1 step before the finishing line? or will i continue on...

i want to know more about god's unconditional love.

thinking: attachment...
song: free - hillsong

one core sub project is done. spent like 12 hours typing out 3 chapters, power point and colouring illustrations and what have you... but no matter what it is. ive came and ive conquered. whahahaha god is good!!! all the time!!!

ah na has been buying supper for me, so that i could fill my tummy and keep my mouth or rather myself awake hee... tonight's another night of chionging... and tmr, colin macdowell (spell check) from britian will be coming to our school for a talk... hmmm some great fashion writer yup... like what karen says, we better shake hands with him because he has shook many top fashion designer hands before... better still if after shaking hands, we must place it on our heads... karen calls it blessing i call it anointing whahaha -_-;

i've learnt a new song... sing it to the tune of don't cry for me argentina... with a hint of filipino accent...

don't cry for me lucky plaza~
the truth is i've never been there~
i go to wisma, takashimaya and far east plaza~
but not lucky plaza~

this friday there's di cl bbq at marina south and i can't go!!! tim gai!!! tabao for me will ya fellow sheepmates... and meihwa... cafe cartel after my exams okie!!!

are you with me? where's the sense of urgency? can we make it? or shall we succumb to mr sa tan. come on di2, just 2 more!!! 2 more people to our goal!!!

i miss my mum.

thinking: i miss stir fried salted veggie with lean pork and mushroom.
song: i go to wisma~ and takashimaya~

beyond's concert just ended...

WWWWWHHHHHAAAAA.................... so near yet so far~

ah hwa!!! tell me asap about the concert!!! ask joe ask joe ask joe!!!

really... beyond is one of the best band ever. they write songs about goals, visions, politics (who on earth will write a song on nelson mendala except wong kar kui) and well love. but they are so so so good!!! the lead singer passed away in an accident, falling off the stage but the remaining people still stayed on together. ah wing (drummer), paul wong (guitarist who plays the guitar with both left and right hand - ji li hai liang san sia!) and my fav, steve wong (the bassist)... still cont to write inspiring songs and stay true to their roots of being the humble band...

songs such as hai kuo tian kong, hei fun nei and a personal favourite of mine qing yan really keeps me hooked on them... seriously speaking, i don't speak cantonese so i have no idea what they are singing about but when i read the chinese lyrics, wha~ so cool... nothing lovey dovey but it's more to visions and goals. how's that for a rock band...

it's funny how i like both beyond and queen... ah but whatever it is, both bands are great and they play great music too... woohoo

makes me wanna learn to play bass and guitar... whahahah ever since i stepped into hope, been bugged to learn guitar... but... after 3 years, i cant even play a song... =D does strumming 3 basic cords count?

thinking: i really have this sense of regret of not wanting to buy the concert ticket instead of hoping that i might win it instead... WWWHHHYYY!!! TIM GAI!!! (thats why for cantonese)
song: beyond. what else. im trying to make up for the concert...

went to nexus last night... told ah hwa that i felt a sense of distant from nexus and the on going activities itself... i really missed the *busy times* i had with the on-going activities i was somehow involved last time and it has been 6 months ever since i stepped into nexus at night and i cant help but embrace the empty auditorium... this is where service is, it's where my saturdays are spent at, it's where i see the familiar faces that i love and its where my family is.

after 2 weeks of torture of staying back late in school, i finally got a breather (a day only -_-) i really miss my cg people and perdy. i miss my ministry too. in fact, i miss everything... i allow those horrible stressful assignments and projects get in the way of my walk with abba papa that it really has became a stumbling block to my spiritual walk. the usuals of class, the norms of problems but i can't seem to realise and appreciate god and his blessings for me. those 10-15 short prayers seems soo long for me. i dont like this kinda thoughts and i don't want it either. what's going on?

so many times in school i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. but it's my problem and i cant share it with anyone in school, because they won't understand, they will only just nod and smile... i can't identify my problems with anyone in school, so i found an alt. unleash my frustrations through jokes and being lame. but it's getting heavier day by day. i cant always put on a joking mask even if i dont feel like smiling... and whats the point of being labeled the class clown when actually deep inside all i really need is to be heard... not entertain... somehow i really appreciate those times when im in the school comp lab all alone... no one asking me anything... it's just me and the comp screen and my mp3. it's an irony because as a sang sometimes being alone really sux big time.. you know what i mean right sangs? hee...

so thats the reason why how much i really appreciate perdy's staying over last night and that fellowship i had just hours ago with my peeps... now that brings me to remind myself that one of my love language is quality time...

i really don't need anything to fill me in... really... not you not you not you... just him.

thinking: crawling back to projects again!!!
song: and i'll sing... sing... i love you so...

i've received a letter. hand written. simple words. sincere heart. but most of all. this person meant everything she wrote for me... xueqi =) your words in the letter really touched my heart... awww... *kiss kiss* and gal, you have your first di convert!!! your first sheep!!! retain!!! di2!!! we musn't stop at 7 anymore. lets start with 8 and go higher okay!!!

these few weeks hasn't been exactly smooth. a lot of changes to adjust to, more things to take up and well school work hasnt been really going well... or is it because i haven't been finding joy in doing things... its the latter, really... but everytime something happened and when the after effects starts to kick in (like finally realising that everything is not so bad after all or it's just me being emotional) i start to smile and feel... you know... childish and stupid... dang... just for the sake of having some reaction in that instant moment... bah~

i remembered when i was young i read about the book of daniel and the only thing i could remember was the part that he was well protected in both the lion's den and in the fire... i re-read again and the first chapter really strike me a lot about how he refused to eat rich food etc and no matter what and he still standby his faith... wha!!! ji faithful yi sia!!! wo yeah yao!!!

told meihwa about somehow i prefer to be alone sometimes... she told me that i learnt to enjoy god's presence more and not being rah rah and trying to be with the loudest crowd. i couldnt agree more... it's funny how much lame jokes(muah chee), dirty jokes (phlegm and regurgitation) and those sadistic shows (boiling point and happy tree friends) i really enjoy... but somehow... there's a softer side... preferring to watch shows like life is beautiful, to gillian on her 38th birthday and c'est la vie mon cherie etc shows when i'm alone... so that i could brawl (spell check) my eyes out...

but i love it best when i stand at my living room's main window, looking over the night scenary and then just look at the skies at night (colours in red, purple and those stars) reminding me of how beautiful god's creation is.... the human body is so complex - tell me who made us? those snowflakes, all individual like fingerprints, who made them this way? mother nature? evolution? well all i know is that darwin must be turning in his grave every now and then whenever archaelogists found some biblical artifacts and doctors finding out that even monkeys havin 99.8% close dna as us doesnt makes much diff... so does that mean that the 0.2% is the difference why we turn out to be more erm... modern and less hairy then monkeys? 0.2%... what a theory...

i'm tired physically because i just played helicopter with jingmin =D... and we sang hokkien songs while walking to ps... ended up sharing life in the mrt about how to be more appreciative towards people and things in our lives... she went for the mission trip and she seen how people dump their parents and ran off... i think this really speaks to me on how sometimes i should appreciate my family more and not take them for granted... treasure them people...

thinking: projects!!!
song: in christ alone