my friend just told me about her testimony about god and her family, man this girl has been struggling with loads since the moment she's conscious about god. go vivien!!! your life is a living testimony about how real god is!!! you go girl!!! i'm so happy for you that you're finally opening up to god and you overcame many many many obstacles in your life that you used to struggle like mad with... with god nothing is impossible. your name faith is just like you. growing in Him day by day. ah~ will be there to bring pom pom for you on your bap day!!! yeah yeah yeah!!!

porcelain doll? looks are always deceiving.

my heart is often on fire. but my face never gives the game away.

some call me cold. it's their loss.

no one feels like they know who i really am.

i like the mystery.

it makes people just that tiny bit uneasy.

the last time i had long hair, it came with a uniform.

i'm not afraid to experiment. the establishment bored me to death.

street culture excites me.

my homes are built of glass so i can see the sun reflect off the snow outside.

no one's ever dared throw stones.

but my heart still belongs to...

::DADDY::

been an avid fan of alanis since p5. queen fan since young lar but to dig up their records and play again in blasting volume suddenly reminds me that my room is a room. not a concert hall. i dig 80's - 90's classic rock. i can't stand hip hop. i don't understand what they're singing wait... rapping or whatever... bring me back queen, pre alanis and the now default guns and roses. hello axl rose. wake up. stop your plastic surgery en route to be a la jackson but bring back spike too okie~ david bowie, pink floyd and not to forget the pretenders. ah~ classic rock. don't tell me anything about screaming hollowers ballad queens like celine and faith. i think they're okie but too much of a power house is like strapping me to a chair and forcing me to eat chilli... i like spandeu ballet, rem, U2, sting and the zombies. ohhh, i like sade ( smooth operator anyone? ) stan getz. antonio carlos jobim ( e creme de la creme ultimate the girl from ipanema spanish version ), miles davis, lighthouse family, beyond ( beyond rocks hei fun nei heh heh ) wyclef jean, pearl jam ( oh where oh where can my baby be ) don mclean, ray charles ( he sang with emotions and his version of that blue song - so sad thingy is so... sad ), bjork ( it's oh so quiet and hunter so cool...) metallica ( totally blew me away man ) , sinead o connor ( nothing compares... ) bob dylan ( born to run original ) bruce sprinsteen ( streets of philadelphia ) herbie hancock ( good rhythum sense ) beck ( funny guy with funny songs ) radiohead ( i like karma police a lot lol ) and tracy chapman... wow her voice is so... low... and meat loaf!!! i bet no one listens or understand any of these songs except maybe leafy ( freshman is classic hahaha ) why so many names of bands? nah... just wanan note this down thats all... doh...

ps: babee... lets see if the above mention will appear. MYSTERIOUSLY.

thinking: austin power's international man of mystery album beats the other 2 hands down.

songs: heh heh alanis

felt really good cos i did all my homework... anyways my teacher shared with us about the jobs a fashion student can take... hmmm which one shall i venture in which im really interested in and don't mind slogging for the next 20 years?

ps... one woman is willing to fork out $6000 to hire a fashion illustrator for the one and only book she's writing... wanna try but no lah, too far fetch for me cos... my drawings look like buaya aliens with... no arms and fingers and no feet... not to mention no ears... and apparently a seamstress earns $2800 and a junior designer earns $1200... how's that... trying to find out about the writer's job though... hopefully god will bless me with a good job with good timing so i can serve him too!!! attachment coming soon...

tmr full day sia... but a fruitful one!!! meeting jane dear and ah bee too~ yep...

thinking: photoshop kills
song: nails in your hands...

had one great -_-' conversation with livi with her kinda irritating me in the end... not in a bad way but those...you know... those when you really wanna pull your hair out one... cos she kept telling me that she want her ritter sports rum and raisin ( by repeating herself over and over and OVER again) doh... in order for her to stop repeating... i finally succumb to her constant begging... by agreeing to buy her one... when we become heaven's citizen that is...

lime juice is good for the body. it cleanses your tummy, flushes and detox some dung inside the colon and it makes drinking water a bit more interesting. oh did i forget to mention, it makes eating tuna sandwich more yummy. just like problems. they are good for us. because they help us to become a better person. it helps to make life more interesting too. with a twang of zing here and there. just like salt. and problems helps us to see our dung clearly ( to repent from it lar ) yup... nan dao u want your life to be very monotonous mah? heh heh...

ironic by alanis morissette

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic . . . don't you think

Chorus
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would've thought . . . it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isn't this nice . . .
And isn't it ironic . . . don´t you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic . . . don't you think
A little too ironic . . . and yeah I really do think . . .

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out...

why did i chose this song? because, it's ironic how life can be. when you think that this is the right way then you try to go with the flow but you never know cos god, up there, can see furthur than you. he can tell that somehow, somewhere and sometimes, the opposite direction is a better place far off better than the one you initially chose... what is the thing that you're chosing now?

i got to re-learn this cheng yu again...
if the world falls on you, treat it as a blanket.

thinking: all pops in the world are the same. look fierce, sound fierce, am fierce but a softie at heart. ever wonder why it's called mr softie and not miss softie? hmm... im talking nuts here...
song: everything's alright

living for the audience of one.

oops. i did it again. i played with my words. and i lost my head again.
ohh baby baby opps, i think i'm in for it... a huge big talk again~ yeah~
i must learnt my lesson well~

in case you don't know... pls sing the above words to the song opps i did it again by britney federline spears.

kudos to zy and jaime. heh heh and not to mention livi melinda. yep... miss leafy

thinking: pipipapipu
song: i live for you

with only less than 5 mins to blog before the memory gets erased, i shall... blog lah...

service was great. because god is great!!! made another promise to god and yup. the major point of the promise was along the line of the sermon today!!! muahahahaha

aaawww... missed today's di retreat... nevermind! i am with them... in their hearts... heh heh... went window shopping and i saw my levis jeans... but poor lah so can only see and touch heh heh okies... five mins going to up soon... cos i type real slow and i have to think too...

in all, sum it up... i will miss the grads people like shiyan esp... she might not read this but she;s one sister that i got to know unexpectedly and she brought lots of smile to my face and also cheeros to qiewfang for her perserverance... i salut you sister!!! and to clarence too!!! miss ya too brother!!! esp the times we had at di and that unforgettable eating melon game muahahahah... be a salt and light wherever you go guys!!!

thinking: god is one heavy anchor sia... goody!!!
song: my sister's singing some song which makes no sense...

what a day. tuition for straight 5 hours. how xiong sia. and i did badly somemore. eeks. gotta pull my socks. talked to ding. wha~ better lor... went to the market today to buy food for the steamboat with donnie and cedric, funny brothers i have hahaha but the best part has yet to come... tmr night!

ate peanuts for straight 5 hours doing nothing. can't leave or do anything... making us look like 3 sotongs staring into blank space. esp me. yup, traced back my family background with my aunts... interesting enough, the world is so small that my aunt who always have been buying fish from my pop is my mom's neighbour something like that, only that on the day my parents wed, she told me, ack! isnt that the guy whom i bought fish from? how small can the world be huh... heh... joke of the day at the wake...

grandma, how come grandpa die... small girl asked.
because he old liao mah... uncle replied.
then how come u havent die yet? ( to uncle )small girl asked.

diao. really. to be angry or to laugh it off because she's still young... i have nothing to say...

stuffed head. jabs in brain and jerks. i hate it.

thinking: i hope it won't happened ever again.
song: deeply in love

focus in the middle of the pic and don't look away. trust me.

http://humor.funnyjunk.com/pages/cool.htm

thinking: full day tmr...
song: muahahaha

human life on earth can only last as long as it gets. that means. 1-100+ years. the moment you were born, you might die due to the lack of oxygen in your lungs. when you're in your 10++ you might suffer from leukemia. when you're in your adult years, you might have cancer. and when you're old, not to mention, die of old age. does that ring a bell in your face that how short our life is? you might be here and gone tmr you know. how long can we still enjoy anything that we're enjoying now? those " just for love joy peace and fun enjoyment " i call them stuff ( material, entertainment, fast and high life ) how long can they last? they last like dust. come and go quickly, gone with the wind... do people only treasure the people around them only when they're going to die? just like those few months or less, weeks even? well, if they're lucky, those old people might have people waiting on them to care for them... what about those people in the old folks home? hello~ treasure the people around you now... and make full use of your life. we're being called to this race. a race till the end. to win people. because people matter to god.

rec a piece of news last night, got me reeling in the news a bit slowly... kinda got the 2 uncles confused, then oh wells, thinking how life is so short that soon one will go after the other one and the lost will just go on and on... shocked yeah. yup...today god made me realise that my perd has been very sacrificial. i know that she won't be reading this but i really really appreciate how she has been coming to my house from batok and then after 2 hrs, go back again... ah perdy... another chilli padi. small but cannot bully one... haha... haiz... cherelle fang fei ji. why ah. i simply don't understand. i really don't. i really really don't. pipipapipu... god shall make a way. i will not falter under mr devil's blinding schemes. i will rise up against him for we have god!!! god answered my prayer! i prayed for a pair of shoes cos my converse has been thrown into the bin and only flip flops are all i have and i can't wear those to school but god provides~~~ and it's here!!! and i didn't even ask my sister to buy... ah~ jehovah jireh. muacks!

i watched guns and roses concert on channel 5 last night. man~ that slinky snake dance by axl rose ( he used to be a choirboy, gospel singer, pianist, and even taught Sunday school in his childhood. His extremely strict upbringing led him to rebel by the age of sixteen ) made me dance the same way too... haha in the middle of my living room with lights switched off esp to that infamous tune of sweet child of mine~ ah~ true blue classic rock. love it. ah, missing out the tunes of queen alanis beyond david bowie already... hmmm lady ziggystar is yummy~

thinking: you don't know what you got till it's gone
song: i can only imagine - mercy me ( ah~ he sounds like elton john )

hmmm not being very nice last night. said something super sacarstic to someone cos, well, hmmm, and did some some stuff quite... hmmm. hmmm.

why when how who. babee. this shucks but this can be conquered. just like you did. kudos to you cos you chose Him over everything. obeying is the only right thing to do.that speaks to me too.

there's a precious moment card on my table, it says love one another. ah~ god, you're telling me to wait and see. see god only gives 3 types of answers.

yes
no
wait

thinking: give thanks in all cricumstances.
song: give thanks with a grateful heart give thanks to the holy one...

SHIOKENARDAN!!!!!!!!!!

attended 2 cgs today = shiok!
phoebe attended cg today! = shiok!
phobe decided to join wfl tmr! = shiok!
ate one slice of chili padi = shiok! ( leaving me tearing for 10 mins )
played sia yan mao twice = shiok! ( got bruises and jane dear has got a swollen finger )

tmr even more shiok ah! service! lets see more people coming down alrights!

i am so looking forward to next week's di retreat. i want my...

boon tong kee chicken rice
egg prata and tissue prata
dinosaur ( milo peng )
hiking ( hope it's fun )
sia yan mao ( blind mice )
you. all the di-ians.

yeah!!!

ps... typo error for plane crashed... it's supposed to rest... wrong word to use... ah~

thinking: cherelle
song: muahahahahaha

thank mei* for telling me.

when a person doesn't rec any scolding or any rebuking, then the person is somehow useless cos people don't see the need to tell you anything anymore. simply because. they give up on you. see that word person? how about god? god doesn't give up at all. he will never give up. but as disciples of christ, lets be more christlike. ponder this yourself.

i really feel like strangling my 3 teachers; vernon chew (pattern making) sophie (comm skills) vincent (knitting). mr vernon telling us dateline for pm project is on tuesday only to tell us it's on thurs then yesterday, telling us it's on friday. argh. sophie. telling us to hand up her work then telling us, you wanna bring home? ack. shoot me in the forehead. best. vincent. knitting must hand up on thurs. then saying ahahah can hand up next next week also can hahaha. can i be excused for cynide strangling or maybe an icing on the cake - axe through the head is pretty cute too? but oh wells, forgive and forget right~ hahaha at least all my 3 projects are done!!! muahahahahaha... this laughter is short term by the way... cos i have a top to knit. comm skills final assessment, yeesh photoshop project and some scrap book thingy for james. my eye bags can store an hermes birkin bag in them. soon. very soon. la mer to spare anyone?

55 -> 50 -> 47 = alrights!!! yeah man!!!

shhh wanna know a secret?

*icankeepasecrettoo*

thinking: cherelle flew my plane again. why lord... when will the plane crash?
song: heart of worship!

nails in Your hands by vineyard

The nails in Your hands
The nails in Your feet
tell me how much
You love me
The thorns on Your brow
They tell me how
You bore so much shame to love me

And when the Heavens pass away
All Your scars will still remain
And forever they will say
Just how much You love me

Forever my love
Forever my heart
Forever my life is Yours
It's Yours

today is the day when the peeps of 3B1 came to class looking like heavily made up zombies. trying to finish the pattern making homework till wee hours. the ultimate record was jinqi who finished hers by 5am in the morning. whoa~ only to find our very funny mr vernon chew telling us, you can hand this up on thursday instead haha~ try to imagine the fashion students' pissed off look on their dark rings and eye bags and patchy skin faces. not very nice huh. and with that horrible marketing test. well, i can only say that god is great. i prayed and he helped me to recall. i did my best and i felt great but i know i won't do well cos oh wells, it was a last minute dash to the finishing line.

mr rainbow came again and i'm awaiting for the next mrs storm. wee~

thinking: knitting is brainless.
song: prohesy

cool meeting we had last night. we got locked in nexus. how cool can that be... with the security alarm going off and that funny japanese drunk man losing a drink game and running towards the whole di unit laughing and waving his arms in the air saying~ i have lost!!! then telling us to join him for a drink cos it's fun. oh wells, the security alarm did go off in the end. yeah~

i feel hurt. i guess the same goes to you. i didnt know that i hurt you so much with words i said to the both of you. but thanks for being there all along for me. but finding time for me is not important. is the quality of it. i did complained but always in a joking manner. how would you like it if you called me to talk but had to hang up because i was on the phone with my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my FRIEND. i guess i was never there. am trying to understand the circumstances around and trying to adapt to new people joining in the group. hard. very hard. i never hide anything from you. NEVER. cos you'll never tell. you had to hide things from me cos i'll tell. told you it's the betrayal of trust. from my side. my sorries i present to you. i am sorry.

i'll make myself busy with more things from now on. taking up more stuff. forgetting some stuff. maybe my epilepsy is a good thing after all. i tend to forget more things. maybe the things i don't wanna remember.

i feel really hurt. i can't even swallow my saliva. no tears but hurt. kudos. cos i caused it too.

ephesians 4:26 ( in your anger do not sinn. don't not let the sun go down while you are still angry. do not let the devil have a foothold ) hi satan. having a good time turning my world upside down one after another huh. well, your time is up soon. does that scare the pee in your pants to flood?

thinking: need a sleep
song: song... no song... no song at all...

+ thanks ding... +

everybody hurts everybody cries. i guess i've never put myself in your shoes before cos i know it's too big for me to fill. i do miss the good old days when she's still here. things got torn apart the moment she left us. i miss her i really do. i just wanna feel her warmth. i really miss her just like you. i can't deny that i've been trying to keep myself busy so that i could forget about her being gone. there's nothing much more i want than to hold her hand tightly. i cried when i went to the old folks home cos when i saw them being helpless and when i hold one of the patient's hands... i couldn't stop my tears from falling. cos her hand, holding my hand so tightly, it felt like her's. when she walk on, i turn my eyes to you cos you're the only one who's considered the one i respected next to her. i find it hard to confide in him. cos he has someone new. he don't trust us anymore. neither do i. i guess it's time to open up to each other. can we still hang on together? is there still cheery things for us to hang onto? why are we fighting? can we be the same again? i can't handle a lot of things. i can't do much. i can't. we hurt each other. we... no, me. i hurt you loads. why do things have to be like this within the past 1 1/2 years? when will it be be calm? when? why are there people who can't appreciate what they have now? are we still reeling in the hurts we try to surpress on that fateful day? why do you still treat me so nice? i really don't deserve this. i don't. if god give us grace then i'll call this is undeserved 2nd chance. sometimes i really do hate myself for saying stuff that i can't take back. sometimes i felt i really need to think twice but when things are being spit out, there's nothing much i can do except to regret. can we be the same again?
+ i love you +
+i really do+
+ smile +

so angry that i just couldn't think straight. i shouted she shouted we screamed together.

if i don't give any comments about what you do in your place of worship why bother with mine? trying to keep quiet about it stinks and it's extremely hard. if we both can't take those imperishable splinters out of our own eye slits then don't try plucking out each other's planks then. settle with god by yourself and same goes to me. if i'm comfy with my way and i find that i can do better with it. so be it. ever heard of this - ignorance is a bliss? if knowing things and giving comments or feeling worse after knowing the truth then by all means, shut your ears. don't come kaypoh and ask then start to feel indifferent or give comments when in the first place no one ask for it. let god judge each own's heart and not ourselves judge each other. hello. hard is the word here. no one is born perfect. we need mentors to look over us and to guide us. you're a shepherd too - don't come and say you're not and then give some explaination that you're just helping the person to understand the wog better. give me a better word then. if every week, more than 3 times which i have to go though this freaking mental torture with you. tell me. what is it that you wanted to tell me in the very first place which we couldn't settle it all the while? if ignoring you means emotional blackmail then i guess i exploited your good intention by screaming your head off when you start to pressure me for answers which you don't even wanna accept and when you jolly know what i will reply you first place. hey. getting replies out of my mouth and yet trying to prove my replies are wrong then whats the point of asking? tell me honey. writing doesn't work. sms doesn't either. talking face to face usually ends in a foul stinky mood which the air couldn't filter through then what about this. keep quiet. let me have some peace. i can't even have a friendly corny joke with you. the only thing that come out of your mouth is. tsk. if having humour in our life is useless than i guess watching any mr bean episode is a very sad thing for our eyes. smile! laugh! if i am so considered the smallest thing in your life and yet gives the most problem then don't keep on telling me that. ever heard of this word - encourage? putting me down more than countable times is more than enough. my value doesn't fall because god values me and you don't give discount to me on that. if telling me to encourage each other through sms then smile at me when i see you but then start to ask me questions then start to reason with me about how wrong everything is? show me then. don't start the conversation and then end it up with a super high note of screamers. i will be going to na's place for a while. at least i don't have to see you for the next few days. if this is called running away from problems then i guess it gives me some time to keep to myself for a while then to have world war 3 acting up. i took the lift up by myself without waiting for you yesterday is simply due to the fact that we will really start to gnaw each other's limbs if we cont the conversation at the void deck. whats the point of all these kinds of different sugar coated converstions when it'll start to sour once things don't meet eye to eye? what's the difference you tell me!!! you do things last min so do i. when i have a project to do last min you insist you have to do yours but you have a lap top and yet you're using it so whats the use of the com then? to collect dust ah. when i told my project mates that i can't have conference meeting on msn for the project you said go ahead and use the com cos you're not using. then what are you up to in the first place?! i can't read minds you know. i can't. i really can't. i only can see face expressions. hello. face expressions. i bet you don't have any. cos you stop smiling for a long time. you stop. you don't tell me your problems and yet you take it out on me. go ahead i'm seriously ok with it but at least tell me whats going on?! don't act all scary and start to scold me and then say sorry and then do all these again the very next day. hey this is my side of story. you have yours and i totally respect that cos everything takes 2 hands to clap. but then again, i am so super defensive and you're so super at interrupting. how to go on? someone must give way. if giving way means keeping quiet and that means emotional blackmail to you then how?

I QUIT.

thinking: homework
song: i will survive - germaine kwek

hi darls: you're loved by all. circumstances will weight you down but god will always be floating because his yok is light. now things look and seem hurtful but i know you're a strong woman if not how do you survive all the ordeals you have been through all these while. from your bro to your mom to your moving of the house. i really salute you sometimes for your independence and dependence to stick to god through up and down and going through some sticky mess thats really... urgh. kudos to your stubborness that makes you stand firm in all stickyness but makes people kinda not want to ask you stuff so keep it mild k~ muacks!

di-ians. trials over and over again. when will they be over? just a note. brave through all these storms with god and you'll see rainbows waiting for you. remember peter? well, his story a bit hard core lah~ literally walk on water... but we do walk on water too guys. we walk towards god while having problems but we focus on the waves instead cos we walk by sight and not by faith. in every trial, in every problem, until to the ending race, how many of us will be left there? it's like a darn long marathon with hidden holes, rocks, lizards, cockroaches, harsh weather and maybe an insane cannibal in between and we're running without a compass, map, rifle, food, water etc... are you depending on god for everything? DI-DIANS!!! WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER!!!

realise how some people out there can affect us? even just a question asked, a look given, a word spoken or an action taken? bottom line - insecure. we all face it man. hate it but we have to go through it. one sister cried cos she felt that someone spoke to her harshly - but what happened was that that friend was kinda busy with everything and just wanted to be alone. so many different examples... and we do go through them right? come on, lets lean on god. not circumstances. if you feel that you're right and you're given the red light instead. let it be. very hard i know... god knows even more... he was innocent and yet he didn't even complain when the vote was cast...

recently i felt so pissed about everything, ministry not doing very well, can't find sheep - sheep doesnt reply, being in an all guys cg ( felt funny then tried not to be su nu cos if you can't beat them, join them ), homework piling, friends kinda acting funny all, financial problems, family alone is one huge headache, mental and spiritual torture and physically not very strong also blah blah blah... in all, was going to be burnt out soon then i felt kinda stupid cos all these while ive been using human strength. talk to god, felt better, now everything seems smaller cos in the end, god is always there for me. family and friends fall but god doesnt, cos he's like a ballon for me to hang onto.

god - light
me - burden gaining weight bag

but in the end, he'll polish me. groom me. fill me. feed me. lift me up.

thinking: i wanna eat peanut paste dessert
song: i am cow... hear me moo..

what a day. i bought my knitting stuff, but i'll be going down to chinatown before going for steamboat this sunday... saw a lot of things that i wanna buy!!! but hor.. i realise that whenever i wanna buy something or something nice that is luring me are wants... sheesh, i'm always broke... hahaha but it's more to wants lah so nah~ pass~

come back to god okie. it's never too late. i admit i've never like you once but i don't wanna see you fall just like that and i still want to see you at the ending race. come back girl. it's never too late.

what is grace?

a favour rendered by one who need not do so.

thinking: chocolate cake. thats what im missing
song: a place to call home

I HATE YOU!!! I REALLY HATE YOU TO THE CORE!!! YOU DISGUSTING COLD BLOODED THING!!! NEVER CEASE TO IRRITATE ME AND MAKE ME SCREAM AND WANNA PULL MY HAIR OUT!!! AH!!!!!

my hair stand at the sight of any lizard. one is more than enough to make me scream and set my heart racing. ah!!!!!

ok im back to my calm self... ah!!!!! did i said that my dog ate the lizard's limbs and place it's still alive "corpse" on my bed last week? that i nearly stepped on one before i entered the toilet? one was with me in the toilet while i shower and our eyes met? and another black tiny one appeared in my room just now? why are there so many ( when it's more than 2 it can be said as many ) lizards in my house!!! how come i'm the only one in the family who sees them!!! wo bu yao!!!

hmpf! this one lagi better. yesterday i took the lift down to meet my sister for lunch. when the lift came. i took one step inside and there before me was a pile of poop. soggy milk chocolate coloured poop. and urine too. wha pengs ah! mind you, those are not dog poop. it's too much to be... and besides there's no big dog living in my blk... except for the husky on the 24th floor and cannot be lar~ too much liao... then later on i pressed the lift for it to go down and the second lift came... this time round... thank god, cos there's only urine inside... -.-

school projects piling up but i can do it de!!! prepare to see zombie germs!!!

thinking: financial difficulties... god is the provider!!! jehovah jireh!!!
song: money money money it's so funny, it's a rich man's world... kidding~