soon it'll be 2005, looking back, yup, lots of happenings and lots of stuff going on, but you'll always see god's miracle wonders in our problematic lives and telling us no to certain stuff cos better stuff is on the way - his ultimate right way...

this year's countdown will be spent with both earthy and heavenly pop... it's actually the best way ( to me ) yup~

new year resolution? to achieve the resolutions. ha~ it's a secret... but again, this is one of them which never seemed to be achieved... grow long hair... guess i'll cont to be a mushroom =p

kinda worried for my loved one. felt the anguish of the hurt that was given to her... this is one event that i will find it hard to forget... i can only hope that she will find comfort in god...

arts central has made E decision. replacing inuyasha with hellsing. what were they thinking??!!!

to all: happy new year!!! live it to the fullest!!!

thinking: flying on aladdin's carpet ( trust me i don't know why )
song: norah jones - don't know why

had meeting last night - fun and entertaining, websites with different flash webbies are soo soo cool... thank god for pearls who led the team yup~ we'll see a better website all revamp and all ready to spread to the rest! ps... livi can really eat... i mean REALLY EAT...

was pretty scared at the thought of losing mice, because, she loves sun, beach and sea, and she's in thailand. i couldn't get her on the phone no matter what, until this morning, and still, i couldn't get her nor the people around her. where did she go? what happened to her? is she okie? how come and whats... thank god, she's safe and sound...

woke up to an unpleasant news. i think, back then as a pre believer, i would have slap that person left and right and kicked him in the middle or maybe even stamp him in the face with my heels. but somehow, god made me realise, no matter how much i am disgusted with that person, i still have to forgive him. thoughts running through my mind, and now, it's only the beginning of the battle. i really don't know how i would react when i see him again... let's go through this mess together... you, me, the rest and mr Big Guy up there will carry us...

went to gombak to have perd treating me deep fried tofu in thai sauce... muahahaha it taste so yummy man... after that went to meet up with sheep! ate fries and mayo... wha~ burp... and i saw earrings! if i have dough on hand... i'll spend it all on earrings...

thinking: lets go through this together
song: third day - love song

it's going to be a new year, new resolutions, new people coming in and new things handle. i pray for more strength in a new envoirnment with strangers, better time and money managment and be a much more better child of yours.

when i woke up eruptly this morning because of a dream ( i dreamt that i scored all the 3 pointers against the brothers - ha! i wish... ) it suddenly dawned upon me that school is less than a week away and here i am sleeping soundly, comfy bed, fluffy pillows... and wait, where's oscar... he's outside, all snuggled up on the couch... time is drawing near to school reopen... wha~ sob... itsh okie! new contacts*woohoo~

as i walk to the living room table, i read the headlines about the tsunamis... 22,000 death toll rate and still counting... is armageddon on the way? wait, i should rephrase it, is the end of time drawing nearer? some thoughts came into me, i havent worked yet, i've not finished with my studies, i've havent got a boyfriend yet, i've never got kissed before, i've not done a lot of things, i haven't see my friends and family convert yet, there's no cg in nafa, my grandma and dad and nana, they havent convert yet... so many yets and uncountable havents... time seemed to be a lot less than usual... i looked on the computer table, there it is, purpose driven life with the sentence below, what on earth am i here for? if armpit hair is for reducing friction ( trust me i don't see a point but god place it there so i can't really argue ) and hair on our fingers and toes are for some funny reasons, then the more we should do something being that we have the word of god... so many people died because of the sudden tidal wave ( 50 feet = 20 metres = 10 story high ) and many who perished don't even know god... who knows, a tidal wave might suddenly occur in singapore and about half the population doesn't even know who jesus is might just be gone... just like that...

i hate geography and i have no inkling what those tsunamis do but it got me reading more on them and pondering, mother nature or mother earth or whatever you call it, does seem more scary than any osamas put together, because they don't have any plans, they don't film themselves and give warnings nor do they hide. it's just a sudden fart they gave out or a nudge when they feel uncomfortable between their mountain brothers... is god still in control? yes he is. ultimate one in control.

thinking: mushroom soup with croutons
song: norah jones - come away with me

christmas service rocks man~ really want to thank god for the people working backstage and front as well... i think they all deserve a good rest and lots of sleep... and lots of comfort food as well... thinking of log cakes and turkey sandwiches...

yeah! our cg has got 2 converts! ken and james!!! and there's this guy, walk in visitor eric, he also converted!!! muahahahaha~ man these are wonderful gifts that can take over any earthly prezzies anytime~ though i don't know how many people have converted in di alttogether but all i know is that all these cannot be done if not for god and a great team leader, meihwa... you have led the team well darls!

even though this year has been a series of highs and lows, happiness and tears, changes and stagnent circumstances, but i still want to thank god for such an eventful year. looking back on them, made me realise how stupid i was to handle things my own ways cos in the end, god is still ultimately in charge... god answered many prayers and often prayers that have been unanswered for a long time, were answered at the moment when i least expected it... proving this... yes no and wait...

people i want to thank god for...

image team: jinqi, jaron, shelby, giselle, alicia, huixian for helping me out in preparing the people for service. all of you are like my right hand men. especially my 3 oldest disciples jinqi, jaron and shelby. you three helped me the most when things are getting out of hand and yet you three can calm down and made me realise getting panicky doesnt help much ( heh heh must learn this hard ) and also to giselle, alicia and huixian, you three just came in but even though being unexperience, you guys still tried your best to give all... your rewards is in heaven!!!

di: there's too many people to be named here but in all, you guys rock! always doing their best for god and serving relentlessly and joyfully... we all have our inner battles to fight but we all shall remain a victor amen di-ians?! because god is with us, who can be against us?

perd: the card has been given... shall not say anything more if not the hair will grow more curly... and head bigger, then you'll have to go sideways through the door... -_-'

sheeps: wonderful people, though im sometimes very fierce or sometimes, grumpy looking or even expressionless, but nevertheless, everything i do is for the best for you. if there's anything that i can do for you, tell me and i will do it. not because of anything but because we live for god and others and lastly ourselves. so therefore yup, i put you secondly after god ( haha scully i type keroppi ) and also... love is just a word to me. talk is cheap, action is deep. i love you all.

jaime: hows it like celebrating xmas in thailand where the calendar date is 2354? misses seeing you and that silly grin on your face, quick come back to singapore and pass me that ring okie! love ya!

thinking: 1 week to school reopen! ack...
song: in excelsis deo ( the first noel )

2 more days and it'll be our second service soon... rushing rushing rushing...

my cg wanted to visit me at my house today but apparently my sister told perd and sheep not to come incase i spread my virus to them... i guess my name is germaine for a reason... can't open my jaw cos apparently the doctor checked my mouth and said that i grind my teeth... hmmm this is something new... i just rec a call from my school. the appeal did not pass and i had to repeat my year 1 sem 2 again but everything is alright yup...

it's wonderful to think about the people crossing the line of faith 2 days later. every hard work put in is worth it man...

sister going to be h20 bap this sunday... hahaha she called over 30 relatives to come and witness her~ man this is so exciting~ hopefully my ah ma will convert yeah man!!!

thinking: i want my good ol' jaw back
song: harry connick jr... melt...

man this day is such a hectic day but everything is worth it because you see so many people crossing the line of faith! amen!!! woohoo!!! hard work is always inevitable but fruits are to be enjoyed!!! even though no contacts came but when i shared with christine!!! she accepted!!! woohoo!!! *shake butt* -_-'

been going home with zyann and eilton... good sis and bro i have, zyann willing to share her inuyasha with me and chewy bites!... hah! vcds soon... and eilton, willing to wait for me in the train~ patience! i will always remember the chicken bone story hahaha~

tired and sore throat coming up... this drama drained the head off me... first time drama have so many people but thank god for the image people!!! i prayed to god for more people coming in because i cannot handle every service image's as in going down and such and guess what? god is faithful!!! he gave me huixian, alicia and amanda! and jingqi is asking one more person to join!!! wow... i have a feeling because next year we might more ess and more people acting within one drama hahaha~ yeah man!

went to ps with peck ling (new sheepie!!!) to look for her mobile phone cos she has a voucher that she wanna use yup... then after much chaos in starhub (terrible crowd) she was disappointed... cos apparently a lot as in A LOT of people have the same voucher and they were thinking the same as her... buy mobile phone lar~ so nvm, we went home and through out the journey in the train she was telling me this is her prayer request for the day *hopefully the samsung mp will not be sold out* and that she can come for service on 24 and so on... muahahahaha she call me soon after i got home, so happy and gushing away~ hahahah totally understood such feelings man... looking forward to see you on monday morning!!! swensens breakfast at thompson... heh heh

next week!!! invite more people!!!

thinking: yang gui fei i love you too!!! yes u ali mama aka... teng neng li hahaha
song: various - give me jesus

as i read the newspaper... i squirm, cos i saw a picture of a shih tze all almost hairless, maggots crawling around the body and raw flesh exposed... 3 of them so hungry that they fed on their 4th dead partner... i hate animal abusers... i wonder what's going through their sick sick sick mind... SICK.

i once encounter one of them... this guy whistle at a cat and then pat the head stroke it and then suddenly whack the cat hard on the head with his rolled up newspapers... i mean... what the *toot* is wrong with u?! darn those animal abusers... they should have a life time sentence in jail and never to be on bail or anything...

christmas is coming!!!

tmr is one of the big days! work it man! work hard people! lets work it and let god take charge instead!!!

thinking: will animals go to heaven?
song: praise him in everything

this is one busy week man!!! but it's a fruitful week altogether!!! havent been spending enough time with my di-ans liao... missed them heh~ but anyways, our matthew event on tuesday had over 40 contacts! wow! god is faithful amen?!

christmas is coming soon... and we're all busy with one thing or another... bringing contacts, inviting, rehearsal, sowing etc... yeah~~~ i like =)

that day when i was going home from the airport, i was yawning and tearing... this man wearing hip hop clothes with a huge bling bling... looked at me, nudged his friend and said... she's got a flu she's got a flu (in funny accent) amused... i looked behind me, seeing no one, i cont what i was doing... yawning... again tears came and face got red... that guy walked back and said to me... hey go see a doctor okay~... MWHAHAHAHAHAH to conceal my cannot tahan laughter from coming out... i decided to use an old trick... take my mobile phone, start to call perd (no one picked up) haiz, read sms and pretend to laugh at *oh so funny smses* (which actually there wasn't any funny sms at all) what to do? all alone cannot laugh by myself later peeps think i'm cuckoo...

apprently that huge pimple swelling on my nose... the symmetry point of my face is getting bigger day by day...

thinking: image heh heh
song: inuyasha oohhh

yeah!!!!! charls is back from swiss!!!

so glad to see her after erm... 4 months i think heh~ the whole di came to meet her at the airport and her dad was so generous because he gave us all a treat at ajisen ramen!!! wow!!! and ellery ngiam, charl's bro just won an award for best *either best film or best director* at some international movie festival!!! and her younger sister won an 3rd prize for scriptwriting... wow~

something's wrong and our relationship is not so shallow that we just don't talk anymore right? i'm really sorry. i'm really am. i thought that hand in hand we could serve together more but it's okie, i know that we're both consistantly in each other's mind. i picked myself up when i fell but with people's help and of cos free help from god. my hand is willing to pick you up anytime.

i had to give up some things in my life to serve god. but i know it's worth it. money, bgr, status, pride etc... whatever it is, we're living for god. not us.

thinking: contacts...
song: so you would come

the concert is here!!! http://www.queen.itsakindamagic.com/

quack quack quack quack quack quack

thinking: shepherding
song: through it all

since young, besides the christmas carol - it came upon the midnight clear, which was my favourite another one is the 12 days of christmas which puzzled me for many years cos why on earth would people put a hen on a one pear tree or give 1o men leaping in the air away... you know... i just couldn't get it... until i came across this and everything came clear to me~ ah~

History records that from 1558 until 1829 Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol to make it easier to secretly school young Catholics. Beyond the literal words of the song is another level of meaning. Each element in the carol is a symbol to teach a spiritual truth.

The song's gifts are hidden meanings to the teachings of the faith. The "true love" mentioned in the song doesn't refer to an earthly suitor, it refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every baptized person. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ, the Son of God. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge which feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, much in memory of the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem: "Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered thee under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but thou wouldst not have it so..."
The other symbols mean the following:

2 Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens = Faith, Hope and Love
4 Calling Birds = the Four Gospels
5 Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace
6 Geese A-laying = the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments (represent the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: prophesy, serving, teaching, exhortation, contribution, leadership, and mercy
8 Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit ( love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control )
10 Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

my own version soon perhaps?

went for image and drama shopping yesterday... my feet were so sore and flu came after diahorrea and fever came. darn... i thought i drank enough water and boy was i wrong... didn't turn up for cg last min due to some last minute dinner with sister before she fly to shanghai... she brought me to eat some really fancy nice spag ( fancy name scallopini and tenderloin - scallopini is actually pork... eh? ) but actually all the time she was telling me how nice the food was, i couldnt even taste it... even if there's wine inside i couldnt even guess it. but oh wells, spent quality time with her yup~ want to invite her for 23th's service yeah~

shopping is scary to me... especially when there's a lot of shoppers and the music played in different shops are like bomming loud... oh~ give me some serenity anytime ba~ didnt know topmen sell clothes that ladies can wear~ hohoho shall buy that stripe top next time perhaps if... if... if... and heh heh i saw really nice tops from far east... gold pics... wha~ bling bling

thank god for perd coming to my house over for shep, really too lethargic and tired to move my feet especially after that horrible flu yesterday... later going down to nexus for drama rehearsal and than tmr is one full day again woohoo~

friday
morning go school in dg(wanna settle appeal thing once and for all) then meet yiling in pr
afternoon shepherding till 5pm in ps around that time
evening (image shopping again!!! -_- but for kingdom of god, i must! i must!)
night (dance rehearsal)

sat
morning (image shopping)
afternoon (service)
night ( either movie incredibles with sis - but i think i will ko soon if not shop for image again )

Don't get tired of helping others. You will be rewarded when the time is right, if you don't get discouraged and give up. We should help people whenever we can"
Galatians 6:9-10, Contemporary English Version

thinking: joyful when helping okie not frowning... smile miss grumpy...
song: here i am to worship

stuff that doesnt taste too good seems to be the best actually... i wonder what did my dad asked me to eat... it tasted sweet yet hot * as in mint hot* and salty... eeewww... now my tummy's churning~ hahaha it turns out to be some ginger sweet potato dessert and it taste like... *squirms*

anyways... finished war and beauty and i got my pop to join me and apparently he himself is hooked too haha~ oh wells, great script with great acting skills~ drama!!! thinking of something out of the box, if maybe we could have something different like some hokkian or canto drama man~ it'll be soo interesting~

right and wrong. which one are you choosing this time? to give up or not to give up. come on friend... choose the right path. the one that god has set for you...

thinking: time is running out for image... i need some anointing from big guy to find and to source out cheap yet good stuff...
song: jeremy camp (so cool!!!) you're worthy of my praise

back from student conference!!!

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!!! yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!

*great conference and marv teachings. foundations ah~*

try to pluck me away from my god and i'll smack u in the face u irritating satan.

drums are quite hard to understand... so are people but i'll try =)

thinking: gift of intercession
song: shout your fame

yeah!!! last day of school!!! kind of... hahaha though appeal is still on but shall leave it to mr almighty!!! okie here goes on what i told the teachers and what they said to me. for your information, we don't have exams, we have presentations all day long... presenting the 7 modules... woohoo!!!

design

product development: my design is based on bubbles so the designs overlapped each other. except they think my designs look like doughnuts from dunkin doughnuts with my pattern making teacher exclaiming * doughnuts! doughnuts! i'm hungry! * -_-'

comm skills: which is your favourite fashion review? (germs) the one on hermes birkin bag. (teacher) why? (g) because i know that i will never be able to afford any hermes bag especially this particuler one. (t) how come? (g) it cost US$81,000 because of the diamond studded locket and dyed crocodile skin. (t) then why is this your favourite review? (g) because i know i won't be able to afford this *duh repeat* so i chose to write about it and so with the same spirit i will buy a jelly pasar malam version of it instead. (t) muahahahahahaha (g) heh heh -_-'

computer studies: i chose this design because i've never seen snowflakes before so i chose this and why i label the brand as gems is because my name is germaine. short form germs. if i name it germs, it means... not very clean lah so i took away the R and it becomes gems. yup... teachers laughed in unison... (g) -_-'

knitting: wear your knitted top. (g) wearing it. (t) you can wear meh? (g) diao... *thinking, ain't i wearing it now... * (t) okie you can wear it~ -_-' (t) not bad, colours very nice (g) heng ah~

fashion forcast:(t) whoa~ your board is so cute, so childish~ (g) it's meant to be because the colours coming up are kinda like candy colours. (t) then why is spiderman in the picture? (g) erm... wrong pic lor... (t) why is there mahjong coins? (g) colours around the same mah...

technical

sewing: (t) not bad...

pattern making: (t) your pants colour combo is so UGLY!!! (on repeat mode) (g) okie... i know... (t) very ugly you know... like market leh~ (g) yes yes i know... (t) very ugly... (g) yes yes.......... (another teacher from raffles lasalle) i think her sewing is okie everything okie. (t) ya it's okie. (g) -_-'

there you go this is how my so called exams/assessment is... it last not more than 15 min but thank god, the ultimate suaning teacher not there hohoho~ prayed and prayed before going in, man when facing such teachers they can make u cry there man~ but one verse calmed me down loads... * all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me * wha i felt so much better sia!!!

gave myself a treat at cartel... heh heh ate some set lunch and wynnii and i chat about lizards and cockroaches... again in unison... our arm hair start to stand when the topic lizards came on... especially those really old and dark and fat kind... bleah!!! and also our fear of animals... that particular animals... hahaha mine is pretty hard to believe whats yours? supposed to meet livi hahaha but very sorry leafy... last min have to push the meeting cos of the lunch... another day perhaps? lets munch on royce together okie~

pack room ah!!! tmr evax ah!!! tmr appeal day ah!!! praise god ah!!!

no matter how things turn out. stay firm and be strong okie. god is still good amen? =)

thinking: library wants me to pay them $80 bucks for one lost book which i've never seen let alone read... -.- yuan wang ah da ren~
song: can't hear though... construction going on since 8 in the morning...

everything is almost done for tmr's big day! time to face those teachers... everything is almost done so i shall not fear woohoo~ but then again... that eeky feeling is there again... bleah~ shall change my eyes to god instead. he is still there~ =]

read colossians today~ yeah~

thinking: flu bug is here to stay again... bah~
song: everybodys changing - keane ( not bad... typical brit band )

i lost my favourite plush keychain when i was in sec 2... until now, i just sort of can't forget the touch of the toes... the eyes... and then i saw it again. it reappear... ah!!! to take a look...

click http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=11120&item=5933884020&rd=1

today's meeting was superb. well, so is other meetings~ =)

things are to be done soon. i hope everything turns out fine~ yeah man~ no matter what, i'm ready to take a step back and start all over again. yup~

this friday is evax day!!! our di 2 goal is.... drumroll.... 1806!!! this shall be done and this goal will be hit upon with god's help!!!

thinking: bidding on that keroppi...
song: centre of my life...

alrights... indonesian food is not for me... too sweet!!! felt a bit vomitty after that... ate some tofu telur ( super sweet ) and otah... perspiring and that avacado drink didn't help much either... *flush down with plain water!!!*

yesterday after ss, di2 went shopping at heeren and taka and we were so amazed... to see about 8 *wo*men running across the road once the green man was on, posing on the stationary cars, blowing kisses to the amused public and get this straight... blowing whistles non stop... *pweeeeet!!!* and top to toe adorned with thai dance costume... man~ it was certainly traffic stopping =)

had a great 2 hour plus talk with meihwa, learnt a few lessons and also, decided to do something that's been hindering my thoughts also. chat with pearls when she came to tp to buy student con strings~ learnt something from her too! and i told perd some stuff... man~ i felt so good...

i saw royce. i saw shoes. i saw many things that i wanna buy. but heh... the fund is still on... so still am holding back my pouch strings...

thinking: bridget jones dairy is next...
song: fashion - david bowie

yes no wait.

don't fret. god is still good. future looks dark because i rely on my human eye sight.

ah~ walk by faith and not by sight.

2 tim 4:16-18

alexander the matelworker did me a great deal of harm. the lord will repay him for what he has done. you too should be on your guard against him because he strongly opposed our message. at my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. may it not be held against them. but the lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me, the message might be fully proclaimed and all the gentiles might hear it. and i was delivered from the lion's mouth. the lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. to him be glory for ever and ever. amen.

that feeling is making me tired - having eye bags. having unkept hair. sleepless nights. i'm scared but who knows what wonderful thing might be churn out form this turmoil? job didn't complained when he was covered with sores nor did he gave up when his everything was bascially wiped out. how blind i am... ack~

as im gonna type away complaining and keep on being like what mice would name me last time ( grumpy spoilt brat who does nothing and complains a lot )... i saw this pass it on message card. saying... RELAX, GOD'S IN CHARGE...

getting pretty gan jiong about certain stuff~ student con, xmas both coming up, attachment ( don't even know have or not - ah~ faithless!!! ), time managment... family... ack!!!... and yet i'm barking for people to reply my emails... ah~ relac... cool...

thinking: thinking about being ganjiong doesn't help haha~ it makes things worst in fact~ haha
song: where does my help comes from, it cometh from the lord... melting..

i hope everything turns out alright - school projects and homework and those letters... meanwhile... let me relax... by watching anime!!! muahahaha dang~ am so hooked on anime nowadays... inuyasha~ woohoo~ there's like so many series ( both anime and manga ) and 3 movies and one more coming up... bah~ but none can be found in singapore anyways~ when is this series going to end huh... and i thought only hongkong drama series appeals to me... now that i mentioned it... that hk period drama series that i've placed an order is waiting for me... muahahah oh dang... sunday bball... how to watch? carrie bradshaw is not showing any new season... besides, they've wrapped up the show anyways... good show for latest fashion trends though~ leaving only carnival ( pretty dark and scary ) and heh heh if only i can find daria that will make the icing on the cake perfecto =) now i shall be patient and wait for twelve kingdoms and inuyasha and not forgetting those brit humour ( ab fab and office ) and being john malkovich ( must watch next to one flew over the cuckoo's nest )... i've not stepped into the theatre for such a long time - watching hollywood made movies i mean cos the last movie i watched in a cinema is actually a documentary... so bring on about schmidt, white chicks ( yes yes... very sua ku nowadays ), 2046, the return of the king... heh last one havent watch yet~ and so much more...

so many things to do/ watch... so little time. haha shall watch all these movies in the break of dawn cos ministry comes first!!! time to get ready for meeting lor =)

waiting for emails to be replied... am ready for new things to come~ =)

thinking: when can i start jogging with mart babe?
song: eric clapton - i can change the world~

received an email which i would normally get every year at this time and at the same timing too... but i was surprised to see verses from the email this time... this email, i shall not delete. man am i touched... because i know that people loves me even if they keep nagging at me 24/7... but one thing i learnt upon receiving this email. my success - i owe it all to god. and i depend on god for everything. even if i don't earn big bucks, get the 5c(s), get a so called human set standard successful life which also mean having an all rolled into one hubby ( good looking, rich, successful blah blah blah ) i don't care. because no matter what happened, how good everything is, i know, that i owe it ALL to god. glorifying god is what you meant actually... thank you for reminding me of how blessed i am and how i should be working my ar*e. and oh... be humble...

Proverbs 2 - Moral Benefits of Wisdom

1 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, 3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, 5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, 8 for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. 9 Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path.

i am so blessed. really.

how lucky or rather how xin fu i am in this family. whether in blood ties family or in the family of god in church. i am so blessed. i have such a wonderful life on this earth. i better start appreciating how people around me and that includes. you, you and you. and oh yes, not forgetting you.

i really want to have something new stiring up within me... i was really happy that i decided to do certain stuff and set my priorites right. even if everything around me fails. god will never fail me. i wanna get more sheeps... time managment, better plans... and be a more sensitive shepherd and sheep...

supernaturel? psssss... god answered my prayer about going off one day later... boy did i teared... and i never felt at such loss before. i asked god. why? he said because i love you and you will know why when you're more mature... i found out why... because he freed me of the pain that we're going through... in hands we hold. in tears we got stronger and we bonded more closely than ever. it is only at that time, that i see his plan for me more clearly. never had i see such a wonderful timing in my life. i bet there'll be more in the future. i can't wait when we gather and we will praise him together~ in chinese, hokkian, teochew, english, whatever.

fascinated by your love*

thinking: tummyache again... missed bball again... next week shall be my week!!!
song: you are the cnetre of my life... yup...

R.I.S.K

0803

ARE YOU READY YET?!!!

COME AND TAKE CHARGE MY LORD!

FOR YOUR WORKERS ARE READY. BUILD US UP AND WE'LL SHALL FEAR NO OTHER...

girl, if you're reading this, which i hope u will be... god has his plans for you. plans to give you hope and a future. i know how the future is not to your favour, not to your plans, not to your liking... but in all, no matter what, god still loves you. behind every dark cloud is a silver lining. amidst all the problem, pray. for it's the most powerful weapon. stay firm and wait. even though you're not a believer but i thank god for you cos you've been a faithful friend and i believe you will be touched one day. i want to see my good old sunshine xinxin back...

thinking: don't stumble people. be secure. stop asking for people's opinions. it's god's opinion that matters at the end of the day.
song: cry holy ( melt man...)

feel so seh now. faced the sewing machine for straight 7 hours. but a sense of achievement is what i got in return. ah~ left my waistband and my cuffs!!! muahahaha~ fashion business paper nearly made me cry... i forgotten what i have memorise... die lah~

left knitting which is on friday... sewing which is tmr... back up story which is tmr... 123 which is on thursday... i am so packed with stuff now...

it's also the best time to test how strong my relationship with god is. i want it to be sticky. like elephant glue. not uhu glue... ah god is still wonderful and great amidst all projects and all problems... by the way. uhu glue is really not sticky at all... even those edible glue can stick better...

there was this bass guitar performance at my school today. wha~ so cool... 2 guys play one bass each and then it was pouring and it's just them and the jamming... the crowd just ohh and ahh and... i was one of them... hahaha~ and they even have like about 10 guitars all leaning against the wall just to show different bass and guitars... there's this jade green one!!! so nice!!!

thinking: trust god. do your stuff. leave everything to him.
song: find rest my soul... in christ alone...

seriously speaking. i have no idea what my school is up to. first, they're asking me for 3 appeal letters which my appeal has already pass... then now they said i failed one sub module's attendence. ( thank god i failed only a sub and not a core if not i have to stay back for one whole semester ) erm... if i didn't recall wrongly or if my classmates did not see a phantom germs besides them all these while then why did i get only a meer 50% for attendence? ahem. this is getting on my nerves. but ha~ nvrmind. god is in charge. smile =)~

smsed l'oreal's discount at winsland to certain peeps... forgotten the core few... sorry xianmeimei!!! i seem to always miss out her when it comes to sales like levis and l'oreal... bah~ should have gone down so that i can replenish the stuff in the make up box...

For us

a painful walk to remember
the tears You cried, you shed for us
the cross You bare, it hurts so
the crown You wore, it bleeds for us

and now my Lord we give our lives
to be with You in Your name
in troubles and pain we call to You
to feel the warmth in Your embrace

and when we cried out to You
You'll never fail to lift us
with Your love
and everlasting grace

how could i ever let You go
Your love expressed on calvery
just one life
and You give it all for us

just for us...

my classmate told me something that made me laugh real loud... tsk that jinqi... about the body shape of women. there's pear, spoon, rectangle, boy and hourglass. the spoon made me laugh the loudest... eep...

to mice: *i am in shape. round is a shape*

thinking: tummy hasn't been good these few days... and i want my retail theraphy... but first... 1.8 million is more important... guess i shall be holding back my red shoes for a while...
song: for us~

yeah! wishing that saturdays never end... haha~ bought ice cream with the girls~ mmm~

shelby: hazelnut and strawberry cattage
jane: hazelnut and rock melon
jaime: hazelnut
me: mint and chocolate

woohoo~ next week another round lor~ but shall always stick to mint haha peppermint is the bext kinda ice cream~ yeah~

out of abundance the heart speaks. i read a blog and i just cringed. i asked myself, what is lust.

it is an intense or unrestrained sexual craving.

it scares me about what people are thinking when they are talking to you. when i see some people that i know. i couldn't comprehand what's going on actually until i stumbled upon what's actually going on. it's scary and it's not healthy. can you resist temptation? can you resist that person asking you out for dinner when you jolly well know whats going on next when the movie is over? one thing leads to another. now maybe a movie is pretty comfy for both of you to watch. next, going out together is also okie... then next and so on. i'm not saying that being attach is a bad thing or we should remain as nuns or monks for god. but it's the purpose of being single, to enjoy being single, is good, because god always has the best plans for us. do you actually understand that or you just wanna forget about it and get on with your own things and then when your fingers are burnt, don't come crying, saying why didn't you tell me that it will hurt when we break up?

Sex is a wonderful blessing given to us by the Lord that serves to express intimacy to another. This means that the marriage bed must not violate the commandments of God in deed or thought. no adultery. no incest. no voyeurism. the sexual union can bring glory to God as it is experienced in fulfillment of God's design and purpose to provide pleasure, companionship, intimacy, and a means of fulfilling the command of God to fill the earth.

there you have it. enjoy singlehood.

it's not easy. it's very hard. it's difficult. but in all, just don't entertain such thoughts. in case you can't resist mr SA tan, flee from him instead that pisai nicumpoot head.

oh by the way. if you can't even handle your own life and your own things well, don't destroy other's life okie... let god take control instead. you'll be a much happier person.

thinking: either i'm a poster girl for the mosquitoes or i'm simply too sweet for them to resist. itchy ah!
song: better than life

yeah. i've conquered...
the comm skills
the marketing
the pattern making
the printing
the photoshop

soon to be conquered.
knitting
sewing
fashion business
and 123

all these can be done.

all by god. because... WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE YEAH!!!

tonight i'm meeting my boyfriend for supper. my boyfriend is very smart. he can do big sums without using the paper and pen. he can make me smile with his right answers. sometimes when i feel argh. i tend to press or even smack him on the face really hard. sometimes i feel like throwing him away into the bin. but he's just too important to me.

he is my calculator -.-

this one lagi better.

conversation between timothy from di and me

ah kwek says:
projects
ah kwek says:
still a lot
ah kwek says:
8 modules u think leh
Always stick to God wherever u go says:
of coz
Always stick to God wherever u go says:
wow
Always stick to God wherever u go says:
u still got on air con one or not
ah kwek. says:
huh?
ah kwek. says:
what kinda question is that?

haha am i supposed to laugh or feel diao. neither.

i.felt.that.i.could.associate.with.his.question.just.like.how.i.asked.jaime.did.you.chant?

thinking: tmr's church day! yeah! yeah! yeah!
song: fever - peggy lee

came home after a night of slogging over the laptop, homework, reviews and knitting. dang it's making me go gaga over every little things now. i can't see properly and my head's spinning. hopefully nothing of that sort will happen again. realise something. i like my stuff/project done in a messy, colourful and kindergarten way. haha teacher told me about my colour board project. wha~ i like your colours but u've done them up it in a kindergarten way. and what's with that spidernman pic!!! germaine kwek!!! tsk tsk tsk... you spoilt the whole thing with that spiderman... ah~ kaboom... there and then i laugh and tilt my head and... then... the suaning conts...

mice's hammie passed away. i asked a stupid question that i felt even more stupid myself.

g: where did you dumped it to?
j: threw it away lah
g: did u chant?

duh... why such a stupid question??? i must be crazy to ask such a dumb question. but oh wells, excuses are to be heard here. i didn't get my extra dosage of oxygen within me... ah thats why... *smack head*

it's time for miss kwek to chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong. chiong.

thinking: chiong homework.
song: tv commercial.

ah~ what a day... prayers work and god doesn't stop working and oh yes, he works on time. he make sure the sun rises on time so we will wake up on time, he make sure the sun sets too so we can have our good night sleep. ah~ little things in life that god made for us - contents in our life make up our whole life story, but in the end, many's contents are worth nothing, all empty words and all full of bitterness, pride, anger or even lies.

what lies beneath? beneath a mask, a smile, an expression or even a conversation?

sis was driving me home from school and she was playing her church sermon tape and many things hit me. about how my life has been revolving around projects and my classmates. and how far i was from god recently. until to a point, i screamed at my shepherd. nope i'm not ashamed to blog about this but only hope that readers out there will see this entry from another angle and maybe learn something from it. out of abundance the heart speaks. in your anger do not sin. all which i failed to do. i got so caught up with my class politics until to a point i got so sick of it. the mouth... how i wish i could snip it off but no, wisdom and encouragement shall come out of it instead. not putting people down. my class. sometimes i wish i will go back to my old self where i will just smile and ignore whatever new gossip they're spreading around instead of wanting to know more. and also, the fact that sometimes, when thigns go wrong as they sometimes will, take the crap with a step of faith and face it. don't turn away from it. i turned away from god and so many other stuff that i chose to ignore it and in the end i isolate myself. feeling so empty. because i didn't put god first or rather, running away from god. in the end. i chose him over everything because deep inside me i knew that without him i can't do anything, without him i couldn't survive.

without Him, i am nothing.

and then god spoke. about hiding his word deep inside our heart. not letting it slip away. memorise his words so that it can be inside us, stay with us, becoming part of us.

so what am i gonna do next now that i refreshed myself?

go figure... :)

homework will not cease, neither will problems. but faith will do exactly the opposite. but remember... faith without works is dead. don't say but not do okie... this implies to all peeps. and me. :)

was chatting with bon today and she told me something about evangelising everywhere you go. she helped an old lady bring her heavy sardine cans to her house. old grandmama doesnt dare to take the lift so they climbed the stairs together. then sis asked her in teochew

sis: do you know jesus?
grandmama: yes, he's a good man~
sis: yup, but do u wanan accept him into your life?
gmm: can meh? i so old liao, can change ah?
sis: of cos!
gmm: but who will pray for me when i die?
sis: no one will becos they will lead their own lives by then.
gmm: is it?
sis: yes. would you like to go to heaven?
gmm: smiles
sis: you can you know by accepting him into your life.
gmm: grins
sis: can i pray for you?
gmm: okie!
sis: ***
gmm: grins thank you!
sis: how old are you?
gmm: you guess.
sis: 8++?
gmm: haha so young meh no lah guess again.
sis: 9++?
gmm: nope im more than a decade old... grinz~

in case being more than decade old means nothing to you, what about this, walking to her flat more than 10 blocks away from tiong bahru plaza without taking the lift. man this gmm is one women of steel sia...

next thing i've heard from wynnii the penguin...

wyn saw an old man in the mrt, anytime the mrt jerks, the old man will fly anytime too ( becos he's standing mah and very fragile liao ) wyn looked around and saw a couple sitting down together...

wyn: excuse me, can you please give up your seat to this old pek here?
couple: NO.
wyn: ...speechless.
mrt audience: diao couple...

it dawned upon me that, the couple ah... tsk... and also the audience ah... don't diao... but give up one of your seat too mah...

do you give up you seat to that old uncle, pregnant lady, auntie carrying lotsa things etc over there? time to give it up okie...

thinking: one day in the house of god is, better than a thousand days in the world~
song: nameless tune

". whoa man... http://www.fanzhiwei.com/down.html take a look at the commercial from mcdonald's... the one with the 1.66m... ah totally melts man... i'm not talking about the curry rice here... it's wing fan i'm talking about...~ woohoo~ http://www.fanzhiwei.com/ that's his website... bah! what does he see in wang xin yi? that singer... grrrr... i see green... gags~

happened to stumble upon his website and hahaha~ i will not fight with meimei over keanu reeves * passe * and orlando bloom * he's taken by kate * wing fan here i come!!!

okie... taking some break now... am going nuts soon over projects projects and more projects... ah~ going to plan for image soon also, buy blusher and foundation and comb and pins... seems like things always got misplace no matter how nicely we packed them... probably forgotten to return when borrowed...hmmm? where are thou?

hmmm... image is a ministry... a seasonal one too but one important fact about image is that we learn the art of waiting * up to 2 hours sometimes :* and yup, train patience and brain to work fast to find clothes straight away and be humble cos we work behind the scenes * ps it's never bling bling nor is it glamourous * and oh yes... we all work for god and this ministry is also for him. it's never about us making people look good SO we feel good but it's actually we making people look good so that visitors will be impressed by the clothes that go along with the flow of the theme. therefore... image must buck up and start to learn more stuff and do more and sacrific more... remember, it's NEVER about us but it's for His kingdom!!!

okok~ back to homework again~ zai jian le da jia...

thinking: I WANT TO PLAY BASKETBALL!!! JOANNE! PEARLS! GERALD! DONOVAN! KEHAN! livi and mice can pick up balls though... oops...
song: ". melts...

just came back watching story of a weeping camel~ ah my kinda show... a documentary in fact~ bored the tears out of na but only me and bon were like... oh so cute so sad... tear a bit here and there lah~ my next few movies to watch... vainty fair, wimbledon, one flew over the cuckoo's nest and hitler... miss those shows... anyways, good day today and yup some stuff cleared and by the way... it's good to cry out once a while. whether you're a guy or not.

determined to learn guitar... even if jon lee insist that i'm musically handicapped ( can't sing cant play ) one day revenge shall be done...

christmas dramas is coming up lor!!! shall i go for audition? but im in drama liao... but then again... i don't want the audience to die laughing... ho, im being very considerate here okie my dears~ though i wanan try dancing... hahaha pls don't puke mice.

ah~ plans set for this end of the year... whats yours?

thinking: what kinda things will prevent you from finishing the race? take a stockcheck maybe... pride, results, family, studies, money, relationships, status... but in the end i think it all boils down to pride. oh wells, thats my thinking~
song: shout your fame through all the earth~ i will praise you~

kevin: AH MUiiii why are u still single ?? is it because of your new YONG TAU FOO HAIRSTYLE ahyooo must grow it long long so can attract more guys anyway i heard that you're good in ORAL so i must really see how fabulous are u ( guys out there test her out..) hahaa

jinqi: i am a little pea living in my boyfriend's armpit hair. i can't breathe. help me...ohhh germaine help ME!!! i am paranoid..=0

those above was being typed by my dear ah hia... he hasn't taken any pills yet. please pardon him... and he meant oral by oral reading. pls. do not think too much. and guys mean genectic term.

pea meaning dirt. and yes jinqi did typed that. if she ever tage me saying i did not do that. please do not believe her.

germ: im going nuts with such classmates... tsk... they paid me a bowl of shark's fin soup so that i could let them blog on my blog... by the way, those are fake shark's fin... courtesy and cooked by jinqi... ( fern si and corn starch and... more corn starch... )

what a day. abercrombie and fitch!!!

saturday night is movie night!!! woohoo!!!

thinking: i need my flu medicine...
song: no doubt ( coming out of kevin's pc... )

relax, god's in charge... perd sent me a love sms today~ wha~ melted in the middle of my tedious knitting...

feel like vomitting... the food that i've been eating and accumulating inside my tummy is making me feel eeewww... can't poop. can't burp. can't swallow saliva... eeww eeww eeww...

knitting was great cos... i knitted 3 inch within 2 hours... say wha okie~

couldn't do survey with perd and sheep today cos had to go for lessons... next time is my time...

i'm just letting go of some steam here. so crap ba germs.

in case of insanity that might occur in germ's brain, i might do the following...

1) eat chili
2) sing in public
3) dance in public
4) wear a thick make up aka zhao wei in shalin soccer
5) wear bright pink top with lime green pants on saturday
6) force the musicians accompany me and make sure they wear pink too

in case of sanity that will most probably remain in germ's brain, i will do the following

1) eat chili but must add ketchap inside
2) sing in public in a choir
3) dance in public at national stadium during national day
4) insist that i'm wearing make up for a broadway play
5) for drama
6) sorry but this might come true one day. lets experiment. it's good to have a change once in a while *snigger* this comes from an idea that was long implanted in scallop's forever wanna sarbo people brain... go find scallop and bake him ba~ oops...i just betrayed scallop...

okie... i'm laming here... really... am getting so crazy that sometimes i stare into space and i start to act like ah hiu ( open mouth wide wide and star into space eye not flickering aka sotong) only to realise that i still have to snap back to the singapore reality. projects and homework and more of them.

thinking: maybe i'm better off as a sotong in the deep blue sea...
song: this is a song lalalala elmo song~ ( this song is my best friend's fav song but it makes me scream help!!! karma huh~ hahaha )

interesting day, homework was usual, like what ding said, snowballing yeah~ sewing scares me especially -.- in class, politics are getting a wee out of hand, hopefully nothing will be blown to scale. went for chekup yesterday and yeah, nothing happened lor~ just have to take more medicine and flu medicine~ hahaha finally flu free days!!! after that na bought me to tanglin after that 3 1/2 hours of waiting at the hospic till 7pm we turned up at tanglin mall~ favourite hangout place haha~ then waited for ah leh then from there we dabao then proceed to smu to makan cos it's quiet~ reached home late... did my knitting and then plop... snore...

babee i... wanna eat omelette mushroom with cheese
perd u helped me loads :)
sheep u BERRY funny hor * touch nose bridge *
meimei i miss our 2 hour conversations but haha ish okie!!! i shall find nemo and slaughter him instead...
ashley miss our lame lame laughters and slacking on livi's bed
livi... i saw rum and raisins last night but... haha no cash can't buy thats why i said when we're heaven's citizens... ah~
mar... meet up one day and eat sausage and mee soto and mayo meal okie...
xin come back quick lar! i wanna eat jap food. your treat!
mart... hahahaha one of my best bud babeee who hated to be called babee... insist that he doesnt read this but have my url instead... u liar... be a good sound team for church okie! work hard for your studies!
ding iyoh i see you almost everyday leh... i want my keroppi(s)!!!
jinx ah great friend... this thurs cont our beautiful day okie! and come early to school!!!

who have i left out? you...

thinking: of mee soto and jap mayo...
song: tie a yellow ribbon on the old oak tree, if you still want me, if you still love me ( support the ex inmates okie cos they've turn over a new leaf )

saturday and sunday:
church and then to na's house to knit and knit our kinship too and also watched those darn tvbs series non stop while scolding the lead actor every 20 minutes( si bian tai ) from 1130 -4am in the morn and then woke up 3 hrs later to sell big eyes slimy body species till 1130pm and the shopped for groceries till 1230 while planning for later's family dinner with the coming week's newly wed couple popping by to arrange some help for their wedding next week ( i wun be in service. please don't miss the beautiful one )... oh did i mention i had to stand inside the video shop with our stinking air fresh boots with my blur sister who just couldnt decide which tvb series she wanna watch? ( reasons: i don't like ouyangzhenwha, i don't like lin feng, i don't like period shows and i don't like this actress and other teeny pooper upcoming rising starlets ) tell me, spending about 1 hour inside the shop trying to introduce her different kinds of series ( which i enjoyed most of which is period ) she just doesn't want any of it and yet refused to leave the shop. how the auntie can stand the stench in the airconditioned shop i couldn't comprehand... and then now i'm here, typing and feeling sleepy and yet i know i can't sleep cos i have tons of homework to do and i have set my goal for my subjects...

glorify god. be a salt and light. i can do all things through christ who strengthens me.

ah! homework siao ah!!!

ps: when i stepped into my sister's house, max which weighs about 30 ++ kg now and wang wang 15++ kg now starts to pounce on me... i have no choice and no where to go but to stay there on the floor letting them licking me on the face. saliva attack!!! even oscar doesnt does that cos, he's too small, he can't hold a candle to me... but max... i'm a puny bean pole compared to his... wolf size... siao liao... his saliva puddle can make me slip so how big do you think he is?

a thought to ponder on: love your neighbour as yourself... ah~ i really find this super hard... i tried to speak to you nicely but i'm sure you can tell that i rather eat grass instead. oh repent germs. don't let the person put you down. for you know no matter what it is, you still have god. ps to you, by the way you're telling me about how my hair looks i don't care, making a joke out of it, i don't even give a hoot about it ( in case you don't know much about me. i like dark cynical humour and i dont mind being the butt of jokes and my hair used to be shorter than some guys out there with fringes ) but if you keep on harping it and laughing when u see me and grinning whatsoever. i've learnt something from you. and that is to not act like you when i see a haircut i don't really like on someone else's head. ah go ponder young lass. we're all living in a well, we both aint see nothing yet alrights? lets learn.

thinking: 123, pattern making, knitting ( which i undo it like ever 1/2 hr while watching the series... ) and... to pound chili garlic shallots and hey bi later on... wha~ ncie dinner coming up!
song: brain dead...

yadayadayada... am so sleepy now... but because we had a night dip at phoebe's house... wha~ the swimming pools ah~ woohoo~ great cg!!! *mind is blank... tired out by projects and running around singapore*

tp - bencoolen - bb - tp again... headache ah~ not to mention that ah beng sitting beside me for the next 20 mins ride to tp smell like he just bathe in colonge... not those nice one but those super power kind *nong*... now my nose is stuck... argh!!!

very happy today because i did my pattern making pieces even though it's only 1/2 done but im still glad cos... it took me 4 hours just to wait for my dear mr vernon and while waiting i did my knitting and i redo it about... 6 times? go figure.

i read an article about this lady going suntanning while she was young and when she got old, she regretted about what she did in her haydays... cos it causes SKIN CANCER, dark patches of skin and also... more wrinkles then often... ah~ don't say i didnt warn you when i said you look like your bag colour aka dark dirty brown and no point applying sunblock and such... it just doesnt work. staying out of the sun works. get it?

ah~ applys to long term life without reading the bible... crave spiritual milk darlings... the word is there for you. so read it. not chuck it. don't come running after god when things don't work.
he becomes clearer and more real when things HAPPEN.

ah~ realised that the ego of a man is as big as they blow it. i was in the train when i overheard this guy saying to another... lemme tell ya~ i've seen the worst okie! i saw this man punching the other when the latter said, come punch me then! wha~ then he kenna punched! wha seh! hello... he asked for it so he shall received it. whats there to be wha seh about? i understand that maybe you wanna be there when you see the *most* happening things around and so on but erm... on a scale of wha seh-ness... hmmm... ya lor whats there to be wha seh... unless you tell me you've seen the cow jump over the moon... wha~ wha seh man...

thinking: homework and people and words shall break my heart and physically but god heals everything!!!
song: no song tonight but i got tune in my head... it sings... bah bah black sheep * must be hallucinating *

i look like a mushroom now... james my hairdresser... hahaha actually i do like this hairstyle ho~my classmates... they gave me all kinds of suggestions to cut my hair further... alyssa milano's fringe... wha~ advantureous sia... so now... final product: mushroom head. i could have dyed it red with black spots then maybe i might resemble a ladybird instead...

knitting kills brain cells slowly but it's good for testing patience lah~ hohoho... apparently class today was... dead as usual... let buck up 3B1!!! lets chiong for our...

1 ) fall winter 2004 fashion reviews!
2 ) one knitted tank top!
3 ) 8 kimage illustrations!
4 ) colour board including theme and colours and cover page!
5 ) potato print design on a fashion hand made item!
6 ) sew 2 pants ( one mock and one real ) and 1 vest ( either mock or real )
7 ) 3g phone project!

wha all by end of this month... and my 123 also!!! whahahaha!!! wo yao feng leh!!!

god is great! he heals the brokenhearted! he bring smiles to the sad and he is the ultimate one in our life!!!

ADORE JESUS

HE ROCKS.

if you really do adore him... you know what to do... read his word and apply it. not say say only and then let words fly away...

told ding this which i think after i woke up from my mini nap during james' colour forecast lecture then i thought of it... ah~ macham like einstein... any idea why purple is considered an international gay colour? because, blue represents the masculine colour and red represents a feminine colour... so in the end when they couldn't get a homosexual colour, they mix the 2 together, voila= purple... make any sense or not? i think it does leh... maybe i shall make the standard of the background of the stage in nexus higher ( aka... wear funny colours ) ah~ cool sia... maybe singers have to wear checks soon or even poms poms on their head... but then again, for the benefit of my spiritual family and the status of my image team... i don't want my siblings to die from laughing so... shall keep to sombre black...

thinking: i must do well!!! ah!!! trumpets please~ and some drums too~ pipipapipu!!!

song: blank. only the word homework circulate in my head and cant play music will get distracted one...

living up to the standards of god. not men.

ah homework is piling. but i still can breathe... those pattern making and sewing especially and that report to write... ah~ knitting too... ah~ save me lord... from eye bags...

i can do all things through christ who strengthen me~ woohoo!!!

thinking: knitting yarn cost me $8.9 x 8...
song: voice of hope~ melts man....

snowflakes

snowflakes abundant in the moon lit night sky

caressing my face as it falls tenderly

as individual as one's kiss

as everlasting as one's love

reminiscing about one's beloved

of how it used to be

now it's gone, to the arms of the Father

whose love is everlasting

to you my beautiful one

you will never be forgotten

ah photoshop is killing me softly... i'm fading away~ help me... i'm drowning... under that pile of homework and... stress and... unconditional love... heck what am i talking about?

2 thessalonians 6 speaks a lot. am i watching too much of channel 55 and discovery? got to get my butt off the couch and start to run like mad on the threadmill... it's now or never~ sings elvis... the king of panda eyes...

thinking: 53-50 this month! 15 chapters by this month!!!it shall be done!!!

song: tom's diner tune in my head... can't get you out of my head~

cg on fri was a real funny one... chuckles* haha, shelby and the gang belted out songs from jay chou, she, one mistaken wubai snake... and many others. ohhh clementi k box branch's service not so nice one... kept opening the door and when we screamed ( shelby in particular ) no privacy ah!!! he opened the door and ask huh what privacy... and he kept walking pass our room, taking really those sneaky peeks in to the room which peeps like jane would suddenly screamed... ah!!! you see!!! got people outside ah!!! sang some old old songs... zhui ai ni de ren sho wo... eternal flame ( i missed this part by jane ) and been looking for this real rock my kbox room song... wu yuan de jie ju... ah~ wo yuan de jie ju~ sax behind... by the way... beyond rocks too. he fun nei and yi xiang qing yuan~ wha~ yes!!! we must sing cando lo's zhou de bi ni zhao!!! and to think i never thought i will belt out cheena songs in my life... smug smile... muahahaha

sat- shepherding... wha~ shallnotrevealwhatwetalked but mainly about school and how life has been pretty interesting for me esp some classmates colouring my world a shade of black a couple of times in fact... woohoo, meeting was great cos we evaulate some stuff and then we apply to our life for the next week or so last quarter to come... yeah~

evaluate your life constantly okie peeps... motives thoughts actions speech all comes from mind... the key to unlock god's heart is obedience... babeee... you taken the step to be obedient and god will not cease to bless you too... ah~ what a wonderful world...

went to ps tp look for babee but she's off to the land of pratas which that shop did caused ding to have food poisoning... but oh wells, i'm not there!!! hmpf!!! but i did ate my fair share of prata this morning... with milosaur... wha very sweet ah~

ps... leafy livi vivi jiwei... i get your hint i get your hint... rums and raisins right... but first where's mine... bleah~

thought: homework time!!! yeah~
song: beyond's qing ren

my friend just told me about her testimony about god and her family, man this girl has been struggling with loads since the moment she's conscious about god. go vivien!!! your life is a living testimony about how real god is!!! you go girl!!! i'm so happy for you that you're finally opening up to god and you overcame many many many obstacles in your life that you used to struggle like mad with... with god nothing is impossible. your name faith is just like you. growing in Him day by day. ah~ will be there to bring pom pom for you on your bap day!!! yeah yeah yeah!!!

porcelain doll? looks are always deceiving.

my heart is often on fire. but my face never gives the game away.

some call me cold. it's their loss.

no one feels like they know who i really am.

i like the mystery.

it makes people just that tiny bit uneasy.

the last time i had long hair, it came with a uniform.

i'm not afraid to experiment. the establishment bored me to death.

street culture excites me.

my homes are built of glass so i can see the sun reflect off the snow outside.

no one's ever dared throw stones.

but my heart still belongs to...

::DADDY::

been an avid fan of alanis since p5. queen fan since young lar but to dig up their records and play again in blasting volume suddenly reminds me that my room is a room. not a concert hall. i dig 80's - 90's classic rock. i can't stand hip hop. i don't understand what they're singing wait... rapping or whatever... bring me back queen, pre alanis and the now default guns and roses. hello axl rose. wake up. stop your plastic surgery en route to be a la jackson but bring back spike too okie~ david bowie, pink floyd and not to forget the pretenders. ah~ classic rock. don't tell me anything about screaming hollowers ballad queens like celine and faith. i think they're okie but too much of a power house is like strapping me to a chair and forcing me to eat chilli... i like spandeu ballet, rem, U2, sting and the zombies. ohhh, i like sade ( smooth operator anyone? ) stan getz. antonio carlos jobim ( e creme de la creme ultimate the girl from ipanema spanish version ), miles davis, lighthouse family, beyond ( beyond rocks hei fun nei heh heh ) wyclef jean, pearl jam ( oh where oh where can my baby be ) don mclean, ray charles ( he sang with emotions and his version of that blue song - so sad thingy is so... sad ), bjork ( it's oh so quiet and hunter so cool...) metallica ( totally blew me away man ) , sinead o connor ( nothing compares... ) bob dylan ( born to run original ) bruce sprinsteen ( streets of philadelphia ) herbie hancock ( good rhythum sense ) beck ( funny guy with funny songs ) radiohead ( i like karma police a lot lol ) and tracy chapman... wow her voice is so... low... and meat loaf!!! i bet no one listens or understand any of these songs except maybe leafy ( freshman is classic hahaha ) why so many names of bands? nah... just wanan note this down thats all... doh...

ps: babee... lets see if the above mention will appear. MYSTERIOUSLY.

thinking: austin power's international man of mystery album beats the other 2 hands down.

songs: heh heh alanis

felt really good cos i did all my homework... anyways my teacher shared with us about the jobs a fashion student can take... hmmm which one shall i venture in which im really interested in and don't mind slogging for the next 20 years?

ps... one woman is willing to fork out $6000 to hire a fashion illustrator for the one and only book she's writing... wanna try but no lah, too far fetch for me cos... my drawings look like buaya aliens with... no arms and fingers and no feet... not to mention no ears... and apparently a seamstress earns $2800 and a junior designer earns $1200... how's that... trying to find out about the writer's job though... hopefully god will bless me with a good job with good timing so i can serve him too!!! attachment coming soon...

tmr full day sia... but a fruitful one!!! meeting jane dear and ah bee too~ yep...

thinking: photoshop kills
song: nails in your hands...

had one great -_-' conversation with livi with her kinda irritating me in the end... not in a bad way but those...you know... those when you really wanna pull your hair out one... cos she kept telling me that she want her ritter sports rum and raisin ( by repeating herself over and over and OVER again) doh... in order for her to stop repeating... i finally succumb to her constant begging... by agreeing to buy her one... when we become heaven's citizen that is...

lime juice is good for the body. it cleanses your tummy, flushes and detox some dung inside the colon and it makes drinking water a bit more interesting. oh did i forget to mention, it makes eating tuna sandwich more yummy. just like problems. they are good for us. because they help us to become a better person. it helps to make life more interesting too. with a twang of zing here and there. just like salt. and problems helps us to see our dung clearly ( to repent from it lar ) yup... nan dao u want your life to be very monotonous mah? heh heh...

ironic by alanis morissette

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic . . . don't you think

Chorus
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would've thought . . . it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isn't this nice . . .
And isn't it ironic . . . don´t you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic . . . don't you think
A little too ironic . . . and yeah I really do think . . .

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out...

why did i chose this song? because, it's ironic how life can be. when you think that this is the right way then you try to go with the flow but you never know cos god, up there, can see furthur than you. he can tell that somehow, somewhere and sometimes, the opposite direction is a better place far off better than the one you initially chose... what is the thing that you're chosing now?

i got to re-learn this cheng yu again...
if the world falls on you, treat it as a blanket.

thinking: all pops in the world are the same. look fierce, sound fierce, am fierce but a softie at heart. ever wonder why it's called mr softie and not miss softie? hmm... im talking nuts here...
song: everything's alright

living for the audience of one.

oops. i did it again. i played with my words. and i lost my head again.
ohh baby baby opps, i think i'm in for it... a huge big talk again~ yeah~
i must learnt my lesson well~

in case you don't know... pls sing the above words to the song opps i did it again by britney federline spears.

kudos to zy and jaime. heh heh and not to mention livi melinda. yep... miss leafy

thinking: pipipapipu
song: i live for you

with only less than 5 mins to blog before the memory gets erased, i shall... blog lah...

service was great. because god is great!!! made another promise to god and yup. the major point of the promise was along the line of the sermon today!!! muahahahaha

aaawww... missed today's di retreat... nevermind! i am with them... in their hearts... heh heh... went window shopping and i saw my levis jeans... but poor lah so can only see and touch heh heh okies... five mins going to up soon... cos i type real slow and i have to think too...

in all, sum it up... i will miss the grads people like shiyan esp... she might not read this but she;s one sister that i got to know unexpectedly and she brought lots of smile to my face and also cheeros to qiewfang for her perserverance... i salut you sister!!! and to clarence too!!! miss ya too brother!!! esp the times we had at di and that unforgettable eating melon game muahahahah... be a salt and light wherever you go guys!!!

thinking: god is one heavy anchor sia... goody!!!
song: my sister's singing some song which makes no sense...

what a day. tuition for straight 5 hours. how xiong sia. and i did badly somemore. eeks. gotta pull my socks. talked to ding. wha~ better lor... went to the market today to buy food for the steamboat with donnie and cedric, funny brothers i have hahaha but the best part has yet to come... tmr night!

ate peanuts for straight 5 hours doing nothing. can't leave or do anything... making us look like 3 sotongs staring into blank space. esp me. yup, traced back my family background with my aunts... interesting enough, the world is so small that my aunt who always have been buying fish from my pop is my mom's neighbour something like that, only that on the day my parents wed, she told me, ack! isnt that the guy whom i bought fish from? how small can the world be huh... heh... joke of the day at the wake...

grandma, how come grandpa die... small girl asked.
because he old liao mah... uncle replied.
then how come u havent die yet? ( to uncle )small girl asked.

diao. really. to be angry or to laugh it off because she's still young... i have nothing to say...

stuffed head. jabs in brain and jerks. i hate it.

thinking: i hope it won't happened ever again.
song: deeply in love

focus in the middle of the pic and don't look away. trust me.

http://humor.funnyjunk.com/pages/cool.htm

thinking: full day tmr...
song: muahahaha

human life on earth can only last as long as it gets. that means. 1-100+ years. the moment you were born, you might die due to the lack of oxygen in your lungs. when you're in your 10++ you might suffer from leukemia. when you're in your adult years, you might have cancer. and when you're old, not to mention, die of old age. does that ring a bell in your face that how short our life is? you might be here and gone tmr you know. how long can we still enjoy anything that we're enjoying now? those " just for love joy peace and fun enjoyment " i call them stuff ( material, entertainment, fast and high life ) how long can they last? they last like dust. come and go quickly, gone with the wind... do people only treasure the people around them only when they're going to die? just like those few months or less, weeks even? well, if they're lucky, those old people might have people waiting on them to care for them... what about those people in the old folks home? hello~ treasure the people around you now... and make full use of your life. we're being called to this race. a race till the end. to win people. because people matter to god.

rec a piece of news last night, got me reeling in the news a bit slowly... kinda got the 2 uncles confused, then oh wells, thinking how life is so short that soon one will go after the other one and the lost will just go on and on... shocked yeah. yup...today god made me realise that my perd has been very sacrificial. i know that she won't be reading this but i really really appreciate how she has been coming to my house from batok and then after 2 hrs, go back again... ah perdy... another chilli padi. small but cannot bully one... haha... haiz... cherelle fang fei ji. why ah. i simply don't understand. i really don't. i really really don't. pipipapipu... god shall make a way. i will not falter under mr devil's blinding schemes. i will rise up against him for we have god!!! god answered my prayer! i prayed for a pair of shoes cos my converse has been thrown into the bin and only flip flops are all i have and i can't wear those to school but god provides~~~ and it's here!!! and i didn't even ask my sister to buy... ah~ jehovah jireh. muacks!

i watched guns and roses concert on channel 5 last night. man~ that slinky snake dance by axl rose ( he used to be a choirboy, gospel singer, pianist, and even taught Sunday school in his childhood. His extremely strict upbringing led him to rebel by the age of sixteen ) made me dance the same way too... haha in the middle of my living room with lights switched off esp to that infamous tune of sweet child of mine~ ah~ true blue classic rock. love it. ah, missing out the tunes of queen alanis beyond david bowie already... hmmm lady ziggystar is yummy~

thinking: you don't know what you got till it's gone
song: i can only imagine - mercy me ( ah~ he sounds like elton john )

hmmm not being very nice last night. said something super sacarstic to someone cos, well, hmmm, and did some some stuff quite... hmmm. hmmm.

why when how who. babee. this shucks but this can be conquered. just like you did. kudos to you cos you chose Him over everything. obeying is the only right thing to do.that speaks to me too.

there's a precious moment card on my table, it says love one another. ah~ god, you're telling me to wait and see. see god only gives 3 types of answers.

yes
no
wait

thinking: give thanks in all cricumstances.
song: give thanks with a grateful heart give thanks to the holy one...

SHIOKENARDAN!!!!!!!!!!

attended 2 cgs today = shiok!
phoebe attended cg today! = shiok!
phobe decided to join wfl tmr! = shiok!
ate one slice of chili padi = shiok! ( leaving me tearing for 10 mins )
played sia yan mao twice = shiok! ( got bruises and jane dear has got a swollen finger )

tmr even more shiok ah! service! lets see more people coming down alrights!

i am so looking forward to next week's di retreat. i want my...

boon tong kee chicken rice
egg prata and tissue prata
dinosaur ( milo peng )
hiking ( hope it's fun )
sia yan mao ( blind mice )
you. all the di-ians.

yeah!!!

ps... typo error for plane crashed... it's supposed to rest... wrong word to use... ah~

thinking: cherelle
song: muahahahahaha

thank mei* for telling me.

when a person doesn't rec any scolding or any rebuking, then the person is somehow useless cos people don't see the need to tell you anything anymore. simply because. they give up on you. see that word person? how about god? god doesn't give up at all. he will never give up. but as disciples of christ, lets be more christlike. ponder this yourself.

i really feel like strangling my 3 teachers; vernon chew (pattern making) sophie (comm skills) vincent (knitting). mr vernon telling us dateline for pm project is on tuesday only to tell us it's on thurs then yesterday, telling us it's on friday. argh. sophie. telling us to hand up her work then telling us, you wanna bring home? ack. shoot me in the forehead. best. vincent. knitting must hand up on thurs. then saying ahahah can hand up next next week also can hahaha. can i be excused for cynide strangling or maybe an icing on the cake - axe through the head is pretty cute too? but oh wells, forgive and forget right~ hahaha at least all my 3 projects are done!!! muahahahahaha... this laughter is short term by the way... cos i have a top to knit. comm skills final assessment, yeesh photoshop project and some scrap book thingy for james. my eye bags can store an hermes birkin bag in them. soon. very soon. la mer to spare anyone?

55 -> 50 -> 47 = alrights!!! yeah man!!!

shhh wanna know a secret?

*icankeepasecrettoo*

thinking: cherelle flew my plane again. why lord... when will the plane crash?
song: heart of worship!

nails in Your hands by vineyard

The nails in Your hands
The nails in Your feet
tell me how much
You love me
The thorns on Your brow
They tell me how
You bore so much shame to love me

And when the Heavens pass away
All Your scars will still remain
And forever they will say
Just how much You love me

Forever my love
Forever my heart
Forever my life is Yours
It's Yours

today is the day when the peeps of 3B1 came to class looking like heavily made up zombies. trying to finish the pattern making homework till wee hours. the ultimate record was jinqi who finished hers by 5am in the morning. whoa~ only to find our very funny mr vernon chew telling us, you can hand this up on thursday instead haha~ try to imagine the fashion students' pissed off look on their dark rings and eye bags and patchy skin faces. not very nice huh. and with that horrible marketing test. well, i can only say that god is great. i prayed and he helped me to recall. i did my best and i felt great but i know i won't do well cos oh wells, it was a last minute dash to the finishing line.

mr rainbow came again and i'm awaiting for the next mrs storm. wee~

thinking: knitting is brainless.
song: prohesy

cool meeting we had last night. we got locked in nexus. how cool can that be... with the security alarm going off and that funny japanese drunk man losing a drink game and running towards the whole di unit laughing and waving his arms in the air saying~ i have lost!!! then telling us to join him for a drink cos it's fun. oh wells, the security alarm did go off in the end. yeah~

i feel hurt. i guess the same goes to you. i didnt know that i hurt you so much with words i said to the both of you. but thanks for being there all along for me. but finding time for me is not important. is the quality of it. i did complained but always in a joking manner. how would you like it if you called me to talk but had to hang up because i was on the phone with my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my friend. my FRIEND. i guess i was never there. am trying to understand the circumstances around and trying to adapt to new people joining in the group. hard. very hard. i never hide anything from you. NEVER. cos you'll never tell. you had to hide things from me cos i'll tell. told you it's the betrayal of trust. from my side. my sorries i present to you. i am sorry.

i'll make myself busy with more things from now on. taking up more stuff. forgetting some stuff. maybe my epilepsy is a good thing after all. i tend to forget more things. maybe the things i don't wanna remember.

i feel really hurt. i can't even swallow my saliva. no tears but hurt. kudos. cos i caused it too.

ephesians 4:26 ( in your anger do not sinn. don't not let the sun go down while you are still angry. do not let the devil have a foothold ) hi satan. having a good time turning my world upside down one after another huh. well, your time is up soon. does that scare the pee in your pants to flood?

thinking: need a sleep
song: song... no song... no song at all...

+ thanks ding... +

everybody hurts everybody cries. i guess i've never put myself in your shoes before cos i know it's too big for me to fill. i do miss the good old days when she's still here. things got torn apart the moment she left us. i miss her i really do. i just wanna feel her warmth. i really miss her just like you. i can't deny that i've been trying to keep myself busy so that i could forget about her being gone. there's nothing much more i want than to hold her hand tightly. i cried when i went to the old folks home cos when i saw them being helpless and when i hold one of the patient's hands... i couldn't stop my tears from falling. cos her hand, holding my hand so tightly, it felt like her's. when she walk on, i turn my eyes to you cos you're the only one who's considered the one i respected next to her. i find it hard to confide in him. cos he has someone new. he don't trust us anymore. neither do i. i guess it's time to open up to each other. can we still hang on together? is there still cheery things for us to hang onto? why are we fighting? can we be the same again? i can't handle a lot of things. i can't do much. i can't. we hurt each other. we... no, me. i hurt you loads. why do things have to be like this within the past 1 1/2 years? when will it be be calm? when? why are there people who can't appreciate what they have now? are we still reeling in the hurts we try to surpress on that fateful day? why do you still treat me so nice? i really don't deserve this. i don't. if god give us grace then i'll call this is undeserved 2nd chance. sometimes i really do hate myself for saying stuff that i can't take back. sometimes i felt i really need to think twice but when things are being spit out, there's nothing much i can do except to regret. can we be the same again?
+ i love you +
+i really do+
+ smile +

so angry that i just couldn't think straight. i shouted she shouted we screamed together.

if i don't give any comments about what you do in your place of worship why bother with mine? trying to keep quiet about it stinks and it's extremely hard. if we both can't take those imperishable splinters out of our own eye slits then don't try plucking out each other's planks then. settle with god by yourself and same goes to me. if i'm comfy with my way and i find that i can do better with it. so be it. ever heard of this - ignorance is a bliss? if knowing things and giving comments or feeling worse after knowing the truth then by all means, shut your ears. don't come kaypoh and ask then start to feel indifferent or give comments when in the first place no one ask for it. let god judge each own's heart and not ourselves judge each other. hello. hard is the word here. no one is born perfect. we need mentors to look over us and to guide us. you're a shepherd too - don't come and say you're not and then give some explaination that you're just helping the person to understand the wog better. give me a better word then. if every week, more than 3 times which i have to go though this freaking mental torture with you. tell me. what is it that you wanted to tell me in the very first place which we couldn't settle it all the while? if ignoring you means emotional blackmail then i guess i exploited your good intention by screaming your head off when you start to pressure me for answers which you don't even wanna accept and when you jolly know what i will reply you first place. hey. getting replies out of my mouth and yet trying to prove my replies are wrong then whats the point of asking? tell me honey. writing doesn't work. sms doesn't either. talking face to face usually ends in a foul stinky mood which the air couldn't filter through then what about this. keep quiet. let me have some peace. i can't even have a friendly corny joke with you. the only thing that come out of your mouth is. tsk. if having humour in our life is useless than i guess watching any mr bean episode is a very sad thing for our eyes. smile! laugh! if i am so considered the smallest thing in your life and yet gives the most problem then don't keep on telling me that. ever heard of this word - encourage? putting me down more than countable times is more than enough. my value doesn't fall because god values me and you don't give discount to me on that. if telling me to encourage each other through sms then smile at me when i see you but then start to ask me questions then start to reason with me about how wrong everything is? show me then. don't start the conversation and then end it up with a super high note of screamers. i will be going to na's place for a while. at least i don't have to see you for the next few days. if this is called running away from problems then i guess it gives me some time to keep to myself for a while then to have world war 3 acting up. i took the lift up by myself without waiting for you yesterday is simply due to the fact that we will really start to gnaw each other's limbs if we cont the conversation at the void deck. whats the point of all these kinds of different sugar coated converstions when it'll start to sour once things don't meet eye to eye? what's the difference you tell me!!! you do things last min so do i. when i have a project to do last min you insist you have to do yours but you have a lap top and yet you're using it so whats the use of the com then? to collect dust ah. when i told my project mates that i can't have conference meeting on msn for the project you said go ahead and use the com cos you're not using. then what are you up to in the first place?! i can't read minds you know. i can't. i really can't. i only can see face expressions. hello. face expressions. i bet you don't have any. cos you stop smiling for a long time. you stop. you don't tell me your problems and yet you take it out on me. go ahead i'm seriously ok with it but at least tell me whats going on?! don't act all scary and start to scold me and then say sorry and then do all these again the very next day. hey this is my side of story. you have yours and i totally respect that cos everything takes 2 hands to clap. but then again, i am so super defensive and you're so super at interrupting. how to go on? someone must give way. if giving way means keeping quiet and that means emotional blackmail to you then how?

I QUIT.

thinking: homework
song: i will survive - germaine kwek

hi darls: you're loved by all. circumstances will weight you down but god will always be floating because his yok is light. now things look and seem hurtful but i know you're a strong woman if not how do you survive all the ordeals you have been through all these while. from your bro to your mom to your moving of the house. i really salute you sometimes for your independence and dependence to stick to god through up and down and going through some sticky mess thats really... urgh. kudos to your stubborness that makes you stand firm in all stickyness but makes people kinda not want to ask you stuff so keep it mild k~ muacks!

di-ians. trials over and over again. when will they be over? just a note. brave through all these storms with god and you'll see rainbows waiting for you. remember peter? well, his story a bit hard core lah~ literally walk on water... but we do walk on water too guys. we walk towards god while having problems but we focus on the waves instead cos we walk by sight and not by faith. in every trial, in every problem, until to the ending race, how many of us will be left there? it's like a darn long marathon with hidden holes, rocks, lizards, cockroaches, harsh weather and maybe an insane cannibal in between and we're running without a compass, map, rifle, food, water etc... are you depending on god for everything? DI-DIANS!!! WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER!!!

realise how some people out there can affect us? even just a question asked, a look given, a word spoken or an action taken? bottom line - insecure. we all face it man. hate it but we have to go through it. one sister cried cos she felt that someone spoke to her harshly - but what happened was that that friend was kinda busy with everything and just wanted to be alone. so many different examples... and we do go through them right? come on, lets lean on god. not circumstances. if you feel that you're right and you're given the red light instead. let it be. very hard i know... god knows even more... he was innocent and yet he didn't even complain when the vote was cast...

recently i felt so pissed about everything, ministry not doing very well, can't find sheep - sheep doesnt reply, being in an all guys cg ( felt funny then tried not to be su nu cos if you can't beat them, join them ), homework piling, friends kinda acting funny all, financial problems, family alone is one huge headache, mental and spiritual torture and physically not very strong also blah blah blah... in all, was going to be burnt out soon then i felt kinda stupid cos all these while ive been using human strength. talk to god, felt better, now everything seems smaller cos in the end, god is always there for me. family and friends fall but god doesnt, cos he's like a ballon for me to hang onto.

god - light
me - burden gaining weight bag

but in the end, he'll polish me. groom me. fill me. feed me. lift me up.

thinking: i wanna eat peanut paste dessert
song: i am cow... hear me moo..