main  misc

Profile this is me Wong May Ee 23 July 1988 After careful consideration, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move out, we move away from our families. But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us. Just when you think life has forced you to truly become an adult, your mother says something like that. We get bigger, taller, older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.

Tagbox speak your mind

soothe me we're going on a journey Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Credits Acknowledgements Layout done by 16thday Resources 1 2 3

I wonder... If you still think of me as who I used to be
I wonder... If you wonder who I am now
I wonder... If you ever want to undo what happened
I wonder... If you ever regret
I wonder... If you're still the same person from then
I wonder... If you're happy
I wonder... If you ever get tired and weary and thought of me too
I wonder... What actually happened, and why it happened
I wonder... If I actually understood you.

A funny thing happens about the time I turned 25, people started asking about marriage, kids, houses, savings, retirement funds, RRSP. And I start spending money on pots and pans, dish-cleaning supplies, new tires... Short term sacrifices for long term gains, right? And sometimes, I compare my 25 years with everyone else's. I always wonder if I am on the right track because I'm different from all the other people surrounded. Is this the career I really want? Or is this just a step to where I am going? I don't like the position I am in, waiting... anticipating, waiting and waiting for my residency papers. I can't travel out of the country, I am on a timeline schedule. I am in another boring city, away from my support network for work. This is not permanent, I keep telling myself. This is just a phase. Once I get my experience and my networking, I am sure I will be able to go back to Calgary and hopefully resume my life from there. But for now, I just have to keep waiting. It's frustrating, and tiring. I've waited for the past 5 months, and I haven't heard anything. Waiting isn't fun.

I want to travel, go to Europe, Hawaii, Caymen Islands, anywhere, and everywhere! I want to be away, get lost in Paris, have interesting conversations over a cup of chai tea, go to an impromptu art class, scribble my thoughts in a train, try cave diving...

There is so much I want to do. But I only have 3 weeks vacation. Maybe quit my day job? No, I can't. I  still can't travel until I get my residency. Plus, I have to start planning to buy a house...

I  get the same question asked, and it is one that I couldn't answer and I am still wrestling with it. Nearly every fortnight, I've tried to find an answer to that question. I felt like until I've answered it, I would be haunted by it. But then I found out that being gripped by the right question is better than finding an answer. Wrestling with a tough question can put me on a journey with a deeper meaning, a more evaluated process, something that I might not have undertaken had I been able to pull up an answer on my phone. So, I keep telling myself that I don't have to fear a question for which I don't have an immediate answer for. Let me sink my teeth into that question and let it grip me. It is painful, to be honest. But it will be worth it, I am certain. Through it's grasp, I am learning more about myself than I thought I knew, and even if I don't find the answer oneday, at least I am learning.

For many women in the modern workplace, career success can come at all cost of other aspects of life, namely our social and love lives. It's often thought that career success entails late nights and weekends at office, minimal sleep, and little time for socializing outside of co-workers. But as Marilyn Monroe once said, 'A success is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night.' Is it true?

Is a great success enough for the modern woman, or does it leave to something desired? My past two years as a professional have seen me employed in a globally recognized mid-stream oil and gas company. For the first year, which was right out of university, I was thrilled to have a job that I can apply to with my degree, a place (in the field) where I could work hard and be recognized for my dedication. I'd made it through my studies and was one hundred percent independent and competent- the fact that I could keep warm at night by paying my electricity bills at a rental apartment that I barely stayed in for less than 5 months in a year (due to the nature of my job that requires me to travel much), have my own dinner on the table at the end of the day, and even had a vacation in Alaska, was fulfilling. So, I got to say, I've Marilyn there.

After three months at my job, I found out that I was promoted, and immediately called my family on the other side of the world to tell them the good news. Right then, I so wanted to have a celebratory dinner with the people who meant the most to me. But it hit me: What kind of celebratory dinner involved dining out alone, with nobody to share the champagne with? Yes, I was fulfilled professionally, but at the end of the day, I had nobody to share it with, and that was difficult to swallow.

Flash forward, I met my current boyfriend 2 weeks before I was offered a new position. But the new job required me to move to another city. Till now, I am not sure how my move will affect our relationship, it is currently being put to the test. I have moved a lot over the past two years for work, but going through it again, away from a support network that I've developed made the past three weeks since my move, one of the hardest times of my life. Weekdays are completely occupied with work and marathon-trainings, but on weekends, I feel like I have no reason to wake up in the morning. However, thankfully, throughout this period of settling into a new job, new environment and city, the one thing that's keeping me afloat is the support coming from my partner and my family (via Skype and FaceTime) overseas. Their advice and encouragement when I get lonely and overwhelmed at work reminded me that I will always have them by my side despite the distance.

So, maybe after all, that's Marilyn, right? Is my career enough to make me happy? Or do I need a 'someone' to share it all when I come home at night? My career was very fulfilling when I was single, but is that sustainable for the rest of my life? Probably not. In my opinion, I think an established career is enough on it's own if I do not need human interaction. On hindsight, times have changed, and Marilyn did not experience the demands of a career woman in the 21st century. The fact is that in today's world, it is enough to succeed in your own profession, to put dinner on the table and to pay for your own bills. But what Marilyn got it right is that we can go on it alone, we need a support system- a romantic and understanding partner, friends and family who'll share the joy that comes from our successes. If what you can do alone is enough to make you the powerful mogul, imagine how much more you can do with a few cheerleaders to push you through the toughest times, and to celebrate with you when you get through them. THAT is what fuels us to keep going day after day, and that, to the modern day working woman, is more than keep you warm at night.

"I'm not sure how thick the resistant caprock is..." I said "That's because you are 12 years old," one consultant retorted. "I get that a lot," I told him and tried to brave up a wide smile, though I am hurt inside. At that time, we had some trouble drilling and the engineers and consultants were all asking how much thicker the resistant rock is and why we are not drilling as fast as we should be. Our exchange was one of the many I've experienced as a young woman on a big job. People expect a much older-looking person, not a short asian girl who could pass for a college sorority sister. I've always looked young for my age. When I was a freshman in university, people mistook me for 15. When I was 21, bouncers eyed my ID suspiciously. And when I was 23 and already working as a geologist, a close family friend asked, "Which high school do you attend, sweetheart?" Now that I am turning 25 (in 4 months), once I told a stranger at a party my profession, she commented that I am too young to be a geologist. Looking younger than your years is a boon when you are over 40 (or so I hear) but a bummer when you're a 25-year old kid like me who landed a dream job and is trying to demand some respect. Before I started my career, being mistaken for someone younger was no big deal. But during my first job as a geologist, I quickly realised that looking 'too young' could be a curse for me at work one that would keep fueling my insecurities even when I landed a position of authority. So another year passed, and I have no choice but to adjust to the work environment, so I figured out ways to look and sound the part of someone young but at the helm. I brought my colleagues cookies and brownies, hoping that the sugar will cheer up their day, and like me more. And I learned how to connect with co-workers my dad's or even grand dad's age by finding a common ground, often bringing up my knowledge of university years or travelling destinations. Slowly, connecting with someone older also fueled an 'old soul' in me, I feel I am more grounded and decisive than before. Whenever I was mistaken for someone junior, I just sucked it up and moved forward. Soon, positive feedback from office geologists, supervisors and friends began trickling in, and I realised I was really doing a good job. My self-doubt is slowly being replaced with pride and confidence, and I finally understand that my insecurities about my age and looks are needless baggage that I was lugging around. I should be seeing my title and youth as positive and unique instead of making myself feel inferior, childish and undeserving. I still look young, I am still young, and I still have to deal with rude comments. But after a year of working, I feel more at ease in my powerful job. I am still contributing to the increasing barrels of oil and managing our petroleum resource responsibly. Filling in big shoes when I am still finding myself isn't easy. I may not be an aged scientist, but I have my thick glasses and big sturdy feet to get me there.