my last few minutes of my 18 years old life..

doubt there will be much difference in my 19 years old life..

wished that i was 18 every year..i miss him..i miss school..i miss last year..hai~~

boohoo~~
can't play gunbound..=(

the student i likes most dun like me..just realised it today..a bit too late..but i rather not know..he is quiting anyway..i dunnoe i kinda miss him..hai~and to think he is goin to leave on the day of my birthday..the thought is sad..

part of me wanted thursday to come..part of me dun..wad the heck..hai~~

sian..i think i still enjoyed my birthday the best last year..still can remember..haha..last day of common test..went to the jap restaurant at bedok..some decided not to go last minute but anyway..he went..haha..and he sent me home..but wad the heck..will he remember?doubt so..wadeva..wad am i to him anyway??dun care la..just let me enjoy this birthday with my friends..i am happy enough..

happy birthday to kaijing..(27th June)hope all your wishes come true and that you find your prince charming woR~~!!

went to kbox at marine parade yesterday..haha..finally after 2 months of waiting...yups,went there to celebrate kaijing's birthday..sang loads and loads of songs..haha..sing until dun wanna leave..haha..yep,yep..my last song..ni he wo by leehom..wanna sing also cannot..chase off by the people..

next time wanna go kbox,dun go marine parade one..though it is closer to the eastern side..haha..their service not very good..they never ask for drink order until around 1 hour later..then they asked..we almost die of thrist..haha..then somemore the room not very big..not reallie comfy..haha..

but songs at kbox were great..haha..yeah~~i think i sang too softly dunnoe why..sang a list of she songs..haha..and some sammi one,especially those very "high" one like mei fei se wu and du yi wu er..etc..some xu huixin's songs etc...mayday songs..haha..very fun...and definitely,jolin's songs...especially the new ones..kaijing likes most..haha...

yeah~~and here are some of the pictures..keke..


this is me and huixin..taken by yeeling..haha..huixin sang half-way..keke



diana and yeeling..they took 16 pictures ok..wah~~


me and yeeling..i like this pic..=)



me and the birthday girl..haha..

for more pictures..you can view at http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4286393929

took some pictures with my students..hehe..here are some..just uploaded a few..keke...took with them yesterday and the day before..keke..borrowed the camera from guirong on wednesday..then took some pics too..but haven't upload yet..haha...

erm,here are some:


this pic is taken by myself..with gina..she is cute huh?



my favourite picture..haha...very cute gers..=)



the primary 6 boys that gives me headache as well as fun and joy..haha..



me and ranice..she very pretty but keep on saying she is not photogenic..-.-"'

you can view some other pictures at http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4286429171..but you gotta be its member..and it's free~!=P

sick..i am sick..

i better be ok before 27th june..the day i anticipated the most..the day i could go ktv..hope my voice came back to me..not the sorethroat kinda voice..damn..i better drink loads of water..

hai~later still have to bring the kids to whitesands..library and supermarket..scary..might be a nightmare for me..

hai~games was ok..anyway,it's been delayed to a only 45 minutes game..kids listening as ms olivia is around..but anyway,only one game was played..bingo..haha..got a theme for them then ask them to write a list of what can be found in the theme..haha..and match with what i wrote..keke..yeah..and most of them thought along the same line as me..tried to be as lame as possible..but they are children so dun bully them..haha..hope they enjoyed la..i dunnoe..but some of the older children would rather play pokemon cards i guess..wadeva..this is my last activity and i am relaxed..wow~~no need to play any more activities for them le..coz school reopens soon..sian..he leaving soon..

been too lazy to type my entries recently..keke..nothing much is goin on anyway..haha..yeah..erm,playing gunbound with my students lo..added them in frienster..one of them even forced me to go and add a testi for her even though i am not very close to her..haha..funny lo..erm,she is a ex-student from the centre..then i only noe her better through people as well as smses and probably gunbound..haha..weird way of knowin people..anyway,she kept sayin i very bubbly..wonder if that is an insult..haha..but anyway,nice way of meeting friends la..though she is younger by me around 7-8 years..haha..just friends mah..

today is my activity..hope it won't be as chaotic..hai~~hope not much people come..haha..and i haven't prepared my stuff yet..=P too lazy to,too addicted to computer to..haha..later la..keke..maybe no need to prepare also..haha..dunnoe..anything..

tired..very tired..the scorching heat makes me tired..

almost fainted while helping to type in entries of those who bought the rooftiles to support the building of the metta school at simei there..it would be ready next year and it's for the disabled..either in learning or physically..i think.. like black-out suddenly feeling very giddy..luckily i bought a sweet which ranice gave me on friday,if not i sure die one..haha..but strange leh,i got take breakfast lehz..but only a few biscuits and a cup of milo..guess it was low-blood..hehe..

then went to watch the children performed dance..hmm..not bad..but i guess the response wasn't that great..either the crowd weren't too enthusiastic about it or perhaps they had watched before at the metta bbQ..anyway,i took loads of pictures and haha,ms olivia missed the show(i sounded so bad)..keke..she called me after the show ended..erm,then after that accompanied the children to play games and eat..hai~i was eating while going with them as they were on their way to play..tough to please them sia..haha..then the exchanging of tokens etc..played soccer and some games organised by the jjc students..they are there to volunteer..haha..the soccer player was there..the tiong bahru,or the erm,tanjong pagar one..not sure..haha..then the indian man kept asking me to play..haha..wadeva,i tried once and i scored coz the goal keeper wasn't paying attention..haha..anyway,the children got loads of soft toys--monkeys mostly..wish i had one..haha..but i didn't play any games so..erm..haha..dun have loh..stein offered me his but dun want lah..haha..very bad to take/snatch things from kids..haha..

hmm,am supposed to be at my relative house now..hai~but damn tired and mum is worried that i would faint again so here i am typin my entry..might slp later..might not..shd sleep la..wanna watch tv at nite..hehe..

till then,tata~~nitez..(though it is only afternoon) i wanna sleep le..zZzZz

tired after a hot day at the carnival..haha..imagine,under the hot sun,i was wearing 2 shirts..well,i was late..and i didn't wear the carnival t-shirt go,who asked me to be so protecive of my image..haha..just feel weird to have so many people staring at you in such a BRIGHT RED shirt right?bloody..people kept complaining hot and haha..there i was in 2 shirts and didn't even mumble a single thing about being hot..guess it is because they are aunties?haha..wadeva..

not a very good sale today..though i managed to get a few guys to buy the tile for the school..haha..and managed to learn how to operate the computer system and thus my job for tml is to key in all the names of the donators..yeah~~better than today..slacking around watching people do work..noone asked me to do anything and i am too paiseh to ask if i could do anything..so all i did was to stand around..and just smile..wadever i dunnoe,i just smile and asked people to help..smile==>you will get your work done..haha..guess it is reallie one of the important keypoints if you want to work in customer service..haha..

took bus 38 home..and guess what?i meet with someone with mental problems..he kept mumbling to himself..then suddenly said"you go and die lah~!" scare me sia..then at first i thought he talking on the phone but later on,i realised that he was actually listening to walkman..scary sia..but luckily he didn't do anything much other than shouting..just my luck..

looking forward to watch them dance tml..haha..yeah~i volunteered coz i wanna watch them dance..keke..anyway,it's kinda cool to give them surprise support..=) gonna miss them when school terms start..hai~~!

scolded by mum..

i was too addicted to gunbound le..the moment i opened my eyes,the computer was on...until the moment i stepped out of house to work..and the second i reached home from work,my computer was on..hai~~til the moment i fall asleep..and i have started to sleep later..

she blames it on me having the broadband..and i suppose it should be one of the main reason why i am addicted to gunbound..without broadband,i would take like dunnoe how many hours to download and load the game,much more to play..without broadband,i would have more carefully used my time..haha..but anyway,no matter what,she will find excuses to scold me..and i am used to it..i have never done anything within her expectations..there are always people for her to compare with me..from kindergarten until now..yeah~kindergarten..

kindergarten:shinleei and i were choosen and one of us will be giving a speech..and yesh,you guessed it,shinleei was choosen to give the speech..i was relieved..but she was not reallie happy about it,even though the teacher gave me a chance to step on the stage to receive certificate on behalf of my classmates..

primary 4:i did badly for my chinese and english,and thus the teacher asked me not to opt for a higher mother tongue..and yeah~she started comparing..i was supposed to be in the best class then and she wanted me to remain in the best class..stressed..again,the teacher said that i would be able to remain in the best class even though i couldn't take up higher mother tongue..strange..weird..i dunnoe y..and i still wonders about the stupid class system..
primary 6:got around 240+ for my PSLE..she was disappointed..i noe it..she expected me to do as well as my best friend..how could i?she was always the top(she got ard 260+)..anyway,she just said that i was not hardworking enough..as always..if i got 250+,she would just said that i could have done better..mothers..

secondary 2:yeah~again i did pretty badly in my streaming,like always,since when i have done well(in her eyes) i was posted to a class not taking pure sciences..but so what?it's not the end of world to me..i guess..
secondary 4:got around 17 points for my prelims,posted to TPJC..and yup,she compared again..damn frustrating..and the same old reason out:i am not hardworking enough..wadever..i was glad i could be posted to a JC for the 1st 3 months..and the O-Level..she expected me to improve a lot..but i only improved like 2 points?i was satisfied enough to ba able to stay in a JC..and that i didn't deprove(was there such a word?)..and yeah,you guys must have guessed it..started comparing..sian..darnit..wadever i did was no good..of course there are always people who did much better than me..

JC:did very badly..this i knew..haha..and yet i didn't choose engineering(the common dumpin grd) in fact i was rather confident that i could get in science(my seniors said i could..but apparently there are loads of people who are interested in this ccourse this year..so wadever..)damn the stupid new system..it's so irritating and i am so damn suay..yah,she of course won't lose the chance to nag at me,comparing with people who had done fabulously well..hai~~

but nevertheless,i am glad that she gave me a chance to study in the private uni..who noes?maybe i will be able to do fabulously well?maybe i could excel then?maybe NUS and NTU would have regretted not taking me in..haha..maybe..and all these maybes could become a reality if i stopped being so addicted to the internet..haha

HELP!

SAVE ME~!

yeah~finally a day at the pasir ris park..haha..quite fun actually..most of the pri 6s are around including those who are leaving in june..yeah~and that's the reason why i asked guirong to lend me her digital camera before the june holidays end..hehe..to take pictures of the pri 6s..

yeah~~tomorrow is saturday..hehe..erm,hope to enjoy selling things at the esplanade there..if you guys free can go visit me..near clarke quay also somewhere there ba..at the hong bao river area..i suppose..i am not very sure also..haha..hehe..call me if you are going there ba..

sunday they are performing,yeah,stein too..haha..lena and waiyue,too bad you missed the chance of meeting a shuai-ge-wanna-be..haha..hmm,wanted to go support their dance but..hai~noone to accompany me..boohoo~ and i felt stupid goin alone..haha..unless..haha..eh,anyway,i watched them dance before la..so i also didn't miss much..keke..

today at the pasir ris park,everything is ok ba,i suppose..we took some pics as souvenir..haha..yeah~for me..haha..the camera like become mine le...haha..took with ranice,grayce,vina,anthea,stein,kelvin,leroy and anthony,as well as our staff..keke..but only 3 of us(there)..hai~hehe but nvm,with guirong cam,we can take more pics..haha..hehe..so guirong,you very important to me wor~!haha..a lot of pple i wanna take with..my class..my enemies..my favourite students..haha..and yeah~all the staff..hehe..

hmm,after having aims,i felt that my life is better led..but sad sia,stein is leaving,so is anthea..guess the rest of the primary 6s are also leaving soon..hai~then all my friends leave le..sad sia..haha..yeah~they all called me big sis..dunnoe why..but if ms olivia heard it(she is my supervisor),she sure scold one..haha..mei da mei xiao..haha..anyway,i dun mind lah..haha..think might return as volunteer..coz got a lot of very cute pri 1s and pri 2s..and new ones comin in..haha..and most of them will find big bros and sis in the centre one..haha..but so far i only know got around 3 or 4 coming in next year..haha..all very cute..kawaii..~.~

i am also looking forward to studying..the first time i anticipated studying..dunnoe why..weird hor?i thought so too..slacker like me wanna study??!!think i tired of working le ba..and i felt that all those i have learnt already returned to all the teachers le..haha..my bro asked me questions,some i also forgot how to do..still wanna teach tuition..wanna hai ren..haha..

givin tuition hope dashed..haha..and i dun feel a bit of sadness within me..

i am sad that he is leavin soon..boohoo~~noone to accompany me to walk to the bus-stop..sianz..my one month without him,what would life be like??haha..sounds like he is my bf..yeah~~i sounded as if i am in love with him..haha..but anyway,i like him a lot i guess..haha..a little too pian xin towards him also..haha..

yeah~it's been rather long since i last blogged(yeah,3 days you might said..) but i blogged almost everyday..hehe..guess what i have been doin?yup,winnie,you guess it right..

gunbound,yesh,i am addicted to gunbound..the cartoons are so cute that it makes me addicted..and it seems to be played by people of different age groups..haha..yeah,even my students played..some of them only,the rest found it boring..haha..yeah,i am talkin about the older one,primary 6s..

got introduced to this game by winnie ba..haha..coz she kept askin people to play with her..haha..go yahoo search then found it..and i played..so did my bro..but my bro is better than me la..my angle and forces sux..haha

my neopet account seems deleted..anyone can help me check?

used to be addicted to neopets,then runescape,and now gunbound..haha..wad a life i have..haha..anyway,gotta go..got a long day ahead of me..coz there is an outing to the pasir ris park today..but wad are we gotta do?!i have no idea..maybe the children have plans in mind..i dunnoe..blur me..

yeah~i must learn to be happier..

is that what happiness is goin to be like?i felt sarcastic..wat exactly is happiness?
laughing from the bottom of my heart?i dun feel like laughing..it's been long since i last laughed from deep within my heart..my laughter sounded so fake..as always..when is the last time i smiled?it's been long..and all my smiles on photograohs look so unnatural,so forced..so weird..so unme..i dunnoe..

yeah~smile and just smile,so you will be pretty..so we smile for the point of being pretty?or do we smile to show our happiness?or what?

i dunnoe and i think none of us is going to noe the reason why we smile when we are happy and why we cry when we are sad..guess noone noes why,we are born with it..

went to my relative's hse as usual today..thought it would be sian but i guess it is one of the best visit to my relative's house..haha..had fun..(of which i thought would never have) anyway,a pleasant surprise..haha..went to watch someone called daniel zhang feng qi at lot 1(cck)..a new star..haha..he is only 17..and he looks very mature..haha..i thought he is 20+ and hai~~he is younger than me..hmmph..wonder the cafe cartel guy maybe also 17?!they look some sort similiar..haha..i vaguely remember his look..haha..

most of my crushes,i only remember their names when i didn't meet them and was thinking of them..only a few,i can remember the faces..those i couldn't,i suppose i was in love with their name..haha..and like wad waiyue said,i am in love with love most of the time..i agreed..dun understand what is love anyway..

took loads of pics with my cousin's digital camera..haha..i wished i had my own..hai~~!mayb when the next IT fair or singapore sale or what..haha..haiz..wanna get a digital camera..i want to keep a picture of all those in the student care..i suppose i would miss them after i left the centre..not sure if they would miss me though but anyway,hope to borrow one of my friend's camera to get their pics and keep it as souvenir..maybe can even make into a presentation when i am free..haha

read my past entries..didn't realise how sad i was in my blog..guess the sadness had become a part of me...until today my friends showered their words of concern to me and started makin me feel guilty that they are worried for me..didn't noe so many read my blog..hahaz..i think too much i guess..worry too much..think too much..should stop myself from thinking..STOP THINKING!

anyway,had a fun time trying to watch the trainee snipping off my hair carefully..haha..funny..anyway,the outcome wasn't exactly what i wanted..i expected something shorter..but anyway,i am quite satisfied..can tie..means i can grow long hair..yipee..haha..longed to grow long hair but my hair takes a long time to grow..haiz..anyway,just want to have a new look..wanted fringe now..look more girl girl..haha..only a bit lah..i am still a tom-boy..=P

yeah,had a great time at the bbQ..though it took a long time to start the fire..but yeah~~had a nice chat with the girls and norman they all..haha..yeah~~with norman..haha..shocked???we talked about the time we went queuing up for artistes autograph..our future courses etc..and tuition job,part-time jobs etc..haha..then alvin asked us to go and eat..interrupt our conversation..hmph..haha..

then joanna came with her digital camera..haha..and we took pics..actually,jac didn't wanna take one..but then wenning pulled her along..haha..and yeah~~we took a girl pics..hehe..but that's before eileen came..and thus a missing eileen..:(

also talked to jac..she wanted to go canada to further her studies..sounds cooL issit?goin to work for a couple of years before goin though..hahaz..i won't be that brave to go to a foreign country to study..a new country,gotta adapt to many things..looking for jobs,etc..haha..then also talked to wenning..very long never see her le..she removed her braces..haha..and she reads my blog..haha..just knew it today..coz she nvr leave notes..but anyway,thanks for reading..at least they(winnie, sally, kailian, eileen, wenning, joanna, simin and deb) tried to make an effort to know what i am doin and i am so touched by the action..=)

then while waiting for the fire to start,weitowe told us some ghost stories in the camp..haha..funny lohz..haha..and scary as well,imagine those things flying about when you are on guard duty alone,without any lights,just a small torchlight..imagine is scary enough..much more facing it..

after that eileen came and chatted a little with her..was supposed to get her the handbag..but i forgot what color she liked and which type..haiz~~i should just got it and exchange if it is not the one she wanted..regretted it..now i dunnoe wad to get for her and she won't tell me if she prefers winnie or tigger..i think is tigger..haha..i dunnoe..i noe joanna likes piglet..wanna get her anklet..but think all the designs are not nice lehz..i dunnoe wad to get for her..haha..so frustrating and i am almost 3 weeks dued..=P

didn't talk to him..like always..anyway,it's been always like this..i am used to it..we dun talk during outing or in class..and i dunnoe why..haiz~~!guess some people can only remained as sms-pals and nothing more..unique friends huh?dun ask me hu?but guess most of u noe..but anyway,wad the heck?wad am i to him?friends?classmates or wad?acquaintance?so confused..and he hasn't given me an answer yet..

suddenly remembered this song and started hummin it..dunnoe why..just came to my mind..

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
But it ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
And i was changed
*Chorus*
In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was then that i realized that forever was in your eyes
The moment i saw you cry
It was late last september
And i've seen you before
You were always the cold one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed
*Chorus*
I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right
I'll always remember...
It was late afternoon

yeah~~special thanks to all those who turned up..reallie brighten my night despite not talking much..haha..sorrie if i offended any of you along the way..and take care till we next meet..tata~~!

lookin forward to a new haircut before going to lionel's house..haha..anyway,i am also lookin forward to seeing some of my long-time-no-see friends..boy,i miss them a lot sia..haiz..but anyway,i wasn't reallie close to them in school anyway,but aiyah..watever..

i miss life in school where i could be so carefree..making fun of each other,tellin secrets etc..but life now for me is just me and me alone..noone along with me literally..i am alone..lonely..hai~~!all i can do is to meet some of my friends ocassionally..when time allows..all of us are busy at work..and mum doesn't allow me out often nowadays..spent too much..later no money for my uni..restrictions..

haiz~!doubt i have much life left within me..i felt so tired..i couldn't sleep early anymore..and the worst thing is that i wake up earlier than i expected..i hate it..no matter what i do,i just felt disgust within me..hate the stupid bloody feeling..

hopin that the new hair-cut will make me look more refresh and the bbQ will cheer me up..hopefully..

i've got enough..i finally broke down..i cried..i felt miserable..never been this way..and i hate myself..

i am so damn bloody lousy..can't help hatin myself..

received personal comments that i think too much..i guess so..i couldn't help it..no choice..i am negative..and i think i am facing depression..nothing makes me laugh from the bottom of my heart anymore..i am more selfish now..no longer thinking about the others..i guess it's part of growing up?i hate me now..i hate myself..but anyway,what can i do?i just gotta continue with my life as it was..it is sucky..but noone cares so why should i??

headed down to sim today..haha..got off at the wrong busstop but anyway,got there..had a chat with the customer service officer..very good and patient with me..hehe..i was not reallie decided with my choice yet and she just patiently explained each course in details and tried to analyse with me,etc..so good rite?yeah,at last i chose bachelor of science in banking and finance..not sure if it was good..but anyway...i dun care...

well,i wished i was like her,with such good talent in speaking..actually,i think a lot of my friends are like that too..and i am not like them..neither am i talented nor do i have a useful skills..i felt useless..bleah,i have been so negative lately..can't help it if my future seems so bleak..haiz..though i have sort of planned the study route for my future but..nobody knows what happened 3 years down the road..nobody can predicts..noone knows..

went out with waiyue and rong today..didn't talk reallie much..except when me and waiyue are waiting for the bus..she said that i dun reallie noe her well..and i guess i admit it..i dun..i am a failure i guess..i am reallie not observant enough..even for eileen's present i gotta delay..hehe..coz i dunnoe what to get for her..=P i dun reallie noe her well i guess..dun understand her..

i am no longer the same..i have become much more heck-care..even to care for my friends..

i am such a failure..

and i hate myself

headin down to SIM tml..no idea what to expect since i am goin alone into this brand new school..it's just like when i went to temasek secondary school..i was the only girl..and the other 2 person are in different class as i am..i am amazed at myself for adaptin so quickly..doubt i can do the same now..

my expressions are written on my face,one of my students told me..i guess so..couldn't conceal myself..wish i was a clown..with a happy face and not show any anger,any sadness and life would be a better place for all..i was too "revealing" as in my feelings..everything i felt was on my face..is that supposed to be good?or bad?

i felt old..i felt as if i have been through a lot..but i haven't..at least not the worst..i think..i got friends who have been through horrors..i felt old being with those kids..mayb i am..but i won't admit it..=P

how i wish i was 18 every year..haha..

got this from my fren..she said i am a worrier so gotta read this..

Women fret more than men, and the result can be disabling
By MARILYN ELIAS
Gannett News Service

A friend makes a rude remark, and you brood about his nerve all day. The boss is irritable, so you dissect every word she says, wondering if it means something bad for you. Lingering problems with spouses, children who get C's instead of A's, aging parents with poor health - they're all grist for thinking and thinking.

If a little thinking is good, a lot is better, so we think. But that's wrong, insists psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, whose groundbreaking research shows the downside of stewing over life's issues. It amplifies sadness, makes problems harder to solve and alienates others.

The dangers of overthinking don't strike the sexes equally: Women ruminate more, Nolen-Hoeksema says. Her new book, Women Who Think Too Much (Henry Holt, $24), tells why overthinking occurs, why it hurts people and how to stop.

"What you think is what you feel," says Rosemarie Poverman, a Manasquan-based psychotherapist. "Overthinking is a form of worrying."

She says that thinking through problems is not necessarily a bad thing.

"If you have a lot of problems, you may well spend some time working on them," Poverman says.

School worries

But ruminating, or stewing over them, can border on obsessive thinking, she adds.

In South Jersey, Shannon Molony of Pennsauken concedes she worries.

"School, mostly," says 19-year-old student at William Paterson University in Wayne. "I stress out with grades and stuff." She sometimes redirects her anxiety by talking to friends and writing poetry.

Martina Grant of Camden says she doesn't fret. A member of a close family, she takes comfort in knowing she and relatives are there for one another. And she walks at Cooper River Park in Pennsauken.

"It's a stress reliever," says the 40-year-old Grant, who has a medical transportation business. "It helps me feel healthy. Plus, I want to lose some weight."

But too many women apparently obsess.

About 20 years ago, psychologist Nolen-Hoeksema's studies began to show that women often fall into what she calls "endless analysis of the past, present and future." If they're upset, they tend to call friends who hold a magnifying glass to every little angle. At the first sign of a problem, men head out for a game of pickup basketball or other distractions. "Later," they say.

So who's better off?

Men vs. women

Women are about twice as likely as men to develop depression. But women who act more like men - distracting themselves first and then plotting solutions - have the same depression rate as men. "This is not all about ruminating," says Nolen-Hoeksema, a University of Michigan professor.

Biology, upbringing, social and economic factors all may contribute to women's depression. But overthinking is a destructive habit that can be changed.

"Just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true," says Marci G. Fox, a cognitive therapist based in Marlton. Cognitive-behavioral therapy emphasizes the crucial role of thinking in how we feel and what we do.

Fox notes some people tend to overestimate the risk, likelihood and severity of bad stuff happening, and underestimate their coping resources.

"Feelings aren't facts," says the 35-year-old clinical psychologist. Worriers, says Fox, need to ask themselves: "What's the data?"

She recalls one patient worried about losing her job in a down economy. But, says Fox, "There was lots of evidence that she wouldn't get laid off."

During the work crisis, the client objectively analyzed her job skills in the organization. She also networked with former job associates and contacted recruiters, translating her negative worry into positive action.

Put worry off

Ultimately, says Fox, "She kept her job, and she also recognized how valuable she was, and she was able to negotiate a competitive salary."

Poverman says that while it may not be accomplished instantly, some people need to make real the advice found in what often is called "The Serenity Prayer" - to change the things you can, accept the things you can't, and have the ability to know the difference.

The goal isn't to suppress or deny problems, Nolen-Hoeksema says. Dozens of studies show that pulling away temporarily, then strategizing, produces the best outcome for problems and mental health.

Depressed patients often overthink, agrees Constance Wood, a Houston psychologist. "You hear a lot of 'What did he really mean by that? Why did he say it to me and not her?' "

In 35 years, she's treated more women overthinkers than men, but adds: "Men raised in some kinds of homes may do it, too. For example, an only male child who's doted on and constantly monitored can become a ruminator."

Parents encourage the expression of sadness and anxiety more in girls than boys, Nolen-Hoeksema says. They also pay more attention when girls feel sad or anxious, which reinforces it, she says.

But that's not the only reason many girls grow up to become fretters. Chronic hassles, the "too much on your plate" kind, fuel overthinking, and working mothers know all about that. Women often are reared "to base their self-esteem and well-being too much on what others think of them," says Nolen-Hoeksema, so they agonize over this more than men do.

Also, they're more affected by events in others' lives, "so they have more to ruminate about."

Gender differences

Sex differences in overthinking are largest during young adulthood and smallest after 65, when both men and women ruminate the least. Psychologists aren't sure if baby boomers will do less fretting in their old age, or if today's elderly stew less because they gained perspective by living through hard times.

Sex difference seems to surface early, studies show. By age 11, girls are ruminating more than boys. They brood over things that depend on other people's opinions, are harder to figure out and don't trouble boys as much: Do people like them? Are they pretty?

Overthinkers can minimize or stop it if they're determined, Nolen-Hoeksema says in her book. Some overthinkers keep toy "Stop" signs in their desks or purses as a reminder to limit pondering.

Others schedule "overthink" times and find the wait gives needed perspective. Many have discovered new solutions, or at least limited their "fret" time, by writing about problems, meditating or praying. Sometimes people need new friends, "people who will problem-solve with them and not indulge in worrying sessions," Nolen-Hoeksema says.

Unrealistic expectations must go and forgiveness must supplant the desire for revenge. Reasonable goals are the key to preventing rumination, she concludes. "Women often hang onto impossible goals in relationships, including the goal of making everyone around them happy."

Take the fret test

Are you an overthinker? To find out, take this test from Women Who Think Too Much, by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Answer often, always, never, almost never or sometimes to the following statements:

1. I think about how alone I feel.
2. I think about my feelings of fatigue or achiness.
3. I think about how hard it is to concentrate.
4. I think about how passive and unmotivated I feel.
5. I think, "Why can't I get along?"
6. I go over and over a recent situation, wishing it had gone better.
7. I think about how sad or anxious I feel.
8. I think about all my shortcomings, failings, faults and mistakes.
9. I think about how I don't feel up to doing anything.
10. I think, "Why can't I handle things better?"

If you answered never or almost never to all of these, or sometimes to one or two, you're probably not overthinking. If you answered often or always to more than three of these, then you may be an overthinker.

i think i am the overthinker..haha..opps..any ways to stop it??

was mad at one of my student today..didn't want to talk to him actually,but no choice,i got to face him..tried very hard to ignore all he is trying to do..he is trying to spite me..so i ignored him..dun care about him..i let him do whatever he wants..i heck-care..reallie give up on him..talked to him before but he treated me so rudely..i dun care..

another problematic child who likes to play with his scissors and put wooden ruler into his mouth..haiz..asked him not to and he still insisted..should have confiscated it sia..regretted not to..haiz..anyway,dun reallie adore this child..he has a reallie bad-tempered..and he was not like this in the past..very easily agaitated..guess environment does make a lot of difference..

a lot of students have changed..none are almost the same as they were in the first few months..haiz..and to think that they have changed for worse..must be the bad company in the centre..i regretted saying this but i think it is reallie true..the making fun of each other..hitting of each other..discrimination of people etc..haiz..

anyway,i will not be working there by the end of july..by august..dun expect them to miss me..i have been rather hard on them recently..i guess..realise that they faced problems that i never faced when i was in primary school..everything has been too smoothly for me in my primary school and i didn't learn..in fact i dun even remember any difficulties i faced in my primary school except maybe i hate chinese writing and english cloze passages..haiz..i will never understand the reason why they dun understand what their teacher taught them..never ever..

i was too fortunate..i guess..so fortunate that i ended up losing everything i could have got..if i had not done that well in my primary school i might be able to noe what they are facin and perhaps i could help them..and explain better to them..think i am not fit to be a tutor..

but i need tuition lobang..haha..if not,i wil have no pocket money..:( and anyway,i also need to go look for sales jobs..i must make myself realised that studying is much better than workin..haha..then i will work hard for my degree..

if not..i will be wasting money as well as my time..

to everyone reading this..kambatte ne..and no regrets..

one of my student asked me what my ambition was..i was about to tell him that i dun have any,but decided not to..he will ask how come i dun have ambition one..haha..so i told him that i used to want to be a DJ in radio station..hahaz..asked me a load of questions of why am i studying for?yah..and i start to think of the reasons..

why?

do i want to be a lawyer?a doctor?a teacher?or what?i dunnoe and i dun think wadeva i am studying now,will be useful in the future..much more to say i will become a DJ..wad are the requirements i need?i also dunnoe..reallie dunnoe..do you need a degree to do sales?do i?

i have doubts about having a degree..what degree should i own?in three years time things are hard to say..things changes..maybe what i am studying now would be worthless in 3 years time..maybe maybe..

nobody knows,who knows?

just sent a huge load of questions to SIM..still couldn't decide whether to do part-time or full-time..it will be tough if i do part-time?will i be determined to complete the course?will i be able to catch up?as many others are professional etc..would i be able to know what the lecturers are teaching?what is the style goin be like?similiar to debate-style?or just tutorial in most JC style?i am confused..very confused..how am i goin to face this load of problems?so many questions so little answers..i am very lost..

at the same time i am facin this problem,my other friend(i shall not reveal who) is facin another problem with herself..why do we have this fate?why can't w just happily look forward to a university life with a smile on our face,ending up in the same campus?with maybe boyfriends or what?why is everything not as what we have long wished for?

facing people avoiding me..dunnoe why i have that thought but anyway,i dun care..no mood and no time to care..i am busy enough with deciding wad course and wad time to take..much more to care about a person who is trying to avoid me..i've changed..i used to be a person who cares about everything my friends feel,now i dun..i am becoming less sensitive..haiz..that's bad huh?

i starting to hate myself..why am i the way i am?why can't i be like her?i felt jealous..why do i have to undergo this turmoil?is it to make me a better person?a stronger one as well?

i wonder..

confused..reallie confused whether i should study part-time or full-time..wad the heck?why am i so fickle-minded..tried to list the pros and cons..i got this

PART-TIME:
PROs:will be more beneficial three years later,as i will be workin..
CONs:unable to cope in office and school work

FULL-TIME:
PROs:able to concentrate in studies(banking and finance in SIM) and maybe work weekends..if can(for money to study)
CONs:worried that economic downturn,retrenchment of people in the banking sector..

anyway,after taking the 3 years degree course,i planned to take ACCA(something for accountancy one..)but that's what i plan and what i plan,i often did not do/succeed..

yah,so now couldn't make up my mind..part-time or full-time?tell me please?leave a msg..asap..gotta go applie on sat morning...if not no need to go study le..

yeah~~!finally i got my broadband..starhub one..coz must support my friends who are working there at the IT fair..anyway,it cost me monthly around $60 for 18 months..haiz..with a free modem and a mp 3player..but i dunnoe how to use the mp 3 player..haiz..

actually i dun think i have the use for it when school starts and my new job starts..(i am goin to study part-time and work in a bank sector)right now,i am looking for jobs.. but my brother sure can use it..just hope that it won't affect his studies..anyway,i haven't got a new job and i am not very sure if i wanted to continue with my present job..i must admit that i am rather sick of scolding children and seeing their faces..hehe..reallie can't stay long for something..haiz..but i also wanted to do something that i am studying in school..something that is relevant so i would have a rough idea of what life will be like after i graduated..haha..

got a phone call from xiaojia..haha..we both same fate sia..haha..then she was asking me about the private uni etc..haha..she very kancheong..haha..but slowly,she become more relaxed le..then we chatted about other things..like dyeing hair,the bbQ,etc..reallie pleased to talk to her..haha..didn't talk to her on the phone before,if i remember correcty..haha..i am always forgetful..

hmm..yah,meet peichee at the fair..then i was about to intro her to lena and zhijia..haha..but i forgot her name at the moment..so i just told her,that er,i forgot your name..haha..then suddenly remember..haha..see,my memory is so short..hmph..but reallie very long never see her le..haha..also meet yeeling..

then at night,after watching harry potter and installing all the modem and stuff..haha..then went to msn..haha..chatted with win,lian jie,jo and deb..haha..yeah~very fun..haha but then i hope to get more contacts of those who use msn to chat..think msn faster,compared to icq..haha..and more fun coz can invite loads of pple to talk..sad is that you cannot have the history only..and once you leave the chatroom,you have no access to it again,unless someone invited you..haha..and kailian very ke ai..coz she quite blur and not used to the system..haha..

then after that also chatted with yeeling..yeah~~also met her at the IT fair..haha..both of us told lena on msn that we won't be goin to support her,but er,we ended up goin..haha..with the whole family..haha..then we talked about being rejected by unis etc..and we are goin to apply for priv uni..best if can be together..haha..coz both of us are taking part-time..then she is also retaking her As..she wanna do better..even though she had a full cert le..haha..very pei fu rite?i won't do that one..haha..lazy me..keke..

wish us luck in our future in private unis..haha..

went to the jolin's autograph today..

a lot of people sia..and i think me and kaijing reallie went very early,we reached HMV at around 10..hahaz..so we got our VCD disc then..haha..super duper kiasu,right?anyway,she came around 14:15 and we got ours autographed at around 14:40..very fast right?we went quite early and everyone was in a mess and so we are able to cut in to the front and there are also some people who are busy taking pictures and hence let us to go first and thus we got it autographed pretty fast..

oh yah,forgot to mention that there is a pervert (i think he a bit mad one) who cut queue and stick very closely behind me..reallie close,less than a foot away..so eerie..anyway,luckily,he started to move away to the front later..phew,if not i think i will go mad..reallie mad..

anyway,jolin's face is very small..haha..she is very pretty..but she put on thick make-up though..and she signed very fast...haha..yah,and her nails are nice...haha..and she is very thin..didn't reallie get to see her dance..but watch her in pu wei zhi ye..and i think it's great..=)

then got home received bad news:i was rejected by NTU..haiz..anyway,what have i not encounter?i am already numb,although did try to appeal into NTU engineering but..chances are slim..right?so i dun hope much as i get myself ready for a part-time course in SIM(most likely,MDIS required loads of experience) so i am starting to look for a job right now..gotta ask around..maybe i should start studying next year perhaps..i dunnoe and i have not much idea where to go to..gotta call SIM and MDIS..

i have noone to guide me..

i am lost..

save me..

Happy Vesak day~!
okie,vesak day which is today is a day to commermorate the birth,enlightenment and nirvana of Buddha..

when Buddha was born as the Prince Shakyamuni(i am not sure if i spells his name wrongly?)..there was a prediction that he would either become the next king or become a monk..the king for fear that he become a monk,set a nice place without anybody ill and old person to let him see a happy villagers..

however,one day,he went further out to the village and he saw four things..first he saw people being sick,then he saw people being old and having difficulties to move around,next he saw a dead corpse,lastly he saw a monk..then he reallie converted into a monk,trying to think of ways to prevent the sick and death from occuring..he sat under the Bodhi tree and finally after 6 years,he got enlightenment at the age of 29..then he passed away at the age of 81,gaining nirvana..

this was the rough story my supervisor told the children on monday..the story was rather
vague..haha..and even i myself,as a Buddhist have no idea of this story..:p haiz..

anyway,today wake up very early in order to go to the monastery to pray..we had vegetarian meal at home then we headed to the monastery near the old tampines road to pray and yu fou--bathing for the statue of Buddha..there was a traffic jam sia..so many people and cars..after that we went to singapore expo hall as my dad wanted to go to the Food Festival..today was the last day..hehe..went there and tried one of the ice-cream from taiwan..the ice cream was very soft and fluffy and it was great at least i think so but my other family members do not agree..then also got some other food form taiwan(the beijing duck..)i think it is very nice but expensive as well..as 1 small piece costs us around $1.50..expensive right??

was rather tired when i reached home,just dozed off..just woke up..wanted to get some brochures from SIM..hmm..still considering SIM or MDIS..haha..but aiyah..dunnoe lah..to me they are more friendly..they contacted me on my handphone and even emailed and goin to mail me all the details i am required to know..maybe it was because they wanted me in their school,but i was pampered loh..haha..erm,however i am still having doubts on how recognised their degrees are by the private sector..haiz..

erm,guys and gals,can help me ask around?hehe..thanks a lot..=)

wasn't in a super-good mood today..went to work at around 09:30..haiz..got a call from SIM..haha..scare me..the person,jenny told me that they have received my email and she had answered the questions via email,however if i have any doubts,i could feel free to call her back to ask..hehe..and thus right now,i am preparing questions to ask her..*evil laugh* then also got a call from my colleague..she was wondering why there was a cake in the fridge..it was from the parent of our ex-students,fitri and amirah..they left the centre as their mother is not working..and so to show their appreciation they got us a cake..very yummy cake,ate it during my break..

then at around 1300,my lunch period,i took lunch in the kitchen..the auntie already
left..anyway,i had fried rice(vegetarian one)..not bad quite nice..haha..after that,i got nothing to do..haha..then i helped to decorate the board with paper lotus we made yesterday for celebration of vesak day..hahaz..i was scolded by one of my colleague who said that i should really shut out of children to rest for the 1 hour..haha..and i was sent to the kitchen and rest..did my research on the various private universities then..thinking which course i could take and which course i had to wait till next year then i can take..and which course i am interested in etc..was actually "disturbed" by one of the student who was supposed to have his lunch..but i dun mind lahz..hahaz..

planned a date with eileen on friday..looking forward to meeting her with her brand-new rebonded hair..hahaz..still haven't got her present yet..i am dead..=p eileen,you should go choose your present while waiting for me,then we head to the place to buy,kkiez?then i treat you dinner..hehe..as your belated birthday present..try before cafe cartel?haha..we decide when we meet kkiez?dun wanna stress you..haha..

had study time with the children,then got a phone call from MDIS..haha..the person in charge(didn't catch her name) told me about the email i sent them,then answered some questions i had for them..they had sent me an email regarding all my questions and all mail me some brochures and stuff..haha..i was so pampered..and finally feel that i was actually "wanted" by this university..haha..though private universities but they provide people with the services i admire..

after that,i was supposed to go to the kitchen to get some vegetarian food source..also had to squeeze all the foodstuff into the freezer..and i got the man(yesh,delivery man) to make sure that i had all the foodstuff) then while packing,some of the students came in,to refill water..and they told one of my colleague that the both of us are very intimate..i was speechless..anyway,he(the delivery man) asked me my name,if i am attached,and if i am free to go out with him..so sudden..it was only my second or third encounter with im..haiz..anyway,sort of rejected his "date"..he was not my type..haha..and he seemed older,much older than me..haiz..why can't i find someone i like and he also like me???

when will my prince charming come to me???