well done..great..my worst fear has come..i was not admitted to SMU..all my plans of goin to a private university could be put into actions le..haha..yesh,i am getting ready to study in private university..or will try to reapply in NTU for engineering..at least that was the only place that accept people of my grades ba..maybe not..they have enough people already anyway..

yesh,u may say that i am negative,i am pessimistic..but i think it is the environment that makes me feel this way..and now,having faced this difficulty,i felt that i have matured..grow up..at least i feel that i benefited..even though it is a tiny bit..

i am confused..i knew this would happened and i just let it happened..why should i?why am i so dumb?i wish i would go and bang the wall,get into a coma..and never to wake up again..why didn't i prepare myself earlier?i was so devastated...i knew this would happen and yet...hai..just couldn't help feeling sad..bloody hell..why am i crying?for something that i deserved..

got a message from alvin askin me if i am goin to the bbQ..haha..here's the conversation

alvin:hey,you going right?
me: going?where?
alvin:to the bbQ
me: yah,i supposed..ask you ar..if goin for cruise right,is everything foc on board?
alvin:it depends..u goin for cruise with your family issit?
me: oh ok..no i am goin with my friends and i think no choice loh,pay le..hahaz..
alvin:woh~ you book le ar..i see..
me: so how's everything lately?
alvin:yah,everything is still the same lo..feeling ok loh..u leh?
me: hahaz..i didn't even noe my own mood..
alvin:haha..dunnoe your mood?
me: yah..haven't been able to noe how i feel..got rej by NUS..
alvin:NTU lehz?
me: no letter from NTU and SMU..
alvin:that's ok lah..i also got nothing and i am not bothered by it..just relax..
me: hahaz..yah,no choice mah..if come to worse go study private loh..any recommendations?
alvin:think stansfield is better coz it is affiliated to university of london..
me: hmm..okok..what u doin now?
alvin:at home playing computer games loh..u at home also?
me: no,i am on my way to my relative's hse..ya,u shd enjoy while you can before you go back to camp..haha

that's the end of our conversation and as like always..i am the one to end it..dunnoe why also..i am always the one to end..hahaz..anyway,i am used to it..a pleasant surprise that he msg..yeah..to me la..say whatever you guys want..

i was bored so i went to try this test,got it from joanna's webbie..anyway,i forgot how the guy look like..guess it was just a small crush that makes me lose my sleep..hahaz.. shuai ge mahz..haha..haiz..boring life..

this is my way to live

What about yours?
made by rav-chan

another test i got from my old OD:


You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty, laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all about.

You are refreshingly innocent and happy with your life of purity and play. Life's a game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and have been known to cause trouble, but it's all in the name of fun and not meant to really harm anyone. You like to play tricks on people who aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you can't be tamed. You're probably a restless spirit who loves to travel, and quite a dreamer.

Your creativity is astounding and your art (of whatever media - from writing to painting to drama) is like something from another world - ethereal and often very fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social butterfly or a loner with their head in the clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly refuse to accept responsibility or to give in to the wishes of others - unless you feel like it. You have a strong passion for music and can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart. You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather, plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban backyards. Magic through and through, you are far more powerful than you seem, and are capable of being extremely passionate. Though you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and self-absorbed, one thing is certain - life with you will never be boring!

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

i think i had a crush on the guy i just met at cafe cartel..(yesh,i think i am lovesick, siao right to have a crush on someone i just met..anyway,it's just a crush..)hahaz..just went there.. to eat..at around 2100,after settling all the payments and stuff at the agency for the cruise..ended up 4 person goin..waiyue,lena,huixin and me..rong and yeeling couldn't make it last minute..but guess they got their reasons..dun force them also..wasn't pleased with the agency as they sort of looked down on us kiddos..damn them..didn't even ask us if we want to be serve..and yet ask another guy(yesh,a 30 yr old man) who is just looking around if he wanted anything..what a realistic world..jsut hate it..they give us that stupid bloody look as if we were some werewolves or some zombies out there waiting to be served..poor attitude..

then we went to cafe cartel..the attitude was different..i was pampered..hahaz..yeah.. coz of the cute guy who i dun even noe the name..he served us the wrong thing..we didn't ordered soup and yet he brought to our table and even asked to see our receipt which was with me since i made the payment..hehe..(my 1st encounter)he then served us what we reallie ordered..some chicken and stuff combo(i was too absorbed noticing him to remember the things we ordered..:P)and after that i asked him for tartar sauce..he got a cute and confused look when i asked him for tartar sauce..(my second encounter)haha..then i went to return the additional butter(we took too much) and lena was serving us drinks..anyway,i banged into him(my 3rd and last encounter) yesh,accidentally.. well,he said sorry the same time i said sorry..hahaz..i think it's funny..hahaz..

his smile is charming..and boyish look..haha..his eyes are very special.. think he wear those grey contact lenses or was it the light?i dunnoe think,i am mesmerised by him..hahaz..by someone who i dun even noe his name..by someone who serve us at cafe cartel..i think i am mad...

madly in love..haha..

yupz,watch movie today again..hahaz..yeah,twice in 1 week..(lena watched 3 in one week..rich hoR??)watched the day after tomorrow..quite a nice movie with loads of exciting geography facts..as well as morals behind it..we guys should start to save the earth and prevent global warming and if that happens..i really have no idea what will happen the day after today..hahaz..

got this frm it's webbie...
This movie takes a big-budget, special-effects-filled look at what the world would look like if the greenhouse effect and global warming continued at such levels that they resulted in worldwide catastrophe and disaster, including multiple hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tidal waves, floods and the beginning of the next Ice Age. At the center of the story is a paleoclimatologist (a scientist who studies the ways weather patterns changed in the past), Professor Adrian Hall (Quaid), who tries to save the world from the effects of global warming while also trying to get to his son, Sam (Gyllenhaal), who was in New York City as part of a scholastic competition, when the city was overwhelmed by the chilling beginnings of the new Ice Age. In addition to all of the other challenges Dr. Hall faces, he's also going against the flow as humanity races south to warmer climes, and he's nearly the only one going north.

got this from another webbie..
What if we are on the brink of a new Ice Age?

This is the question that haunts climatologist Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid). Hall's research indicates that global warming could trigger an abrupt and catastrophic shift in the planet's climate. The ice cores that he's drilled in Antarctica show that it happened before, ten thousand years ago. And now he's warning officials that it could happen again if they don’t act soon. But his warning comes too late.

It all begins when Hall witnesses a piece of ice the size of Rhode Island break off the Antarctic Ice Shelf. Then a series of increasingly severe weather events start to unfold around the globe: hail the size of grapefruit batters Tokyo, record-breaking hurricane winds pound Hawaii; snow falls in New Delhi, and then a devastating series of tornadoes whips through Los Angeles.

A phone call from a colleague in Scotland, Professor Rapson (Ian Holm), confirms Jack's worst fears: these intense weather events are symptoms of a massive global change. Melting polar caps has poured too much fresh water into the oceans and disrupted the currents that stabilize our climate system. Global warming has pushed the planet over the edge and into a new Ice Age. And it all will happen during one global super storm.

While Jack warns the White House of the impending climate shift, his 17 year-old son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal) finds himself trapped in New York City where he and some friends have been competing in a high school academic competition. He must now cope with the severe flooding and plummeting temperatures in Manhattan. Having taken refuge inside the Manhattan Public Library, Sam manages to reach his father by phone. Jack only has time for one warning: stay inside at all costs.

As full-scale, massive evacuations to the south begin, Jack heads north to New York City to save Sam. But not even Jack is prepared for what is about to happen – to him, to his son, and to his planet.

In INDEPENDENCE DAY Roland Emmerich brought you the near destruction of the earth by aliens. Now, in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW the enemy is an even more devastating force: nature itself..

the latter is more detailed..hahaz..overall,i like this story more as it is more realistic..hahaz..TROY give me the impression that women are sex machines..the guys sexed with women for pure entertainment and fun just before their battle..hahaz.. anyway,i guess that's what happened ages ago..nothing to say..but dun like the feeling that women are sex machines..

checked the application status for NUS and like what sally said they have finalised..and i got rejected without even a letter..how great..they even saved the trouble sending me letters..and if i have not go and check in the website..i would have stupidly be waiting for the letter from NUS..
great..no school wants me..and i needed all the console i could get but my mum just kept nagging at me.."see if you had been more hardworking before your A-Levels you would have done like waiyue..and you dun have to worry about which school you want to go","why dun you study harder?","you are not stupid you noe,you didn't study hard enough.."

yeah,sure,sometimes,i hope i was stupid..so i dun have to face the high expectation of my family and relatives..and yesh,i didn't study hard enough perhaps(to them..) but i am sure,pretty sure that i put in full effort for my physics.,stayin up asking people questions..hahaz..bothering him somemore..ask ivan sum.even went all the way.and what did i get in the end?A "D" for physics..i just sux in the subject..and neither did i except a "D" for my econs..though i never(yesh,never) aced in econs but normally,i dun do so badly..a change of marking scheme,i suppose and i was shocked to get the kind of essay question i got..but anyway,it's over..

all is over and done with..i should prepare myself to work..maybe working for some company as part-time admin stuff or what for some time..maybe then to work for my pocket money then perhaps start my course either next year or the year after next..been thinking alot..but not sure which private university is more recognised..later study 3 years,then the degree not recognised,i die sia..hahaz..

got this from kailian's webbie..anyway,found that the results is not as i have expected..it's either i cheated or they make good use of all the points i agreed with..hahaz..
click here to go to the test

Summary: Jocelin Chow, your responses indicate that you are an intensely persuasive and determined person. You delegate details and obtain technical support whenever it is possible. Your inclination is to deal with a project's key elements rather than its specifics. Too much definite structure and regulation affects your level of comfort. Since you are a very likeable person who takes time to listen to people, it is probable that you have many acquaintances and friends.

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Communication Style:Jocelin Chow, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.
Also, Jocelin Chow, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent.

You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.

Jocelin Chow, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.

You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.

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Leadership Style Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like a leadership role, function in a manner suitable to your environment, and support teamwork. You develop your people with enthusiasm. You delegate details freely and may be disinclined to delegate authority. You actively promote change and look for new ways of reaching goals.

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Conscientiousness: You balance solid, goal-oriented achievement and a relaxed approach to life. You may fluctuate between periods of highly motivated, achievement-oriented activity and periods of more easy-going behavior. Alternatively, you may demonstrate a sustained, moderate level of effort toward your goals. While you may not demonstrate an intense desire for achievement for its own sake, you are able to summon a sense of purposefulness and self-discipline when needed. The level of your positive motivation toward achievement may depend on the task or situation.

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Motivational Needs: Jocelin Chow, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.

You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.
Primary Motivators
-> A lot of interaction with people.
-> Meeting new people and making friends.
-> Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
-> Being a team player within the organization.
-> Praise and public recognition.
-> Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
-> Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
-> Acceptance and being liked by others.

Primary Demotivators
=> You perceive you are not liked.
=> You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
=> Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
=> You feel you are not part of the team.
=> You do not have enough people contact.

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Emotional Intelligence: Jocelin Chow, your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. You tend to feel at ease in almost any social situation, and it is likely that you are proficient in both maintaining relationships and networking. You easily build rapport, and you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.

bloody hell,wasted like around $1 for a stupid S which was supposed to be in my dial-up system..gotta calls some 1900 thingy to get the problem solve to come online to blog..stupid sia..

bored...man i was bored..been online pretty often lately..hahaz..and i think i should reallie get a broadband real soon..any recommendations?singtel?starhub?or pacificnet??then the modems and stuff cost around how much?gotta go surf the net to find out..yesh,surf net..money again..rising costs..lowering pays..stressful lifestyle sia..

haven't got my pay..boohoohoo..stressed..so much money output and no input..hahaz..kkiez,i am lucky you guys may think..i still get pocket money from my parents..hahaz..even though i have been working for like around the past 5 months?!well,the money i earned are mainly for the universities fees..and perhaps my pocket money as well..gotta earned more by giving tuition..but gave up the thought when i realised that i couldn't reallie teach well..hahaz..as told by my students..=P anyway,will still try ba..to look for tuition..maybe upper primary or secondary..JC should be out for me..haha..or maybe look for weekends jobs like siuling..those road shows..etc..but i got no experience lehz..=(

not sure if i can get in NUS or NTU..no letter yet..i am waitin for the day to come to confirm a seat for me in the university..as for SMU,if i didn't get anything within the next 2 weeks..i can say good-bye to SMU..haha..wish me luck..*pray hard*

it's over~!all is over..

i think i am done for..the interview..didn't get to say more than 10 sentences and there are many more people who did much better than me and managed to get their viewpoints clear and specific..i tend to generalise too much..far too much..i am done for..the people there are so damn good at the interview..haha..think most of them are from poly and reallie could speak very well..

but then i think my essay is quite ok..unless the teachers have no idea what i am writing about..haiz..i wrote the qns of an autobiography of yourself and write pg 293..i wrote about myself being an Office ger in the company,involved in embazzling and got caught for it..hahaz..the irony of me being the most junior in my company and yet the capability to embezzle money..and also some conflicts and dilemmas within me,deciding when and how to embezzle the company's money..hahaz..i think that's all ba..didn't do pretty well..but still quite ok i guess..at least for the essay i have tried my very best..but not for the interview..haiz...

it's all over,no point dwelling over it..i guess..at least i was given the opportunity to experience what SMU teaching style is like..sort of debate style..and like mrs logan GP lesson..i was reminded of that..just that,in mrs logan lessons,everyone was given the chance to talk but not in SMU,as in my interview(also different from what huixin told me when everyone was given the chance to talk..) evreyone was snatching for the opportunity to talk..and i have lost..hahaz..little chance of talking but i think at least i got my point over to the interviewers..

oh yeah,forgot to mention that i just watched the movie TROY..hahaz..at around 1930 at century square cinema..think the seat is mighty comfortable and i loved it sia..though it made me sleepy..keke..before that,me and lena went to eat at cafe cartel..spent around $13 bucks there..ordered fish and chips then..and a caramel fudge(i think..) shared with lena..hahaz..she ordered breaded chicken..which looks delicious as well..hahaz..

got this from the troy webbie..
Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor – and some for love.

In ancient Greece, the passion of two of literature's most notorious lovers, Paris, Prince of Troy (ORLANDO BLOOM) and Helen (DIANE KRUGER), Queen of Sparta, ignites a war that will devastate a civilization. When Paris spirits Helen away from her husband, King Menelaus (BRENDAN GLEESON), it is an insult that cannot be suffered. Familial pride dictates that an affront to Menelaus is an affront to his brother Agamemnon (BRIAN COX), powerful King of the Mycenaeans, who soon unites all the massive tribes of Greece to steal Helen back from Troy in defense of his brother’s honor.

In truth, Agamemnon's pursuit of honor is corrupted by his overwhelming greed – he needs to conquer Troy to seize control of the Aegean, thus ensuring the supremacy of his already vast empire. The walled city, under the leadership of King Priam (PETER O'TOOLE) and defended by mighty Prince Hector (ERIC BANA), is a citadel that no army has ever been able to breach. One man alone stands as the key to victory or defeat over Troy – Achilles (BRAD PITT), believed to be the greatest warrior alive.

Arrogant, rebellious and seemingly invincible, Achilles has allegiance to nothing and no one, save his own glory. It is his insatiable hunger for eternal renown that leads him to attack the gates of Troy under Agamemnon's banner – but it will be love that ultimately decides his fate.

Two worlds will go to war for honor and power. Thousands will fall in pursuit of glory. And for love, a nation will burn to the ground.

anyway,the movie is okay ba..didn't understand some part at first..but gradually after waiyue's explanation,then realised why..should have made researches before goin to watch the movie sia..hahaz..like brad pitt in the show as Achilles..think he reallie had his own character but he is actually fighting for the bad side..haiz..

then anyway,love reallie matters a lot in the battle..it's mainly due to love between paris and helen and the love between two brothers that started the war..or should i said give excuses to those in greed of power(Agamemnon) to have a reason to start a war? i think the latter is more accurate..and it is also love that ended the life of the people who matters a lot to the show..eg.Achilles(love of the troy girl tryin to find her during the downfall of troy and being shot by paris),King Priam(love for country),King Menelaus(fighting with paris over helen but died in hector's sword).. think after watching this show,many people,including me will "hate" orlando bloom for being such a coward useless bum and yet steal other people's wife..hahaz..

great show to those who would like to drool over handsome and muscular guys..hahaz..

today is the day of interview...slept late last night ard 0100 but wake up early in the morning at 0800 (sorrie,i loved the 24 hour clocK better than the 12 hour) feeling a bit feverish..hehe..measured temp:37.6 well,guess i was too tired..from the tooth relic,the children's games as well as the interview and essay today..

tooth relic,can't said that i was bored..but can said that i am pretty worried about the money being lost/stolen or even mixed up..there was supposed to be $250 change(never actually handle so much money before,not even in ge yao's funds..) in the safety box and
at one point,when we are reallie very very busy,i realised that we do not have enough $2
change and gena(our boss) had went to change for small change at another place..aRgh..i was so devastated that i asked around for people with small change..hahaz..like a bit mad sia..then after everything was settled,there was an additional $4,even though i had returned everyone the $$$..oppz..hahaz..i just placed it in the donation box..with all the other purchases..hahaz..and i supposed it should be in the fund..haha..

yesh,for the children's activities in june at my centre..i realised that i was the only one who prepared all games,the rest only got ready cookery and art&craft..only me..haiz..as usual..i got the stress coz i am worried that they will either find it too tough(for the lower pri) or too easy(for the upper pri) maybe should have an outdoor game of dog&bone..nice right?this game?haha..i dun reallie like it myself..but the children there seems to enjoy running..so mayb can organise something like the children's activities in TFSC..stealing ideas here and there..haha..yah,speaking of TFSC,i regretted i can't go back to help out..miss the children there..but realised that actually,most of the children have left..

dread interviews..i have never been good speaking in english..although those who have went for the interview had said that it was more like a GP discussion..but i was more worried,i seldom read the newspapers and watch the news..haiz..so now very scared..i am supposed to go read the newspapers now..current affairs..haiz..increase in university fees..haiz..and the essays huixin told me,it was so abstract..and for some,i couldn't figure out how to write..there are 3 qns:the day you went into coma/east is red,west is blue,elvis is dead,confusicious too/ethical dilemma..and if i were to choose,i would choose the 1st one..but it's only 35 min essay..doubt i even have the time to think..an di dun think i will be that lucky to get back the same qns ba..hahaz..

yah,remembered something..hahaz..didn't noe that people reallie read my blog until so detailed..hahaz..and even questioned me online..hahaz...yesh,i am talking about you snufflezz..thought you prefered M's blog??hahaz..think i am being slightly a bit obvious..hahaz..anyway,the person who messaged me is just someone lah..that's why i used HIM instead of the name..perhaps,next time should use her..then you guys won't qns so much..haha..and snufflez,the dream about that guy is just a dream..and i doubt i would be able to find out much about him le,since he's in NS and we dun reallie keep in contact..if i msged him,nothing to say also..hahaz..

yesh,hope you guys wish me luck for the interview and essays later..gotta go and mug..hahaz..for the interview..kekez..*pray hard for doing well in the interview as well as the essaY* tata..gotta go and prepare le..

man,was i bored..i was supposed to make a card for the children,asking them to make a father's day card..like what jun had thought me before..but i sucked at it..dun ask me why..then i am supposed to be in-charge..guess father's day card is out..definitely out..maybe can suggest to my colleague instead..hahaz..think they are better in craft work than i am..

i think i will just organise games for them..more indoor and outdoor games..just try out in the 1st week..who noes?there might be something they aren't sick of and would like to continue playing,never sick and tired of the game?! then mayb i will extend the game and leave the rest of the games to other days ba..great idea?i thought so too..hahaz..

i think i gotta clarify something,about the anonymous asking what grades i got..i think SMU asking for an interview doesn't necessarily means that you are accepted into the university..although it still does gives chances to those who are exceptionally good in the 35 min essay as well as the interview..so even if i am asked to be interviewed,doesn't mean i am accepted..so dun put too much hopes on me..i am scared that i would disappoint you guys..

anyway,anonymous,if you think you do much better than me and you also applied for SMU,fret not,think your phone call/email/letter should be coming soon..=)

happie birthday to caryn!!(22nd May)though she will not be reading this blog..just wanna wish her happie birthday anyway..

well,i got some good news and bad news to share with you guys..

good news: yeah~~i got phone call yesterday asking me to go for an interview session with SMU business school on tuesday..=) and i have just confirmed that i will be turning up via email..

bad news:i have absolutely no idea how to go to SMU and what to prepare for the interview..and what if i can't get in?haiz..think i reallie worry alot..think i gotta try my best right?hehez..kkiez,must be more confidence of myself..and STOP worrying..hahaz..i am such a worrier..=P

later i still have to volunteer for the tooth relic exhibition..will be selling things there..some clay-made magnets and stuff..hehez..i made some of these myself..=P hahaz..maybe i will buy some for myself huh?as souvenirs..hahaz..but i am not reallie looking forward to the tooth relic thingy..just did it as a favor to my supervisor,who had been there for the entire week..and if i had not take over,think she will go mad..hahaz

haiz..must apply leave on tuesday already..haiz..dunnoe if she will allow me to within such a short notice..bleah..hahaz..hope i can..hahaz..maybe shall go back find the children after the interview..hahaz..if possible,if i am not dead beat..haiz..sianz..

happy birthday to dearest eiLeen..(21st May)hope all your wishes come true wor~~!!

this morning received a message from eileen..she messaged to replie me about what i messaged her last night at around 01.20..hahaz..at that time i already switched off my hp,watching the meteor garden II..then she told me that she got message from me about winnie not going but the rest can make it(sorrie winnie) hahaz..the both of us are confused..i didn't message her that..i think it's either the network problem..or something bad and eerie occured..or did i sleep-msg to her?but if for the BBQ outing,winnie should be going right?thought she was also one of the organiser??hehez..anyway,it's scary...hahaz..i think too much again..haiz...

try not to think too much..i try,kkiez??

right now listening to: dao dai(rewind) by jolin chai..it's the last song in her album and i loved it loads..about the rewinding of some memories of which the boy didn't tresure the girl..but when they were about to break up,the guy refused to let it go,sound abit like me..i think i am not the kind of person who can take thing up and just let it go,just like that..i am not as carefree and heck-care as before..i think i have changed..not a huge difference but still changed..

think stein's ok with me already..not angry anymore,i suppose..like what joanna said,children dun bear grudges..but we still didn't walk to the bus-stop near his home together today..think we had enough of misunderstandings..reallie alot of misinterpretion that i like/favour him etc..and yesh,i admit it..i tend to side him at times..even though i could just sit on the fence..okok,it's my fault..all my fault..

haiz..can't seem to get things right nowadays..i am very stressed..reallie in fact i think i am about to break down..but at least there is a job to keep my mind occupied..and i can't concentrate for long even when watching tv..i think i am very much addicted to the computer..perhaps due to the not-so-new blog..hehez..i am very satisified with my blog right now..except that the comments are once again creating problems for me and hence i deleted it..but anyway,i was happy to have found an artificial star as my background when i couldn't reallie find any in my own world..love it sia..ain't gonna change it..hehez..

got a message from him at around 22.30:
him:are you still working?
me: ya,y?
him:nothing la,just striking up a conversation..
me: hmm,i am in quite an unstable state now..but anyway,thanks for msging..need the
distraction..haha
him:unstable?how come?
me: it's my fault actually,i worried too much..too stressed..must think of games for the children..and i haven't got any letter yet..
him:hey dun worry too much..if u are desperate for something,e thing will nvr come..Just get on with life n there will be surprises..
me: quite a sound advice..but i juz can't help feeling worried..i try,okiez?
him:haha..dun think too much..i slp alr..gd night!give you more advice when i see you next time..
me: hahaz..okok..nitez..

can't say that i was excited to receive his msg..but just purely surprised and a little
happy?hahaz..it's just a around 25 cents he had spent and yet,it reallie brighten up my
night..hahaz..so guys go ahead strike up a conversation whom you have not meet for quite some time and it could really brighten up his/her day!!

can't sleep well lately..slept very late yesterday..at around 1.30am..i think even peisi was shocked that i was online that late..me too..i was reallie surprised as well..hahaz..thought perhaps it was because of the guess show..but in the end didn't reallie watched..hahaz...just wasted my time..doin nothing..

had a nightmare..i dreamt of someone who had confessed his love to me and whom i have not replied to to be with another girl..i felt jealous and that person should have been me..if i agreed..i am sad..just like when i saw benedict with his girlfriend on the day we had done our flag day 2 years ago..reallie..i dunnoe how to describe the feeling but i just can't let it go if it reallie happens in real life..would you have reacted similiarly as me??

been thinking about him lately..dunnoe why..at stardust,thought i meet him,but it was only someone like him..been imaginin too much lately..dunnoe why,deleted the messages he had sent to me..no regrets..but hai..i reallie dunnoe what's between me and him?who am i to him anyway?friends?good friends?acquaintance?i dunnoe..i am confused..reallie confused..and i dun bother to think anymore..

loads of things to be done..but too little time,i am supposed to plan games for the children..ageing from primary 1-6 and maybe even one or two secondary 1 students..water games?charades?running?what else?couldn't think of more..i am brain dead now..reallie think a lot lately..

facing problem with stein,think he's angry for me punishing him..i have to otherwise,people will say that i am not being fair..haiz..there is nothing i can do about it,i guess..at most i lose a good pal to listen to all my woes and problems..lose a pal who would give me advices and sometimes sweet surprises..i hate it..but i couldn't do anything to stop it..i feel so useless..can't even salvage a broken friendship..guess the wrost thing is that people,even one of the POs(programme officers) joined the both of us together,as if we were an item..we are not..and i think it is awkward..for the both of us..reallie awkward..hope everything will be ok tomorrow..hope so hope so..(been saying these pretty often nowadays..)but i reallie do,sincerely hope that everything will be fine tomorrow..reallie..*pray hard*

been thinking a lot..a little too much in fact..much more than the times when i was in seondary sch and jc added together..all my taR-Los friends said so..even on icq and msn,my friends are able to sense that i was worried about the posting of results..and reallie indeed i was..kaijing who had almost the same grades as me,had received a "special conversation" with SMU about the Information Systems Management course(goin to the interview soon) and also a letter from NTU getting into the engineering course..

and i got nothing..no letter at all..i am frustrated..vexed..i am worried about my future..i see no light..all darkness..i was hoping to see a shiny star in this total darkness..but i couldn't..i only see more darkness..much more darkness,as if i have fallen into a deep deep pit..i am scared,very scared..and i believe i had every reason to be scare..coz i didn't fare well in my examination and yet,i didn't put any course that my result should bring me to..and reallie,i think i have no chance of getting into NUS,NTU or even SMU..and i didn't apply for other private universities..which i regretted..i also regretted not putting in engineering for both NTU and NUs..at least if i had put,it secured me a place in the university..better than landing in nowhere like me now..

my friends had tried to console me..even those students in the student care,those nice one had tried to be nice to me..consolin me..trying to cheer me up..some of my friends told me that if i got letter this week,it'll most likely be reject letters..so i hope and wish that i won't get the reject letter *pray hard* and that there is a last batch of letters to be sent out..*pray hard to get that batch of letters to be admitted into the universities* reallie hope that what they said is true..some even said that "no news is good news" but the more they consoled,the more i hear,the more fear i get..

reallie very very scared..very stressed...what if i can't get into any universities?and i would have wasted my 2 years in jc..what if?loads of what ifs?little answers..

however,if all comes to worst,i will apply for either SIM-RMIT university for some of their bachelor of science courses,for business admin..or maybe i will go find an admin job and work for around 1-2 years then go applie private uni for part-time education..but of course,it will be tougher and i would have less free-time of my own..with that,i will get an honours by the end of 3-4 years..given tha i worked hard..hahaz..which i think i would..won't wanna regret again..enough for me to regret once..for wadever which had so much impact on me..

went to andy's church today..

it's quite near my secondary school..but rather ulu-ulu..hehez..i also dunnoe what come over me and make me agreed to go to his church..i guess it's the promise i made to him in school the other time me and joanna went back..hahaz..that time he never ask me to go and see his play..he was acting the guard..but anyway,that time was on chinteck's birthday,i remembered..hahaz..

and so since he asked and i have nothing on,so i went lo..hahaz..it's like fated..hahaz..i msg him to ask if he could book a bbQ pit for the class BBQ(hey guys,it has been changed to BBQ at lionel's house on either 12 or 19th june) then he said that he dun have pit but he could ask aaron tomorrow at church if he(lives at changi) book a pit instead..then he asked if i wanted to go to his church..i agreed like i said,i dunnoe why..but just agreed lo..hahaz..

anyway,as we entered the church,the singing of praises already started..and i saw familiar faces on the stage..hahaz..yesh,you should be able to guess,aaron was on stage..playing the electric guitar..then,i saw cheryl ho(my 1st 3 months classmate) and cheryl tan(my tms acquaintance) singing..qiyang(my secondary 2 classmate) was the other person who played the electric guitar..hahaz..it's such a small world..hahaz..they must be thinking why i was with andy coz cheryl ho asked me what's between you and him ar??hahaz..then aaron gave me that kind of weird look..hahaz..funny lo..

anyway,abit awkward when they are singing the songs coz they sometimes speak in a different language..and i am not reallie totally "into" the singing,perhaps because i am resisting it..as i am not a christian..maybe maybe..but i think overall,i did enjoyed myself..hahaz..learnt some things as well,that we can't be obsessed with things..eg.money,studies,computer games,etc etc..and that the holy spirits is actually the spirit of truth as well and it exists around us..

then after that,talked abit to aaron about the bbQ thing..then hahaz..dunnoe why,suddenly,aaron went to his pastor and got me a bible..hahaz..siao aR..i mean i am not reallie sure like andy that i am converting or what lo..so i mean why give me a bible??!!but in the end i didn't take..coz i think i will not be able to utilise the bible as fully as it should have been used..so why waste it??

then we went home while aaron stayed for the second service..guess he gotta play the guitar for the second service..made quite a number of new friends but didn't remember their name..i just remembered their faces..hehez..i dun reallie have a good memory you see..hehez..

went home,every tired..btw,the service start at 7.45am lohz..so i am reallie very tired..slept at around 1 yesterday..then have lunch,took a short nap,then head off to bugis..went to the OG there..there's a sale..and on our way saw a cute monk,around my age,if not even younger..just find him cute..hahaz..also meet ziqiang..think he's with his mum??!!he's wearing spects though..hahaz..think he use finish his conntact lenses le..hahaz...then got myself at giordano the knitted carligan(spell correctly?)and a pink halter-neck (those tyoe 2 strings behind one) hehez..found it nice but dunnoe if can wear like that will it be weird if i go on streets..but never mind lah..who cares right??!!hehez..

watching the channel 8 8 o'clock show now..nice sia..about the bras show..got to learn more about wearing and choosing the right bras le..but at some part rather confusing..coz switch here and there..messy..hahaz..like my old blog,quite complicated as diana said..but the new one got errors..haiz..sian..dunnoe how to fix also..haiz~!

yeah~~today is the stardust concert..yipee..looking forward to it..hahaz..

anyway,this morning head to joanna's house at around 8.15 as we are going to attend a talk of junwei's autism problem..was there early,very early..spent some time reading the pokemon comics i have borrowed from my student..exciting sia..coz of all the rare pokemons are coming out..hahaz..hehez..

then saw joanna's dad,got the look of a principal..(i'm not sure about his occupation though) hahaz..reminds me of mr loo,my secondary school ex-principal..hahaz..then got on his car,feeling very weird..but luckily,joanna switched on the radio to 93.3fm and helps to ease the atmosphere ba..hahaz..then at least won't feel so weird..while listening,i realise that the DJ,kitty was not reallie as good coz when she reports news,she stammers..but i guess she is just a part-time DJ wothout much professional training..i wonders where she got the lobang to be a part-time DJ..i also wanna be a part-time DJ..hehez..that's my childhood ambition..hehez..coz at that time,i loved to listen to the music and i think that if i become a Dj,i would be able to play all the nice nice songs for all my listeners..hehez..that's my wish la..but slowly,i realised that being a DJ is not as easy as i have thought it to be..the playlist are given to you in order and you can't choose the songs you wanna play..furthermore,you need to handle all the equipments,the fussy listeners etc etc etc all by yourself..however,i hope to fulfill my hopes if possible,given a chance..hahaz..

the lesson..although it makes sense to some other parents whose child is around 5-7,i dun think it makes much sense to junwei..nevertheless,we could still try no matter what..haha..right joanna?but i think it will be very difficult to make him sit down and do work,or even to play,we have a hard time to settle him down..these are the difficulties we faced..and sometimes,i dun find any incentive to attract him or what..maybe only carrying him?!but how to explain to him??when he don't pay much attention to listening and refuse to look??haiz..shang nao jin woh..

after that we went to chinatown to shop..then after that i meet waiyue at cityhall and we went to eat sakae sushi..hahaz..at first wanted to try swensens but then haiz..too expensive..hahaz..then marche,i was rather tired of it and i dun wish to be reminded of the poor response for the class gathering..haiz..so sushi was fine with me and waiyue..and we spent around $13..hehez..too much nice stuff to eat le..yumyum..was full sia..

then went home..to bathe..hahaz..stay so long outside..getting smelly..haha..waiyue followed me home and i guess as i was bathing,y mum told her a lot about my things..hmph..next time can't bring boyfriend home sia,if not he will threaten me with what my mum have told him..hahaz...but that's my mum lahz..see who will crap and talk,just like me..hahaz..dunnoe if it's good or bad..haiz..then waited till around 6.35pm,then we head to school,then realised that we should have given flowers to kaijing..but haiz..too late liaoz..we also dunnoe go where to buy..hahaz..and no guys to give to her..hahaz..hehez..

she sang very well,i think..hehez..she always sings well,but the judge said that she chose the wrong song as the song didn't allow her to show her strength..therefore,she didn't get the top 3..the other joscelin got 3rd..she sang sun yanzi's song,wo bu nan guo..very nice sia..haha and jeremy,aka jay chou got 2nd..yan han got 1st..her voice very unique and got the different ranges of high,medium and low..hahaz..nice sia..admire them..so brave and sing so well..hahaz..

overall,i think the hosts sux..like hell..didn't even introduce the contestants properly..sux like hell lohz..haiz..just so bad that we didn't organise last year..that stupid SARS attack la..ruin everything..sianz..and i think the duet,which should be the most interesting sux loh..everything is below my expectation,maybe except for the alumni's singing..haiz..sianz..but didn't regret..got to listen to the songs the alumnis sang,it's worth more than $2..hehez..

went to mac after that..eat and talked about the stardust we just watched..hahaz..wah~~mac plays very nice and rocky songs..like complicated,somewhere i belong,and some red hot chilli peppers songs etc etc..nice sia..hahaz..i want the disc..hahaz..wonder if it is the real disc or just mp3..hahaz..if mp3,i dun even noe the title of the songs,how to dl??!!hahaz..

today on the way home, meet with bus break-down..the bus couldn't close the main door and so couldn't move on..haiz..so qiao..i just boarded the bus lo..and then the bus broke down le..am i that suay??!!

anyway,i haven't got the letter yet and i am panicking..hahaz..damn,i am so afraid of ending up in nowhere..think once in bad luck,won't get anything lucky..

overheard the kitchen auntie's conversation with my colleague..saying that one of the stuff treated her like very lowly and that we are "teachers" and she a maid in-charge-of cooking lo..haiz..dunnoe what to say lah..i mean first time meet this office-politics stuff lo..but reallie i got nothing much to say to her though..
one of my student,shaun lim was rather rude to me,or rather the tone was more like "eh,like that you dunnoe meh?so stupid" the kind of tone you will say to your good friends,kidding that kind of tone..hahaz..so i told him that i am not his friend and that he shouldn't be so rude to me lo..anyway,i am not his friends also..even though somehow in one way or another i do treat them as my friends,especially stein...told him whatever that was troubling me in the centre whenever i meet with difficulties etc..and he would try to give suggestions..a nice buddy in fact..haha..

happy birthday to yeeling(2nd may),diana(3rd may),weiyong(4th may),sally(6th may),kailin(7th may)~~!!hope all your wishes come true wor~~!!

okie,now let me explain why i haven't been online lately..hehe...coz my comp kena that stupid sassy worm...damn..haha...but all thanks to my computer saviour,guirong who is a computer genius i would call,within my group of tms taR-los gang(the rest of us are computer idoits..)haha..we solved the problem and i could be online again,without having to restart the comp the moment i enter the internet..haha...that's why...so i hope you guys dun miss me..haha...kidding...opps...i very bhb woR..haha

erm,first i update you guys with 2nd may,the day i went to kbox-excutive...it is at somerset in the orchard shopping centre,just next to the somerset mrt station there and as yeeling(the birthday girl)used to be a part-time stuff at k-box,we were given a free 1 additional hour to sing...haha...anyway,we went there to have k-lunch(which is from 11-2pm) and all of us ordered chicken chop set which included a glass of drink as well as a bowl of mushroom soup..yumyum...it was tasty..and all only cost less than $12..hahaz...we sang for almost 4.5hr until the man come and tell us it was the last song then we left..haha..if not i think we will all continue to stay there and sing aR..haha...

didn't reallie celebrate much for the 3 may babies..guess we have grown out of singing birthday songs and whatsoever already...but pressents can't be saved though..haha..got kailin and diana shirts which could be useful in future..i mean it's practical lo..hahaz..and maybe we are going to get some other accessories or what lo..hehe..i also dunnoe what to get for them..hai~~

hmm,then on 4th may,i stayed back in the centre til 7+ to do some work..hehe..to photocopy exam papers for my class..then normally,i will walk with stein,one of the primary 6 student in the student care home..hahaz..but that day as i had to stay back..so,guess what he did?he waited for me..hahaz..so sweet right?actually,i am quite touched when he returned after my colleague sent him off(he goes home by himself at 7) hahaz...at least i won't be alone in the big office..scary sia..hahaz..i think it's rather sweet of him to do that lohz..hahaz..he called his mum to say he will be home late..and so i quickly printed all the stuff i need..and half-way,i actually thought the printer was jamed but only not enough paper..hahaz..luckily,he was there,if not i panicked sia..haha..then we walked home together..haha...

on 6th may,i received bad news..all my friends have received letters form various universities except me..haiz..what's worse was my senior message,asking me about it..hahaz..at first i am not worried then she make me panicked hahaz..after that i messaged eileen and joanna..only eileen got a letter from NTU..then she said winnie also haven't received any letter..joanna also said she have not receive any letter..then i was slightly consoled..phew~~hope to get the letter soon..but must pray hard to get into the course i wanna get in...and not some ulu-ulu course...hahaz..i did so badly and still want something good..haha..anyway,if can't get in my ideal course,i might take stanfield college or maybe MDIS..*pray hard to let me get the course i wanted to get in*

finally,today..hahaz..guess this is one of my longest entry on blog..hehe..erm,today went to kenny rogers..hahaz..and as usual,i was the last one to reach..keke..coz of my work mah..hahaz..waiyue and guirong was famished so they started eating first..talked about the stupid worm that attacked my computer..haiz..erm,then got the disc to remove the worm from guirong..hahaz..*million of thanks to her*=) erm,then went to order my food got the chicken deal($13.50)..hahaz..think KFC chicken nicer..more juicier..but i loved the garden salad and some cheesy stuff with nice seashells shape..(anyone noe what is the name?i just point to the person)hahaz..and a mushroom soup as well as iced lemon tea..yummy...hehez...then talked about cruise..we are going on cruise..yeah~~hehe..most likely in july 14-16..yeah~~looking forward to it..something like graduation tour for the taR-los..yeah~~hahaz...we have said about it since secondary 3..hehe..we will be going on superstar virgo to a malacca-kuala lumpur cruise..hehe...3 days 2 nights ba..haha...yeah~~cooL man,my mum actualky allowed me to go..yipee~!i was also quite shocked..hehe..coz normally,i can't go,even stayin overnight in chalet...but it seems that she was not worried about me staying in chalet but felt that i could go home and sleep instead of staying out..hahaz.."it's not as if i dun have a home"(that's her viewpoint lahz..) anyway,looking forward to it and was trying to psycho more people to go keke...

i am bored..that's why i am online..haha..just watched SHE show on channel 8...nice sia..haha..coz i LOVED them,especially ella...hehe..have you realised that i have the tendency to like female artistes more??haha..girls beware wor..hahaz...

no lahz,actuallie i also love jay chou alot..reallie...but i haven't got his latest album yet...*hint hint* hahaz...

very happy,tml going to k-box..so excited..and tml is yeeling's birthday wor...then monday is diana's birthday wor...hahaz...i am gonna be broke...reallie broke..yeah~

and the taR-los will be going on cruise...in july...looking forward to that as well..hahaz...just in case you guys are wondering who the taR-los are..they are my gang in tms..hahaz...but not kaijing and huixin ba..hahaz...but hope they can join us also lohz..hahaz...taR-los rulez...=)