24 Days

24 days... That's how long it's been since my dad passed away.  24 days.  I honestly never thought about how time continues after some you love has passed.  It all most feels wrong, like time should stop for you or those around you.  24 days ago, I was talking with my mom & aunt about the Daddy/Daughter dance Maddie Gray & Josh would go to on Thursday night.  I was talking about where to get her dress & how excited the both of them were.  My aunt noticed my dad wasn't breathing.  My mom jumped up and raced to his side, not that she was that far away from it.  She felt his final heart beats.  I never wanted to be there when he died.  I had made my peace with him.  I was okay with where I was in my relationship with him, in fact, I prayed for death for him.  Watching the light in his blue eyes fade was just about more than I could bear.  This once tall, strong man had become weak and tired, and in his words "I just want to go home."  Home... not to his physical home with my mom but home to be with his Heavenly Father.  The Home The Lord had prepared for him such a long time ago.  

When someone dies, they immediately turn grey.  Life has stopped.  Physical life for some & for those of us left behind, it's something else entirely.  My dad aged about 20 years in the 2 weeks he spent in the hospital.  He was a 61 year old man going in, but when he died he was in his 80s.  I never wanted to see my dad like that.  The image of him laying in the hospital bed, no longer living has haunted me for 24 days.  I pray The Lord take that vision from me & leave me with wonderful memories, like home movies playing in my mind.

Mary

It's Christmas, and we've been at the in-laws for 3 months!  I feel like we're getting closer to being able to buy the lot & start the building process, but then again... I feel like we've got a long way to go.  Either way, that's not really what this post is about.

I've been thinking about a lot of things, especially all things Christmas.  I love this time of year.  People seem a little more friendly, willing to give of their time & money for the betterment of others.  I love the chill in the air & the way a live Christmas tree can make the room smell so delicious.  I love the lights in everybody's windows & hearing my Mac so excited over seeing all the decorations.  I also love the thought of what this season is all about.  The birth of Jesus.  Wow... what an amazing thing!  I never thought of things this way until I became a parent, but I can't fathom being Mary.  I can't imagine nurturing this sweet baby that you knew was destined for greatness (because whose children aren't right).  Who's name would be called Wonderful.  I can't imagine knowing that I would watch my child be born & then a little more than 30 years later would be publicly beaten & then hung on a cross to die. This was the worst death during Roman times (and I assume still would be today).  What a heavy thing for Mary to have to carry.  Mary was an unwed woman expecting a baby.  Not such a big deal today to most, but back then, she could have been stoned & Joseph could have left her.  But he didn't.  Joseph loved Mary & I can only assume he loved "his" unborn child as well.

Thankfulness fills my heart as God's perfect plan came into the world on Christmas.  Thankfulness for a God that loves me even when I'm at my most unlovable.  Thankful that I can share the love of Christ with my precious babies & others.  I am thankful for this tiny baby that came to save the world.  Today, I'm simply thankful.

Sold and other ramblings

After Josh came home from Alaska I finally called our realtor & told her we just wanted to talk about putting our house up for sale.  That Sunday night we put the sign in the yard & Monday we were officially on the market!  Thursday we had an offer & the weekend after Labor Day we moved out!! It was CRAZY trying to move out of the house in 3 weeks with a 5 year old, a soon to be 2 year old & a dog.  Josh & I truly believed it would be at least 6 months before we sold the house not 3 days!  What a blessing... I think.  Not knowing what was coming next, we moved in with Josh's parents... AGAIN!  We couldn't decided whether to build or buy or rent until we decided what to do next.  We looked at houses we liked but they didn't have everything we were wanting.  We decided once and for all to build, but living here in his parents house, again my just drive me to drink.  His parents, his 21 year old brother, the ever present girlfriend, Maddie Gray sleeping on a mattress on the floor in Josh & my room, and Mac in his crib in the only other free room in the house.  Alcohol could start being involved in this situation... I kid really.  We have picked out a lot that we can't buy until after the first of the year because the neighborhood needs to have the utilities run & the roads have to be paved.  We also have plans.  The thought of living here until after school starts next year makes me sick & nervous, but I know once we are finished & I am filling up my pots with my pot filler it will be all worth it!  I may have to use this blog to keep every body up to date on what's going on with things.

2 weeks ago I took Mac for his 2 year old check up, and I was told he is failure to thrive.  He's between the 3rd & 5th percentiles.  The doctor may as well have told me he wasn't even on the scale!  That same day Mac was tested for everything from cancer to celiac and all came back negative.  Praise God it wasn't "The C word" but I still can't shake the feeling that something more isn't going on with him.  We started him on an appetite stimulator but thus far I haven't seen any results.  I was expecting to eat everything we put in front of him but that's not been the case.  He's supposed to be on it a week and then off a week.  He starts back tomorrow, and I will more than likely increase his dose to see if that helps.  What do other parents do when every test has come back negative but they still feel that something isn't right with their child?  I feel like I've always done a fair job of being the "voice" for my children but part of me feels like I'm failing him.  We are also supposed to be seeing a speech pathologist because even though he talks some, most of it comes out sounding like Chinese.  I love the sweet gibberish and that is really the least of my worries.  I can say with complete certainty I WILL NOT miss the crazy toddler meltdowns because I don't know what he wants & he's flipping out because he can't communicate with me.  We go back to the doctor next month for a weight & height check so I guess when I update on the house stuff I will update on Mac too!

Happy Eating!

Josh is in Alaska for the next 2 weeks, so I tried to think of things I could make for dinner for the kids so we weren't eating take out every night.  I also tried to find things I could throw in the crockpot, so tonight, I made Chicken Parm!  It was so easy and pretty healthy!  Plus I only had 1 kid at home because my mom came to pick up Maddie Gray & take her to the movies!  Here's the recipe just in case any of you wanted to try it!  Now the recipe calls for 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts, but I used chicken tenders and that made my life easier, plus I didn't have to pound them out.  I also couldn't find whole wheat panko bread crumbs but the plain worked just as well.  I hope y'all will try this out and let me know what you think!

3 tablespoons olive oil, divided 2 cloves garlic, minced 28 oz can organic San Marzano tomatoes, undrained 3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil 1⁄2 teaspoon salt, 1⁄2 teaspoon pepper 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut in half 2 large eggs, beaten 11⁄2 cups whole wheat panko breadcrumbs 1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese 1⁄2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a saucepan over medium heat; add garlic. Sauté 2 minutes or until tender. Chop tomatoes in can; add tomatoes, basil, 1⁄4 teaspoon salt and 1⁄4 teaspoon pepper to saucepan. Cook 10 minutes or until thickened. Pound chicken to 1⁄2-inch thickness; sprinkle with remaining 1⁄4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Dip chicken in beaten egg; coat with panko. Heat remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat; brown chicken 1 minute per side. Place chicken in a 13- x 9-inch baking dish rubbed with oil; top with tomato sauce and cheeses. Bake 15 minutes or until browned and bubbly.

Long time No Blog

Wow!  I was just thinking about our sad little un-updated blog, and realized I haven't been on in a long time!!  Not much has changed really, except everybody is a year older (except me!) and taller (except me!)  But I like to think I'm thinner, so there's something!

I have been working out ALOT, but I'm not so sure the fruits of my labor are paying off, so I had a thought this morning on my way home from spending too much money at Target!  I think I'm finally at nearly 32 feel good about myself and the body God gave me.  I don't need to keep up with my friends in the weight or fitness department!  True, I may have altered a few things God has given me, I still need to feel good about myself.  This body hasn't failed me yet, and has carried 3 children and has birthed 2 beautiful fantastically wonderful children!  I'm not in my 20s any more, and I don't have to keep up with them!  My children & my husband think I'm pretty fabulous... most of the time!  I'm also trying to get a business going!  It's nothing big, but I'm hoping it will take off soon!  I will hopefully post more once I have all my ducks in a row.  For now, I simply ask you be in prayer for me & my family with this.

Maddie Gray will soon be turning 5.  She says she's going to be a whole hand!  I can't believe that soon she'll 5 & nearly ready for kindergarden.  I am not ready for that.  My Mac man will be 2 in October.  He's still really isn't talking much, but who needs to talk when you can grunt & sister or Mommy will get it for you!  He has the sweetest smile, which he will flash you pretty much all the time, and she is the worlds best 4 3/4 swimmer!  I've been so proud of her getting excited about getting up to go to swim team practice at 7 on Tuesdays & Thursdays!  She is also pretty funny!  Maybe my next post, I will post some new pictures of the kiddos!  I always say I will do better about posting, but let's face it, with sitting with my Dad 3 days a week still and 2 kids, I usually don't have a lot of extra time!

Here is my mom tip for the day though, if your kids are old enough, have a drawer in fridge just for them!  Fill it with healthy snacks, like string cheese and applesauce in the pouch & Capri Suns or juice. This has helped cut down on the "Mommy I'm hungry!" They both know where the drawer is, and though Mac isn't quite big enough to reach in there on his own, he knows how to flash his smile & "talk" sis sis into going and getting what he wants!  It also helps that sis sis knows how to work the remote!

2 birthdays & Sweet Summa Time

The Davis family has been so busy, and I think we are finally slowing down!  Maddie Gray started swim team this summer, and she swims twice a week.  She's too little to go to meets just yet, but yesterday at practice she swam the length of the pool in 26 seconds and only came up for 1 breath!  I have to say, I'm one proud mama!

We also went to the beach with the Wigley family.  They have a little girl named Sarah Spencer that is Maddie Gray's age, so it was fun for her to have somebody to play with.  Mac loved the sand, but HATED the water!  He was pretty pooped out after his first day at the beach, so Daddy held him while he slept!

 Sleeping on Daddy, so Mommy could get some sun!

 Mac ate a handful of sand, but he seemed to enjoy it!

 Maddie Gray & Sarah Spencer

 My big sweet boy

Maddie Gray had been dying to have her birthday party at a football field, but 4 year olds, birthday cake, and a football field don't really go together, so I brought the football to her.  I decorated the house like we were at a tailgate, and I had tailgate food.  All the kids wore their favorite team jersey or cheer outfit.  I even had 2 sweet middle school girls come and teach a few cheers to the little girls!

 "Big" Sarah Spencer, Maddie Gray & Mary Brighton

 We had a second birthday party for Maddie Gray on her actual birthday where only family was invited.  This is a terrible picture of me, but it's really good of Josh & Maddie Gray, so I thought I would throw it in!  Boy do I look tired in this picture!  Maddie Gray was also in a wedding the following weekend, so we were all partied out!

 We took the kids to a pumpkin patch here in town too, since Josh would be leaving with the Guard soon, we wanted to cram as much in as possible!  They both had a great time, and so did we.  When Josh comes home we are going to "stick our hands in the pumpkin" & carve it!  Maddie Gray is giddy with excitement.

Finally, Mac celebrated his 1st birthday October 24!  I can't believe a year has gone by since my sweet man was born.  He's walking & will sometimes say Bye Bye.  He's gotten so big, so fast.  Josh wasn't home for Mac's birthday, so we are waiting to have the party.  I took these at my parent's house because I also had to put off his 1 year old birthday pictures.

I'm not who I was

I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying.  I have been trying so very hard to get into nursing school, only to be wait listed.  I'm number 51.  I'm a glass half full kinda girl, usually, so I didn't think that was too bad given others could and will choose to go to another school or change their life paths all together.  That's where all my thinking and praying has led me.  Maybe, for right now, I'm the nurse I was called to be.  I mean being a Mommy means you're always on call.  Now, true I may not give shots, but I do dispense medicine, put band aids (and kisses) on boo boos, check the color of snot, etc.  I also take care of a stroke patient every day.  I do a little physical therapy, speech therapy, make sure his drink has been thickened to the be sure it's thick like nectar, I make sure that he's eaten and again with the medicine giving.  I am in no way giving up on my dream of becoming a nurse, because I feel in my heart this is what I am supposed to do, just sometimes MY time isn't always HIS time.  I have a friend who is pregnant and due in March.  She and her husband could be moving but are unsure of where they will be going and when.  Such a stressful thing to be moving and pregnant with a little one in tow as well.  She said to me that it really wasn't the best time for them to be moving, and I told her it was the perfect time for them, it just wasn't HER time.  I reminded her that God's timing is always perfect.  I couldn't believe that had come out of my mouth, and I knew right away God took over my words, because they were meant to be tattooed on my heart and branded on my lips.  I have taken great comfort in those words ever since giving them out.  Funny how God works so subtly in a situation.  God doesn't always shout sometimes He whispers, and I just have to quiet my soul enough to hear the whispers.