red pen

Things are trying to change me. Swing from side to side. Flutter in the wind. I couldn't find any reliable dependency. People fighting here. People fighting there. They are means to achieve their own goals. It's like a life and death struggle. I can't stand for it. Wanna to get rid of it..
Lazy to type, lazy to think. Talk to me, smile to me. It worry me to see angry and moody face. With tears and sorrow in the fall of rainwater. Dark cloud will be left. The sun will comes out. There's the rainbow. There's the shinny day.

warm

warm message from someone..
warm hug from my mom..
warm coffee from my bro..?
well, he deliberate to do so.. i cant sleep for that night because of the caffeine..
everything is so good even it's only an unremarkable action..
i can feel the warm.. the concern.. i love it..
thank you <33

blue moon

things still go worst. i can't smile even i force myself to.
I'm lost. have no idea what should i do with my next step.
i feel like want to talk, but i don't know how to say it out and who the one i should say to..
too many things had happened and everyone has their own problems..
i don't want to be a troublesome.. i don't want to be a burden..
I'm going to hide myself because I'm scare..
I don't know what people are thinking and how they feel..
people is cunning.. people is despicable..
I'm lost..

appreciate

I thought everything is changing but the fact it's not..

People who want to leave is still leaving. Nothing is going to change.

They just extend the time, do whatever they force to do, that's all..

But it's alright, at least I've extra time to spend with you so it's okay..
i appreciate the time..

night

People talks. They are immature. They are childish.
they can talk whatever they want.
i don't care.. i don't mind.. cause they're nothing to me.

People changed. She knows I know. guess everyone knows..
she thinks and she changed. Do whatever she feel is right.
It's good to ignore.. cause you know there's someone care for you all the time.. it's worst.. I'm sorry i couldn't help.

People sucks. Fucking lecturer lost my assignment..!
Everything is so bad..

still

words that i said before this, no longer truth..
it's just a way to release the idea that flying through my brain..
after being moody for few days, I'm going back to my normal life..
the one i loved still loved, the one i trust still trusted..
there will be no changing inside my heart, I'll still the same..
everything will be alright..

learn

learn.. I'll start learn from now..
you'll never know i can let it go actually.. cause I've learned.
learn how to let one goes, and welcome the new one..
i know,its hard.. but it's okay, i learn..
you'll still in my mind, deep side of my mind..
but i won't take it out anymore.. let it be a part of my memories..
let it stay at there.. let it be invisible.. or disappear..
you earned my trust but the society is cruel.. people changed..
they moved on.. so i don't mind now..
the old one will not influence me anymore..
i only accept the new one..

Far

3 months.. what can i do in this 3 months? you're going to leave me? perhaps no.
tears can't stop falling like i can't control when i think of it..
the longest 2 hours? i don't know, i stopped cause i asleep.. over tired..
can't imagine how my life will be without you..
i know, there are 4 peoples beyond me inside your heart.. or maybe 5. I'm not the most important.. but for me, you're the only one. I only told you my problems.. and now? who should i tell when i have problems? who will be the one standing next to me pass me tissues when i cry? who will be the one always be my side? who will be the one understand me well except you..
again.. I'm crying..
I'm not that strong like what you think. I cry easily. I'm sensitive.
.. 10 years. It's long ain't it? and soon i can't meet you like i want to meet you anytime now.
you're far away from me.. even mails don't work. you're so far..

people

someone is going to leave me. I'm not sure, but i think so..
i don't want to think more about it, cause i don't want to be sad..
she asked for my helps.. but actually i don't want to help..
cause i don't want she leave..
i know that's selfish, that's why i help her in the end..
aye, don't really want to think now..

gastric

stop talk today.
well,not saying that i didn't talk for whole day.
i do talk, but non-senses..
she's right. maybe i should type, not talk..
at least, let other people know now my feels.. without talk.
aye, I'm troublesome..

silence

don't feel want to talk.
what i have said only hurt people.. and people disappointed.
gonna zip my mouth off and stop talking.
make the world become silence, become peace..
don't want to burden people and make them misunderstood.
but I'll listen.. so keep tell me whatever u want to.
I'll listen.. I swear.. but not talks.

stab

its hurt when people don't believe you.
whatever you done are just rubbish! people don't appreciate it.
they don't believe you, they don't mind you.
i promised to myself before, don't bother what other people think about you
be yourself and who cares what they're going to do with you.
but i found i cant.. its hurt.. very very hurt..
i need appreciate! i need cares!
i might hurt u but its not my intentions..
i care everyone cause i know you need it.
but do you know i need it too?
I'm human, not a robot
i will feels hurt too..

listen

tonight was bored. nothing special except chatting and chatting. listen lots..
my best friend told me her problems and I'm sorry i couldn't help much..
she understood it and she knew what I'm going to say next..
we talk in silence.. we always understand each other, ain't we?
my other friend update his lately to me too. he told me a lots of things happened around him and I'm happy to listen. enjoy your life and have your time. do whatever you think is right..
and it's a nice chat (=

too much

worry worry worry..
there are too many things i was worried..
i was scared.. i was concerned..
putting myself under pressure.. making myself over limit..
i am tired.. no.. exhausted..
i am over worry..

Horoscope for September 3, 2008

"When you meet someone new, today, give them time to show you who they really are."

People are very different on the inside than what their outside appearance may lead you to believe -- of course this is not news to you, but it's something to keep at the front of your mind, today. When you meet someone new right now, you need to go way beyond not judging this book by its cover. You will need to go ahead and read a few pages before you make any conclusions about who they are and what they could bring to your life. Give them respect, and some of your time.

First

First day of September, first day of this week. It's Monday again. Public holiday! yeah.. no class for today but wedding tonight. maybe it's trend, people keep on get married/marry.
time really past fast. I still can remember the time we were all still young, happy playing together.. and now they're married.. or at least, has girlfriend/boyfriend. *sigh
wondering why i am still single? why i am still available?..
someone asked for online dating yesterday. WHAT THE HELL!
yeah i know i am single but it doesn't mean i am that bitch until i need an online date! online friends yes, i accepted. you can even be my good friends or best friends.. but why online date? i don't even know what to do with it. if want to date, let me see you in person.. at least once, not photos!
really have no idea what he's thinking about..