Amusing how this thing is still here. I have completely forgot it's existence. Last post was 4 years ago.

Due to the recent heat, i have been censoring my words, thoughts and action. I needed an avenue to let it all out. Before i turn into a bitter shrew. I'm at my wits end. Dealing with an immense amount of frustration is making me something that i do not like. I rather nip it in the bud than allow it to fester and grow.

When u realize its poisonous, u will have to kill it.

Absolute frustration at the lack of foresight of many people. Do they even think? How is it that they are blinded when i can see it? Am i wasting my intelligence here? Am i meant for something better? (an answer that i already know!)

Realizing that this will be tracked. I don't believe that this is secure. (Nothing and i mean nothing is hidden unless it's in your head. Thank God, not alot of people can claim the ability of reading minds!)

Hopefully, this improves the deteriorating English. Praying for miracles. Everyday. 

so im 24 this yr. holy god, close to quarter of a century. never have i imagined being this old. the working world.n as i knew since a kid, im a goddamn workaholic. i love being swamped at work.somehow having some projects has made me happy. made me feel involved. im gonna be done with the degree this november. n then it gets me thinking, wts next.

i feel uncomfortable not knowing wts next. i have always planned my life. with wt i want. n suddenly im drawing a blank. i know time will tell, bt time is drawing nearer. no answers yt.


im thnkin abt the future. the career path that will keep me happy. im some1 whom is easily bored. so i need changes,tons of em. n im thnkin once again, did i make a mistake by joining life sciences?
will i be happy if i decided to do psychology? i always loved kids. n i feel like volunteering in some children's home. im considering researchin on working with abused kids. its never the same with them. or should i remain in customer service? so many qs to ponder over.

right so 2009 ended and 2010 came. with new interests.my current fav, twilight. funny how a book can make me believe in things i have banished frm my memory. how it is to love. how it is to hurt. how it is to lose some1. im envious of her. of coz, every girl loves cullen n wants him. i want sum1 as gd as him.

somehow i thnk bella is like me. i dunno why. bt the more i read, the more i see her in me. just that im nt so clumsy. haha... some idol worshipping. i have got used to this loneliness, this silence when im at home. allowin me to lose myself in my thoughts. if only, if only.

november is ending in 3 days time.... tomorrow im heading to my 1st show in esplanade for the yr.... after some time... somehow the soul is beseeching wisdom that differs from what i learn in school... its growling for books... my voracious appetite in reading is back... with vengeance.. getting lost in such fictional plots brings me out rejuvenated. my love for egypt is back... my love for learning is back... somehow im blessed. my brain is of course slowing down with age... bt that's a matter of time. i believe next yr, i shall be back to what it was before... sometimes the lack of rest gets to me.. weekends is the time i spend resting and learning more and more... i shall be going for yoga on sunday with noor..

the end of the yr is nearing... somehow optimism and happiness is coursing through my every vein.. i am leaving the burden of the year behind with 2009.. all the bad memories that i carry with me along with it too.. well this is my short entry.. perhaps the next should be the last few days of this yr, perhaps nt. when the mood strikes me, i shall spill....

ages since i updated... september is ending.... october is here... before i know it, its 2010... =)

the year i was looking forward to since 2007.. that bachelor's degree which i want... now it seems as the near seems to be around the corner, god has to make me screw up.. i failed my 1st science subject ever since primary school... chem 3305, the wrath of me is on u! because of u, i will have to graduate in 2011! for 1 stupid subject! im praying for a miracle... bt i know lady luck isnt shining on me....

other than tt, my future at work doesnt seem to be shining well too... seem to be having some problems too.... but hey, im not letting it bring me down.. hell no! i will smile and take it as it comes... afterall life isnt a box of chocolate.. its a bed of roses... there are the beautiful flowers and the ugly thorns.... oh well....

gossip girl is making me envious... they are starting off with college... orientations, dorms, meeting new friends. an experience that has eluded me... an experience i have been wanting since 13.... the chance to taste freedom with no parents breathing down my back... * wistful smile*

and i am envious of the relationship btw chuck and blair... sometimes it feels gd to have some1 whom just understands you fully... and when tt person is with u, u feel everthing is fine and will be fine... oh well, envious of that love they have, though fictional... its nt easy to have that understanding... and damn, i want that... badly....

end of july is arnd... gt the job in mom.. confused with wts next... as always... working on my feelings... its quite hard getting rid of tt feeling, tt want, tt dream... i know it isnt gonna happen... bt yt, im sad it isnt gonna happen... i might fail my 1st science subject... chem 3305...



work is goin on... spent 3 wks in bukit batok... learnt lots... back @ info...


today, i saw this thng on fb when i logged on at work...


Shankeri's August 2009 Predictions By Suzanne White
AUGUST 2009

LEO PREDICTIONS
Humans have a remarkable capacity to forget the ugly and remember the beautiful. That gift alone can be our salvation. Somehow, we all manage to retain the fond memories of a given circumstance and leave the painful ones to gather in the cracks of yesterday, no matter how onerous or impactful the memories. By this means we set ourselves up to repeat our mistakes. Leos will need to be cautious of this tendency in August. Perhaps an old flame who left you out to dry will be turning up on your doorstep begging for a second chance. Or maybe your own poor choice in action that previously caused turmoil in your life will be threatening to reappear in your current behavior (Adultery? Substance abuse? Law-breaking? Lying?). Whatever the temptation is, you must fight it. Dig up those bad memories of past repercussions and sit with them. You will realize that it's the wrong path to go down . This temptation is probably stemming from boredom. Stop and look around. You have more than a man or woman could ask for. Plug through this lull, and I promise you that you will be counting your blessings come September.


when i read thru this, all i had to laugh... wt poor choice in action? other than depressive thoughts and siva, i dont think i made any other poor choices... n i dont have any old flame... so its amusing... oh well.. tts all to update...

its almost a mth since i last updated... nth much to update... same old shit, diff day... surprisingly the weather corresponds to my bleak mood...