another recollection of a certain Monday afternoon a couple weeks back when too many thoughts were running through my mind, colliding into each other and causing massive internal explosions. too much new information i was receiving, creating large amounts of cognitive dissonance and equivalently, bouts of anger and disgust and repulsion and antipathy. i have learned the hard way that even those you knew the most won't fail to show you how ultimately low they can steep in the face of adversity and how much they can unconsciously or subconsciously alter and remove their own memories of the past to fit their current biased and solicitous perceptions and judgements. epiphany after epiphany after epiphany formulating bridges in the back of my head. i was sitting right in front of one of my lecturers in his room discussing a specific project.
"JuYi, are you here?"
and just like that, I broke.
shivering. quavering. shaking.
the pain of trying to hold back ones tears and being unable to breathe.
thankfully, that was many weeks back and upon the thoughtful prayer said for me by said lecturer, it has been a gradual step upwards since. recollecting on the conversation I had with Nicole, I see these unfortunate situations that have happened as an ultimate blessing in disguise because had they not happened, I would have not realized more the important people in my life. those who love me for who I am, never holding my life's experiences against me like a dagger, and seeing both my good and bad and accepting me anyway. that i never have to prove to them how much they mean to me. a multicluster of friends that I am so blessed to have. a family that despite being bloody annoying at times, have proven that blood is indeed thicker than water.
I am learning to move on and I think I'm doing pretty well.
because now, I feel like I can do abso-fucking-lutely whatever I want. I no longer hold the judgmental fear of someone breathing down my back and questionning my every move and motive. I believe the person who knows what I want best is no one other than myself. and shouldn't that be the way for all of us? people will continue influencing us until we decide to influence ourselves. so other than the God Almighty, no one else shall stand as an influence but myself. I will chase the happiness that I choose to have and I cannot be bothered anymore what others may think or prescribe to my actions. people will always have their two cents worth to say; I will remember that they are only worth so much as two cents.
Honest- The Neighbourhood
