because i have been overwhelmed.

I have been having such an array of thoughts, all scattered and messy, it's difficult to organize it all into a single paragraph or two. this cup of green tea sits as my companion this windy midnight. a hint of familiarity and yet, such distinct new feelings, thoughts, experiences.


time has been flying too fast,
and yet, too slow at the same time.


assignments were pouring in, subjects were getting tougher, working had felt slightly more difficult; this semester came by like a whirlwind and in less than a month, i would be done with it. i woke up on most days feeling like a zombie; lifeless, motivationless, everything-less. I am Jack's pathetic cold sweat.


thankful to be taking time off from work starting next week to have more time in college, with loved ones and occasionally, if time permits, a specific other loved one. i hope i still remember to invest some determination into gym time! *gambateh to self*


perhaps i don't have anything specific to write out.
these days, whenever i have a thought, i think about it, manifest upon it, and then i somehow am able to let it go. whether it is something overecstaticly wonderful or mind-numbingly painful, the colour of dark grey or the warm hues of tinted orange, i am able to let it go. and that, in itself, is such a new experience to me, being someone who naturally held grudges and kept things to heart.


so my attempt at organizing this post is about the fact that there is no organization to it all.
that it is okay to be okay. to be in the state of mind of clarity and simplicity.
that i can learn the ways of caring about myself first before i care about others. slowly, but surely.


and to this, i only have one person to thank.
thank you for overwhelming me. 

because it has been a month.

it has been a rough week and probably going to continue being rough for some of those who are in the social circle i'm in. ain't that right, M?


it's never nice when two hands stop holding. when a similar direction changes and parts in half. when things inevitably come to its end, whether or the person saw it coming. it's one of those things that you can't fix nor decipher, no matter how hard you try. and sometimes, people try so hard to ignore the despair, telling themselves that it's okay. that it will be okay very soon.


sometimes you have to admit that you are not okay.
admit to the defeat, let yourself go.
scream, cry, breakdown if you must. let it all out.
don't hold it in.

because with every downfall, there is a rise.
when, no one knows but you. let time work its wonders and heal you and open up your eyes again to new comprehension, better understanding, and distinct perspectives. take this time to come back to your feet, recover from the fall. strength will come sooner than you think or expect.


my love goes out to all of you.

and to you as well.