because it is dreary to be somebody.

It's been a very difficult two weeks.
and yes i'm gonna use gifs to start of all my posts from now. problem? 





where does one draw the line between being right and wrong?
i've come to learn and believe that in this world, nothing is truly right and wrong. if there were to be disputes of any sort, there is still no one that is truly right and wrong. it takes two for a war to start, to continue and to end. people who believe hard up that their opinions are concretely legitimate and don't doubt for the tiniest fraction the truth to their beliefs are in my opinion, the most basic forms of ignorance. these people of course, form the bulk of society.


sure. i believe in God and i believe in Him with an unwavering faith sometimes. because it's not easy to believe in something that you can't see. but that is a question of my own faith, not anybody else's.


but who am I to judge other people and their other forms of faith in other Gods?
I am only human. and that pretty much sums up that the 6,000,000,000,000 i am listing down the zeroes purely for alluring, illustrative purposes in this world have varying beliefs. everybody is different. no human being is exactly like another. unless of course, you're the product of a shitty clone then yeah sucks to be you bro


i don't think i should need to write too much about how everyone has flaws and sometimes, some people have bigger flaws. sometimes some people appear less thoughtful, less sincere and perhaps more crude than the norm. but who are we to judge others solely based on our interpretations of them? what if that girl who is always late for class is not as alert to time as you are? what if that boy who appears to always be complaining probably has reason for being so? what if that child with suicidal thoughts is not actually unappreciative of life but just couldn't exert anymore energy to deal with the world?


who are we to think that we know others more than they know themselves?
who are we to judge people just because they are not like us?

'Thing is, everybody has problems. But society has problems with people having problems, not knowing that the biggest problem is not having any problems at all.'

-J 

it's difficult when you are on the receiving end and it always will be. 

to be told that you are a problem, and constantly struggling to believe that you are not. that you know there are people out there just like you, who probably have it better because they are surrounded by people who understand them. or not; facing the exact same condemnation from the people around them. 

more arrows. 

more wounds.

more blood and tears shed. 

Lord, let me trust in You and not carry this pain alone. I ask for a healing to my overflow of wounds. teach me to be magnanimous just as how You are. i cannot do this without You.  i cannot do this without You.

Day Old Hate- City and Colour 

because love is not enough and the road gets tough.

choose your last words

this is the last time

coz you and I

we were born to die

2:02 a.m.


i'm sitting in front of Mei's laptop, accompanied by the new silence from the ending drizzle and the white table light. just rethinking the past three hours and how it seemed like three minutes. rewinding back to find out what could have triggered such an unnecessary outburst, figuring out what happened, what happened that brought me here.


what happened?

because nothing never changes.

I would like to believe in permanence. It suggests that some things last forever, unchanging and unmoving. That some things will never let you down; you would never have to question permanence. It will always be there, even when you are not. But then I realize I don't believe in it. 
 - Nicole Anne

the change of colours of leaves on trees, the silent movement of still waters, the way the earth rotates so quietly and deviously. the way hearts suddenly stop beating for that other half, the way minds suddenly realize that what they thought they'd been feeling wasn't in fact that feeling at all. the way friends come and go. the fall into the lowest of lows, and the struggle to find that strength to rise above it all, believing that that this newfound strength is much more solid, only to fall even harder again later on. 

the world is permanent, but nothing ever stays stagnant. 

perhaps the only permanent thing that i believe in is change. 

i'm never one to admit that things are too difficult to handle. yes, life does seem to appear too hard to live at times but i believe that burdens are necessary, no matter how heavy they vary for each person. this makes me remember a short conversation i had with JiaLi earlier this week about how certain people are placed in our lives to not only teach us and test our patience, but to balance us out. 




and perhaps that is the equivalence of pain and pleasure of being human. 




we are our own personality; whether or not in the form of illusory compilation of everyone we know, the toxic media that we are exposed to or that we really are a unique speck of snowflake a midst the monotonous snow. but yet, we cannot live to being our full selves without having people continually stab us with their ridged thorns. society demands individuality, and yet shuns it when someone takes the bold step of being. i guess a bed of roses is never happy to be with each other, despite the outstanding beauty that each possess. 

i still believe in the idea that everyday is worth a shot. that despite alternating feelings of blue, yellow and grey, eternity is always worth the seize. God has blessed me with too many beautiful friends and too many wonderful memories, despite the bitterness of it all. 

life is still worth living.

because nothing ever stays the same. 

Hello My Old Heart- The Oh Hello's

because stars are equally as important.

       This is the first account, the first narrative. There was neither man, nor animal, birds, fishes, crabs, trees, stones, caves, ravines, grasses, nor forests; there was only the sky.
       The surface of the earth has not appeared. There was only the calm sea and the great expanse of the sky.
       There was was nothing brought together, nothing which could make noise, nor anything which might move, or tremble, or could make noise in the sky. 
       There was nothing standing, only the calm water, the placid sea, alone and tranquil. Nothing existed. 

- excerpts from the Popol Vuh, Guatamala 

Despite a topsy turvy week of physical, emotional and sound pollution resulting from overeating during Chinese New Year, crying over various matters that are of the heart, and painfully having to bear with the extensive fireworks to welcome in the Hokkien New Year, I have been having a marvelous time in my new college, which is the HELP College of Arts and Technology in Frasers Business Park.  

I decided that I needed to change course because of the electives that were offered here, one of them being Journalism, something that I always wanted to try. the other electives that i'm taking are World Literature, Personality Psychology which drives me mental, literally and Humanities.


while i was in the U.K, i had come to learn about this interesting subject of study known as Humanities. well... not completely, as i only had a rough idea of what it was. it is basically the coverage of literature, history, culture, philosophy, and religion, all into one subject. or in other words, killing 347 damn birds with a pebble.


and typically, with such a dense subject,
it requires a teacher/educator of extreme knowledge in this tricky field.
to that, I have no complaints because my Humanities lecturer is one of, if not THE best person who fills the role. the fact that he's only 24 and is about to have a phD in World History/Philosophy and aiming to start his degree in Chinese Literature is beyond mind boggling. WHAT IS MIND BOGGLING 


in relevance to the excerpt that I have written far above, in class today, I learnt about a few creation myths a.k.a stories of how the world and earth was created. similar like the excerpt that I copied to here, I realized that the several poems and creation myths/stories mainly imply the presence of earth, water, and fire. because logically, those are the key elements of creation. but of course, there are side focuses like the sky, as mentioned so profusely in the first portion of the Popol Vul.


what about the stars? why is it that the sky is brought into mention so many times, not just in this particular piece, but in several of the pieces I read today, and not the stars? don't the stars fill up the sky as well? and wouldn't they be unmistakably recognized by the human eye during the early times, what with the evident void of Sun? or did they just ignore those little bulbs of atmospheric light?


stars are underrated. even dating back to the olden days.
and they will always be.


with this, I end up my tacky insight on the premonition of the stars and their unlikely existence.