today i'm a very happy girl.
because i bought shoes. :D

Charles and Keith are my new best friends :D

i actually fell dead in love with the one in picture but then settled for a darker leather because it would go better with the gorgeous dress Jega got me. which btw, THANK YOU JEGAAA. you are the first person who's given me a birthday present although its still weeks away and although you were supposed to give it to me last year ;p i'm wearing it on my birthday!

this beautiful piece of footwear... is everything i've ever dreamed of; T-bar strap, raised platform heel, patent leather... and the gold buckle in front just kills me. KILLS ME.

sorry if you're a guy and now reading this.
you would never understand the joy that filled me as i carried the shiny grey paperbag home x)


Fashion- Lady Gaga

because i take in tough love too.

i dreamt,
that i was somehow, responsible for Benji Madden dying(?) in the middle of my playground at 7.40 in the morning. i was.. bawling because it really was not my fault. it was a random snatch thief who killed him, apparently.

but let me tell you, Joel was NOT happy with me.

neither was Nicole Richie.

sorry i didn't puasa today!
i'll screw dreams and wake up tomorrow :D


EDIT

hi its Friday and this time, i dreamt of being chased by police all over my neighbourhood.

help.

i'm losing my studying grip :(

because love does alot to a person.

receiving it,

giving it,

enjoying it,

despising it,

desperate for it,

and turning it away.

i have done all these things above in the name of love and for the name of love. and today, as i let some old bittersweet memories run through my mind, i let out a sigh as i sat in the back of the cozy Proton Wira. very few people whom i love or love me walk into my life leaving distinct footsteps and marks behind as a carving of memoir; memories of what they have triggered me to change in my thinking, actions, behaviour and preferences.


in finality, i have learnt that love has screwed me up and it has made me the person i am today. but at the same time, love has taught me alot, and it has made me the person i am today.


it still feels hard to say, but... i am thankful for all the hardships that you have put me through, the literal, bucket full of tears that have wet my little pillow and bedside from thinking about you, the heartache that i have had to encounter disagreeingly as i see you continue living life as yourself seemingly with not as much heartache as me, and for all the pieces you left behind for me to clear up on my own.


i am also thankful to you for always being there for me, for lending your shoulder and your hand and your heart throughout all the times i've stumbled, for making me feel more blessed than ever to have known you as a close and great friend, and for loving me although i am person who is immensely hard to love. it makes me know that this bond we share won't break nor would it tear. it definitely feels like one of the greatest things to have. thank you, thank you all of you. *opens arms to hug*


i have not fully evolved into the person that i want to be as i walk away learning and growing from all of this. but i will reach there someday. yes i will. :)


Life Goes On- Elisa

guess who watched and favourited our SVian Sports Day dance in Youtube;

the man himself, Ryan Conferido from Quest Crew :D

because the video's loaded! :D

Jai Ho, baby :D

because it was the best for last.

Merdeka celebration was today. its the last day before the week's holiday before The Trials. it was frantic trying to fit the music from my phone into a pendrive. but all's good at the end so :D

make up and accesories courtesy of Divya :D

tikka and shawl courtesy of Sherlina :D

picture courtesy of Idz

oh yeah, Idzwan; Idz is yr new glamour name ROFL

JuYi, later, try to tone down your shake okay

-Div

it was so damn nice! as i was watching i got excited you know like WOWH! and then everyone was screaming encore encore JAI HO JAI HO!

-Puan Geetha

if we actually heard the ongoing encore shouts, we would've definitely performed one more time. and thank you for asking me to marry you boys, Ravin and BoonHoe! haha. it is the best thing i've ever done as the last performance before leaving this school that has held my ground for the past four and the half years. shoutout to Pavitira, Ravin, Alex and Idzwan for helping with everything today :D we were awesome, ladies!

Jai Ho- Pussycat Dolls

because this is an anger post.

recently, i read a short statement blogged by a male blogger, which shows his disagreement to how men are always being called as the jerks, the losers, the bastards.... because then, there was an added line that girls are as equally messed up.


in the past few days,
i would say the men have been the most messed up, imo
because so many of them have brought so much disgress to my girl friends, whom i believe do not deserve to pick up the shattered mess that the men started.


until today,
to be exact, ten minutes ago,


i have people like my sister to remind me that there is every existing reason to why he added that last line about girls. she's a real exclusive, because she's one of those very few girls who never, repeat, NEVER thinks she's wrong, always thinks she knows whats right and best and has no utter respect for people older than her. i.e; my grandmother, my mother, myself. the list goes on, without exaggerating.


i let go off my cool today, after staying sober for quite a while.
raising my voice and throwing out curse words.
and now my heartbeat's two times faster.
God please forgive me.


i often think about the people she had unknowingly hurt and left scars on. because i know they never cross her mind anymore once she's done having her fair share of fun with it all. for me, i can never get away with not feeling guilty over a cup of milk that i accidentally spilt. so its of pure natural schemata for myself to loathe people who have no simple conscience whatsoever; which is to not feel anything towards the people they've wronged. ironic part 1; she falls under that same category of people that disgust me the most and also the type of people in school that i try hard to stay away from.

ironic part 2;

everyday i have to come home to it.

ironic part 3; usually you hear of older siblings being the big bully. HAHAHA. that sentence has never ever made sense in my fifteen years of life with her existence. because not only did they never happen, it happened the other way round. no sarcasm here.

*big sigh*

now i'm going to take a shower, a pee, and get ready for my date with the books.

and oh,

you're right.

girls are as equally messed up.

've been going to tuition on my own lately coz The Teman can no longer teman. so i was walking about in Petaling Street looking for lunch, then this voice comes up from behind me. its an African college student. i don't know this African college student. why is this African college student talking to me?

HI
ummm, heloow *looks away*
do you come from here?
yeah
i like your height
ookay thank you
whats your name?
sorry i don't give my name to strangers :]
well okay, i want to know you
sorry i've to head to tuition ( i'm laughing on the inside at this point )

thats not what i asked of you

haha YEAH but i have to go to tuition

alright, nice meeting you

its not like this is my first encounter with a stranger who has sparked a random, seemingly harmless conversation with me, but seriously... is it normal for them to do that? i honestly have no idea.

If It Kills Me- Jason Mraz

because God is never wrong.

thank You God

for blessing me with such strength in these long hours of study and school
terima kasih banyak banyak :)

truly,


none of us will ever feel the same level of heartbreak, disappointment and disbelief as you are. until today, i still cannot believe that what i see in those advertisements and movies on tv is happening the exact same way to you.

but remember,

God is Almighty and real.

He never does a wrong thing, ever.

no matter how much words of wisdom and courage that are given, the one who has to stand up and walk again is you. the one who has to get back up and face the world, no matter how hard it is going to get is you. your friends and family are here with arms open wide, ready to support you and guide you, but the one who has to put in the every bit of effort is you. no one said it would be easy. none of us expect you to get through it easily. but when you finally do stand back up on your feet, i know that you will be the strongest person i will ever come to know. and lagi banggalah aku kan; coz i'd then be able to point at you and say thats my brother :D


the one thing that you should know is the fact that she loves you too. and she doesn't want you to continue taking the blame. she wants to see you move on and be a living testimony for her. don't let her down. she's standing right next to daddy, watching you from above :) don't let her down.

love,

your sister.

because i will learn. with the grace of God.

you look like those roadside beggars in KL - BoonAun

i don't like to say that i've had a bad week or a bad day. simply because, i know for sure that from that bad week, there are at least one or two things i learnt from the heartache, anger, frustration and tears. yesterday, as of the picture above, i spent great quality time with some ex-seniors. thank you all of you for making the end of my week splendid! =)

for instance, i have learnt that there is something very miraculous about the way God works in my life. its funnily scary because it seems as if He knows exactly what my day is going to be like, and what will be bothering my mind. and then when i come to church on Sundays, with an expectance to listen to what He has to say to me, He says things that i don't want to hear but need to hear.


truly, i am a doubtful coward. i often doubt the ways of Christ and wonder whether His ways are really... well, real. then further on, i learnt that faith is believing in something you don't see. i quote those bolded words as i read them from PuanTan's book, Lessons Teachers Learn earlier this week. its unbelievably great that not only me but my entire family is also reading the book from time to time, including the Big Brother.


this whole week, i've been doubting my faith towards God. so today, i went to church seeking for an answer. then the answer that struck me hardest is that my heart has hardened. ironic it definitely is, since i see myself as a person who is very well adaptive to change. maybe i am. maybe i do adapt myself well to change but when it comes to tough changes, i refuse to unmold myself.


so God.
thank You for being so amazing to me.
thank You for being my shoulder to cry on.
thank You for speaking into me.


i pray that i can learn to unharden this solid part of my heart and thus, be able to accept Your message and love at all times. Amen.

because some people need to shut up.

is it necessary for you to be saying 'i told you so' and 'you should have listened to me earlier' or 'life is just that shitty'?

NO.

THEY DON'T HELP. AT ALL.

SO PLEASE SHUT THAT GAP OF YOURS.

also, it is well appreciated for the people who are simply concerned. i thank those who have genuinely cared and been around in the past couple of days. to those people who actually do not care, but only enjoy sticking their nose into people's business and be an on-going gossip machine... PLEASE; dahlah sudah tua, ada anak pulak lagi tu.. why do you even bother asking when your main intention is to add your two pence worth piece of crap? do you enjoy sounding like the Always Right Person?

sorry.

i only have respect for the people who deserve to be respected.

zero toleration there for you lowlifes.

and this time, i can't care less if you're older than me by 5 or 30 years.

because it has come to show that even with age, some people just don't grow.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

5Azam is a havoc.

you'll only know if you a) have Azamian friends or b)worked with them for a play.

they are the people who annoy me to unliteral death. at the same time, they are also the people who make me laugh until my face flushes tomato red. so SCREW THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ANYTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT US ;D

*tsktsk* i love you people

Rock Your Soul- Elisa

i'm sorry we never got to know each other better. but i know our God is taking care of you right now. and who knows, you might get to meet my dad too. i know you meant alot to my brother, just as how much he meant to you. i pray that your life becomes a lesson for him to learn, though extremely painful and hard. may your best and sweetest memories become the hope for him to live on. i know you will be smiling and laughing, like you always do, as you look down at us from heaven above.

RIP Connie Yap

i will always remember you