5 Days

i'm breathing.
i'm breathing.

yes i've been crying like mad on Thursday and Friday. yes i've been panicking. yes i've been having trust issues with certain people, with myself and with God. yes i've been thinking 'oh i won't be able to do this'.



before this,
i have put aside sweat and tears.
i have studied my heart out and thought it wouldn't be enough.
i have continued studying even when my body refused to.
i have cried realizing my chances in failing a certain subject. maths. and i got an A
i have doubt my faith in God.

i have cried out of fear.

i have cried out of panic.

i have cried out of painful joy.

i have shivered.
i have trembled.
i have mentally killed myself.
i have cried.
i have gave everything i got.


and now,
i put all my effort into God's hands and let Him do the rest.
i finally have that trust. i finally believe that i can trust Him with this. :)

thank you for the people who have called me with prayers.
thank you for the card!
thank you for the people who have sent me messages.
thank you to the people who have been there with me throughout this whole path.
thank you.

good luck to all of you, friends.

5 Days

don't worry JuYi you're a good girl

God will bless you for that

hi i cried like 129719048 times today.
i cried the moment the boys were salam-ing the teachers during the majlis restu.
so i wipe it off and distract my mind with ummm .. food.

then i cried again.
conscience: God JuYi would you stop?
so i wipe it off and distract my mind by thinking bout .. PMR.

*buzzer noise* WRONG! should have not thought bout that

i started crying. again.
conscience: what in effing world is wrong with me man?
so i wipe it off and distract my mind by thinking of songs.

i started crying. again.
conscience: JuYi you are such a drama queen.


so yes the story is;
i just cried over and over and over again.
i seem to have burst the watertank when i hugged Pn Tan. seriously i have no idea WHY.
then start lahh.
my watertank just shot out every time i hugged a teacher.

my face still kinda itches from all the flooding salty tears from my poor eyes.
eyes i am so sorry that you have such an emotional master.

but well; I GOT TO HUG LIYANANANANA AND SYEEFAFAFAFA! =D=D

Read My Mind- The Killers

Behind The Iris

i just watched Gossip Girl's second episode just now. =)
and boy does it just get me addicted and craving for more.


PMR JUYI.
PMRRRRRRRRR.


well yes.
after crying earlier in school today, i cried again later on after school was over.
because my sister didn't bring me my lunch and i was like 'damn what is wrong with JuYi?' then i came to realize; i was feeling really angry about just about the silliest things ever. maybe not so silly since they actually matter to me.

as once quoted by someone;

best friends just never last. they just don't.

i used to be one of those optimistic people who go 'oh puhlease me and my girls are gonna be like forevah woot woot!' but maybe .. just maybe what was said is true. best friends just don't last sometimes. i have been trying to think for God knows how long of what i've did to actually make them hinder me or hate me. i have asked people. i have asked other close friends. i have asked my brother. my sister. my parents. i mean, if you do, why don't you tell me? it bothers me more than ever to be lied to; whatmore when i call you girls my soulmates. when i've trusted both of you with everything.

you guys know it would be fat hopes for me to pop the question first because of my i'm-a-chicken attitude and since ya'll claim yourselves to be ummm, STRAIGHTFORWARD, then why are you guys hiding all of this from me?


honestly.
i swear it hurts.
its cutting me deeper and deeper by day.


if you wanna know whether your plan has succeeded yes, it did alright? i'm alone now. i feel alone all the time right now. like an ugly duckling. what is your prize? fame? popularity?

as complicated as i make it get; i am also the one avoiding you guys.
because all i see in you guys right now are a plain clique of plastic.

i've got good people around me most of the time so i guess that alone feeling will be temporary.
and i still haven't got my mind off whether i should move school or not. but since Dee's comin next year, i think i'll just have to continue reconsidering.

i guess just maybe someday,
if my temperature boils over the limit and maybe gather all my puny guts to speak to you guys bout it then all of this will end. i don't like all this drama happening, despite the fact that i'm the biggest drama queen walkin the face of Earth.

if you ever read this which is beyond fat hopes,
just needed you guys know then when i said i loved you, i never lied. not like how you did.

Goodbye- Audio Adrenaline

Piano Keys

oh thank you for the present.

selamat datang. :)

what selamat datang?

alaa selamat datang, you know .. your welcome?

hi.

JuYi cried in school today after this was handed out.

very blur but yeah thats the PMR candidate slip.

like, floodful-of-Tsunami-tears crying.

i'm sorry if i scared any of you. esp you, miss Jellyfish. xD

i don't know.

i guess i'm just really scared of this examination.

i have visualizations of myself yelping of hapiness with a score sheet that says 7A's! woohyeah! but at times, i see myself being one of the only left outs; one of the PMR targets who didn't score straight A's.

prolly like a telur bola pingpong di hujung tanduk thing.

coz i won't literally die no matter what the result.

just .. bounce of to the next life picture that awaits me.

God i really pray You guide us the next week of 5-day examination.

especially put us in good health. =)

Photograph- Air

Amazing PMR Candidate

awww how nice Steve Terada replied to one of my comments on their videos online. :)

and did you know?

he was actually on 30 seconds to fame, the bikeboy who crashed when ZhangZhiYi looked at him in Memoirs of A Geisha!, and the crazy kickbutt dancer in the start of the Black Eyed Peas' Pump It video.

just to save your time;

a picture of him on the set of Pump It.

and there he is with my not-so-nice-looking-in-the-photo Shin Koyamada! *squeals in childish delight*
----------------------------------------------------------------------

just look at my brother's pooptart face. like he just farted or somethin.

whattup, my bbro Mah Wai Quin.

Sweet Dreams- Eurythmics

Appreciate

i hate that stupid sewing machine. go back in time and kill the fella who invented it. i mean, why couldn't they stick to leaves?

this was a conversation. that occured between two people.

wei. S is pissing me off laa why can't she get over it?

N, it was your fault. she has a right to be angry.

don't back her up la!

i'm just backing up the truth.

i'm with her coz i LOVE her. and i don't fall in love that easily.

well sometimes saying it is not enough you gotta prove it and obviously, you gone beyond failure in proving that.

ITS NOT MY FAULT!

making out with another girl when you have a girlfriend and its not your fault?

SHIT HAPPENS MAN.

thats the problem with you N. you make shit happen and you think leaving it aside is gonna make it dissapear and gonna solve everything. ITS NOT HOW YOU THINK IT IS.

SHE GIVES ME WHAT I WANT.

.. what? sexual arousement? physical love?

PLEASURE.

i see. so what you want from S, the quote love of your life end quote is pleasure?

you don't understand la.

oh. so you want me to say; 'oh maan S is such a bitch for not getting over the fact that you made out with another girl' don't you? you don't know how much S has sacrificed for you N. for instance; giving in to all your bullshit excuses when you make something bad happen. the least you could do is make her feel that you were in wrong and obviously, you don't even know how what you did affected her at all.

omg can you stop ah? you're sounding like my mother.

now i know why your mom gets headaches because of YOU N.

.....

this wednesday you coming tuition ah?

don't change the topic N. i'm not done with this topic and neither am i gonna let you.

i gtg. message me.

i am not wasting my credit talking to an asshole like you.

Afraid- Nelly Furtado ft Attitude

Nurin Jazmin

it has gone to the extent where i need to blog all of it out.

The Nurin Jazmin Case

i cannot .. in mind imagine how would the killer(s) find this act of torturing an innocent young girl of no harm to be something so pleasurous? how is it so pleasing? arousing? exciting?

i just don't understand.

we all want this sick animal iam nott using the term 'animal' its too insulting to them being caught i am sure but a death/2142140129 whip sentence would be too easy and too soft. i want that being tortured. tortured far worse than what has been done to the girl. i have too many cruel punishing ways for that being loitering in my mind and stating them in an online journal would prolly make you people think of me as a future serial killer.

heck even if you had a horrifyingly traumatic experience that happened in your past which could probably be the cause , what and who gives you the right to let out the revenge on someone else? what more, A MERE YOUNG GIRL OF EIGHT? you have no one to blame but yourself because the decisions were made by you.

and being reminiscently reminded of the previous horrifying cases that have happened in our country is even more painful. *click*


i pray this insane being be caught as soon as possible before other young ones including myself and my friends be the next victims. after all, we are in the range of children between the age of 8-16. and even if we are older than 16, it does not mean that the chances of occuring would be lower. please watch out; you too boys.


my friends and i majority live in Wangsa Maju and this is where the latest child abuse case has happened. the murderer is still on loose. right now, stepping out of the very pavement of our residences is like stepping out of a safe steel cage into a jungle filled with wild beasts in hiding; waiting for the right chance and timing to pounce on their next victim.

i know you will be caught one day.
YOU WILL.
and boy do i pray the day comes closer.

because the day the public knows who you are ..
we will all spit on you.
we will all kick you.
we will all throw knives at you. we will throw them at you.
we will all throw rocks on you.
we will all throw acid on you.

we will all cheer in mercy.

Afraid- Nelly Furtado ft Attitude

My Disease

if you're that blind, click the picture.


i'm taking your word Ryan!
call me a stalker. i don't miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind. :D

EDIT

cellgroup today was very uplifting.
i used a few of Ryan's lines from his sappy self-written love poem on his myspace. =)

and i did not know Joseph was coming to cellgroup!
i mean the last time i was talking to him, he was still in Singapore. O.O
missed you like sick, dude.

oh well.
welcome back, sonny. ;)

your presence will shatter the capacity of my expectations

Rehab- Rihanna

Echo

RUMORS;
Ryan Conferido is coming to Msia on the 1st of November!
and that is AFTER my PMR!

-------------------------------------------------------------

i can't wait any longer.

sure i have only read up to the seventh book of Gossip Girl but heck.

watch the short addictive premiere on the back of the wall. *clickity*

Echo- Ryan Conferido

Char Kuey

i cannot count back on how many people to thank for wishing me happy birthday via call/sms/hug/screamO.o/online/handshake/etcetera etcetera. honestly, it means alot to me this year. i don't know why. but yes it does. alabiuuu people!

:)


Call
thank you Katrina BongBong mummy :) and YeeLyn. very the unexpected.
you were the first to wish me, mummy! *hugs*

it was very un-cliche' because i did not expect a call/birthday message at the stroke of twelve because 1. i was watching Read It and Weep and 2. i spent half an hour with my kakak and sister finding and catching this uberbigfatannoyingrun-everywhere cockroach in the bedroom and because of that, 3. i did not realize time passed and it was twelve already.

.. hello?

ummm yes?

*yells*HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUYI!

ummm .. yes ahahaha. O.o

*yells again*.... ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY JUYIIIIIIIII!

yes i know. *omg this woman is a freak*

thank you mummy. :)


SMS
thank you Kuhan who shares the same birthday as moii! :D, JiHou, Jellyfish, Samuel, Nadeem! no you were not the first, another message from mummy :), Mel Wong, Benjii, SiuWern, Caryn, Saranyah, Aunty Shida most unexpected, KennyChee, Daniel Chee.


Hug
officially the first; Ranjali *hugs*, Edna, FooFy, Samantha, WeiMing mymonkeyass, Jellyfish :), Sarah thanks for the lemon tea!, Syeefa which i do consider hugging although she didn't.


Scream
SiuWern O.o xD, Hajar who seemed so excited, and Meii =D.


Online
thank you ...... alot of people. XD
okay i remember Steph, Adam, FooFy who went all nuts, Ianananan, Papa that i had to remind *pouts*, Edna .... and a lot of people. *big grin*


Handshake
one of the first people; Liyanananananana. alabiu! =)
banyak lagi orang lahh shatap shatap.

but the highlight of my birthday this year would definitely have to be;
Divya's family buying me a cake, sticking cutesy lil 15-year-old candles on it and singing for me.

i am so touched. *tsktsk~* i did almost get all teary roflmbfao.
alabiu too Divya!

EDIT

thank you Adrain for the TakoTao.
and Cheah for being such a funny arse.

and Joel for msg-ing me perfectly one minute late.
and BoonAun.

gotta check into rehab

baby you're my disease

Whatever You Like- Nicole Scherzinger

SickStep

Jon is soooo sweet he fetches Melody to schooooool!
random recall.

i'm such a sick stalker.
oh well.

meet Quest yaaaw.

yes thats Ryan that i've been oh-so-sickeningly been blogging bout.

these people i have to say are BEYOND sick. BEYOND SICK.

need proof?

this is their special guest performance for SoYouThinkYouCanDance American Season Two last year. take note; they did audition for that season's show but did not get through to the top 20 BUT they were requested to have a special performance on the show.

and if you notice, girls were like OH RYAAAN RYAAAAN!; i'm the only girl who's Ryan crazy after all. =)


and this is Victor Kim, the sickening last dude from the 1st video.

amazingly, although Ryan is the most good looking one in the group he is the only one without a girlfriend. HAHAAA. he's waiting for someone i guess?

now who wouldn't want to be that someone ...... *dreams*

Whatever You Like- Nicole Scherzinger

A Movie;

And boy, your life is like it in many ways .



But because one day somebody WILL make a movie about your life .
It might not be so difficult, and nobody will have to stretch the truth .
Because your life is, has been, and will always be .. just like a movie .


And when it's finished being made, I'll be there in the theater watching it .
Center of the aisle . Sitting in great anticipation . And dangerous impatience .

I'll be a lot older then .
And I'll get up to go to the bathroom near the beginning of it .

And I'll miss a part of it .

Just like I missed a part of your life .


When I come back in I'll have to get back in touch with it to figure out what's going on . It might take a little while, but it's the only thing to do since there's nobody else who can easily tell me what I've missed .

I'll pick up from where I left off .
And watch the rest of it get better and better .


---------------------------------------------------


Do you see how your life is like a movie ?


In the future ...
I don't mind if I'm not in your movie . Or if my name isn't in the credits .
But when that movie is over, and everyone else sees 'The End';

I want to be the only one who sees 'To Be Continued'.


And live the sequel .

I'll Be Your Love- Nicole Scherzinger

Emmys

since when does Hayden Panettiere look like crap?

YESSSH I KNOOOOOOOOOW.

its all; poofy. OMG. she looks even more big than a woman pregnant with sixtuplets.

i thought this one was by far; worst.

eeeeh. so cheap looking. why la Debra Messing?

THIS is nice. =)
i love Ali Larter.

yeah it looks abit farnayh in this pict but trust me you must see it in motion. :)

----------------------------------------------

life feels abit good right now.

but like any other, there's just a thorn in every happy situation. damn.

i dunno what it is. i think its because my birthday is coming? and i willingly do not want to celebrate it because honestly everytime i celebrate it something bad happens.

no seriously.

i fell deadsick the past two years.

and last year's birthday bash was oooh unmentionable.

maybe PMR is getting closer?

13 days.

i just finished doing bimbo hair flicks and stripper dance moves for my sister to the song You Are The Music In Me Reprise three times. :)

Still There For Me- Corbin Bleu & Vanessa Anne Hudgens

She's A Bad Influence!

I KNEW IT.





remember my previous post? *no don't click here, fool*

i'm really glad *sniff sniff~* coz they're both like, my favourite male and female contestant throughout the whole season. oh dear God. *sniff sniff* =')

if only they would do their tour in Malaysia too.

In The Morning- Junior Boys

Tomatoes

Period causes me especially me alot of trouble.

the cramps are just killing.

i can't study.
i can't go for hiphop.
i can't go for tuition.

----------------------------------------------

i don't like you anymore, L.

i don't know why but what I know; your addiction to E is just getting me very annoyed. trust me i ain't the only one. i get it; you like her alot like crazygilerbabijumpoverthemoonlikearagingfatcow but DUDE SEDAR DIRI SIKIT OKAY? sure i would do anything for her but does that mean breaking promises and putting your friends at a lower level than where they first were?

see people.
this is what its like.

this dude loves being with his girlfriend. he used to hang with his girlfriend like as if they were taped with elephant glue. so he wants to hitch a ride from a oh-i-don't-really-care-what-you-do-to-me-at-all friend after school. so then his friend's mom arrives and this was how their conversation went on the phone;

ummm L where are you?
ohh i'm at the back of the school. give me 5 more minutes ya?

its bad enough he made someone's mom wait for him.
the dude took 30 minutes of his pleasing leisure.

and as you know, his friend didn't do much but asked his mom to wait for him for another 5 mins 20 minutes. what on earth do you think you are? a prophet?


you're the one who tells me to not bitch bout other people.
you're the one who tells me that people are not perfect and i should accept them they way they are.
you're the one who's always so 'oh i'm sure he didn't mean that' and 'oh maybe he wasn't feeling right'.




you shitface hypocrite.

aiyahh the Joseph name sample memang like that la cannot change already wan. haihhh. i also don't know why he lidat to me.

i'm sorry that i'm annoyed and offensed by you saying something that simple but when someone says something like that about YOU, oh theeeeeeeeeereeeeeee you go with you million reasons again again again ever again.

'well i am human. i have my imperfections so its not my fault.'
'they know i didn't mean it, yet they want to find fault with me!'
'i mean, you know i didn't mean it at all right? how can you think i have the heart to do things like that?'

especially hate when you use that last line.
it were as if i'm the one in wrong. wtf?

sorry mister.
sometimes even when you don't mean to do something, learn to just stick to saying sorry without explaining so much and trying too hard to get yourself out of the hole you fell into. IT GETS ON PEOPLE, L.

and remember when you said you would be my close friend til, God knows when?
bullshit.
its like i'm just some randoooooom stranger now.
you walk past me, look at me, then look away. eeeeeeh rudeness.
so fine lets play the let-stare-at-each-other-until-either-one-gets-sick-and-tired-of-it game.

go to your girlfrieeeend, since you love her so much.
and remember, i'm not the only one who thinks like that.
wait til she's not there with you anymore. who you gonna run to boy?






























15 days.

In The Morning- Junior Boys

My Miracle

My name is Ryan Conferido . I compose music, cut hair lmao, dance, major in psych and am represented by MSA agency .

=)
who knew he could play the piano too.
*tekantekaaaan*

i don't cry with sorrow

i cry with joy

Goodbye- Audio Adrenaline

Hippy to Hop

helping to Cure Lohan.

and being Paris' fashion foax in-jail designer. =)

this is what i've been doing all day yaaww.

addicted to online games. *clickity*

23 days.

Everday- Zac Efron & Vanessa Anne Hudgens

Everyday

your mama so hairy, she went to the market and they yeda yeda yeda ...............

.... *yawns* huh what?

Everyday- Zac Efron & Vanessa Anne Hudgens

Once in a lifetime; means there's no second chance

So i believe that you and me should grab it while we can

Make it last forever and never give it back

Its our turn and i'm loving where we're at

Because this moment's really all we have

Everyday

of our lives

wanna find you there wanna hold on tight

Gotta run while we're young

and keep the faith

Everyday

from right now!

Gonna use our voices to scream out loud

take my hand; together we will celebrate

celebrate

oooh everyday ..

-----------------------------------------

well the lyrics are not that splendorly good and their a bit shallow for a deep person like me but High School Musical's songs are reeeeally catchy and have reeeeally addictive tunes and beats. heh. :p

and Vanessa's boobs grew bigger.
like, bigger. O.O *jaw drops*

24 days now.
i don't have the semangat to study like i used to earlier this year la. everyone's so un-motivating.

this year the graph's gonna go down la babe. you know la 50th year Merdeka blalalaa ..
this year graph's lower laa. they wanna show that our edu system is good so blalalalaaa ..
honestly la, all the revision you need is the gerak gempur you're having right now blalalaaaa ..

Joel.
Nadeem.
Miss Tan.

.....
so much for motivation right?
what more from a teacher. *slaps forehead*

well, i have worked my big fat arse off this year and i did put in ginormous amounts of effort into studies this year because i really want to .. just, UGHH. grab those straight A's hanging amongst those pretty glimmering stars in the sky. you know if i don't get straight A's its kinda like, wasted effort, eh? i mean .. all the tuition my parents paid for and all the exercises and tombstoned my flobby brain to do. I'M AFRAID IT'LL ALL GO WASTED.

HONESTLY la;
i am prepared for BM. credits to Mr YAB
i am prepared for English.
i am prepared for Geography. credits to Mr Sara
i am a bit more confident with History. credits to Mr Sara

yeah i'm an obnoxious English woman. whatevah!
ohmagawd talking bout; 'whatevah!', watch ini. *tekanshini*
she does it better than me i'm telling you. ;)

thats it la!
yeah i'm not THAT prepared for PMR YET shattap shattap shattap uuuuuuuuuuuuu.
x(

i want that RM1000. sigh.

America's Next Top Model now.
shoot me dead yaaaaw.

and when we meet

words won't be enough to describe you

Easy- Paula Deanda ft Lil Wayne

Psychotic Addiction

What is the flavour of cardboard?
babycham and human faeces.

i watched High School Musical Two and you haven't. ne ne ne ne~*sticks tongue out*
IT SO ROCKED!
i cried twice laa during the movie. yes it was that good.
big big thanks to miss Chocaholic. :D:D

---------------------------------------------------------------

remember that stupid Impossible Quiz *tekantekan* i used to play a few months back?
i completed it. hows THAT?
yeah i found the answers out through someone else who posted the answers through a youtube video shatap shatap.

26 days.
extra motivation?
7A's = RM 1000

courtesy of Mrs Mimi Lim and Mr William Wong. =D

once in a lifetime

means there's no second chance

Everyday- Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens

Million Dollar Baby

so i was watching CSI a few moments ago and suddenly i see this familiar but grown up dude.
OHHHH he's that cute lil boy from that cooking movie!



now, what EVER happened to the little boy who played D.B in Eddie's One Million Dollar Cookoff?

now won't YOU take a look;

















i present Eric Reiley Mcclendon the 3rd ya'll yaaaaa'll.
talk bout ZO.MG.-ing.

so yeah you can't really see how he looks like because of the not-so-clear photos.
he's not that popular lahh basically. no poster pun.

but i'm telling you he's certified a hot hot dude and on my hot list, no doubt.

crazy hot chiseled arms, ooohlaaaa~

grey eyes *faints* and can you believe he's 6 feet 2?
yes yes he's that tall all of a sudden. *gasps*



i saw him in CSI Miami just now. ones where he are in white.



i have to also say, he's a pretty good actor coz taking a look back at the photos i got, the ones where he is in blue, i never knew he was THAT boy who acted in CSI Las Vegas i faintly remember because he was playing out a crying scene which really got me. he cried in so many shows la; even this CSI Miami one.




....
did i tell you he's only seventeen?
uhuh uhuh. ;p

sadly, his stupid online site's owner had to state that he has a girlfriend. talk bout mangkok-ness. maybe his girlfriend's the site owner kuut.

Make It Work- Ne-Yo

Stolen. Shut Up.

i kinda feel like this.
stole from Ryan Conferido's blog.

I wonder where you are .
And what you've written so far .
Your life story is an enchantment to me
In knowing I will someday be part of it .

You don't know who I am . Or where I am .
It could be a long time before you find out .
These city lights may never shine your way .
Your symphony might lay unwritten; and your song left silent .
But I will be a blessed woman to earn the honor of making you smile .

I'll live for you before you know it .
The sun won't ever set on my virtue .
All I have is enough time to improve myself
And ultimately rival the horizon of your elegance .

These days will inevitably become the past .
And we'll sit and talk about them sometime .
By then, any memories of days when you felt lonely will disperse .
Because you'll know even then, I was out here .
Working hard to somehow . someday . gain the unfailing ability
To promise you happiness before you know it .

You'll be a part of my life before you realize I'm even living .
I have faith that you exist . You're here in my reality somewhere .
And I know I won't be imagining you forever .
You're going to be wonderful .
So I need to be that, too .

I can't paint your picture . Or assemble your image .
Your existence shatters the capacity of my expectations
And I couldn't even compose a fiction beyond your marvel
If I had an infinite power of boundless exaggeration .

You're going to change what I believe in life and love .
And what I believe I love about life .
Regardless of how I prepare, I don't think I'll ever truly be ready
For that first moment your eyes strike me frozen .
Truly, that will be both the defeat and victory of my spirit .

I'll have to find a thousand new ways to express myself .
You'll have me frequently distracted, disoriented, and speechless .
But never regretful to find myself that way .

I used to think that I'd be able to write the most captivating poem
About you . After I know you better .



However, once I finally meet you, I doubt I'll write anything .
Because everything about you, will be beautifully unexplainable .




So I'm going to spend my time writing for you now .
Until these words grow to fail in value .
At the mercy of your truth .





. ryan conferido

The Way I Are- Timbaland ft Keri Hilson

Loaded Guns

Who wants to see Chan Wye Yee dancing in one of her ballet performances !?!?!? xD

if you know her, i'm sure you can recognise which one she is. =DD and i thought it was actually pretty good.

off to church.

taaaaa~

Shiny Toy Guns- Le Disco